บท 278: [Chapter 278] Sad Because You’re Sad
Don't worry about those who dislike you, those who belittle your worth. They will surely pay the price. You will be so happy that you won't even remember them.
"Don't think you're alone."
The McKinnon family was secretly saved by him, but they were known to the world as dead, and Ren Fayel wasn't interested in Neris. Her mother would probably have to fake her death soon, too.
But he was still alive, and he was entirely hers. She would never know, though.
He was sad and happy about that fact.
<Dad, what about me? What about me?>
"…Yes, you're here too."
Cledwin smiled at the ball of light, which was sulking as if to remind him not to forget it.
"I'm glad you're here."
<Ahem! Of course! I'm Mom and Dad's daughter!>
The Milky Way flowed across the black sky, and a gentle breeze swayed the dark forest. The three of them quietly stayed together until the pink dawn broke.
As the sky grew sufficiently bright, Cledwin's body began to move on its own. His body, which had returned Neris to the warehouse floor where she had been, locked the door again. It seemed like she was about to wake up.
Cledwin thought his body would leave the scene as it was. Perhaps he in this time had no connection with Neris, who was trapped in the warehouse. But surprisingly, his body gestured and called out to Talprin.
"Yes, Master."
Cledwin's body spoke coldly.
"Pretend you found her by chance and take her out."
Talprin made a strange expression. Why not do it himself? But the most bewildered person was Cledwin himself, who had been robbed of control over his body.
In this world, which was according to Neris's past memories, Cledwin's body moved on its own in two cases. First, when there was a clear risk of an event occurring that was different from her memory. Second, when Cledwin appeared in her memory.
Returning Neris to the warehouse earlier was the first case. But his body had never "spoken" like this in such a case.
'Then.'
His heart skipped a beat. When Neris in his previous life was trapped in the warehouse.
It was he in his previous life who had helped her.
Talprin looked ambiguous, but he replied that he would do as he was told. Cledwin's body immediately left that place.
Only after he was far enough away from Neris that she wouldn't be able to hear his voice did Cledwin regain control of his body. The ball of light chirped happily at him.
<Mom's coming out now, right? Right?>
"…Yes."
Cledwin smiled, basking in the dawn sunlight, the same color as his wife's hair. Surprisingly, he was appearing in her memory quite often.
It was a comfort to him, who didn't know how long he would have to stay here.
***
Time continued to flow.
Cledwin watched as Neris was isolated, without understanding why, because of Valentin and Megara, who became increasingly vicious as she grew up. He had retaliated against the Duke Ricandelos and the Duke Elandria as much as possible with the growing power of Meindlandt, but because of the laws of this world, the two families prospered.
Sometimes he appeared as a very insignificant character in her memory, and sometimes he became the unexpected helper when she was in trouble. It wasn't enough, like a single drop of water given to a thirsty person, but Cledwin thrilled at the sweetness of that water every time he realized that he in this time was connected to Neris.
Even after graduating first because of the age difference, Cledwin always kept an eye on Neris. To be honest, he was only nominally in Meindlandt, and he spent most of his time watching her grow. His subordinates, who were left to manage the duchy, complained, but he didn't care.
Neris, who had lost several secret places to her classmates, visited the pharmacy library. In that place, with the sky, the quiet, and the smell of books, she often closed her eyes and spent time alone. She never found the necklace Cledwin had hidden.
Neris's mother was killed by an assassin sent by Nellusion. Cledwin saved her, or rather, made her death a disguise. It was not long after Neris's Jewel Heart had bloomed.
With a pale face, as if all hope and joy in life had vanished, Neris was adopted by the Elandria family. The Duke and Duchess Elandria, as the heads of a respected family and relatives of the Empire's three largest trading companies, were thriving, and Neris helped them by cutting herself down.
The bright, imaginative girl vanished without a trace. She gradually forgot the meaning of rest. Except for the amount of sleep she needed to survive and the one time she drank tea a day, she spent all her time studying etiquette and politics.
Even the lowly maids in the Elandria family ignored Neris. It was unthinkable for servants to dare treat a princess who had manifested her Jewel Heart and been formally adopted into the family with such an attitude. But there were many ridiculous things in that family. Especially since the two tyrants of the family, the Duchess and Valentin, openly disliked Neris, the maids had to make their attitude clear.
The only one who showed Neris, who was barely surviving day by day in her cold room, a warm attitude was Nellusion. Naive and lonely, Neris quickly fell for Nellusion's hypocritical attitude.
Cledwin painfully realized that she might have loved him very much.
Nellusion, the cunning man, would have known Neris's simple psychology, which brightened up whenever she saw him. He acted as if he had feelings for her too. But it was just a matter of circumstances that it couldn't happen.
Nellusion probably believed that he didn't love Neris at all and was acting very cleverly. He was a great liar. But Cledwin could tell that he, too, might have been a little interested in her.
If he hadn't been, he wouldn't have argued loudly when the Duke said he would send Neris to be the Crown Princess, then passed out drunk. He wouldn't have prepared to sneak Neris away to his own house in the suburbs of the Imperial City.
But Nellusion in this time ultimately agreed to send Neris to the Imperial Palace. The Elandria family seemed so ambitious. It seemed like they would gain so much by sending just her.
Watching the whole process, Cledwin was furious and frustrated with Neris's situation. No matter how hard he tried to approach her, this world wouldn't let them come into contact. At least not while she was conscious.
At some point, Cledwin felt very lonely because he was the only one who remembered his wife, Neris. So he told the ball of light,
"I'm glad you're here."
The ball of light, which had been dimming lately, blinked again and said,
<Ahem! Of course?>
"Are you okay? You seem to be struggling, seeing as your light is dimmer."
<Uh-huh, well, I'm okay.>
Even though it said that bravely, the ball of light flew into Cledwin's chest. Cledwin wrapped his arms around the ball of light, a movement that had become natural after years of doing it.
<Mom is sad because she's sad.>
The ball of light soon started to sob. Cledwin sighed.
He had never really wanted a child. He had just been happy about the news of her pregnancy because he knew Neris wanted a child. That was his nature.
But it didn't seem bad to have someone who could share Neris's story and love her with him.
"Me too."
Me too, I'm sad because my wife is sad.
But it seemed like there was no one else in this world who was sad for Neris. The Imperial family and the Elandria family were happily rushing to prepare for the wedding, and the people, unaware, welcomed the wonderful union.
***
Cledwin hated himself for having to watch Neris break down even faster after the wedding. He hated the people who inflicted pain on her so much that he wanted to kill them. He hated the people who ignored her suffering. And he hated the people who took advantage of the benefits she brought, even as she destroyed herself.
Crown Princess Neris drank to the point of addiction. She was as precarious as a cracked piece of stone barely holding its human form. One day, she even clung to Abelus, who was about to leave after fulfilling his conjugal duty, in a drunken state.
Please don't leave tonight. Stay with me. Neris spoke of it as if it were a lifelong wish, something she was too honored to ask for, when it was something she should have been able to demand as a rightful wife. Even Abelus hesitated.
"Your Highness, Lady Megara has suddenly collapsed."
Abelus might have stayed if Megara's maid hadn't rushed in and reported it, pretending to be in a hurry. But faced with the choice between his drunken, ranting wife and news of his mistress's collapse, Abelus clicked his tongue and left.
Neris wasn't fully asleep yet, but she was definitely unconscious. Cledwin approached her in the empty bedroom, without any proper servants, and called out his wife's name.
"Neris."
Neris opened her eyes slightly and looked at Cledwin. He didn't know how long it had been since they had looked into each other's eyes.
"…Main, Dra, Con…?"
She couldn't even speak properly. Cledwin saw her startled face and smiled sadly. Seeing that she could move her body freely, it seemed like the events of this night wouldn't remain in her memory at all.
He carefully embraced Neris, who was sprawled on the floor. He stroked her disheveled blonde hair and laid her properly on the bed.
"Why, you, this…."
Neris asked, stammering. Cledwin kissed his beloved wife's forehead.
"You drunkard."
It was unusual for her to abstain from alcohol, as most noblemen in the Empire learned to pair food with wine from a young age. It was even more unusual in Meindlandt, where hard liquor was consumed in abundance. So, he had been curious why she didn't drink, but it seemed like this was the reason.
Cledwin pulled the highest quality blanket over her, and Neris curled up like a shrimp and began to sob. Cledwin's heart ached as if it were being torn apart.
"Neris, Neris. Look at me."
Unable to contain his impulse, Cledwin pulled her up and hugged her. Neris stiffened.
As if she had never received such an embrace for a very long time.
"Neris, it's okay. Don't worry. I'm here. I'll get you out of here, I promise."
Whenever that may be.
"You'll be happy. You'll be surrounded by people who love you. You'll live. You'll live better than anyone else."
Her tear-stained, small face trembled in Cledwin's arms.
"I… I… no… one…."
Her voice, broken like raindrops falling one by one, was very small. But Cledwin didn't miss a word his most beloved woman said.
No one loves me.
He refuted her. He could refute her even if he stayed up for days.
"I love you."
"I… don't… mean… anything…."
No one cares if I'm gone. I mean nothing to anyone.
"You are an important person."
"I… am… not… special… to… anyone…."
No one thinks I'm special.
"I can't live without you."
Cledwin whispered it sincerely, several times, but she didn't seem to believe him. She raised her head with difficulty and looked at him calmly, with a wary expression. That stubborn wall.
Neris gave a wry smile. It was the same resigned smile that she, as his wife, used to make in the past, when she was a child.
"I… don't… need… to… be… comforted…."
I don't need to be comforted.
Cledwin swallowed a dry sob. The reason why a strange man, the Duke of Meindlandt, whom the Crown Prince hated most in the world, could freely enter the Crown Princess's quarters was because there was no record of him appearing here and causing a commotion in Neris's memory.
He was saying whatever he wanted, assuming that the events of this night would be completely erased from her memory. But if he tried to take her away right now, his body would probably start moving on its own.
Neris had already closed her eyes and was fast asleep. Cledwin covered her with the blanket again and kissed her forehead, feeling a stronger longing for his wife than ever before.
"Let's go."
<Yes, Dad…>
The ball of light, dejected, clung to Cledwin's shoulder. Cledwin pretended not to notice that the ball of light was still looking at Neris as he walked away.
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