บท 76: Distraction
It was not for nothing that I was making light and noise grenades today, and I hadn't even planned to go out at night, given Mouse's arrival. Fucking First and his creator Hugo. Why do you have to ruin people's vacations? I want to disembowel them brutally, hanging their organs like festive garlands so that others won't have to. Though one of them has already gone over the edge, and I doubt very much, given the nature of the injuries, that he did it quickly and painlessly.
Cussing to myself at the two freaks, I changed into my superhero costume and raked my pockets for useful things: a stock of napalm grenades, without which I never leave the house without (the memory of the helitzers snapping in my face still gives me the shivers), flash drives, mana-filled diamonds, a set of metal cards for throwing, and, of course, a cane with a bent head for mobility. It doesn't seem like much, but there's a little less than a liter of free space left.
After checking that the cloak fit and that the runes had not been erased, I went down to the lobby to see a fascinating scene. Two beauties were looking at each other's outfits with delight. Harley's costume looked much cooler in real life than it did in those fifteen photos, and her hair had a golden color and shimmered a little in the light, which the photos couldn't show.
Mousey's costume, or rather Batgirl's, has also changed for the better, both in terms of security and beauty.
It's worth starting with the fact that Gloomy Mouse seems to have been generous with normal materials for his student, because the usual over-stitched clothes with inserts of Kevlar plates, swiped from Dad's work, were replaced by a one-piece suit of black color with yellow elements, made of the same material as Bats' clothes. It perfectly emphasized the girl's magnificent forms, did not restrain her movements, but could help her survive a gunshot. Naturally, not without consequences, but better a huge bruise that would take a couple of weeks to go away than a hole in the body unintended by nature.
The costume was very good, it could even be called perfect if it weren't for the mask with "horns" that did little to hide the face.
Yeah, what kind of disguise was there if the redhead hadn't done anything to her gorgeous hair, and the only thing that made it hard to identify her was the blue lenses inserted in her eyes.
"Mr. J, are you sure we should really go out on a cold night when we could stay home and make the most of the evening?" Harley slowly approached Mousey, running her palm over her taut tummy. The young heroine herself didn't stay long, touching her friend's silky, eye-catching hair.
"I wonder the same thing, but to my deepest regret, the city is in danger. Let's go before the unrest spreads to the neighboring districts," my heavy, frustrated sigh was accompanied by two more.
Huh, funny thing is Barbara doesn't want to go now either. We spoiled her. Oh, I almost forgot!
"Sunshine, don't we still have unicorn vomit?
"That's right! Babs, follow me," my lovely assistant briskly set off toward the kitchen.
"I'm not very inspired by the name," despite the doubt in her voice, the commissioner's daughter followed Harley to watch curiously as the Valkyrie cheerfully unloaded the refrigerator until a large pot was proudly placed on the table.
"Here. You just have to dip your head in here," my beloved said with a satisfied smile.
"I'm having second thoughts," Barbara moved gingerly closer, looking at the strange iridescent substance.
"You don't trust us?!
Mousey glanced expressively at our couple, then suddenly smirked.
"Trust. Oh, if they'd told me a year ago that the Joker and Harley Quinn would become my significant others, I never would have believed it," her cheeks flushed.
To hide her embarrassment, the redhead quickly pulled off her mask and, gaining more air in her chest, dipped her head into the mysterious liquid.
"Ugh, it tastes awful," she said, pulling herself up and casually licking her lips, then ran her palm through her hair, surprised to find it completely dry and looking exactly the same. - Now tell me, what was supposed to happen?
"It's simple magic," I touch one of the girl's curls and send out a weak pulse of mana, causing her hair to take on a golden color like Sailormoon's.
"Wow, that's amazing!" Barbara looked at her transformed hair with delight. - Thank you! It's much better than a wig!
Harley and I took turns kissing each other on the lips, and we started spitting, trying to get rid of the bitter taste.
"Jay, now you just have to tell me everything," I was stared at with eyes full of determination.
"On the way, or I'm afraid Blackport will be a goner," I headed toward the garage, gathering all my willpower, otherwise the two sexy, golden-haired beauties might as well make me throw away my superhero career and the forty free points I'd been promised for fixing the situation.
The ride on Aston was fun, and all because of the look on Mouse's face as we recounted our adventures, starting almost from the time of the fight with the fake Doomsday. Eh, those were the times... But the redhead has to do something with the mask, because it doesn't practically prevent him from seeing his emotions, and it hides him from the attentive gaze, considering that her nose is even open. Okay, today I'll split a couple of diamonds for a normal disguise, and next time I'll think of something less energy-consuming.
On the way our car once changed color for a couple of minutes, and at the expense of my mana, and then we still got to the desired column of the bridge, in which at our approach opened a secret entrance.
Inside, everything was furnished to the highest standards, not even the usual transit point, where Gloomy Mouse kept only a small part of his toys. A rotating round platform for transportation with the Batmobile standing on it, several stands full of gadgets, and a huge monitor screen with the bat logo burning on it.
We had just managed to get out of the car and reach the gun racks when an altered mechanical voice came from the speakers under the ceiling.
"Greetings, heroes. My name is Oracle, and I assist Batman in his endeavors. Unfortunately, he has disappeared, so now only you can save Gotham. In this shelter you will find everything you need, - Alfred obviously didn't think much about the right agitation for Mouse, but she was still impressed.
"Uh, what do you mean missing?" Batgirl looked shocked at the computer screen.
"Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing," I slapped my forehead. - Remember, I told you about the encounter with the Court of Owls assassins? So, they, most likely, are somehow involved in the disappearance of Bats. And the fact that Mysh suddenly became unavailable was one of the good reasons for our trip, or I might have thought of an excuse to get out of it.
"That's news... - Babs leaned on the railing around the turntable. - What's gonna happen to the crime rate now? The city will descend into chaos.
"Well, well, well, don't exaggerate. Bats, of course, does a lot for Gotham, but most of the gangsters are ordinary people, and a cop with a gun would be enough against them, besides, almost all the meth are in Arkham now, though even against them a regular firearm would be enough, not heavy artillery in the form of a man in latex. But, just in case, you'd better keep his disappearance under wraps," I advised, distracting myself from looking at the Batmobile.
Judging by the fact that some buttons on the holographic panel became inaccessible, Bruce's butler decided to limit access to the systems, which is very sad, because I would not have refused to fire once from the main caliber, which looks like a large cannon running through almost the entire hull.
"Sailor came up to Batgirl with a cat hook and a supply of various batarangs in her hands, taken from the nearest booth. - You'd better fill your pockets with these funny things, or Bats will definitely come back, and we won't have such access to freebies anymore.
I don't know if the elderly Briton regrets letting us in here at all, but while I was getting to grips with the car's controls, reading the instruction manual kindly displayed on the screen, my companions obviously listened to the voices of their inner hamsters and raked up about two thirds of the gadgets, filling the Aston's interior and their spacious pockets with spatial expansion. Ha ha ha, and with the Fordic we would have taken everything out altogether, but apparently not fate.
After some more packing, our unlikely trio set off, but not along the usual road, but through an underground tunnel leading to the main city. Now I could see why his mouse hadn't been found out yet, because his car was always supposed to go back to Bristol, and there were a couple of discreet autonomous cameras, and anonymity was forgiven.
***
With speed, incredible maneuverability, power and, of course, a bunch of cool stuff, most of which we don't have access to, the Dark Knight's car is hurtling towards Blackport with the coolest heroes on board (one of them is in the top three, second only to Goddess). It's not long before the various criminal elements feel the pain of the fists of justice and the baseball bat of justice.
According to police reports, things are not going well for Gordon's charges. Bandits have managed to take over the local branch of the police, taking possession of firearms. Well, captured from a secret hideout high-tech glasses and the help of Alfred, watching the situation through cameras, will help to choose the priority targets.
~Vroom~
With a roar of the engine, the Batmobile bounced a little, passing the police barrier, holding back the oncoming holiday-colored bastards.
"In the name of Good! Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Laughing happily, Sailor began firing her taser, mounted on the hood, shooting off the criminals who had scattered, while I just "crushed" them to the soft encouragement of Batgirl, who seemed a little ashamed of her reaction.
Intelligent systems did not allow them to do much damage to people, but when approaching the fleeing enemies, the body of the car gave out a heavy discharge, sending them to the land of nightmares.
"Ladies, just as we agreed," I smiled, hitting the big red button and being catapulted through the opening hatch. It was done on purpose to maintain the legend that Bats was still in service.
In the air, the straps snapped off, but instead of going into freefall, I landed clearly on the roof of a low building, doing a somersault, finally shedding speed.
I glanced back at the two girls in the carnage, and then waved my cloak in a pathetic manner, running towards the local station, where the main concentration of armed bandits is located.
Running across rooftops using a cloak-planner and cane is awesome. When moving between neighborhoods, streets occupied by criminal elements wreaking havoc flicker underfoot, but they're not my concern for now. Honestly, it's amazing that the SWAT team and police can't do much about it. One powerful onslaught is really enough here, and the criminals will simply run away, having no normal centralized control.
I soon reached my destination and sat on the parapet, activating the goggles I'd grabbed at Bats' base to note any armed men glimpsing through the windows. Alfred had managed to access the few surviving cameras inside, so I was aware that the building was now being hastily mined, setting a trap, for Batman. Heh, you've got the wrong guy!
"The city is mired in crime. The last ray of sunlight has disappeared over the horizon, and the streets of Gotham are filled with various scum. Only a few brave heroes stand guard, protecting the civilians and keeping a night watch...
"Knight," the Oracle called to me quietly over the comms. - They're going to connect the fuses.
"Oh shit!" I was too much into myself, deciding to give a perfect pathos heroic speech to rehabilitate myself, and my past appearance was, frankly, not very good. - Fight!
A jump, a soft flap of my cape in the wind, and I'm a swift dash across the roof of the police station. When you know what to expect, and you've practiced the wide streets properly before, the landing is almost perfect.
"Uhm... - the criminal who cushioned my fall tries to get up from the floor, but a gentle kick to the head sends him to sleep.
Okay, the landing didn't come out too well from the height difference, but don't judge me, it's only my second full attempt at planning, plus this time I didn't get tangled up in my cloak and even gave a normal pathos speech.
Thinking about it didn't stop me from quietly knocking out another bastard on the other side, so now it was time to go downstairs... There's not much room to turn around in the corridors, so you should choose your route carefully.
That's why I love the local architecture, because of the high ceilings, which are practically unlit by the lamps hanging closer to the floor. From gargoyle to gargoyle, then to the huge ventilation box, following the virtual map displayed on the screen of my glasses, and here I am, next to the bound hostages, whom someone has kindly wrapped with explosives. Thank the creator, so far inactive.
"Your friends are near," Alfred said, tracking our movements.
"All right, Sailor, Mouse, you provide the distraction, I'll save the cops.
"Ha-ha-ha! I got it, - cheerfully responded my faithful companion, who all this time never ceased to spread boundless goodness, justice and peace, by means of a taser.
After a couple of minutes of languid waiting, screams of pain, the crackle of discharges, the sound of gunfire, and the squeal of tires began to echo outside. Suddenly, there was a loud bang and the building shook quite a bit. The people holding the hostages rushed to the windows to see what had happened.
Eh, looks like my loved ones are allowed to fire the main caliber after all. All right, no time to dwell in the clouds. I'm out.
~Nodding, nodding, nodding, bang, bang! ~
The light and noise grenade bounced off the floor a couple of times and exploded, disorienting the enemies who didn't have time to react. Two more grenades with special hardening foam, similar to Spider-Man's web grenades, are sent to both exits of the room, preventing the arrival of reinforcements, and I jump down next to one of the enemies and slam his head against the wall, then again, causing him to pass out and drop the wrench. Strange choice of weapon, considering the normal firearms available at the station, though I'd noticed earlier that some of the bastards I'd met today were armed with various locksmith tools, as if to show they belonged to some sort of movement. Heh, locksmithing, a movement.
One of the freaks suddenly decides to start shooting at random, raising his machine gun, so a card is stabbed deeply into his hand, causing him to scream in pain.
Without any more distractions, in twenty seconds I'm dealing with the rest of the thugs in the room, who have behaved a little more sensibly, not making any attempt to use firearms.
Oh, it was actually quite difficult to knock them all out, not in terms of danger, although there was some, but in terms of restraining myself. I had to attack my limbs on purpose, because my body's reflexes were always trying to maim someone, if not to kill them, at least to cripple them: to poke them in the eye with the point of a cane, to cut a tendon on a conveniently bent knee, or to slash a card across their throat. It was a wonder how the former owner of the body had been able to train such a set, it was not a year of full-fledged training for the muscles to be able to memorize everything.
"You're not Batman," said one of the cops with a swollen eye as I began to free him from his restraints.
"I'm much cooler since I don't wear tight tights. Hmm, I'm gonna call you the Eagle Falcon for being observant.
The other hostages laughed softly, appreciating the joke.
"Well, you can do it without me," I said, untying the policeman, "arm yourselves and try to hold at least this room, and I'll go on catching criminals.
Following the superhero code, I immediately climbed outside through the window without listening to any words of thanks and jumped down to where the parked Batmobile, driven by Batgirl all this time, was waiting for me.
"Why are we standing there, who are we waiting for?" I asked the obvious question as I came closer.
"It's already done," Mousey looked thoughtfully at the area in front of the station, which was strewn with groaning bodies. - As soon as we arrived, they quickly began to scatter. The SWAT team and police had already moved deep into the neighborhood, bagging the criminals.
"Yeah, that's not good. If they're scattering, they've already accomplished their mission.
"You're right," the Oracle joined the conversation. - The news about the escape of three dangerous patients from Arkham Hospital, and the information that someone has removed several tons of hazardous chemical waste from Ace Chemical's territory... just came in.
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