บท 36: 36 - Decisions
There is it: the big day. The day I had to meet with Xiao and answer him about the future of our relationship. We will have this conversation soon, as my last rehearsal ended. As I waited anxiously for that fateful moment to come, I tapped my fingertips on Henriette's table, backstage.
I had just told her about what was happening (omitting the mob parts, of course), and I was now awaiting her reaction.
I waited and waited, looking at everything, hoping to make time seem faster. I looked at my pointe shoes, staring at the texture of the fabric. How do people sew these things?
Henriette's reaction was still nowhere to be seen. She was putting her face on the table, hiding her expression. Now that I thought about it, it was the first time I came inside her room after our first meeting. Time flew fast.
"Ah...Nadi, why?" She wailed, face still touching the table.
I stood and hit her freckled shoulder, "That's why you didn't answer! You're not listening to me!
"I'm listening! It's just that... Your story makes me think of Nadine. When I tell her 'I love you', she answers 'Thank you'." She finally raised her head and wiped her snot away, "And you're not even realizing your chance! A beautiful guy loves you, what do you need more? Go! Go to the cinema or the restaurant, like a real couple. At least he doesn't think you're friends with benefits."
I slammed my fist against the table, "I don't want to realize my chance! I already have enough problems, don't need to add 'love stories' into an already complicated narrative."
"You talk exactly like Nadi. You run away from the conflict without doing anything to stop it at its core. Ok, let's do it that way: I'll ask you simple questions, and you'll answer me honestly. Fine with you?"
I nodded.
"Are you attracted by your Xiaojian?"
I knew what she was trying to do. But this kind of cheap trap doesn't work for me!
"I don't know."
Do you find him handsome? Is your heart beating faster when you're near him? Would you like to hold his hands or...Do other things?"
Her mere questions managed to make me blush. But she had a point. I always felt 'weird' toward him. Was this the so-called "attraction" she was talking about?
"He has warm hands, and it's very pleasant to hold his hands. I spent a lot of time with him, now that I think about it. So, I guess I'm accustomed to his presence. You know what? This 'attraction' thing is not the heart of the problem. I have more of a problem with the fact he loved me when he thought I was a girl."
"At first. Now he knows your gender identity, and he doesn't give a frick-frack about that. Don't worry, your man is bi."
"Bi ?"
She rolled her eyes, "Where do you come from? Outer space? You both seem to like women and men. Like bisexuals."
Oh. There was a name or it?
Someone knocked on the door. Henriette opened it, "Hey! That's my favorite pink-haired boy!"
She glanced at me with a playful wink, inviting me to come over and talk to Xiao. I wasn't ready, though. I told her to wait while I changed myself in the bathroom. I wanted to get rid of the glitters and the tutu dress Xiao loved so much. If he loved me for who I was, he wouldn't need me in those clothes. My good old Firm uniform should do.
I finally joined Henriette and waved Xiao. He beamed from seeing me. Maybe Henriette was right about being bisexual. Maybe he didn't care.
We came out of the opérette from the back door, where no one could hear us talk. The afternoon ended a long time ago, and the setting sun reddened the world around us. Golden glitters shone on Paris's river.
Xiaojian, looking as nervous as always, was looking for a place to put his hands in. He first scratched his neck, before opting for his pockets, "You've been great in the rehearsal today." He finally said, trying to break the awkward silence between us.
"Thank you. We're working hard, so, normally, you find us great."
"Yeah, you're right. That was a dumb question." He shut up, letting the atmosphere thicken by itself.
Dan, that was hard. We both knew what we needed to do right here and now. But we still couldn't. All I could feel capable of doing, right now, was looking at him. The setting sun placed her golden rays on his figure too.
I never knew someone could look so ethereal. His hair was glistening beneath the sun. The Golden hour suited him perfectly.
"Before talking about anything, I wanted to ask you a question."
"Y..yeah?" I said, forcing my eyes to instead look at my less shining, less attractive shoe.
"Why are you dancing with pointes shoes? You don't need it to become a pro dancer."
This was his question? Well, I was expecting something more... embarrassing.
"My mom used them and taught me how to use them. Since I don't get to see her often, I feel closer to her when I use the same technics she does to dance."
"I see..."
"She was always talking about dancer's stories, made me eat a dancer diet, ad before sleeping, she sang me a dancer lullaby."
"Really? What did it sound like?"
I felt embarrassed by the offer but took it nonetheless. This was a sog dear to my heart, and singing it would always fill me with pure joy."
La ballerina,
La ballerine qui tourne sous le noir ciel de minuit
La ballerine,
La ballerine qui tourne sous le noir ciel de minuit
Et elle tourne, inconnue, sous l'opérette, en nuisette, elle tourne la ballerine.
Xiao came near me, "Beautiful. You have a nice voice. You're so talented."
"It's not true. When I see your makeup skill, I witnessing real art."
"Is this you're way to tell me I'm hot?" He laughed.
"Let's talk about something else," I stuttered, thinking about any other possible subjects, "How 's your family?"
His face darkened.
"Sorry for asking. Forget about it please."
"No, it's fine. I want you to know, anyway. Don't be surprised if it's not a happy story. It's rarely the case in our profession, anyway. Let's say I only knew my big sis, but she also dies, along with all the others. That was when Zheng Tai saved me, more or less. So... We could call him my family."
We stared at each other without saying anything again. It was different though. That wasn't an awkward silence anymore, and one created within intimacy. Hoping to see him smile again, my subconscious convinced me to hold his hands.
He looked at me tenderly, probably getting the wrong idea," Sorry," I said, letting his hand go, "I forgot about... is."
Xiao grabbed my fugitive hand and interlocked them with his, "No, it's okay. It was time to speak about this; So, what did you think? Do you want to be my boyfriend?
"You're so blunt about it.."
"Can I gain access to illimited access to your hugs and kisses?"
I laughed. Life was never boring with him. That's one of the numerous things I liked about him.
"I like spending time with you. And I don't wanna miss an opportunity. So... I want to do it."
He was so happy he could cry. He came eve closed to lips, lips only inches away from my first kiss. Those plump lips would finally be mine.
"So, you're agreeing, huh? You sure?"
"Yeah!" I said a little annoyed he still hasn't kissed me, "I won't regret it if you're kind with me. If not, I have a gun in my pocket."
"Ha. You just learned how to use it, and now you want to usurp my place of the master? Don't worry, you won't need all of that. 'll be kind to you. And for you o ly."
I put myself on my tiptoes and kissed him.
I never knew I could feel such a level of ecstasy. As we were demonstrating ou proof of love, people clapped their hands.
The girls. We were neer aloe the whole time.
Ah, those people. So annoying, and so lovely. I felt so happy, I don't know what could happen wrong?"
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