บท 5: CHARLOTTE
I have no idea why I arrived school earlier than usual or maybe I knew it was because of a big R.
I was nervous —Reggie looked different. I knew he'd grow into a beautiful guy but he was more than I expected.
I stumbled on his picture on facebook —Ha, I looked him up myself. Sharp jaw lines, sea blue eyes, he had a piercing on his brow, the ring glittered in the light. Don't get me started on his lips, damn, they were sinful and looked firm —okay, enough of Reggie, he'd probably forgotten about me.
A little piece of my heart shattered, I'd never imagined him forgetting me. Guess the saying about getting the worst thoughts in a bad scenario was true.
I took deep breaths reciting my self appreciative lines in my head not until I was interrupted with a shriek.
My throat was clogging —no! I could feel a bead of sweat ran down my back. How could this be? Shrieks became louder and soon everyone was talking at the same time. I blinked trying to focus on the book in front of me, being in the library did nothing to shield the noise. I have to pretend those chants did nothing to me.
The girls behind me were speaking in hushed whispers before hurrying out of the room just as Anna rushed in.
I took a deep breath —just in time Ann, just in time.
"Ohmigosh Charlie, what are you still doing here?" she asked her eyes dancing. I rolled my eyes despite the loud beating of my heart, I was scared Anna could hear it.
"Oblivious of the fact that everyone is rushing to see 'Reggie' " I spat out his name like it had some effect falling from my lips.
Anna crossed her arms studying me —I hate when she does that. It felt like she could see right through me.
I cleared my throat adjusting my glasses. Anything to take her eyes away from me.
"Yeah, let's go see the King of Summerfield" I laughed humorlessly as I stood up and straightened my baggy skirts.
Anna put her hand on my arm.
"You sure you good Charlie? We don't have to go" she said softly and I wanted to launch myself at her and say a big YES! Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked, I opened my mouth but shut it.
I'm not fucking okay.. My bestfriend who left for five years without a hi to me is suddenly back and I wouldn't be bothered if I never had a crush on him, I still think I do — maybe no longer a crush.
"No. Yes. I mean, I'm good —let's get going" I said peering up at her. There was concern in her eyes and I had a hard time fighting back my tears.
No one looked at me that way, not mum, not Jessica, not even dad when I go on visits. They were only concerned about themselves.
My fingers found my wrist and i rubbed it subconsciously, obviously Anna's eyes followed my movement and I dropped my hand.
"Charlie —"
"C'mon, let's go" I said walking past her and towards the door, I made the movement gesture with my eyes and she sighed before approaching me.
I'm strong, I'm beautiful, I'm perfect, I'm what the world needs, I'm loved, I.. I
The thoughts dried up in my head and my mouth hung open —sweet fucking Jesus.
The Reggie I'd looked up was way more different than the guy standing in the middle of horny and desperate girls. He had a smile on his face but it was forced, his dimples weren't peeking out as they did when he genuinely smiled. He had dark shades on, so I couldn't see his eyes. But he was no longer smiling.
Anna tugged at my arm, I glanced at her.
"Want to say hi?" she asked and I shook my head taking a step away.
"No, I'm not" I said and she nodded looking away. I couldn't. Couldn't bring myself to speak to Reggie, he hurt me. Not only by his disappearance but by his silence. I'm supposed to be happy he was finally here, my bestfriend, no —ex. Anna was my best friend now.
The anger i was supposed to feel seeped in slowly.
He was living his best life, while I lived in misery for fucking five years.
I was just one of the toys he used in passing away time. He knew right from start that he was gonna leave but yet, let me believe he was there for me when in truth he wasn't!
Anger was spreading fast through me just as hurt did. He used me because he was bored.
"— Charlie!" that was the distraction I needed from taking my mind away from the rage burning through me.
"You okay?" she asked and I nodded casting my eyes downwards. Trying to concentrate on anything aside my rage, tears burned my eyes.
I turned around and rushed towards the washroom, I could hear Anna yelling my name. I was sure, eyes were boring into me but for once i cared less and hurried into the ladies room slamming the door and sinking to the floor right in front of the door.
Ugly sobs escaped my lips and I clamped my hand around my mouth as my body shook and the tears spilled blurring my glasses.
I cared less, i just needed to get it out. Not until Anna was pounding on the door from outside screaming my name.
"Charlie! Open the door"
"Charlie?"
The tears came harder, I couldn't hold back.
No one could love me for who I am, I was just the girl no one wanted — no matter how fucking hard I try.
"Charlie —please" Anna's voice broke. I moved away from the door to make space for her to slip in. She sat next to me gathering me into her arms, I buried my face in her shoulders and cried after a long time.
Anna said nothing just pushing my hair back and trying to smooth it out, from her uneven breathing, I was sure she was crying too. I sniffed and pulled back staring at her shirt, I'd ruin it with my tears.
"Sorry, I ruined your shirt" I muttered, she said both passing me a tissue. I guess the mascara I had applied this morning was ruined and I looked like an escaped monkey.
I accepted it with a smile, I wiped under my eyes and dabbed my face taking off my glasses.
"That's been due for a long time now" she said and I heaved. I haven't cried cos of Reggie ever since he left so —yeah, it had been due for a long time.
"I look terrible, right?" I asked dabbing my eyes once more. I was sure they were red.
Anna smiled wiping her hands under her eyes as she stood up offering me a hand.
I took it and she helped me up, I dusted my skirt and tried straightening out acutely aware that Anna hadn't given an answer —so that's a yes, then.
So much for self appreciating.
"You look flushed Charlie, your nose has a pretty pink and your hair disheveled. On a look, one would think you just had mind-blowing sex" Anna said and I choked on my own spit fake glaring at her while she laughed.
A smile fought it's way to my lips.
She always tried to make every situation lighter.
"But you should try that someday" she added and I sighed.
"Come on baby, let's prove to Reggie that he didn't break you —he only played the role in making you stronger" she said and i smiled trying to wonder what life would had been like without Anna in it.
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