บท 9: Chapter 9
Disclaimer: If you recognise it, surprise, I don't own it.
Chapter 5– Eye Opening.
Edited: 09/03/2023
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"So, Ben, what is your story? Also, what is your connection to Spider-Man?" She asks as she begins to haphazardly pour herself some red wine and spill some all over the white sofa staining it practically forever because she is trying to focus on the TV while fixing herself a drink. She also doesn't seem to care about anything in this luxury penthouse suite because it doesn't belong to her.
It is also kind of pissing me off that she asks me such an important question about my life, like it doesn't really matter. This woman is paying more attention to her wine and TV show than she is to an impertinent question about my existence. I don't think I will answer her. I am not even sure why I am here.
"I'm not saying anything. why do you even want to know? Honestly, I am wasting my time. I don't even know why I came." I really don't. All I know is that she said some hard-hitting things that really hit the nail on the head for me, and when she told me to follow her, I ended up doing so. Maybe it was because she flashed a little skin at me, and I followed, being controlled by my other head.
I really am not Peter am I, as he would have definitely not done that, and yet I did. So I guess at least half of me is not Peter which means I will obviously make some different decisions than him, but then again, Peter is also the cleverer half, so this was probably just a bad call made by my idiot half that was blinded by the sway of her succulent flesh, I need to get out of here before I make any more mistakes.
"Come on now, Ben. You know why you came here? It's because you have nowhere else to go. So now come here and take a seat. Do you like The Office? Do you want some wine? I have beers as well?" So what the hell am I doing? I really don't know, but I go and sit down anyway. Still, I make sure to sit on the sofa chair instead of on the same couch as her as I am sure that if I do, then I might end up making some serious mistakes, so I cross my arms and sit stiffly on the chair as if that will somehow make my mindset rigid and unchanging.
"No thanks, I'm good," I say, rejecting the glass of wine she was offering me, and she just shrugs and takes a sip showing she doesn't care about my rejection. My more ordinary side constantly worried about saying the wrong thing or offending someone by accident and forever breaking that bridge, which is probably why that side didn't really achieve much. I will be better than that. I will be better than both of them.
"So Ben, you clearly don't want to talk about it. And that is fine. It is actually normal. But we are not normal people, are we? I go out and steal all sorts of things while dressed as a cat. I don't even steal valuable things sometimes, like one time I stole a small plushie of a cat from a gift store at a museum I robbed and completely forgot about what I came for and left with just the plushie." I actually, for some reason, that actually makes me feel a bit better.
"I still have that plushie in my room right now. And you, well, you are dressed like Spider-Man, have the same powers as Spider-Man, you sound, talk and quip like him and yet, you are not Spider-Man, not at all. It isn't hard to make some guesses. I mean, there are all sorts of stuff in this world, and you hear quite a lot of bizarre things. I am sure you are not the weirdest thing to ever exist." I am not the weirdest thing in the world, and it probably isn't the most incredible thing in the world, but to know that there are others in more abnormal and worse situations than myself makes me feel better.
"You came here. You followed me because you had nowhere else to go. I was like that once, I trusted the wrong person and let my guard down, and they took advantage and abused the trust I had for them. They didn't even think they did anything wrong, which made me so angry that I felt like ripping him to shreds. I quit college and completely pushed everything else out of my mind except for him. I got rid of everything and focused only on him and how I would make him pay." This does sound familiar. I think I have heard it somewhere before.
"When I was finally going to get him, he got run over by a car and died on the asphalt, having not felt any of the pain that I felt. My rage grew even bigger and more toxic, knowing that I had nowhere for it to go and knowing that I would never satisfy the ire inside me. I was lost, and I had nothing when someone came out of nowhere. A friend of my father's came, and he gave me direction and somewhere to channel the feelings inside me, so I trained and worked till is sweat blood until I became the best thief in the world." I mean, I knew some of her origins and had a general idea thanks to my other half's knowledge, but I...
"You are just like me, Ben, like I used to be. You had something that you lived for, that was your single purpose for being, and now you don't. You are lost like I was, and that is why you followed me because you thought that I was going to carry the torch and light the way for you. But I am not gonna do that. It is too much responsibility for me. But I can help you by showing you how I dealt with everything I felt and my lost purpose." So I suppose she could be correct, and that is why I followed her.
Could it be because I had suddenly lost Aunt May and Mary Jane, who were the critical factors in my life as Peter Parker and the only people I still had access to? But I couldn't even go to them as there was already a Peter there who was precisely the person that they remembered instead of whatever person I am now?
Maybe I was just looking for some sort of companionship? Perhaps I was desperate for it? And that is why I followed this woman who showed a bit of herself to me, craving something that resembled what I had with them. Even my other side wanted it, never having ever had the sort of relationships that Peter had himself.
"And what is that? How did you deal with it, oh wise cat burglar?" She is a bloody thief. How in the hell is she supposed to help me with my problems? And yet even though I am asking her sarcastically, there is still some part of me that is hoping beyond hope that she might actually have one iota of actual knowledge. Something that may be able to help me or give me some direction on what to do with myself since I am entirely unsure of what to do past my first goal of acquiring money.
She looks at me, taking her eye off her comedy show and regarding me for a second before picking up the remote and pausing the show and placing her glass of wine on the table. Then, finally, she takes her feet off that table and sits up straight to face me with a serious look on her face.
"Hm, okay, I'll tell you then. I started to live for myself. I started living for myself and only myself, and everything is so much better when you only have to worry about yourself. You don't have to worry about others. You don't have to change your life in order to fit into other people's schedules. You do what you want to do and only what you want to do. You don't even have to pay any attention to the law or how what you do affects other people because you are living for yourself. It is okay to be selfish. You have already given yourself, and everything you were to others, and they took advantage and used you till there was nothing left of you. it is time to live for yourself and not others." I don't really, I mean.
This is how my other half pretty much lived, except he was a bit too much of a coward to do whatever he wanted without regard for the law, too afraid of the consequences, but this does resignate with the part of him inside me. Even my more noble half is resignating with this. Peter has given a lot and sacrificed a lot. He lost his Uncle because of his selfishness, but that was not his fault. It was not his job to stop thieves, even if he did have powers. He was still just a kid back then.
Becoming Spider-Man and trying to save others took more from Peter than being selfish ever had. First, he had basically killed the father of his only love, and not only that, he even lost the greatest love of his life due to his own foolish actions. The Goblin might have pushed her off the ledge, but it was his web that snapped her spine into two. And then, just when he began to heal and move forward in his life with the wondrous Mary Jane, the clone of Gwen Stacy showed up and brought all the guilt to the forefront of his being again.
And because he was Spider-Man, Gwen was not even allowed to rest in peace. Having a facsimile of her brought back to life was all his fault and would never have happened if he was not Spider-Man. And now he can't even be with Mary Jane because he is no longer the man she fell in love with. The other Peter is, regardless of who was the actual clone. So maybe it is time to be selfish. The death of Uncle Ben was a terrible thing, but it did not occur because he was being selfish. In contrast, being selfless has consistently brought misery and misfortune to his life and the people surrounding him.
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