บท 89: chapter - 89 : A Cloak of Secrets part - 2
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Potter?"
I recoiled, scrambling back against the wall and looking up through tear-filled eyes. Surprise momentarily stopped my sobs as I catalogued black robes that nearly blended into the darkness, a sallow face, and dark eyes that made me burn with horror and shame.
Of all the people to find me like this, it had to be him.
"P-Professor Sn-Snape," I sobbed out, heaving myself up the wall. I staggered against it, swaying a little even with its support as I gasped for breath so hard I nearly threw myself off balance. I plastered a wide smile on my face. My face was so stretched when all it wanted was to crumple that it hurt. "F-F-F-Fancy seeing y-y-you here."
"Potter," Snape repeated, stepping forwards and grabbing me by my shoulders, pulling me around to face him. I saw his eyes roaming over my face. "What the bloody hell happened to you? Are you injured?"
"N-No, sir," I replied, that painful grin still in place. "I-It's just been a b-b-bad night, s-s-sir."
"What happened?" Snape snapped. "And wipe that foolish look off your face, girl!"
For once, I didn't listen. "S-Sorry sir, if I d-d-do, I think I'll s-start s-sobbing again."
Snape arched one eyebrow. "And what has you sobbing like a heartbroken Hufflepuff?" he asked slowly, daring me to defy him on this.
"I-I've just come to the r-r-rather h-horrible realization that I-I-I'm a t-t-terrible person, s-sir," I announced brightly. That smile didn't hurt quite so much anymore. It was almost like the stupidness of it was sinking into my brain and dulling my mind just enough to babble like I was without it hurting.
Snape blinked. He wasn't expecting that. "And what, pray, has brought you to this conclusion?"
"C-C-Can't s-say, sir. D-Don't want t-to get in m-m-more trouble. Funny thing, i-isn't it?" I muttered thoughtfully. "So m-many people try so hard to be as good as they c-can, myself included, and then to realize that I… I'm not like that. S-Strange."
Snape straightened up slightly, plucking his wand from within his teaching robes and waving it over me. He was muttering spells under his breath. I didn't know what I was doing, but I could guess.
"'m not under a s-spell, sir. And I haven't drank a potion," I said, stepping away from his wand. Snape examined me from head to toe, eyes gleaming in the blackness.
"Then what, exactly, has brought you to this self-discovery?" Snape asked shortly. "Was it something someone said to you?"
"Oh n-n-no," I choked out. The tears built up again, tightening my throat. "F-F-Funnily enough, i-i-it was my p-p-p-parents, sir."
And then I lost it, the sobs coming out full-force. I remembered my parent's hands on my shoulders in the mirror, how I'd tried to imagine the warmth of it. In an odd twist of fate, Snape had grabbed me almost the exact same way. Maybe that was why I lunged at him, wrapping my arms around his middle and sobbing into his teaching robes like a Hufflepuff.
"Potter?" his voice was strangled, with what I couldn't tell. It might have been surprise, or anger, or maybe I was just squeezing tighter than I realized.
"S-S-Sorry, sir," I cried. "C-Can't help it."
His hands hovered awkwardly over me and I could just imagine the expression on his face, torn between anger and disgust. But then he dropped his arms. One hung limply at his side, and the other hand rested on my shoulder.
"Potter," he said, his tone absolutely dripping superiority, just like it did in class. "It's rather arrogant of you to assume you know more of your parents than I do. After all, you've never met them, and I have. And did I not tell you that they would be quite pleased with some of the things you've done here?"
"Y-Y-Yes, sir. S-S-Sorry, sir."
"Then you think me a liar?"
"N-N-No, sir!"
"Then do me the courtesy of assuming I haven't simply lied to you for my own amusement and trust my words. Whatever put the idea of your parents finding you to be a bad person, I can assure you, is less of an authority on the subject than I."
"Y-Y-Yes, sir. Th-Th-Thanks, sir."
Slowly, his words sinking in, I was able to pull away, wiping at my eyes. Snape was right. As usual. The mirror may know me, but it didn't know my parents. No matter who I was or what I was, even if I was the way I was, even if I wasn't as good as they had been, they were my parents. They would love me if only because I was their daughter. And somehow, that made it okay, knowing that even if I was all those horrible things and more, they would still have loved me.
As the horror at myself faded, embarrassment and chagrin were quick to replace it. I had broken down into a sobbing mess, and, even worse, it had been in front of Snape. I had hugged him and sobbed into his robes, for Merlin's sake! I felt terrible, standing there in front of my professor with my hands folded in front of my stomach, a few aftershock sobs breaking loose of my quivering lips. My eyes were sore and my head was throbbing from crying to hard.
I felt truly wretched.
"Sorry, sir," I muttered, finally managing to speak without stuttering. Snape grunted, spinning on his heel. His robes spun around him, nearly smacking me in the face.
"Come, Potter. I must return you to the Common Room."
I smiled slightly, following Snape out of the passageway. "Right, sir. Of course, sir."
Christmas holidays went. Harry had tracked me down the day after we found the mirror and asked in concern why I had fled the room and if I'd made it back to the common room okay. I just said it was too much, seeing our family like that, and yes, I got back to the Common Room without much trouble. Which was the truth, or at least, the answers to the questions he'd asked.
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