บท 18: Talking to myself
I felt something shifting on my arms as I woke up from sleep. The room was still dark, and for a moment, I couldn't tell where I was. The weight on my arms felt small, soft, and warm. Mary was curled up against me, her breathing slow and even, her hand clutching my sleeve as if she was holding on to a lifeline.
I blinked, trying to shake off the haze of sleep. My body was stiff from the uncomfortable position on the couch, and my mind was still foggy with remnants of the strange dreams that haunted me. No, not dreams visions. The green flames, the eyes watching me, the Crawling Chaos… it all lingered at the edge of my thoughts, like shadows that refused to fade.
Mary shifted again, and I carefully extricated my arm from her grasp, trying not to wake her. She murmured something under her breath, her face scrunching up as if she were dreaming too.
I stood up, stretching my sore muscles and glancing around the room. Borak was sitting in the corner, his back against the wall, arms crossed and eyes closed. Even in sleep, he looked tense, like he was ready to spring into action at any moment. His breathing was deep and steady, though, so I figured he was out for the night.
It was the middle of the night, waking up at this time seems a bit of a hassle, i can't get back to sleep.
I brought back the strange weapon from earlier, it was dark grey and looked like a sharp staff.
"Maybe" i muttered until the staff shuddered in dissatisfaction and then became a sword the next moment, I blankly looked at the piece of sentient eldritch Biometal in my hand. why do I feel like I got an unruly child that wants to make his dad proud or something…maybe it was just me.
Atleast it didn't have any eldritch features or so I thought before it suddenly shifted into a much more complex sword designed and felt satisfied, it had an eye as the core.
The weapon in my hand seemed almost smug, if that was even possible for a sword. Its new form was sleek yet intricate, the dark metal now interlaced with veins of glowing green energy, pulsing faintly like a heartbeat. The most unnerving feature, though, was the eye embedded in the core of the hilt. It blinked lazily, as if waking from a long slumber. I could feel it watching me no, studying me, much like the eyes from my vision.
I gripped the hilt tighter, my heart racing. There was a strange connection between us, as if the weapon was more than just a tool it was alive, and it understood me in ways I couldn't yet comprehend.
The eye blinked again, and I swore I felt a surge of emotion from it. Satisfaction? Amusement? It was hard to tell, but whatever it was, the sword seemed pleased with itself.
"Great," I muttered under my breath, "I'm being judged by a weapon now."
The sword's blade shimmered slightly, as if in response to my words. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. It was too late for this kind of existential crisis.
"I feel like a parent dealing with a rebellious kid," I finished, staring at the sword, half-expecting it to change forms again just to prove a point. But it remained still this time, the glowing eye continuing to blink occasionally as if to say, You'll figure it out eventually.
I sighed and the sword in my hand burst into flames returning back to what I definitely assume my soul. I felt my shirt being tugged, Mary seem to have woken up and was tiredly holding the black lamb in its toy form.
Her black and red eyes were half closed as she blinked up at me, still groggy from sleep. "Bad dreams?" she asked, her voice small and thick with exhaustion.
I knelt down beside her, brushing a few stray strands of hair away from her face. "Yeah, something like that," I replied, offering her a soft smile. "Go back to sleep, Mary. I'll be right here."
Mary blinked slowly, her eyes still half-lidded as she processed my words. She hugged the black lamb tighter to her chest, her fingers curling around its worn fur. "Promise?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
"I promise," I said softly, trying to inject as much reassurance as I could into my words. My heart clenched a little, seeing how fragile she looked in that moment. The weight of everything she had been through, everything we both had endured, was starting to show in ways I hadn't noticed before. She wasn't just a child.
Mary nodded, though she didn't seem entirely convinced. She lay back down, pulling the blanket up to her chin, and closed her eyes. But I could tell she wasn't asleep, not yet. Her breathing wasn't steady enough. She was waiting waiting for the assurance that things were calm, that the chaos we were caught in had, at least for the moment, subsided.
I stood there for a while longer, watching her. Outside, the wind howled faintly, a reminder of the world beyond these walls one full of danger, of eldritch horrors lurking just beyond the edges of perception.
I glanced over at Borak again. His eyes were closed once more, but I knew he was awake, just as aware of the fragile peace as I was. The tension in the air was almost tangible, like a storm about to break.
With a deep sigh, I turned and moved toward the small window, peeking through the heavy curtains. The sky outside was an endless void, darker than I remembered. No stars, no moon just a thick, oppressive blackness. It reminded me of the visions, the crawling things in the corners of my mind that whispered of otherworldly horrors. But for now, they were distant, held at bay by whatever thin barrier existed between us and the unknown.
I ran a hand over my face, trying to clear my thoughts.
<But do you need to think that much, I mean you have power, let loose and no one can stop you>
A voice, my voice spoke to me as if silently watching me go through this mental turmoil and insanity slowly corroding me. "If i don't think, I'll be no more than a savage beast who's only drive is to cause non-beneficial chaos and destruction"
<hmm, true, but it is atleast good to get rid of that stress by simply letting loose on something for a while, it's quite dangerous to keep destructive tendencies inside for too long>
I closed my eyes and sighed for a few seconds. "Yeah, i do feel a bit depressed these days, maybe i just need to relax"
<Not what I said…But sure our mind is in a big mess right now, it's surprising you actually developed a second personality at this point>
"I felt you in my head a few days ago, i just didn't think it was actually true" I could really go for a drink right now, maybe getting drunk May numb me for a while.
<Well technically you are talking to yourself and you know all too well these are your own thoughts, you're trying to hypnotize yourself>
The voice then disappeared, merging back into my mind, i went to the sofa and sat near Mary's head. I patted her head as I thought about something,
I haven't eaten in a long time nor have I drank water, eh whatever I leaned back against the sofa, my thoughts drifting in the silence. The strange conversations in my head were becoming more frequent, and I couldn't tell if it was the stress, the eldritch influence, or just my mind fracturing under the weight of everything. Maybe all of the above. But right now, I needed to focus on what was real. Mary. Borak. The dark, looming threats outside these walls.
I slowly drifted into sleep but before I could, I saw a small white hairless cat with an alien like face staring at me curiously, At first i thought it was the pet of the Outer gods, Bast but then I also realized if the Scp foundation exists.
A certain overpowered cat girl is probably the one who's watching me. "Scp-040-Jp"
I felt a mix of disbelief and intrigue as I gazed at the small, hairless cat with its otherworldly features. The alien-like face seemed to study me, its large eyes glinting with a mixture of curiosity and mischief. For a moment, the tension in the room melted away, replaced by an absurdity that felt almost comforting.
"Okay," I said softly, still half-asleep, "I must really be losing it if I'm seeing SCPs in my living room."
The cat blinked slowly, unfazed by my incredulity. I couldn't help but chuckle, despite the heaviness in my chest. "What's next? A talking toaster?"
The cat moved closer, its body sleek and fluid, almost gliding across the floor. It sat down a few feet away, tilting its head as if it understood my absurdity and was ready to play along.
"Are you here to help me or just to mock me?" I asked, shaking my head at my own foolishness.
It opened its mouth, and instead of a meow, a soft, melodic chime resonated, filling the room with an unsettling yet oddly pleasant sound. As if it was responding to the chaos swirling in my mind, the chime echoed with a strange clarity.
Just then, the oppressive darkness outside pressed harder against the walls, the earlier thuds and scrapes escalating into a frantic assault. The room trembled as something huge collided with the door, sending a shudder through the floorboards.
"Feels like something big, sigh"
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