บท 127: Drunk
Xianyue turned slightly, her gaze meeting Bai Pingting's, who had been watching her quietly all along. One hand held her cup of wine, her intoxicated eyes narrowing slightly, a faint smile lingering on her lips. Strands of hair, slightly disheveled, fell across half of her face, adding to her air of lazy elegance. "Sister Pingting, when we return to Feng, I wish for all your hopes to come true."
She raised her cup in a toast to Bai Pingting, a smirk playing on her lips as she arched an eyebrow. "That day isn't far off."
Bai Pingting saw the sincerity in Xianyue's expression but dismissed it as drunken words. The princess was now the wife of the heir to the Lan Kingdom, and before they came here, Bai Pingting had promised the prince and her grandfather to always stay by the princess's side. Xianyue's heart was set on the heir, so how could she easily leave the Lan Kingdom?
Raising her cup, Bai Pingting clinked it gently against Xianyue's, the wine spilling over her hand. Bai Pingting glanced at it briefly, her expression filled with nothing but tenderness, without a trace of reproach. "I only wish for the princess to be forever happy and content."
The prince's greatest joy was the princess's happiness, and thus, it was hers as well. If one day they truly returned to Feng, no matter the cost, she would ensure that the princess stood safely before the Crown Prince.
Xianyue turned away, tilting her head back as she gulped down her wine. The bitter taste lingered on her lips as she mulled over Bai Pingting's words.
Happiness? Contentment? Would she ever have such things again? Could she? One was the person she cherished most, while love for another had already seeped into her very bones. How could she possibly choose between them? No matter what choice she made, it was destined to end in sorrow for all three.
Pain surged in her heart, the ache in her chest growing ever wider, threatening to consume her entirely. She knew all too well that, in the end, no one would be happy. But what could she do? There was no other path left for her.
She hated Liu Xinyou, hated him with such bitterness it made her grit her teeth, hated him so much it brought tears to her eyes. The tears began to fall, and she wiped them away with her left hand, taking a deep breath before slamming her cup onto the table. She filled it with more wine, stood up, and addressed everyone before her. "This cup is for all of you."
"Princess!"
Bai Pingting tugged at Xianyue's sleeve. She knew Xianyue had drunk too much. Even with the princess's famed tolerance, Bai Pingting was certain—Xianyue was now truly drunk. There had been an unsettling feeling all night, as if Xianyue had been purposefully drowning herself in wine.
Xianyue turned, letting out a hiccup, her once-clear gaze now slightly muddled. "The princess has had enough."
Before she could finish, a voice rose from the crowd in protest. "Princess, you're playing favorites!"
Xianyue looked toward Yaar, whose face was flushed crimson in the firelight, as if scorched by the flames. Her wide, innocent eyes glistened like those of a startled rabbit as she pouted, accusing the princess of favoritism she could not comprehend.
"When Sister Yilan toasted you earlier, you drank a whole jug. Now you're toasting all of us, yet you only drink a single cup. Isn't that favoritism?"
At the sight of Yaar's expression, Bai Pingting immediately knew she was drunk. Among them, Yaar was the youngest, barely thirteen years old, her petite frame making her appear no older than ten. Everyone knew she was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. Normally, they would monitor her drinking carefully, but with Xianyue's presence tonight, everyone's spirits were high, as if determined not to leave sober.
"So what do you suggest?" Xianyue's words had barely left her lips when Yaar, mimicking her earlier boldness, smashed her cup and pointed to a large jug of wine nearby. "Drink from that!"
Yaar left her seat, holding the jug with one hand and slamming it onto the table with gusto. "Princess, drink from this!"
Xianyue burst into laughter, grabbing a nearby jug as well. Bai Pingting, growing anxious, tried to take it from her, but Xianyue swiftly dodged her attempt. "Fine, we'll drink from this! Tonight, we drink till we drop!"
The fragrant wine, though lacking the richness of palace brews, was still intoxicating. As Xianyue raised the jug to her lips, its large mouth gaping, it felt less like drinking and more like drowning herself in the liquid. She was determined to numb the pain that gnawed at her heart. If she couldn't, then perhaps she would sober up and confront the gaping wound inside her.
Sooner or later, she would have to choose. The wound would have to be cut open, its festering contents drained so that new skin might grow. It would still hurt, but at least then, she could survive.
The sharp scent of the liquor filled her nose, more overpowering than ever before. The pungency made her want to cry, her nose stinging, as a rush of sensations overwhelmed her all at once. The dizziness, the splitting headache, the sound of splashing wine, and the cheering below all began to fade, while the stifled sobbing grew louder, echoing in her ears, refusing to dissipate.
With a sudden crash, Xianyue dropped the jug, her body swaying unsteadily. Bai Pingting let out a startled cry and rushed forward to catch her.
"Sister Pingting..."
Xianyue turned around, a dazed smile lingering on her face. Her right hand tightly gripped her own arm, and though her face was damp, only she knew those were tears of sorrow and suppression, not the remnants of spilled wine.
She pushed away from her and sat back in her original place. The devout faces below, illuminated by the flickering orange flames, blurred and shifted in the dim light.
"Princess, let me help you back to rest," Bai Pingting said, stepping close to Xianyue. She crouched beside her, wanting to guide her away. Bai Pingting couldn't shake the feeling that something must have happened earlier, but no matter how she asked, the princess refused to speak.
"I'm not going back," Xianyue clutched the table with both hands, unwilling to leave. Her gaze locked onto the hazy faces below. "Are any of you planning to go to bed?"
For those who had hovered on the edge of death, the one who saved them became more than a benefactor—they were their god, their faith. Yet Xianyue had given them not only life but also purpose. Tonight, they sat face-to-face with the person they revered most, drinking and talking. Their spirits were too high to even think of leaving, despite knowing that tomorrow would bring more grueling training.
"Then drink with me. We'll rest half the day tomorrow," Xianyue declared, without seeking Bai Pingting's opinion. She knew she shouldn't indulge like this, but she was exhausted, utterly spent. Her heart, riddled with wounds, yearned for a moment of abandon like before. But now, she no longer had the strength or the courage to let go. Still, she had to keep standing, to prevent herself from crumbling.
She wanted to look at each of the people sitting below her, even if their faces blurred beyond recognition. As long as she knew they were there, she would feel a sense of calm.
"Pingting-jie, sit here," Xianyue patted the spot next to her, gesturing for Bai Pingting to join her. With a glance at Xianyue, Bai Pingting complied, sitting where the princess had indicated. Xianyue leaned her head on her shoulder, silently gazing at the group below, her thoughts wandering to that future day in Fengguo. She imagined the vibrant faces, brimming with life, and felt a faint stirring of her own dormant blood, as if it might ignite and start to boil once again.
In the quiet night, the soft sobs of someone who had drunk too much began to rise, echoing through the still air. A few people huddled together, crying openly.
Xianyue suddenly raised her hand and stood up, swaying unsteadily. Though others might have feared she'd fall, she knew she wouldn't. She took a few steps forward, then sank onto the stairs of the high platform.
"We've all gathered here today because of our misfortunes, and I understand how you feel."
Several of the people below had stopped sobbing and now turned to look at her, tears still streaming silently down their faces.
Watching them cry, Xianyue felt her heart twist in agony. When they were sad, they could hold their sisters and pour out their hearts. But who could she turn to? Her grief threatened to drive her mad, to make her explode, yet she could only bear it in silence. Her vision blurred again, the clarity from a moment ago fading into a white mist, like she was staring through a veil.
"I truly understand how you feel," Xianyue pressed her hand against her chest, feeling the rapid thrum of her heartbeat. She pointed at the group below, her voice rising in a sharp, desperate cry.
Bai Pingting, hands braced on the table, half-rose from her seat but then hesitated, pausing mid-motion. She had intended to persuade Xianyue to rest, but now she found she couldn't. She stared at Xianyue, a young woman not exactly innocent but certainly not old, who bore so much responsibility and pressure. Perhaps it was better for her to vent like this. Whatever had happened earlier that afternoon, maybe this outburst would help.
Maintaining her half-standing position, Bai Pingting suddenly felt an unexpected closeness to Feng Jiulan, a connection in spirit. When it came to the princess, they were all so helpless—not because they didn't want to shoulder her burdens, but because they lacked the ability. All they could do was watch her struggle, pained and powerless, trapped in an endless cycle of guilt and self-reproach. Yet nothing ever changed.
"You all know that I'm different from Ning Yunyan and Hua Chuxue. I wasn't raised in the comfort of Fengguo's palace, where food and clothing were at my beck and call. Since I was old enough to understand, I haven't experienced that kind of life. Wandering, hungry, living in fear—I've endured the same hardships you have. That's why I understand you. Tonight, I allow you to be weak, to cry. But only for tonight. I'll cry with you."
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