บท 25: Miracle’s Real Feelings
Jace's POV
"Hello Jace! Are you alright? You looked like you have seen a ghost." Mira said, she is leaning her back on the headboard of her bed, I am glad she covered herself with a robe.
"I can't concentrate Ms. Miracle if you will be wearing that kind of night gown, can you please wear a pajama instead?" I said, she blushed and looked at me in the eyes.
"I am sorry Jace, I think this is enough, I am sorry if I wasn't able to cover myself when I opened my door, I was in a hurry, next time I will be wearing decent clothes, I am so used to being alone in my room, you are the only one who has seen me this way." She said, I can see the pain in her eyes.
"I don't mean to offend you Miracle, it is just inappropriate you know." I said softly to her.
"None taken Jace, maybe my curiosity gets in the way, I really want to learn everything tonight, I am just excited Jace." She said, I wasn't able to utter a single word, I can feel a sweat on my forehead even it is so cold inside her room.
"I am just kidding Jace, you are the tutor, I will just follow your lead, can you wait for a while?" She smiled at me.
"Yeah! Sure, take your time Ms. Miracle."
"Can you stop calling me, Miss? Please call me Mira, I feel more comfortable if you will call me by my first name or by my nickname Jace." She said.
"Okay, you are the boss!" I said, and I saluted at her, I saw she shook her head, then she stands up from the bed, and she gets something from her wardrobe cabinet, then she goes to her bathroom, when she came out, she is wearing a loose T-shirt and wrap shorts, I find her sexier with her new outfit, no matter what she wears she still looks gorgeous.
"Shall we start Jace?" She asked me, I almost forgot the reason why I am in her bedroom, I am so busy looking at her face.
"Of course, can you tell me what you really want? I mean, I know you are afraid to date again right?" I asked her, then she nodded her head.
"To be honest Mira, I am not an expert about dating Miracle, and I am not also a psychologist, but I want to help you, I think what we need is for you to be able to have a self-confidence, you are beautiful and admirable, you look so perfect Miracle, just be yourself Mira." I said, I am just telling her the truth and what she needs to do, I can't do the tutorial since I am so afraid to fall for her, I am a man with principle, aside from the fact that I signed a contract when I was hired as her bodyguard, I just can't love her.
"What should I do then Jace?" She asked innocently.
"First, you have to convince yourself that not all men are like Jaxson, you don't need to be afraid Miracle, just be yourself and be confident, if you really want to have a boyfriend, then it will be all up to you. Allow yourself to date, I am sure you have a lot of suitors lining up to be with you." I said, I felt sad, just thinking about her to have a date with someone else not me.
"I guess if there is someone you like, then give him a chance, go date him." I said.
"Do you think I can do that? I only have kissing experience with Jaxson." Miracle said, I can see she blushed.
"How about me? We already kissed twice." I said.
"It is different, the first time we kissed it was only an act, and the second time it is for tutorial purposes only, do you think I am good Jace?" She asked me, I wanted to tell her that it was all real for me.
"Mira, I have kissed you twice already, so far I don't need a third time to say that you are a good kisser, believe me when I say this to you Miracle, you are beautiful and kissable, you are just perfect and fine. You can do it, okay?" I said, I noticed the sudden change of her countenance.
"Wow! We have not started our tutorial yet, but based on your statements it seems you are ending it already, why Jace?" She asked me, I can see the sadness in her voice.
"Miracle, I want to, but I don't want to lose my job Mira, it is so important to me." I said, I am looking in her eyes, but she looked away from me.
"It is okay Jace I understand, I know you are just trying to help me, you can't say no directly to me, but now you finally have the courage to turn me down. I am thankful for your honesty Jace. I am such a fool, I am sorry if I trouble you, don't worry, I won't bother you anymore." She said, then she opened her drawer and get the contract and tear the paper in front of me, my eyes turned big. I don't have any right to her to hurt her, she already suffered so much, but I am doing this for both of us.
"Hey! Mira, please listen to me." I face her and she looked up to me.
"Jace you can go now, I already tear the contract, you are free to go." She said weakly.
"Hey! Please don't get angry with me Miracle." I begged.
"I am not angry with you Jace, I just want to be alone for a moment." She said coldly.
"Okay! I just hope you will still confide with me, and I am hoping that you will find the right man for you Mira, I want you to be happy." I said.
"Thank you for your concern Jace, I want to be honest with you, I already found someone that I really like after a long time, but I know he is not interested in me." She said, I can feel the unhappiness in her voice, I suddenly felt nervous. Is Miracle going to confess to me? I can feel it from the bottom of my heart that we have a deep connection. I can feel it from my core, I feel something for her.
"Do you want to know who I want Jace? Aren't you curious at all?" Miracle asked me, I don't want to answer her, because I know and I can feel it, that she likes me too, but I need to stay away from her, because I have a girlfriend waiting for me in California.
I love Caitlin and I felt guilty because the moment I saw Miracle I started to forget about her. My life should revolve only around her, but the moment I learned about Miracle's innocence there is a part of me that wanted to be with her for the rest of our lives, but it would be very unfair to Caitlin, that is why I ended the tutorial, I can't give up Caitlin, she is beautiful and a good person.
She is the type of person who can light up the dark path, she is my childhood sweetheart, there are a lot of girls I dated during High School, but I get serious with her when we were in Senior Year and made a promise to stay in love with her, until we grow old. She is so full of life and cheerful. I don't want to hurt her, we have dreams together and I think I am beginning to stop thinking about her, because of the woman in front of me, and because of that I am so afraid.
"Of course, I want to know Mira, who is the lucky guy then?" I said, my heart is beating so fast, my mind is screaming, I don't want her to tell me the truth, because it will make me more confuse.
" I like you, I am sorry for feeling this way to you. I want to be honest with you Jace, even though you don't like me, but there are times I have thought that you like me too, but I know we can never be together because of the contract, but we can be together after you finish the contract Jace, if that is what you are afraid of? You don't need to renew Jace, we can be together if you want to." She said, I can see the excitement in her eyes. I hate myself right now, I wanted to go to her and hug her. I remained standing in front of her, I am really lost for words, I am so happy to know that she likes me, but I can't lead her on.
"I know, you don't like me Jace." She said, but I put my finger on her lips to stop her from talking, finally I got the courage to face her, and tell her the real truth.
"That is not true Miracle." I said.
"Then why don't you say anything Jace?" She asked confused, I didn't tell her I like her because it would be so unjust to her.
"I'm sorry Miracle, but we can't be together." I said, I can see the tears in her eyes and the hurt in her entire face.
"Jace! Please you don't need to explain, I understand, I only tell you about how I feel." She said, then she opened the door for me.
"Miracle! I can't be with you because I have a girlfriend in California waiting for me." Finally, I was able to tell her the truth, but it pained me more seeing her face trying to hide the suffering she feels, I can see it in her eyes.
"Wow! You have a girlfriend?" She asked, I can see her face changed from sadness to anger.
"Please get out now Jace! I need to rest because I am so tired today." She said, I know that she is lying, I want to comfort her, but I know I hurt her feelings, I don't have a choice but to leave her alone. I get out from her bedroom with a heavy heart.
She closed the door loudly, I walked back to my own room slowly, then I talked with Jimmy if I really need to be on my post tonight, I am so glad that he replaced me with Chris. He wants me to have a rest and study the manual he gave me. I go to my room immediately, and I immediately lie in my bed. I thought I would be happier if I will tell her the truth, but I was wrong, I don't understand why I felt this way, I should be smiling, but all I can think is Miracle's face.
Well I should not feel guilty, she didn't ask me if I have a girlfriend in the first place, I never tell her I like her, maybe there are times, or most of the time she saw me watching her with longing and desires. I know things will never be the same between us, I am so glad that I was able to tell her the truth, I really care for her, that is why I can't fool her around, I can be with her if I want to, but I don't want her to be miserable at the end.
Miracle deserves someone better than me, that is one of the reasons, why we can't be together, she is very rich while I have nothing to offer her, I only have properties because I inherited some from my father, I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself, I can't tell her that I am Johnny's son because of the promise I made to Mr. Thomas White, telling her about Caitlin is the hardest decision I ever made, because I want to be with her to, and I really like Miracle White.
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