บท 2: where Are His Feelings?
I walked with Liam, my little white cat. I didn't understand why my little sister named him Liam.
Now I am on my way home, thinking about the unknown future. Starting next Sunday, I will enter high school and meet new people at the new school.
"Can I make friends this time?" I muttered to myself in the evening.
I gazed at the orange sky that would soon turn dark. Some people who had just returned from work were heading back to their homes.
I lowered my head to the people I met, assuming they were my neighbors, even though I didn't know them. At least I hoped that they would remember my face and strike up a conversation with me someday.
"Meow~...," Liam looked sleepy.
I started carrying him because he seemed to be dozing off at that moment, making his walk uncertain.
Besides, he was very peculiar. He kept scratching the door of my house just to signal that he wanted to go out. In the end, it was my mother who found Liam like that and asked me to accompany him.
"Take Liam for a walk, you Don't have anything else to do right?" my mother said before I left.
The truth hurts. That's why when I heard that, I felt a bit hurt. But I held it in because she was my mother, and there was no point in hating my own mother just because of her words.
If only everyone in the world were like me and knew that. Maybe I would never be afraid to speak up anytime and anywhere to anyone. But unfortunately, everyone has different thoughts.
Suddenly, someone hugged me from behind and shouted.
"William!" Embracing me from behind and hanging onto me like a monkey, he looked at the sleeping cat I was carrying and said, "woah, Liam is here too! Are you guys going for a walk?"
"Yes, you're right. But right now we want to go home."
She started getting off my back.
"Hmm... So, going for a walk... But why in the evening? It's almost night, you know?"
"Just ask Liam himself."
"Ehh? Can Liam communicate telepathically? I didn't know he was an esper animal."
SHe started trying to talk to Liam. While Liam just responded with his "meow" every now and then.
This silly girl's name is Beatrice, she is my childhood friend since we were babies. That's because our parents are also friends.
I don't mind that, I just hope they don't casually decide our engagement just because they are friends. It would be very disturbing, and I'm sure Beatrice thinks the same way... Maybe...
"Hey Will... Are you lying to me? He doesn't want to talk to me!"
"Maybe he doesn't like you..."
"Huh? Why?"
"Maybe because you always act weird when you greet me everytime."
"Ahaha... Sorry, seeing your back from behind makes me want to startle you, ehehe... It's a habit..."
"You should stop that habit. Besides me, other people will be disturbed and end up hating you for it."
Beatrice's face looked angry, then she pouted and muttered, "that doesn't mean I do it to anyone other than you."
"So, you only act like that in front of me. It seems like I have built trust between us quite well."
Beatrice looked embarrassed as she yelled, "D-did you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"N-nothing, just forget it..."
After that, she became quiet. It made me a little curious. Did I do something wrong to her?
It seems like it's because I listened to what she mumbled earlier. Should I pretend not to hear?
This is a lesson for me, thanks Beatrice. But the problem now is not just that. I don't want to lose the relationship we've maintained for years.
Although I know that Beatrice will probably return to normal the next day and start acting like herself again. But I don't want to worry about her all night just because of this. Instead of worrying about her all night, it's better to take action.
That's why I asked her, "hey, do you have any plans tomorrow?"
"Eh? What? Why all of a sudden?"
"Just answer my question."
"I don't have anything, I just have a piano lesson in the evening for 3 hours and then go home. Thinking about it made me realize that I'm a lazy person during this holiday. Ugh... Thinking about it makes me realize that I'm a lazy person."
"You? Lazy? Do you think someone who has piano lessons almost every day is lazy?"
"To be honest, I don't want to have piano lessons. It's just that I don't want to seem lazy. At least I have an activity to use as an excuse for that. Ehehe..."
So, now I understand. Beatrice is lazy, but she is a lazy person who feels ashamed. I think it's not too bad to be lazy if you still feel ashamed. Rather than being a lazy person who has no shame and continues to be lazy without doing anything.
"Hey, Will..." Beatrice suddenly started talking to me.
"What?"
"About what you asked earlier. Why did you ask that?"
"Ah... I almost forgot, sorry..."
"Wait, are you trying to express your feelings to me? Ahaha... Forget what I said."
"Expressing feelings? Maybe you're right."
"Eh? Ehhh?...," Beatrice looked surprised by my answer.
Beatrice stopped walking and stared at me with a strange expression. While I, who still wanted to explain something, also stopped.
"Is something wrong?"
Beatrice looked shy as she said, "I-I think it's too soon for that... Aren't you ashamed?"
"Eh? Why? Since we were born, we've been together, why should I be ashamed when I want to express my desires?"
"But... I... My heart is not ready!" She said, closing her eyes before she seemed to realize something and began to open her eyes, asking, "express your desires?"
"Yeah, you're right, I want to treat you to something sweet tomorrow. Don't you have anything to do other than piano lessons in the evening? In that case, we can go to the cafe you like at 8 pm. How about it? Are you in?"
"Will..."
"What?"
"Didn't you say you wanted to express your feelings?"
"Yes, so what? What's the difference between expressing feelings and desires? Aren't desires also based on feelings? What were you thinking that made you misunderstand? Did you misunderstand?"
She suddenly lowered her head and called my name tremblingly, "Will~..."
"What?"
She cried and said, "you just keep giving me hope over and over again. But... In the end! In the end... Hiks.. hiks..."
"Eh? Wait, why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"
She slapped me and ran away screaming, "you fool! Just die! Trash!"
I accepted her slap because I knew I had to accept it.
Forgive me, Beatrice... I know you like me. But as long as I am still unsure about my feelings for you, I will continue to act as like i don't know everything like this.
Because by doing so, you will also be unsure about my feelings and be afraid to express your feelings to me for fear of rejection. It is the best way to be foolish in a situation like this.
If that's what it takes to maintain our current relationship, I don't mind being called a fool by you. Because that means I have succeeded in making you think that way.
Beatrice... Forgive me... And if possible, keep liking me... And wait for me until I find the colors in my life again...
Until then... Maybe when that time comes, I will be able to answer your feelings firmly.
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