บท 3: At A Crossroads
I cocked my head to the side as I felt the body under me starting to turn cold. The cock that was once pressing into me was now completely flaccid. A useless piece of flesh if you asked me.
Then again, no one ever did.
"I don't like to make decisions," I whined, and it was true. Nothing stressed me out more than having to decide something. I think it was because I hadn't ever really done it in my life.
Père told me what to eat, what to cook, what to wear, when to shower, when to use the bathroom, and even when to breathe.
It wasn't until then that it hit me… the consequences of my actions.
With Père gone… who was going to tell me what to do?
Letting out a low whine, I shook Père, trying to get him to wake up.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to the dead body under me; I rubbed my face against his whiskers like he used to enjoy. "I'm sorry."
"Mon ange," grunted the first voice from behind me. "You know he deserved this and more. He wasn't a good man."
"But—" I started, only to be cut off by the second voice.
"You aren't alone in the world. You have us," soothed the second and I wanted desperately to believe him. But we both knew that was merde.
I was alone.
Forever and always… alone.
"You aren't real," I hissed, turning around and frantically looking around the dark room. Some habits were hard to break. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel sunshine coming through the windows in the room. It was still the early evening, but pure darkness would be here soon. And so would my stepbrothers. I needed to be gone before then. "You can't help me, you can't look after me… you can't do anything. I am alone."
My voice broke and I felt the body of Teddy being pushed into my arms by an invisible force. Wrapping my arms around the stuffy, I buried my face in his head.
I had been dreaming for years about killing Père. I fantasized about how I would do it, what cuts I would make, and how I would finally end his life. But now that it was done… I was lost.
"Oh, Little Bit," purred the second voice, no longer calling me his good little girl. I wonder if it was because I had killed someone and I no longer qualified for the title. "It's not that we aren't real. We are very real. The problem is that this isn't our world, and we are very weak. But you called to us; we want to be with you, we need to be with you…even if it is only to see you from afar."
"If you really think that I don't want you in my arms, cuddled on a couch watching television, then you know nothing," grumbled the first voice, and I could hear the longing in it.
Maybe what they said was true. Maybe they did want me.
"You're weak?" I muttered, climbing off Père, making sure not to dislodge Teddy. Walking over to where I knew the window was, I stared trying to picture what our backyard and the bayou looked like from here. "That's why I can only hear your voices?"
"That's right, mon ange," answered the first voice softly. There was almost a purr to it as I felt his breath across my cheek and his chest pressed against my back. Everything inside of me craved him in every way. "We are so very weak. That's why there is only the two of us. We saw you, you know, that night you jumped off the bridge."
I shuddered at the memory of it. I was only four years old at the time, and it was late in November. Maman had been screaming at me for something I had either done or not done; I don't remember what it was. When I asked her how I could make it better, she told me to take a long walk off a short bridge.
I remember thinking that we didn't have any short bridges in O City, but if I walked across a bridge, it would be the same thing… right?
To this day, I could feel the cold waters surrounding me, cutting off my screams as I opened my mouth. Water poured into it and down my throat until I wanted to puke. I tried to swim to the surface, but my arms and legs were too cold.
My eyes scanned the waters in front of me. I knew there had to be gators nearby. They were always slower in the colder temperatures, but that didn't mean they would give up an easy meal if they had the chance.
And I was definitely an easy meal.
My eyes widened as I saw a dark shape in the water coming toward me. I tried to move out of the way, but it was too late.
But I was saved at the last second by a kid, no more than 13 years old. He scooped me up into his arms as one of his friends took on the gator, chasing it away.
He brought me to the surface, but I couldn't stop staring at him, even as he forced the water out of my lungs. From that day forward, he was my Prince Charming and his friend—my white knight.
I never saw the two of them after that, but I would never forget their names…
René Lapierre and Luca LeBlanc—the only two men who had never let me down.
That night was the first time I had heard Voice One and Voice Two, and they were also the reason why maman sold me in the first place. Good girls didn't hear voices in their heads.
My silence stretched as I got lost in the thoughts of my past. "If you are weak, how do you become strong?" I asked, choosing my words carefully. It felt like I was at a crossroads. One direction would give me everything I ever wanted and more, while the other direction was nothing but pain and suffering.
I just wish I knew what direction to go in.
"Is that your wish, mon ange?" whispered the first voice in my ear. I closed my eyes at the promises in those words. The unspoken ones that promised me nothing but pleasure in the dark. "Do you wish for us to become stronger?"
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