บท 1: Opening up
"Nah, I'm okay" I said. These are the words I have told James a million times. And as my best friend, he'd always catch me lying. It's strange. I loved that about him, but I also hated it.
"Yea, Yea. I'm sure you're okay, Frank. Buuuuuttttttt, just to be sure, let's NOT go to the bleachers behind the school and self-loath again, huh? I hear video games are much more fun. Have you tried any recently?"
I laughed.
I'm no one special. But then, no one in this world is either. Most people grow up with this mentality from our parents that we can change the world if we try hard enough. That's bull. We all grow up and remain trapped in the same town, the same job, the same class, the same "everything" that society dictates us. How are we special? How am I special? How is James special? How is ANYONE special?
We're not. And I'm not going to grow up believing that I am just for the sake of my family. I'm happy with what I do have (NO YOU ARENT). It's not the end of the world to finish high school and work for a modest life. I'm only 15. I have to believe there is a better life out there waiting for me, right? (NO)
____________________________________(YOU SHOULD JUST DIE)_________________________________________
"Fine James, you win. Again!" I said with smirk. "I'll pretend to listen as you tell me about your latest video game achievements like a good friend. And then we can act like swordsman and fight each other with sticks like when we were 8."
James puts his left hand on his chin in an exaggerated, thinking pose. "You know..." he contemplates, "I can hear the sarcasm in your voice, and I can tell you are joking, but a part of my would still find that very fun!"
"Of course you would" I think to myself, as I laugh alongside my friend again. Yep, I definitely love to hate him and hate that I love him.
I end up resigning to my fate, and join James in video game talk. I personally love video games, so it's not a big deal. I happen to be an avid player and I have wrestled the #1 title from James more than a few times since we were 5 years old. He hates losing, but it's never really a big deal because a simple game change has him beating my title away. The only complaint I have is that James always manages to bring up the one thing I always avoid talking about...
"Soooo, Nina huh? Frank and Nina, Nina and Frank... Fr-ina? Or maybe Nank? Gross! Nah, definitely Frina! Have you broken through that 'friend zone' predicament yet? Did you tell her anything yet?"
Right on cue.
"No Frank" I explain. "Nothing has changed since the last time you've asked me. I'm still in love with her. We are still friends. And I haven't told her anything because I'm worried it'd ruin our friendship."
It's true. I'm not confident in myself at all. To me, Nina is the most beautiful girl in the world. And me? I'm, what, a 4 at best? That's from 1 out of 100. She's sweet, and kind, and has the cutest smile, her hair is pretty and soft, she's also very smart, and her eyes... oh my god... they are like oceans of (STOP)
I stop my train of thought. I was daydreaming about her again.
"Uh, sorry James. What was I saying?"
"Dude, I asked you how you and Nina were" he said, while shaking his head. He knew I was fantasizing again. Ugh, how embarrassing... Whatever, it was his fault for asking me about her!
"Well, yesterday we were talking about phones, and she took my phone to take a photo of us together. I thought we were having a moment because she went and changed my background to me and her. But... then she said that it was a cute photo of her and her 'bestie'. So... ouch."
James looked at me stupefied, and in the most serious tone, exclaimed "She thinks you're HER bestie?! That's my position! She can't replace me! I got 10 years on you, sister! Good luck!"
Of course that's what he took out of that. Why am I not surprised? I smiled at his dumb comment, as we continued to talk about dumb shit for the rest of the free period.
(I guess for now, we can enjoy these happy days together, since REALITY CAN BE SO CRUEL sometimes. IT HURTS but, someday, you'll lose them all. And I'LL BE HERE to help you end your suffering. What else are FRIENDS for?)
ความคิดของผู้สร้าง 
Dimhearted
Dimhearted This is a very personal story that I have had in my head for a long time. It is nice to finally get a chance to write it down. Although this is meant to be a love story, it is also about the very serious subject of mental illness. This is dedicated to anyone who has ever gone through doubt and pain in their life. I won't say "everything is okay", but I will listen to your story. You're my protagonist, and I won't let your story end.
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