บท 34: There’s no calm before the storm
I had to confess my inability to remain level-headed at times when a reasonable mind was needed. Though I knew the only way to solve the problem was to sit down and have a talk with the one who was involved in it, I ultimately decided to avoid him. For almost a week, we barely spoke.
"Care to talk later?" He asked, "We can remain silent during every Potion class we have together, even for collaborative works. You can avoid me during the day, but we really can't stay in silence forever if we were to make things work."
I tossed the aconite into the cauldron without saying a word. I was not proud of myself in doing so, but I did it anyway.
"As unfortunate as it is, I can't read minds, and I doubt many others can, though I'm quite good at closing my mind and hiding my emotions from others," He said in a tantalizing tone, "Isn't that why we developed languages? Now, Granger, with that notion, I'd appreciate it if you don't mind speaking to me in words about what made you so upset. It's been days."
He called me Granger. When was the last time he addressed me that way? I couldn't recall, and it felt strange and foreign. I began stirring the bubbling liquid and ignored him. I wanted to tell him what it was all about, but I was afraid. Afraid my anger and disappointment would get the best of me -if they hadn't done so already- which then would lead me saying things I'd definitely regret later.
"I know it's about Pansy Parkinson," He didn't give up, "What I can't comprehend is, why are you bothered by something that was never an issue before?"
"Can you look at me in the eye and tell me that you've always been honest with me?" I stopped stirring and finally spoke. He was caught off guard by my sudden motion of turning to face him.
"What's this?" He frowned, "It sounds like you are about to make some ridiculous accusations."
"Just answer the question," I said broodingly.
"Yes," He said firmly and determinedly, yet there was a concerned look in his icy grey eyes. After a brief pause, he continued, "But you don't believe me. You've certainly made your mind up. So, no matter what I say, you are only going to believe what you want to believe."
I lowered my eyes and returned to mindlessly stirring the bubbling liquid in the cauldron.
He sighed: "And that's the reason I need you to talk to me. I'm not a fan of playing the guessing game, or cold shouldering. It may sound like an off-character comment from me, but Granger, you do realize nothing can be resolved if you refuse to communicate. "
"Listen," I said as I was staring aimlessly at the ladle, "I'm sorry for not talking to you, I just wanted to be alone and needed space for some time to think about things. If that hurt your feelings, then I apologize. I agree that we should talk. How about later today after your Quidditch game, they moved it today, didn't they?"
"Something about scheduling conflict, but yes, we are playing against Ravenclaw in the afternoon," He nodded, "Alright, I'll look for you after the match. Will you be there?"
"When haven't I been there?" I said quietly and finally looked to him.
I saw a faint smile appearing on his pale lips.
The weather that day was just as miserable as my mind. I wasn't fond of gloomy days when the sun was hiding behind the thick, grey clouds while strong, unforgiving winds blew through the tree branches, echoing the melancholically whistling melody.
Though I did learn to wear a jacket to the game.
"Hermione, wait, I'm coming with you," Ginny caught up to me while hurriedly threading her arm through her coat sleeve as I was leaving the dorm.
"I thought you aren't interested in any game that has Slytherin in it?" I stopped in my tracks and asked in amazement.
"Well, I thought it would be good for us to spend some time together," Ginny wrapped her arm around mine with a smile, "Just like the good, old times."
I resisted the urge to step away. Was this her way of showing how she still would like to be my friend? Or was this part of an act for a planned show?
Regardless, I was happy to have company.
To my surprise, Ron and Lavender also turned up at the game. They even came to sit right next Ginny and I, with Ron directly sitting on my left side, though they only spoke to me in acknowledgement of my presence. Harry, however, was absent. According to Ginny, he was preoccupied with other engagements.
My previous statement still held true as no matter how hard I tried to be excited about Quidditch, I simply couldn't hype myself to it. People cheered, people booed, and all I did was to get lost in my head, thinking about what I should say to Malfoy later, how we could resolve the problem and be happily and lovingly together again.
My sight followed Malfoy as he dodged the Bludgers, going in all directions in a fast speed in hope to catch the golden snitch. My heart was racing as he was going up and down above the field. Every time he played, I worried he'd get hurt and every time he assured me nothing would happen, and I was worrying only for the sake of worrying.
But today, something seemed off. He didn't look as focused as he used to be, and I knew that was because of me. I felt horrible, yet there was nothing I could do at this point.
Then I saw the snitch coming toward my direction, and Malfoy was right behind it. As he was rapidly approaching the snitch, I saw a Bludger coming from his right side in my peripheral vision. Flashback of what happened to Harry in the second year came to haunt me as I became more and more anxious.
I looked at my left side where the Bludger was coming from, point at it and tried to shout to get Malfoy to notice the danger looming near him, but my voice was buried under all the loud cheers and yelling.
Incredibly, I seemed to get his attention and he diverted some of his concentration from the snitch to the Bludger.
Just as I thought he'd have no problem avoiding the Bludger and catching the snitch at the same time, without any warning, Ron grabbed my shoulders, pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
That must distract Malfoy since I heard a loud bang as I frantically pushed Ron away from me. Malfoy was lying on the field, clearly sustained serious injuries. That was the moment my brain went blank and the next thing I knew, I was pushing through the crowds so I could rush to him, with Ron following behind, attempting to catch up to me. From a distance, I could hear Ginny calling my name, but I ignored her.
"Get away, let me through, get away, move," I said as I shovelled the people around Malfoy away so that I could see him.
He was conscious when I got there. After seeing me, despite the state he was in, he forced a smile.
"Hey, it's ok, it's just a broken arm," He said gently, "Don't cry. I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry," I murmured. I didn't even realize the tears in my eyes until he mentioned it, "I'm sorry."
He wanted to reach out to touch my cheek, but he passed out before he could. Madame Hooch hurried in, shouted at the crowd to make way so she could get Malfoy to the infirmary without delay.
"Granger, it's all your fault," Pansy Parkinson stopped me when I was trying to follow Madame Hooch to the infirmary. She looked at me with an unspeakable hatred in her eyes, "Why do you have to get in the way?"
She left before I could answer, leaving me more confused than ever. I stood there for a few seconds, not knowing what to think. Eventually, I shook my head and ready to go see if Malfoy was ok.
Then, someone grabbed my wrist, aggressively and violently spun me around.
It was Ron. Just him, no Lavender, no Ginny. None. It was just him and I.
"What the actual hell?" I yelled, struggled to escape from his grip, "Let go, Ron, damn it, let me go."
"I can't do this anymore," He said as he squeezed my wrist even tighter. I knew he was trying to act composed, but his voice was cracking, "I can't. Hermione, I'm sorry, but you need to know that I'm still madly in love with you."
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