บท 12: we need to be sure
He persistently expressed his request, his handsome face and eyes seemingly radiating sincerity and honesty, tying my heart in knots. I couldn't bring myself to say no, yet the reality of our differences constantly reminded me that being with him was impossible.
"You're joking!"
I distanced myself from him, shaking my head with a faint smile. "What are you saying? You're not feeling well. I'll call your sister so she can contact her trusted doctor to check on you!" I hurriedly searched for Mrs. Catherine Maverick's contact number.
"No..." He took my phone and looked deeply into my eyes.
"Logan..."
"I respect you deeply, so I wouldn't joke about something like this. This is about feelings," he said, his gaze fixed on me without blinking.
I smiled faintly, turning away from him to avoid his eyes that always seemed to break down my defenses.
"Logan, this isn't funny!"
"It's not meant to be funny. This is serious, Shasha. I'm in love!" He placed both hands on my shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes, his breath slightly uneven.
I swallowed hard. "You... You said you respect me. That's good... because I'm much older than you. It's nice when a younger man respects an older woman, or even a younger one. But... love? I don't think that fits," I said, gently removing his hands from my shoulders.
"Then what does it take to 'fit'?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Does someone need to look older than you to be fit for you? Why does age matter? Isn't this about feelings? Feelings have nothing to do with age. Age is something we can't change... I didn't choose to be born younger than you, and you can't decide everything based solely on age. Age is just a number... okay?"
As his serious and sincere gaze bore into mine, I desperately wanted to admit that I was deeply attracted to him, but the thought terrified me.
"Do you know Nick Jonas married Priyanka Chopra, who is over ten years older than him? People supported them, and they're still going strong, even having a child together. That's one example of how age gaps don't affect a relationship. It's all about love and trust," he whispered, furrowing his brow.
"But we're not like them... Of course, they got support because they're both talented in the entertainment world; they have power. Whereas we... it's just you who holds power, not me. I'm just a housekeeper ...babysitter.. and I've been married before."
"Housekeeper, babysitter previously married... None of that matters. Whatever your job or situation... it's not a problem!" He cut me off, cupping my face with his warm, broad hands. I closed my eyes, unable to face his stunning hazel-blue gaze.
"I love you... That's what matters. I admire you deeply, Shasha. You're the only woman who has made me feel love, even though we've just met."
"Logan... I..." I opened my eyes and pushed him away, looking at him intently. "I can't... We can't have a relationship just because you love me. I'm not even sure about that. Maybe you haven't fully understood your feelings yet. It's not that simple. Please don't take risks..."
"Risks? What risks?" His eyes narrowed. "Do you think being with you would ruin my career? Of course not!" he asserted.
I sighed, sitting back down and falling silent, searching for a way to decline him and leave immediately.
"Shasha..." He suddenly crouched in front of me, taking my hand and gazing at me. "Give me a chance. I want to be your love, to give you love. Maybe you've been hurt before because of your previous marriage... Let me heal those wounds. Just give me a chance..."
"I don't know..." I pulled my hand back and looked down, avoiding his eyes. "Honestly, this has shocked me. It's new to me. I need space. Please don't force me to meet your expectations or give you love. I don't even know if I can."
"So... you don't believe it could work," he whispered, disappointment clear in his eyes.
I nodded. "Yes... I'm not sure yet. You need to understand that a relationship can't start if it's only based on one person's feelings."
He seemed stunned, straightening up and stepping back from me. It hurt to see him retreat, and I suddenly worried that he might stop wanting me. What was this? I didn't want him, but I did. This confusion was driving me crazy. If only I could make myself younger or on par with him, I would have accepted him without hesitation.
"My request might be unreasonable, but I won't stop," he said, breaking the silence. "You want clarity for yourself, right?" He raised an eyebrow and gave a faint smile.
I furrowed my brow, baffled by how he no longer seemed disappointed.
"The day after tomorrow, I'm free. Make sure you're ready when I come to pick you up at 7 PM," he said, standing up.
My lips froze. I didn't know what to say because my mind was already filled with curiosity about what would happen between us that evening. What was he planning?
"You can go home now," he said, walking to the sofa facing a cluttered table full of snack wrappers and empty cans. "Don't worry about me... I'll order food and take my medicine after dinner," he added, fiddling with his phone.
Looking at his handsome yet pale face and the messy surroundings, I couldn't stop myself from walking over and snatching his phone away.
"You need healthier food, not fast food," I said, suddenly deciding to cook for him.
"Cooking takes time, and you'll end up staying longer," he replied.
"Why not? Do you mind?"
"No... Actually, I'd be delighted, even if you stayed overnight..."
"That's too much," I said, heading out of the room after placing his phone on the table. I was determined to make something quick for him.
In the kitchen, I found instant noodles, canned fish, and packaged rice. I decided to cook some rice, sauté the canned fish with garlic, onions, and chili powder, and fry some nuggets from the fridge.
"What about your job?" His familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned around, and there he was, calmly approaching me and sitting at the pantry table, his gaze fixed on me.
"Um..." I suddenly felt awkward and nervous, losing focus. "It's fine. I'm not struggling financially, even though I don't have two jobs like before," I said while placing a plate of nuggets in front of him.
"And your sister?"
"She's fine... I think she'll find love again."
He smiled as I scooped some rice from the rice cooker, placed it on a plate, and handed it to him. Occasionally, I glanced at him, noticing his constant smile. I wondered if something was wrong with me for being the reason behind his unending grin.
"I've never tasted food cooked by any woman I love, except my mother," he suddenly said, making my heart race. "It makes me feel special..."
I stayed silent, not wanting to respond. I placed a small bowl of the sautéed canned fish in front of him, then got him a glass of water.
"Eat up. You need to take your medicine and rest after this," I said.
"Why don't you sit with me?" he asked. "Keep me company while I eat..."
"No..." I walked to the sink filled with dirty dishes. "I need to clean up first. After this, I'll clean the other rooms so you'll feel more comfortable."
"I didn't ask you to come here to be my housekeeper..."
"I know... But I can't stand a dirty room. It could worsen your condition," I said, quickly washing the dishes. Being around him made it hard to focus.
His declaration of love seemed genuine, like a dream, but my fear kept haunting me, trapping me in confusion and discomfort.
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