บท 2: And where depression consumes

She was awake for the next few hours. She tried to sleep but it decided to hide from her.

Depression was eating her alive and she didn't know what to do about this.

She knew that she was ruining herself for someone else. She knew that she was ruining her life but he was the one to take blame off.

Around three, the door opened. It was him, again.

But this time, his eyes were red. It's as if he's angry or maybe he was drunk. She couldn't point out but whatever it was, she was scared of him.

She knew that a drunk him was a bad news. He was way more cruel when he's drunk.

He kills her.

He came closer and she could smell his breath. He was drunk.

"Why did you leave me? You could have asked for money if you needed it. Why did you have to steal from me? Why Nivea?" He asked, his eyes were carrying so much pain in them that for a few seconds, she forgot about her scars.

"I am sorry. I am here now. Please forgive me," she said, pulling him in for a hug and he returned the hug.

Only if he knew that she was Heaven, not Nivea.

Heaven loved Nivea. She was the sweetest sister ever. But in times like these, she wishes that Nivea was never born.

Her mouth filled up with bitterness. She felt horrible for wishing something like that for her own sister but she was the reason why she was here in the first place.

Only if Nivea hasn't been selfish.

He felt asleep like a little baby, with a smile on his face.

She has never seen him happier. Nivea isn't here yet she's more present than Heaven.

Heaven's presence seemed worthless. Her heart was crying while she continued to slowly play with his hair.

He would never let her touch his hair if he's not asleep. She chuckled at the thought of how he would glare at her if he gets to know that she ran her hands through his hair.

Despite him being the reason behind all of her pain, he was the same person who could bring her peace.

She felt asleep as well.

The next day, she woke up with a jerk. The reason is someone spilled cold water all over her face.

She looked before her eyes and noticed that it was a few strippers from the club.

"Hey w*ore, what are you still doing here? Should you leave right after selling your body for money?" One of them said in a mocking tone.

The others laughed like she just cracked a joke.

Most days, Heaven is patience but today wasn't going to be a day like that.

"I saw you sucking a guards d*ck for fifty dollars last night. At least, I get a huge amount for my body. I am expensive while you are cheap. So cheap that everyone can afford you," she said and the other girl looked at her with shocked eyes.

"B-but-"

"I know that you told him to keep it a secret between you two but even walls have ears, you know," she said with a smirk.

The other girls started whispering.

"The show has ended. Now leave," she said while clapping her hands.

The girls threw her a nasty look before leaving.

She chuckled.

She might be the one selling her body but they weren't any better.

Nobody in this underworld was innocent. The moment someone starts flashing money before you, no matter how many morals you have, you are going to do everything to grab the money.

She freshen up and got clothed before moving out of the club. Her head as high as possible.

She knew that her job was a one that had the least dignity but she wasn't going to feel guilty for chasing after her happiness.

She went to her home. It was empty and she sighed.

She didn't like the people at the club but it was still better than coming back to a home where no one is waiting for you.

She was getting paid handsomely but what was she going to do with all of the money if she don't have anyone to take care of?

She could feel her stomach growling. She patted her stomach with a smile.

"I will get you some food right away," saying this she moved to the kitchen.

She had everything she loves to eat in her kitchen. It has always been her dream since her childhood.

She grew up in a poor family. Her family couldn't afford to give food to her and Nivea.

Most of the days, they would make just enough for one and that would go to Nivea.

They loved her just as much as they loved Nivea, there's no doubt. But Nivea was the fragile one.

She was too weak to fight for herself. That's why they always look after her more.

Despite growing up in puberty, they were happy.

Until their parents were murdered by a mafia gang because they failed to return the money that they took.

Heaven and Nivea was old enough for their parents to share their sorrows with them but perhaps, they couldn't as they thought that they have failed as their parents.

Her eyes filled up with tears as memories came rushing to her mind. Her throat started to tighten and she felt like she was having a hard time breathing.

She looked up after hearing a familiar voice.

"Don't cry, my sweet angel. I love you. We are always going to be with you," her mother said.

"Mom," she smiled before rushing towards her mother to hug her but before she could touch her, she disappeared.

Heaven sat on a chair with a thud. She was slowly but surely becoming crazy.

She would start to imagine her parents whenever she's missing them too much.

Maybe that was a side effect of being alone.

She looked back at the food. She didn't feel like eating anymore but her stomach was still growling.

Her heart and stomach wasn't going on the same road. She knew that if she doesn't eat now then she will feel weak later.

She might even pass out and there's no one to look after her. She can't afford to get sick.

With a heavy heart, she gulped down the food. It seemed tasteless but she had to give her stomach what it needs.

She went to her room. It was luxurious. She never dreamt of having such an beautiful apartment, all by herself.

If her family was still with her, she would be able to show them around. Her parents would be proud of her.

All of a sudden, the entire world came crashing on her shoulders and she felt like crying her heart out.

But she couldn't cry. She gave her mother her words that no matter what happens, she will never cry.

She didn't want to break the last words that she gave to her mother.

She took a notepad. It was a old one. Only a few pages were left untouched.

The others were filled with the same sentence.

"Don't cry. You promised her that you won't."

She filled up a page with the same sentence. Her heart was crying but she refused to let tears drop from her eyes.

She was feeling so hopeless and helpless. She was frustrated beyond words.

One shoulder is what she needed at that moment. Someone that she would be able to call her own.

She wanted to share her pain with someone else to lighten up her heart but it wasn't possible.

Not when she never had someone who truly cares enough to know about her heart's condition.

The screen of her phone lighten up and all of her sadness flew by.

"Him"

It was him, the love of her life. He is the one who gives her peace in her miserable life.

Despite everything, she finds herself expressing herself fully only before him.

Yet he's the one from whom she's been hiding.

He was her savior yet at the same time, he was the one who was ruining her.

She picked up the call.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"My home."

"I will be there in a few minutes." And then he cuts the call.

The only person other than her who has been to her home is him.

He has come here a few times. The only reason till now was to f*ck her.

According to him, she was the only person who won't catch any feelings for him.

But little did he knew that she was head over heels for her. She remembered how she met him even before Nivea did and had a little crush on him from the very starting.

She couldn't confess her feelings back then, she won't be able to do it now either.

She was thinking about how messed up this whole situation was. He loves her sister who got a few features that are the same as her's but their eyes were different color.

Her's one's were forest green while Nivea has baby blue eyes. She loved her eyes but Nivea was the one who would get compliments on her eyes.

She would feel happy for her sister but deep inside, she also wanted someone who would praise her.

She closed her eyes, imagining Nivea looking at her with a hurtful look.

"I left and you wrapped your arms around my lover. Don't you feel disgusted? How can you do this? You know that despite you being in his bed, I am forever going to be the one in his heart," she spat.

Heaven opened her eyes with a gasp. She knew that it was a selfish move but she was selfish.

She never received love from anyone other than her parents to return that love.

Nivea loved her but her love wasn't selfless either.

While she was busy in daydreaming, he has already entered.

"Your house is too clean. If I didn't know that you live here, I would think that it's empty," his voice was a little heavier than usual.

Eyes were still red.

Memories started to hit Heaven even harder.

She remembered how he used to wore a bracelet with the beads being the same color as Nivea's eyes.

She looked at his wrist. It wasn't there.

She came to a conclusion that it must be in one of his tables drawer. She smiled bitterly.

She realized how her overthinking has hurt her and made her cry more than anyone else could even touch. Yet at the same time, something as simple as this was making her heart bleed more than her eyes were capable of.

He was just staring at her. He didn't bother asking anything about her bitter smile.

"Perhaps I am living like a ghost," she said, for the first time her eyes were directly looking into his ones.

His brown eyes were like mud while her eyes were like grass. It's as if they always belonged together.

It's as if they were forever meant to be.

She realized how true her sentence was. She was indeed living like a ghost, ghost of Nivea's memories.

Her heart desperately needed a distraction and judging by his eyes, he needed the same thing.

Without wasting another second, he pulled her into his arms, touching her lips with his.

He didn't bother stopping himself from being aggressive. At that moment, she didn't want someone to treat her with softness, even though it would be a kind thing to do.

But she needed roughness. She needed someone to remind her that she was a warrior. All of these weren't going to take her down.

It was almost funny about how they could understand each other without any words leaving their lips yet they couldn't see what's going inside of their hearts.