บท 16: The Revenge of the Shitman
บรรณาธิการ: EndlessFantasy Translation
Although Benjamin grumbled in his heart, he walked into the living room and looked at his father.
"Father, I have returned."
The middle-aged man who sat in the main seat scowled quietly at Benjamin. However, his eyes did not have even a hint of happiness. Instead, they were eyes of accusation, and Benjamin felt distressed by that look.
What even happened here?
Claude Lithur was Benjamin’s biological father. Benjamin had detailed memories of Claude. Claude was the head of the household, the Duke of the Kingdom. He had a very high status within the noble hierarchy in the Kingdom of Helius, and was typically a conservative noble.
Conservative nobles would pledge loyalty to the king, where they would in turn pledge loyalty towards the church alongside the king. The matters of social class were of absolute importance to them, and they put much emphasis on the segregation of the peasants from the nobles. This also meant that they were very prideful, and they followed what was called the ‘honor of the nobles’. In other words, this individual was very archaic and feudal.
From a personal perspective, Benjamin’s father was also a strict man, and it was a rare occurrence to catch him smiling. This illustrated his sternness as a father, as he had high expectations of his eldest son Benjamin, but Benjamin embarrassed him. Evidently, Benjamin was not going to get a good look from him.
He usually would tell Benjamin…. Oh, no, he typically would be too lazy to even talk to Benjamin. He probably got tired of scolding Benjamin when he was still a child, so when his reprimands had no effect on Benjamin, he gave up.
Even though Duke Claude was extremely disappointed at Benjamin to a point where he would feel anger when he saw Benjamin, he was still a reasonable person. The furious expression he had right now would only surface when Benjamin misbehaved.
Misbehaviour? What did he do? Benjamin thought in bewilderment.
Suddenly, the unfamiliar boy with golden hair pointed at Benjamin’s nose and exclaimed in fury, breaking the tension in the air, "It’s him! Last night, he was the person who assaulted me using that…. thing!"
Benjamin became increasingly confused after he heard this.
"Who is this?"
Just to be cautious, Benjamin did not give any reaction in real life. Instead, he consulted the System by telepathy.
"Hmm, he probably would be Dick Fulner. Remember? He was the person who sleepwalked last night, and the one who you splashed him in the face with bodily excretions," the System answered.
Upon hearing the System, Benjamin paused and studied the person, and could finally feel some familiarity from his face.
The nose that pointed towards the sky and looked eerily similar with the nose of a pig was the exact replica of the poor sod last night. It was just that this person had feces all over his face last night, and Benjamin could not recognize him without them now.
At this point, Benjamin really had the urge to tell him, "My apologies, I couldn’t recognize you without the shit on your face today." However, he knew that it was not the time to be sarcastic, and if he really did say that, he would lose control over the situation. Thus, he swallowed his words with difficulty.
He finally understood the situation before him. The flow of the process was that this Mister Dick was a guest at his house last night, but he started sleepwalking and met Benjamin, who just woke up. Benjamin then used the chamber pot to hit him square in the face. Mister Duke could not hold his anger, which was why he got his father over to the Lithur manor in order for him to salvage whatever dignity he could. This war was brewed just like that.
They came to find blame! Dread filled Benjamin.
He realized the difficult grounds he was on.
After much contemplation, Benjamin did not rush to explain when Dick pointed at him. Instead, he learned from the original Benjamin and behaved like a teenager being reprimanded after a mistake, with his head drooped low and his face stubborn.
Explanations would only make matters worse. He should first observe his father, Duke Claude’s stance, before anything else.
However, Duke Claude’s attitude was not favorable.
"Benjamin, was this the way we educated you on the manners of hospitality?" he said with disappointment. It seemed like he would be standing on the side of principle instead of his son.
Benjamin sighed inwardly.
He already knew from the System that Claude was not the kind of person that would protect the flaws of the family. Still, Benjamin understood how low his image was in the mind of his father when he saw how his father was willing to side the outsiders instead of himself.
Upon reflection from the information he got from the System, none of the people here had the tendency to cover up the failings of their own. There were no rivalry between families that was often depicted in the novels, nor the custom to avoid criticizing their family members when outsiders were present. Akin to the Western aristocrats, they interacted in harmony under the illumination of the church, without any conflicts.
The western ideology on families is so feeble.
Without the support of the family, Benjamin’s circumstances were not only difficult - it was more like a struggle session, where everyone was against him.
It look liked he would have to go through some hardship.
When he thought of this, he immediately caved.
"Oh, my good sir, everything I did was unintentional! I’m so sorry, please forgive me!"
Even he could feel how genuine his act was.
His nobility was already well trained at this point.
He considered this carefully. It was better for him to apologize first before Claude could force him to do so. This would improve Claude’s impression on him, but could also avoid the Fuller family from taking advantage of the situation. He believed that if his attitude was portrayed perfectly, the Fulners could not find another reason to pick at him anymore.
As Benjamin expected, after hearing Benjamin’s ‘sincere’ apology, Claude’s expression was coloured with a hint of surprise. His fury was slightly soothed after that.
After all, Benjamin’s behavior now was more mature than he ever was. Of course, no one suspected a thing nor imagined anything ridiculous like teleportation. From the perspective of the Lithur family members, Benjamin should have behaved like this, and his change for the better could have come sooner!
Claude’s toughness could be temporarily mellowed with merely an apology, but as the victim of the ‘toilet incident’, Dick Fulner’s anger was not tamed.
"Just because you asked for forgiveness does not mean I would forgive you! Dream on! I will not accept your apology!" Dick Fulner’s attitude was still harsh.
Even the System popped up spookily and agreed, "Exactly, what use would the police be if apologies were that effective?"
"...."
Benjamin ignored the anarchic System, and gazed at Claude. Claude looked like he wanted to stay quiet and let the younger generation resolve the dispute.
Benjamin could only ask, "What then do you want me to do?"
Dick glared and looked down at him contemptuously. He snorted cockily and said through gritted teeth, "I want to return to you the exact shame you gave me!"
While uttering his words, he magically took out a chamber pot from under the table.
"...."
Benjamin’s expression went dark right away.
It was one matter to pretend to be a coward and apologize. He would not lose anything, and at the same time he could internally be looking down on the people, secretly shouting at them, "You peasants!" However, he would never accept the notion of having those things poured on his face. Never.
"....You must be dreaming." His patience finally hit its limits.
Dick became agitated in a flash and shouted, "I knew it! You were faking your apologies all along, you were never sincere when you apologized to me! Half-wit! You shameless liar!"
Benjamin could not hold back anymore. He spent half of his life on the internet, and all of his experience exploded at that instant, as if he had the power of a thousand keyboard warriors and he was not alone in this war.
"You are the one who is trash! Coming out in the middle of the night and scaring the living lights out of people, shrieking like a pig on slaughter, which dame did you dream of to excite you like this? How dare you criticize me? Did you eat so much shit you start to spew shit everywhere now? Beware that maybe one day you will die from getting hit by the bird’s shit!"
"F%#$, you dare shout at me?"
"You swam in shit and you’re afraid of people shouting at you?"
"I’ll kill you!"
"Come then! Whoever backs off will have to castrate himself!"
"....."
According to an anonymous Mr Green, he recalled that the situation spiraled out of control at that time.
"I was very surprised to know that the life of a noble had no difference with us peasants. When they are angry, they could spew out words that were as filthy and rude as ours," the anonymous Mr Green gasped when he remembered the scene.
As Mr Green accurately described, along with the gaping audience, Dick and Benjamin’s heated argument became more and more dramatic. There were expletives in between the shouting with descriptions that people could not bear to listen, and the situation was out of control like how a wild horse would be without its lead.
Claude finally stood and shouted.
"Shut up!"
His roar that was like a lion’s, it finally stopped the heated argument. Both sides held their horses and troops, and only their outraged eyes were still battling in the air, spiking metaphorical sparks in the process.
Benjamin felt some regret, but also felt ecstatic.
But before long, the regret piled up.
"Have you had enough? Benjamin, what happened to the education you received? Have all of them gone to a dog’s stomach? Look at yourself, shouting in front of guests. Do you have no dignity? Are you thinking of leaving this household? If so, go!"
A rush of words smacked at Benjamin, causing him to feel slightly dizzy. At that moment, he felt that he was a child once again, as if he was pointed with a feather brush while being scolded by his parents after committing a mistake.
This was like a flashback of his childhood terrors!
"I…" he instinctively wanted to argue, but his words were interrupted without any warning.
"What, are you trying to twist your words again? The honor of the Lithur family was all gone because of you! Say, how do you plan to let us face the other nobles in the kingdom? How do you reckon the way the church will judge us now?" Claude’s rage was not subsiding anytime soon.
Immediately, Benjamin shut his mouth tightly, and could not make up the courage to speak anymore.
Anything that could be said at this point would only add fuel to the fire, and would only show Claude how childish and immature he was. It was better for him to face the music with his head hung low.
At least, he did feel some satisfaction after the outburst. An outdated aristocrat stood no chance against him.
It was another middle-aged man who piped up and advised Claude.
"Contain your anger, Duke Claude, as I could see that he knows his mistakes. Just let my son have his revenge, and from today onwards, we will forget what happened. This way, we could prevent the rumors from spreading, too."
The System appeared at the right moment to introduce him. He was Accius Fulner, the head of the Fulner household, father of Dick Fulner.
As a Duke of the Kingdom, he was well-known to be a smooth person. He had much relations in the business world, and was favoured by the present King. When he smiled, his eyes would be hidden behind layers of fat.
Only he could have a say at this time.
Although he seemed to be standing at Benjamin’s side, Benjamin had no plans to be grateful to him. "Let my son have his revenge," would equate that he intended to let Dick pour the chamber pot in his face.
No good person could come from this family.
However, Claude’s attention again had Benjamin in shock.
"If that could solve this matter, that is all that can be done," Claude said after taking a short while to regain his composure.
Dick’s eyes went bright once Claude uttered these words. He held the chamber pot excitedly, as if it was Leonardo holding his Oscars.
"Oh no, you’re going to be a ‘shitman’ now," the System said, its voice so serene it was hard to tell if that was said with chaotic joy or pity.
Benjamin’s face went blue.
He would never ever accept this! No!
He would rather Mister Fulner put down the chamber pot, and have a civil discussion….
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