DXD: A Counter Guardian's (Not So) Peaceful Retirement

A hypothetical situation in which during Counter Guardian EMIYA's one-sided, futile battle against the ORT (where he is the one that gets beat the fuck up), Humanity gets annihilated, Alaya's grasp on him breaks, and Zelretch - ever the opportunistic troll -, decides to yeet our favorite nameless sword-wielding Archer into the wonderful world of gods, dragons, magical tits, and other supernatural shenanigan bullshit. Surely nothing could go wrong, right?

"Fuck Zelretch. And damn my E-rank luck too."

Well, at least he can retire peacefully (heh) now.

"I always did want to open a cafe…"
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Disclaimer: This story has characters I do not own. All characters belong to the owners of Fate/Stay Night and Highschool DXD