บท 16: Episode 16: The Child That Split
Not sure where
Years ago
In a certain house
In a remote area, there was a couple. They had only married to benefit off of each other, otherwise, they would have nothing to do with the other. Despite all that, the man was an alcoholic, an addicted gambler that kept pulling out loans from the bank or illegal means. The wife was a failed fashion designer, her career never getting anywhere due to her complete lack of imagination. The couple discussed how they could get some money, they wanted to get out of poverty. That was when they got the plan. Selling a child would get them quite the fortune, especially if the child was female.
They set their plan into motion, they had a child, a child they were going to raise just to sell. The name of the child? She was never given a name, her parents saw her as property, not a single inkling of parental love. Even still, the girl grew up thinking she lived in a normal family.
She was not the smartest of those her age, she was not the best looking. If anything, she was average. The only thing she had better than everyone else was her imagination. In her home, she imagined other people in her head, she imagined conversations between her and her imaginary friends.
At the age of five, she was required to attend school, it was the government’s order for compulsory education. Her parents barely needed to pay for anything as the government subsidies most of it. From there, she started to have a daily routine.
4:00am sharp, she would wake up from her father’s drunk ramblings. She listened to him, not really paying much attention. Without having breakfast, she would run out and talk with the kids in the neighbourhood.
8:00am, she would start to go to school, there, she studied the basics. It was not the best of education, the students there uninterested, the teachers unmotivated, but it was better than nothing. She would try her best at everything she did.
12:00pm, she would go home. It was only four hours of school, so she left for home quite early. There, her mother who was still trying to revive her fashion design career would make her wear the clothes she made.
4:00pm, after an incident, her parents had called some of their relatives over to check the girl’s health. To make sure no part of her was wrong to fetch the maximum price for selling their child.
The child went through these events over and over again, her imagination working overtime. To adapt to every situation, she acted differently. For the morning, she acted childishly, she wanted to play with the neighbouring kids, she had fun. She wanted to do anything to have someone play with her. She heard one of the boys liked collecting stag beetles, so she collected them all and skewered them with a stick. She heard a girl was scared of a few of the boys as they were scary. She set up a trap and made them fall, their head hitting the side of the pavement, causing them to be rushed to the hospital. Kids stayed away from her, she started talking to herself, having conversations. She was labelled ‘insane’ and ‘cursed child’.
When she went to school, she acted differently. Since the school was far away, none of the other kids in her neighbourhood attended it. She tried her best, she studied hard and on the first major exam, she scored top of the class. Faces of her classmates that told her she was trying too hard, faced of her teachers that acted like she was the star of the future. She disliked it, so on the next test, she intentionally scored the class average. Kids laughed at her, saying she was indeed dumb and could not have scored top again. Adults talked to her on why she did not do as well, they faced with fake kindness. She adjusted herself, aiming to not stand out. She wanted to get by school, she did not want to raise attention ever again. She was quiet, only talking when she needed to. She was polite, never acting out of order and only scored the class average.
When she got home, she would be under her mother while her father went out gambling. She would be in constant fear as her mother scolded her for being too ugly for her clothes. She would listen as her mother told her off for no reason, just to vent anger. She would throw things, she would hit her. She once violently cut her hair off, making her the laughingstock of the school for a few weeks. She changed, she acted scared, she was cowardly and afraid of everything around her. She cowered when her mother raised a hand, letting her mother feel a sense of superiority, sometimes letting her off. Once, she had thrown something at the girl, hitting her wrongly in the head, causing her to pass out.
Half-awake, she could hear her parents talk. Her mother had asked, “What do we do? Her price might go down!”
“As long as she looks alright, everything should be fine. Call your sister over or something, she can check whether she’s injured.” Her father told her mother.
From that day one, at 4:00pm, female relatives of her parents would enter the house. They would compliment her, shower her with praises for being so cute, being so smart. It disgusted her, she wanted them to die, go to hell. The girl changed again, she acted aggressive, violent. Worst, those relatives would touch her, touch her entire body to find out if anything hurt. When she screamed out in pain, the most basic of first aid was applied. She hated being touched by them, she disliked being touched by females.
Following the incident of her overhearing her parents, she found out that she was only just to be sold. She tried to ignore it, she would keep it within herself, but it was even more painful that way. At 8:00pm, she would fall asleep.
12:00am, she would awake, her mind racing. Her imagination was too strong, she could not stop thinking about it, it was too painful to bear. She wanted to forget it, but could not. She crumpled the thin sheet she slept on, on the floor. She would sob, try to scream, hit the ground, she did not want to go, nothing would mean anything the moment she was sold. To calm herself down, she changed herself, she imagined another personality of herself, one who was forgetful, blur and knew nothing. She had difficulty looking at things nearby, always mistaking them for being far away. As odd as it was, she became unable to judge distance in that personality, she imagined that the date where she would be sold was far off.
As each day passed, she solidified those personalities, she imagined them as individual persons, she imagined them having conversations with one another, she was fine with doing that. She thought about the way they would speak, she even thought up names for them. Starting from 12:00am, she called those personalities of hers Mitsu, Charmy, Pandora, Jacky and Oracle. She lived her days like that, without any change, she hoped she could live long.
At the age of nine, her parents talked to her. She sat in front of both of them, they told her, “You should be grateful for what we gave you.”
She did not speak back, instead, she silently thought to herself, what did they ever give her? She already knew they were giving her to someone else, not them giving anything to her. She simply silently nodded.
“On your birthday, a nice man will take you with him. It’s sad to be separated from our daughter, but we don’t have a choice, you understand, right?” Her mother asked.
She nodded again, her birthday not far off.
When she went to sleep, she went on as if life was normal, but her mind was in chaos, the personalities she imagined became more defined, they became what she always thought they would become.
As she thought about it, her mind became conflicted. She found the fact that she was to be sold too much, the overwhelming pressure crushing her. Everything she did was meaningless, going to school, living, doing anything. She might as well be dead, she wanted to die. However, she wanted to do so much more with her life.
12:00am, on her birthday, she laid on the sheet and curled up. She cried. There was so much she wanted to do in her life, she wanted to grow up. She wanted to meet people, have friends, eat chops food, watch a movie, have fun, she wanted to fall in love and have a family of her own. She wanted to be normal, she wanted to have a normal life. She wanted to change everything, she wanted to do something. She crumpled the sheet and cried, screaming. She could not feel anything, only that her eyes were watery and she could not control her cries. She hated her life, why was she born under those parents? Life was so unfair, surrounded by no love, surrounded by these money-obsessed adults, she hated them. Yet, it did not matter how much she hated them, she was unable to do anything about it except cry. She scratched herself, trying to forget her mental pain with physical pain.
1:00am, she stopped. Her throat was dry, her eyes were dry, she was done crying. Tired, she decided, she was going to end it all, she wanted to die. To die yet to live, an impossible wish. She, without putting on a personality, went down the stairs and held a knife, unable to stab herself with it. Her mind wanted to die, but her body wanted to live.
She left the house and looked at the road, no one was driving by, she could not jump in front of a car. There was also no way for her to reach the top of the house and jump off. The only option she had was to ask someone else to do it.
She went up the stairs, to her parent’s room. She silently knocked on the door and opened it, hiding the knife behind her. She wanted her parents to help kill her. Her mother had sat up on her bed, looking at her while her father remained in a drunken sleep. She asked her, “What are you doing here? I told you to never enter this room.”
She held the knife in front of her and approached her mother slowly. “Can you kill me...?”
Her mother’s eyes widened as she scrambled out of her bed. She screamed, “You opened the door? You stupid child! I told you not to-“
There was a loud bang that echoed throughout the room, the rest was silent. Her mother’s body slumped onto the floor. The girl looked behind her, a stranger standing there, a gun in hand. He paid the girl no mind and approached her father, more bangs sounded, making Her ears ring. She looked at her parents who were not moving.
The man was someone her parents had robbed in the past, his life had been ruined as he lost everything. He had been waiting for his chance to get revenge. He put his gun into his pocket and walked off when the girl pulled his coat. He turned around, surprised that the girl was not shocked at what he did. He was also shocked to see that those two who robbed him had a child. The child pulled his hand out of his pocket. He still held his gun, the child adjusting his hand so that the barrel of his gun was against her forehead.
“Shoot.” She begged him.
The man stood there in silence, not sure what was going on. The girl wrapped her small fingers around his index finger, pushing him slightly into the trigger. He understood and wrenched his hand away, keeping his gun into his pocket and walking away. The girl fell onto her knees, what was she supposed to do now?
That night, everything for her changed. To die and to live, her wish was in a sense, granted. She had focused so much on the personalities she imagined that she failed to reinforce her own personality. Who was she exactly? She did not know because she never thought about it. As a result, her own ‘personality’ was kicked out, erased. Instead of her, the personalities took over, they talked like how she imagined. There were arguments, laughs, suffering between the personalities, just like how she had imagined them to be. The nameless girl was no more, she had achieved it, she died. However, her body still lived, just that it was no longer ‘her’ body. She wanted to die, her body wanted to live, she achieved that goal.
As she laid there, asleep, she woke up somewhere else. There were reports on gunshots being heard and someone had called the police. She was brought in, the police interrogating her to find out anything they could about the murder of her parents. She simply stared blankly at them, not sure what she was supposed to say. She had no memory of anything before she was brought in, she only knew one thing, and that was that there were five of ‘her’.
She was checked by a doctor that told her that she suffered from amnesia and a split-personality disorder. She simply nodded, not really caring. The personalities acted independently, they could speak to one another, they knew what happened when another personality was in charge.
She was placed in an orphanage, like some of the other kids there, her parents were killed. However, unlike most of them, she was basically undisturbed by the fact that she was parent-less. She stated at the orphanage, it was not a bad place, it was nicer than her previous living conditions. As time passed, she slowly got her memories back, but the personalities were still there, unaffected by the returning memories.
In the orphanage, she was mostly avoided for being different. She obviously had a personality disorder, so the other kids barely talked to her. Her living conditions were better, but she was still lonely. Over the years, she learnt some stuff in the orphanage, she decided that their favourite colour was grey. It was a nice colour, it was as if everything was null, boring. She liked it. Under heavy persuasion and forcefulness, she got just the ends of her long hair fade into grey.
At the age of fifteen, the head of the orphanage talked to her. She sat there, Pandora sitting upright. The person spoke, “Do you want to go to high school?”
Pandora blinked a few times before nodding.
“Well, an invitation for you just arrived, although you’ll start late, you can still transfer into the second year.” The head of the orphanage continued. “You can take this chance to think about things on your own, okay?”
She understood what she implied. She wanted her to think about her own personality, so cute her disorder. There was no need, she was perfectly healthy, there was nothing to fix. A vote was held in her head, resulting in a 3-2 vote for transferring into the school. She agreed to transfer into the school.
“Alright, then can I have what name you will register under?”
She paused, unsure. Her name was ‘Pandora’, but the others had different names. There was a rapid discussion between them, resulting in a decision. Pandora was the middle personality, the most responsible, the one imagined to be the mediator of the personalities. She was like the middle of two extremes, or in her case, four extremes. Her second name, her family name was completely made up, something she thought of on the spot.
“Pandora Gappy.” She said.
That night, she stayed up late, thinking about what school life would be like. When the clock hit 8, it was the first time they had not gone to sleep before eight. The result, as the girl had never thought of a personality for that time frame, it resulted in all five personalities randomly taking over, with no clear order. From that day, they made sure to always sleep before 8.
Her stuff was sent over to the school and she transferred in. Under her request, the school gave her a grey uniform instead of the normal one. As she was about to leave, the head of the orphanage hugged her. “Have a good time there.”
Pandora nodded, not liking getting hugged. It was lucky that it was Pandora and not Oracle. The head of the orphanage gave her a grey beret and gave her a smile, “Happy early birthday.”
Pandora left feeling odd. It was the first time she was given a birthday present, it felt odd. It was as if she was lighter than usual, she felt like she was in the sky. Was that feeling... joy?
She had a smile and she left, putting on the beret.
At Atdonus high school, she was only there for a little more than a week, but in that week, she truly had fun, she liked it there. She managed to make a couple of friends, and she even met Azel. Her mind was still slightly indecisive on their opinion on Azel and what he meant to them. However, with a photo of the two of them in hand, she felt like she could figure it out with time.
She held a crushed piece of paper in her clenched fist, watching as Azel’s car drove off. She wanted to talk with him more, hang out more. She really wanted to have so much more fun, maybe she would finally find out what she was. She shook the thought out of her head and turned around.
Her vision went dark.
“Guess who?” Someone sung.
Pandora smiled slightly as she faced the head of the orphanage. She told her, “Don’t sneak up on me like that, old lady.”
“How rude.” She huffed. “I treat you like my own child, you know.”
“I know, I know.” Pandora sighed.
They both laughed lightly before the head of the orphanage asked, “Shall we go back? The week without you has been lonely.”
“Okay.” Pandora said before whispering, “Mom...”
The lady heard her and smiled widely, poking her cheek, “Can you say that again?”
She expected Pandora to brush her off like usual, but something unexpected happened. Pandora, her face red, said, “Mom...”
Truly, the week had changed her for the better.
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