บท 181: HOW TO BE AN ALPHA: STEP 4 BE STRONG
I managed to do my homework, have dinner, and read the agenda Killion had printed for me for the evening planning meeting for the Future Alpha Ceremony.
Based on the agenda that Beta Lucas had sent, it had all sort of decisions to be made: confirming the date, what to call the ceremony, objectives of the ceremony, theme, budget, location, who to invite, and the division of roles and responsibilities.
I wondered to myself, what kind of party did I want?
For some reason, the answer came to me immediately: I'd like a pack party, my gang around, maybe in the backyard, like a barbecue or potluck. We could just chill and eat and talk. The adults liked parties like that too.
My dad could just say, "Okay its official. Sam will be the next Alpha."
And everyone would go, "Oh okay, cool."
And we could all go back to talking and hanging out.
We'd even hang out lanterns and have music. And maybe if we want to be fancy, we can have helium balloons that the pups could take home.
Oh! And the gang and I could play hide and seek. Or ultimate dodgeball. Like out in the woods! Like everyone could play. If it were summer, it could even be water balloons.
Yeah... But next month was still winter. Maybe snowball fights. Like the ultimate one. With two huge forts... Pups and teens against adults.
And then my fantasy got interrupted by Wolfie:
{Betas approach}
There was the distinct knock on our front door and Ben and Beta Lucas let themselves into our apartment. They're here for Dad and me. I heard Mrs Beta and Lizzy too. There was a general happy talking that happens when people are happy to see each other.
I'm glad Wolfie had taken to reducing the frequency of the alerts. Especially now that we live in the pack house. Betas, Gammas, Deltas, Warriors, and everyone else came in and out every day. It would have driven me crazy if Wolfie decided to alert me on every single one.
Staying at the packhouse had also been good for Wolfie and me... It was like the pulse of our pack and being close to it's general ins and outs, soothed me or Wolfie. I'm not sure which of us it soothed.
Wolfie and I had been merging more each day. Every night, when I practiced the control technique, I'm rewarded with a stronger merge with Wolfie.
I'm seldom able to truly differentiate our feelings and thoughts lately. I'm just assuming the thoughts in full sentences were mine and credited Wolfie for any inexplicable feelings.
Like being super happy at patrol. I was happy, but Wolfie's happiness just made it even more pronounced.
But the thing I liked most about being merged with Wolfie was the power that is almost always running in my system now. Since the fight with Gamma Endo, I've figured out how to keep a very low amount of wolf power on. It happened subconsciously - maybe it was Wolfie's doing. But I found that keeping a low power on and expanding it throughout the day kept the power surges away. Unless I'm excited, or Wolfie was excited... As long as I remained calm, I wouldn't have those power surges anymore.
I guess that's what control exercises were for. I wondered why they had always been taught to me as a way to bring out our wolf powers for usage in human form. It should have been, how to keep the wolf power consistent and in controllable amounts so we don't fry our own human form while using it.
And happily, I've found the trick - let Wolfie figure it out so it happened automatically and I didn't always have to keep it in check.
I healed so fast now. I could also run and move faster without much thought. Like today, with the scratches on my hands, and stepping out of the trap before it shut.
I didn't have to call up the wolf power, absorb into human system, convert to specific power, and then focus it to healing or speed. I just healed without a thought, and stepped away when I needed to.
Why did they teach us all those steps? Okay, I needed these steps before I had shifted, but now things were different... I wonder how I could get even stronger? I felt like I was reaching a plateau. Maybe I should ask Dad what was the next step in his technique.
Even though, I had been growing stronger everyday since my shift, I wanted to be stronger. I am the Alpha.
I wanted to be strong enough to protect my pack.
Savy popped her head into our room, "Can Lizzy stay over? Cos she didn't want to be stuck at her place with Ben and Jonah when her parents go out later. And I told her yes."
Oh yeah, Beta Lucas and Mrs Beta were going on a double date with Gamma Harry and Laura. Jonah was staying over with Ben.
"Yeah, sure."
I could sneak out for a run in my wolf tonight.
Happiness.
"Yay! I knew you'd say yes. You can join us tonight." Savy said.
"Maybe." I mumbled, "I might have plans."
"Oooo..." Savy said, "We'll cover for you."
"Thanks." I smiled. I've got the best sister in the world.
"Oh yeah, they're waiting for you outside." Savy told me, "Why don't you ever keep your mindlinks open?"
It's closed? I checked. Yeah, my mind was sealed. Was it always sealed by default? Yes.
I didn't know. Why did my Wolfie keep my mindlinks shut by default?
{It's noisy}
At the outset, I blamed it on Maria. Sitting next to her, it had become a habit to keep any mental connections sealed shut.
But deep inside I knew I was also a little afraid. I've felt other people's feelings leak through mindlinks so often, a part of me worried that I might broadcast my emotions.
I'm afraid for anyone to know if I'm scared, or sad, or uncertain... or anything that might make them worried. I am the alpha and I will protect their happiness.
And to be absolutely honest, I was afraid to trust anyone with my all my feelings. It made me feel vulnerable, and that was a weak feeling that I hated to deal with.
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