บท 186: Confession
(Snow's View)
Snow couldn't help but stare at Dairen's silverish green eyes that looked at her from the bed. Confusion, fear, and a hint of something that she wasn't comfortable yet stared back at her.
How long has it been since she actually sat down to notice the speckled green in his eyes? Most of the time, it was brief, and the last time she remembered was when Dairen was drunk and partially sleeping.
Even thinking about it again made Snow cheeks turn flaming hot. She wanted to look away, but the sparkle in his eyes was drawing her in. The more she searched, the more it twinkled.
Compared to the many men that she had watched, the amount of growth and change was slow. He had shown the many sides of his kindness to her, chipping her away slowly. At first, she enjoyed the attention of many men, but the gazes were a minuscule lust of physical moment as time passed. Her mind and heart getting colder and arrogant, forgetting that those looks meant more heartburns than the gentle warmth of a summer breeze.
Fear laced her heart at the thought of truly letting someone in, keeping many at arms length. She feared to let someone close enough to open up their hearts and wound her with their barbed words. She remembered such times when she was young and innocent. The first love that came and went like the wind because of her ignorance. There were many times she was whisked away, plainly by emotions. Getting her into trouble that she didn't foresee or pay attention too in her younger days.
Followed by many others who had become just another voice that gave seductive words to get to the point of what they wanted, hidden behind false smiles.
Snow didn't understand why Dairen piqued her curiosity. At first, she thought she knew everything about him as he was like an open book. But there was a mystery about him. She never took the time to sit down and really get to know him. Lately, she had noticed the softness in his voice that he first had shown her was shaven away quilted with a hint of darkness. Burden by something that she didn't understand, but he silently stood behind her like a shadow, protecting her in his own way.
Dairen smiled a beautiful smile that shook Snow's soul. It wasn't like the smile that she would see often given to the people around her. The end of his eyes would turn into rainbows, and the smile was heartfelt. Dairen was a lot healthier and had become much more beautiful than before since the time they had met.
The stick skinny arms and legs that she had remembered seeing him the first time were now endowed with muscles. Even his messy brown hair was a lot tamer than before. Styled to shape his face, where his lips were more vibrant in color. The baggy clothes were gone, replaced with clothes that were the latest trends.
Snow had wondered what had pushed Dairen so far to change?
She contemplated, but there was no answer.
"Snow?" Dairen asked. He sat in place for a moment, breathing in slowly. When she didn't answer, he pulled the cover-up off and placed his feet on the ground. He shivered.
"Yes?" Snow woke up from her own thoughtless question that ran around in her mind in circles.
"Are you okay?"
Snow felt a bit embarrassed in not asking him that question first. It made her feel like she was the patient instead. With a quick clear of her throat, she straightened up. "I'm fine. How about you?"
"Better than I thought." Dairen chuckled. He got up, which Snow followed suit to make sure he wouldn't fall back down. "It's like I went on a long marathon run, and my mind blanked out for a brief moment."
"You know, it's like we both pass out often." Snow chuckled, realizing how corny she sounded.
"It happens, but it's not as bad as you." Dairen goaded her with a wicked smile that froze Snow.
With a flustered voice, she countered. "It just happens."
"Oh, really."
"Well, no. I don't know." Snow's shoulder slumped. Her mind tried to continue the conversation, but she didn't know-how. This was the first time she saw Dairen blackout in front of her.
Normally, she saw him with cuts and bruises from dungeon dives, but she could heal those wounds without a problem in seconds.
But when it came to mental shocks, she had no way of healing such problems and could only wait for him to wake up.
"What are you thinking?" Dairen asked, breaking her out of her anguish of a repetitive cycle of questions that she couldn't answer without asking him.
"Just...a a few things." Snow tried to cover it up, but she had failed. She steps backward, putting some distance between them.
Dairen noticed the slight crease on her forehead, her left lip slightly drooping. He had noticed this same pattern when her mind was deep in thought. He couldn't help but find it adorable.
"I don't think so." Dairen reached over, grabbing her hand in his. A warmth that he had personally enjoyed. He didn't want to let go.
Snow squirmed; she couldn't get out of his knowing gaze. Curiosity gleaming in her eyes as she wanted to ask him questions. She felt guilty that she couldn't heal him completely.
Eventually, she blurted out, "Why are you so concerned about me?"
Dairen froze, trying to find words. He had difficulties from trying to say what was on his mind.
Snow patiently waited, but the longer time flew by, the less he wanted to reply.
It took a bit of effort to clear his thoughts, eventually coming to a decision that he was hiding.
"Because you are my friend." Dairen wanted to kick himself from spewing out.
Snow accepted his simple answer. She slowly nodded her head, but she felt a tinge of disappointment. "I guess you are right."
Dairen continued onwards, "because you remind me of my sister. She is courageous like you. Fighting an endless battle that she desperately wants to win."
Snow wasn't sure why he brought up his sister. "So, you see me like a sister?"
"No!" Dairen blurted out. "I'm just saying that you both are mentally strong, something that I lack."
"What are you talking about, Dairen? Every time you fight a monster, you put yourself in danger? Is that not courageous? Or the time you stand up for your people? If that isn't enough, we could simplify this even further, does it not take courage to just stand up from failure and do it again?" Snow was confused. "These all take courage. Plus, I am not always strong, Dairen." Snow squeezed his hand, reassuring him that she wasn't lying. "I have my own faults, my own insecurities, but that is what makes us human. We improve ourselves because we want to, and we take it a step at a time. Nobody just gained it out of the blue."
Her words were like a soft lullaby to Dairen's ears. He closed his eyes, soaking in her warm presence. The dark energy inside of himself stirred, washing away the negativity that he harbored.
The last words hit Dairen; there were times when he fell into his rhythmic life of just living, but to live was not easy.
"Snow."
"Yes?" Snow tilted her head, wondering what else he was thinking about. If she could just open his mind to peer inside, she would.
"Thank you."
Snow smiled. "It is what friends are for, right?" Relief and warmth lingered in her heart as a small sense of happiness stayed behind.
Dairen shook his head, yes, but the words in his heart were bubbling up to his throat. He stepped forward, closing the distance between the two.
At first, Snow was glad to help clear a bit of Dairen's thought, but when he took his first step forward, she froze. He got closer and closer to the point where they were now nose to nose.
"Snow."
"Yes?"
"You aren't just a friend. I wanted to say this for a long time, but I like you." Dairen's words were like a sledgehammer.
Snow held her breath. Unable to speak. Her heart pounded hard, making her stomach go into loops.
"What do you think about me?" Dairen asked
"I-" Snow let out her breath. Holding any longer, she was going to pass out from lack of air.
When she didn't give him the answer that he wanted, she could see a hint of sadness that blossomed on his expression.
Then Snow saw a change in his eyes. A glimmer of emotions that she didn't understand.
Dairen whispered softly, "you can stop me." He started to lean forward.
Snow didn't move; she couldn't move. Her mind was blank. What was she supposed to do when someone confessed? She had gone through confession many times, but why was it that she couldn't answer today? Why was her brain so slow?
Snow could feel the heat from her body and his. Her cheeks became red, dizzy from his enchanting eyes that swayed like the ocean waters. Their faces gently coming closer. She knew where this was leading, making her body warm. Her heartbeat was felt in her throat, making it difficult to speak.
Dairen's hand slipped in around her back, supporting her as she was brought closer.
A shocking hot energy zip through her lips and shot through her body. It was soft and intense, dizzying to the point where her leg was starting to melt, unable to support herself. She was embarrassed and glad that Dairen's arm was there to keep her afloat.
He didn't attack her lips or pushed her to the point where she felt uncomfortable. It was light, almost as if the wind gently brushed against her lips.
They disengaged, leaving Snow feeling a bit empty. She wasn't sure if she wanted to let him go.
Dairen opened his eyes, he smiled, realizing that she had given him an answer without words. He was satisfied for now, but he still wanted her to hear her voice. He pulled her in, hugging her as his nose buried in her hair. A sweet scent of buttercup and tea tree oil lingered in his nose.
Snow was silent the whole time. She didn't pull away or shout. Instead, she leaned in, enjoying the hug that he gave. It was warm, almost as if she fell into the comforts of home.
Snow stayed still for a moment, soaking in his scent.
Eventually, she pulled away. Realizing that she wanted to say something more.
With a bit of courage, she spoke, "give me a bit of time." It was almost a whisper.
Dairen nodded, understanding what she wanted. He calmly waited, though he wasn't going to stop pursuing her. Instead, a fire was lit in his gaze, knowing full well that his cowardly ways weren't going to cut it.
The moment he spoke what was in his heart, he knew the hunt was on. He was not going to stop until she denied him completely. A spark of hope raged in his heart.
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