บท 13: Chapter 13
The sea was buzzing with its dormant strength and the waves were crawling gently to the shore. And by just looking at it, you can find peace.
She loves surfing. But today, she can't. At hindi nya alam kung makakapag surf pa sya. Sadness is visible to her eyes.
Ang daming tumatakbo sa utak nya. Hindi nya mapatawad ang sarili nya kahit nakatingin sya sa napakagandang tanawin sa harap nya.
She looks at the sky, it looks so calm and amicable. Wari'y mawawala ang lahat ng iyong alalahanin, pagod, at sakit pag ika'y tumingin. Pero iba ang hatid non sa kanya.
Kinapa nya ang pisngi. Tears. Heto na naman ang mga luha nyang walang tigil sa pag agos.
She smiled sadly while looking at the sky.
You came here to enjoy also! Cheer up!
Sita nya sa sarili. Pero hindi nya magawa.
Tapos naman na ang kanyang trabaho. She already visited the resort, at nasa kanya na ang blueprint. Nakapag usap at nagkasundo narin sila ni Mr. Hakimoto, sa gusto nito. She also learned that the resort was an anniversary gift to his wife.
Sana all.
Napabuntong hininga sya. Enough of this drama. Babalik na sya sa manila. Magpapalipas lang siguro sya ng gabi.
Pinangako nya sa sarili nyang, she won't travel by night. Kahit anong mangyari, gaano man ka importante.
Bumalik sya sa ino occupy na room, and to her shock,
"What the hell are you doing here?" She ask, cold. Pumasok sya. She's tired kahit wala naman syang masyadong ginawa.
"I came here to see you." He said.
"So honest, John. Sana naging honest ka na din sa akin noon pa na ayaw mong magpakasal sa akin." She can taste the bitterness by her words.
"Cecelia." Banta nito.
"What? Totoo naman eh diba?" Tumingin sya dito.
Siguro nasagad na sya? The pain is consuming her.
"I- i am s-sorry." Nakayuko ito.
She smiled bitterly.
"Tangina John, sorry na naman ba? Nakakasawa ng marinig yan! Tell me, bakit! Bakit mo ginawa sa akin yun!?" I. Shouted. I started crying, and I can't stop myself.
"Y-you cussed." Gulat nyang tanong. I'm also shock with myself. Nakatingin na ito sa akin.
"Bakit John? I want to forgive you, i really do. I want to move on." I said, still crying. Napaupo ako sa sofa na malapit sa akin.
"I don't have enough excuse. Cecelia, I-i'm still not ready to settle down" sagot nito.
Napapikit ako ng mariin, mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi ko
"Dahil lang don? Fuck you! Nagpaparamdam na ako diba? I know you noticed it all. Pero bakit wala kang sinabi .. bakit kailangan kong pagdaanan lahat nang ito John? Bakit?" Tumayo ako, lumapit ako sa kanya at pinagbabayo ang dibdib nya.
"You don't know the pain you've caused me. Ang lalim John, ang sakit sakit!" Pagpapatuloy ko. Nanghihina na ang mga tuhod ko. Humihina na din ang paghampas ko sa kanya. He let me, hindi nya ako pinigilan.
"Sana namatay na lang ako, sana .. pinatay mo na lang ako" Yes, tama sana pinatay na lang nya ako. Napadausos ako sa sahig, napasalampak. Para akong batang inagawan ng Candy. Pero hindi candy iyon, its something that is precious.
"Don't say that." Sagot nito. Lumuhod ito at niyakap ako. I never had a chance to drive him away, because I am too weak. So i let him. I let him hug me, and cried to his shoulder.
"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Please, give us a chance baby. Promise, i won't screw up. Please .." pakiusap nya.
Pero para akong manhid na walang nang maramdaman.
Hindi ako sumagot, I just let myself cry. I need it. He wipes my tears.
Hindi ko na namalayan kung ilang minuto o oras akong umiyak. Nagising na lang ako na nasa kama na ako at wala na sya.
Tumayo ako, its already 6 am in the morning. I need to get ready.
Naligo ako at nag ayos na. Wala na akong planong mag breakfast. Gusto ko ng makaalis sa lugar na ito sa lalong madaling panahon.
Inaayos ko na ang mga gamit ko, baka may makalimutan akong importante so I double check.
Isang maliit na maleta lang ang dala nya, and a back pack. She thought she would stay here for a week or more kasi ang pagkakaalam nya ay mahirap hagilapin ang Hapones na Kliyente. But good thing, na tiyempuhan nya ito.
Papalabas na sana sya ng pinto nang.
"Are you leaving?" He ask. Napairap ako. Hindi ko sya pinansin.
"Are you avoiding me?" Tanong ulit nito.
May nakit akong Male attendant.
"Kuya," tawag nya dito. Lumingon naman ito at ngumiti sa kanya, so she smiles back.
"Yes po ma'am?" He ask, politely.
"Pwede pong pa assist hanggang sa lobby? Mag checheck out na ako" i said.
Binuhat naman nito ang maleta ko.
Susunod na sana ako kay kuya nang may humiklas ng braso ko.
"Is this the way it should be? By avoiding me and not talking to me? Because seriously, I am getting pissed" halata nga ang iritasyon sa mukha nito.
Pake naman nya?
Hiniklas nya ang braso pabalik. Hinarap nya ito. Tiningnan.
"Ano ba kita?" Tanong ko.
He looks puzzled, not sure to what he's going to say.
"I-I'm .. your .."
"You're my ex. My past. And will never
be my future." Sagot ko.
His face turns dark. I can tell that he's mad.
"Cecelia, don't test my patience." Banta nito.
"Bakit anong gagawin mo? Totoo naman diba?" I mock him. "You know what, thank you for those 25 years na kasama ka, ngayon ko lang na realize na kaya ko nang mabuhay nang wala ka." Then, i left him dumpfounded.
Huminga ako ng malalim, after all these years, marami pang malabo, marami pa akong di masabi at maamin sa sarili ko, but one thing is for sure, she won't do the same mistake she did. Mahirap pero kakayanin.
25 years is too long to move on for only just one day. Moving on is a process, like a stairs. At wala pa ako sa unang baitang nito. Pahakbang pa lang.
Aaminin ko, I'm still affected by his presence, I'm still addicted by his smell, I'm still yearning by his touch, He is still on my speed dial. At marami pa. It will be a big adjustment for sure, but I know, I will get through all that.
And will say, finally.
HINDI ako makakilos, I was like stab in the heart for so how many times. And it feels like, fuck! It hurts! The way i saw the pain, the anger, hatred and hate to her eyes is suffocating me. Halos hindi ako makahinga. Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi. He knows he won't turn back the time. The damage had been done.
He never saw Cecelia like that before. Never in forever she'll say something that will hurt him, pero nangyari na.
Ganon ba kasakit ang ginawa nya? He ask himself.
May tumulong luha sa mga mata nya, he wipe it immidiately. Pero nagpatuloy ito sa pag agos. Sobrang sakit. The pain is his weakness, Cecelia is his weakness.
Napahagulhol sya. Gusto nya itong sundan, suyuin, pero naisip nya baka mas magalit ito sa kanya.
He will give her time. Time to heal. And his self also. Maybe this is the best for the both of them. Palayain ang isa't isa at mag heal ng hindi magkasama.
Pero kaya ba nya? Hindi. Kahit kailan hindi nya kakayanin. Lalo na ang makita itong umiibig sa iba.
Napatayo sya, nakapag desisyon na sya. He will talk again to Cecelia. But not to beg or sorry but to have a good talk to her. Gusto din nyang mawala ang takot nya.
Hindi totoo ang binigay nyang rason sa dating kasintahan. Hindi totoong he's not ready to settle down. Dahil kung may nakikita syang babae na dadalhin sa altar, si Cecelia lang yun. Walang iba.
He's reason is deep. Its something that he is going to question for the rest of his life.
Kaya na nga ba nya? Kaya na nga ba nyang tanggapin lahat? Para kay Cecelia. Hindi nya alam.
He grew up without caring for him. Walang ama na mag papayo sa kanya at walang ina na gagabay. Its his lolo all the time. Pero hindi nya alam dahil kung ano anong ipinasok ng matanda sa utak nya. John Jacob Schmidt Sr. Is the person you don't want to mess with.
Dahil pati personal nya ay pinakikialaman nito.
Nagmamadali syang umalis. Malamang ay maabutan pa nya si Cecelia.
"JJ?" Someone called him with a soft voice. Its familiar. Inaalala nya kung saan nya narinig ang boses nito.
"Ikaw ba yan? Look at me." Tumingin sya.
Tumingin sya at apangiti ng makita ito.
"Wow." Hindi nya makapaniwalang makikita ito. At dito pa.
"What are you doing here? Where is Cece?" Tanong nito. Wala syang maisagot. Bakit hindi nito alam?
"What a surprise Ms. Appleberry!" Niyakap nya ang ginang. She hugs him back.
"Ah no, Its Mrs. Hakimoto." Napakunot ang noo nya its familiar.
"I am expecting Cece to be here, i recommended her to my husband to re design this resort." Kwento nito. Oh, asawa nito si Mr. Hakimoto, ang Hapones na kliyente nila.
"Umalis na si Cece Ma'am." Yun na lang ang nasabi nya.
"Oh. Sayang naman. So kumusta na kayo? I bet kayo ang nagkatuluyan" nakangiti ito.
"Hmm, no. W-we broke up." I said.
Nagulat ito. Niyaya nya akong umupo.
"Why? How is she?"
"From then and now, Cecelia is still your favorite" napangiti ako. Marami naman talagang may paborito sa dalaga.
"Yeah. Ikaw din naman diba? She's your favorite." Nanunukso ang boses nito.
He sigh.
"I mess up." I said, unconciously.
"And its not too late to get back right?" I look at her. She looks so happy. Radiant.
Ms. Appleberry is the best adviser ever.
"Yes." Sagot ko.
"But don't rush, lalo na pag may nasasaktan. Always remember that in love, if its mean to happen, it will" she said.
"And i will make it happen" magaan na ang pakiramdam ko. Ms. Appleberry is like a mom that i never have.
"Go. I will be cheering for you. I'm always team #CECOB 🖤" Naka heart finger pa ito.
"I got to go Ma'am." Nagyakap pa sila nito.
Now, his mind is peaceful. Sana lang maging tama na ang lahat sa susunod.
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