บท 32: Fidelity lies in the eye of the beholder (1)

Lying in my bed with an open book right next to me, I was staring at the ceiling and letting my mind run wild. It was the kind of moment when my mind was utterly blank but simultaneously thinking about everything. It ranged from the minor embarrassing incidents happened years and years ago but still somehow made me cringe, to the most recent event where I began to ponder what was going on between Malfoy and Parkinson, and why he looked at me in such a confusing way.

Love and affection are dangerous things, they make a sane person's mind spin like a spinning top.

I was alone in the dorm, everyone else was still in the Great Hall finishing up their desserts. The urge of wanting to speak to someone about it was growing, yet I had no one to get an opinion aside from Malfoy, the very person who was involved in it.

The more I told myself to let go, the more I became bothered.

Why would I even care?

Then I heard footsteps approaching, and for no apparent reason it made me nervous. Swiftly I tucked away the loose strands of hair that had been wandering in front of my eyes, sat up and leaned back against the headboard. Just as I picked the book and pretended to be reading, Ginny poked her head through the threshold.

"Hey there, "She said carefully while staring past my shoulder and avoiding any potential eye contact.

"Hi," I straightened my back, "You came back early."

"Yeah, kind of," She smiled awkwardly and came to stand next to my bed, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure," I put the book down, completely clueless about where she was going with this, "Sit down."

"Thank you," She said politely and sat on the edge of the bed, "Well, I don't really know where to start."

"Just start with whatever is on your mind right now," I said softly though I was more than dubious about her intention.

"First thing first," She cleared her throat, "I'm sorry about what happened back in my house."

Instead of responding, I remained silent and waited for her to keep going.

"I feel really bad about your voice not being heard," She lowered her head but quickly looked up again and put her hand on mine. Instinctively, I wanted to escape from the warmth of her palm, but I didn't, "And the heat of the moment, I didn't know what to do, or say. There was something I wanted to tell you then, but I didn't think it was appropriate to say it in front of everyone."

"And what's that?" I asked.

"I didn't mean to pry," She said slowly, appeared to be picking her words very cautiously, "Do you remember the day you asked me to tell Malfoy off?"

"If you are talking about the day when I had a headache and you read my journal without my permission," I said coldly, "Then, yes."

"Again, I'm sorry. And sometimes you talk just like Malfoy these days," She was rattled, "So, I told him off as you instructed without thinking too much of it and watched him leaving, that was until I saw Pansy Parkinson met him at the bottom of the stairs."

My heart dropped and began feeling anxious.

"And?" I asked as calmly as I possibly could.

"I couldn't really see much since I didn't want my presence known," She frowned and carried on watchfully, "Pansy looked upset and distraught. They were just speaking at first, then she got mad, she was waving her hands and pointing toward the top of the stairs. He tried to hash her, but that didn't work. She started crying. He was trying to walk pass her, but she wouldn't let him. I couldn't see his expression, so I don't know how he reacted to this. All I know is she was ridiculously distressed. The next thing I saw, he pulled her into his arms. And…"

"And?"

"And he kissed her," Ginny let out a long exhale. Looking concerned, she then held my hand tightly with both of her hands, "I'm sorry, Hermione."

"He did what?" I heard myself saying. I thought the sense of ringing in the ears only existed in the books until this very moment when I experienced it myself. Ginny opened her mouth and was about to speak, but I beat her to it, "No, no, don't repeat it, I heard you the first time."

"I should've told you sooner," Ginny was a little fidgety, "But I didn't think you two were serious. Ron kept telling me how you are only with Malfoy because you want to make him jealous."

"And you believe him?" I raised my voice in wretchedness, disappointment and anger, though I knew I shouldn't direct all these emotions to her, "Do they know about this?"

"I didn't know what to believe until that day in my house, when I realized you aren't just acting like you love Malfoy," She seemed to be slightly scared of my reaction, "So I knew I have to tell you this. And no, no one else knows about it."

"Thank you," I sighed and told myself to calm down, "Let's keep it that way, shall we?"

The red-haired girl nodded.

"Good," I slid my hand out of her grip, then jumped out of the bed, "If you'd excuse me, I have some personal business to handle."

She nodded again, surprised to see how I was able to stay collected and held it all together. Perhaps she thought I was going to have a rational conversation with Malfoy. What she didn't know is, as soon as I got out of the Gryffindor common room, where I was certain I was alone, tears began running down my cheeks uncontrollably.

I didn't want to cry, but the tears just kept rolling.

A wonderful start of the last semester.