บท 89: Echoes of the Past
Since it was almost dark Harry pulled the tarp the camp pad and the sleeping bag from the pack, in a matter of minutes he had a small shelter constructed. Tired from the climb he drank some water, climbed into his sleeping bag and slept.
Sunrise the next morning had Harry out of bed doing a brief combined Tai Chi and yoga workout ending with a sun salutation pose. After drinking some water Harry started to meditate he found it difficult at first he spent several minutes trying to find a position that he could concentrate in. His comfortable pose once he found it amused him.
He lay on the ledge close to the wall that soared above him and he propped his legs above him against the wall. Had the world been on its side he would have been comfortably been sitting on the ground. He closed his eyes and started to inwardly focus. He reached out with his senses. He felt oddly connected to everything around him as he breathed in the scents of the desert around him.
He reflected on his life he had been such a mix of love and pain. His parents had loved him but they died. His friends and pseudo family on Bali they loved him but they too had died. But death is part of life, he himself had died mere weeks ago. The question was what was he going to do with the rest of his restored life. Why had he died?
So he could destroy the piece of Voldemort's evil soul and be free to be a wizard. But what kind of wizard did he want to be? Did he only want to be a wizard? Why did he want to be a wizard? Was being a wizard so much better than a muggle?
Muggle the word sounded disrespectful in that second he decided he would refer to anyone unable to do magic as a mundane rather than muggle or squib. He knew there were prophecies about him the one Morgana had made and the one in England, how would those affect him? What did he want of his life?
He drew his focus inward; it was an exercise Sirius had him do everyday since he woke up after the ritual. He had felt fuzzy and connected by his magic to everything since he woke up.
Sirius had told him when he knew what was him and what wasn't he would feel better. He focused first on his skin the sun was warm and the feel of the air then he focused on the feel of the rock against his back and against his thighs he breathed in and concentrated on his breath, the beating of his heart and his connection to the earth. Suddenly he felt something like a snap. It almost hurt.
As it faded Harry realized this was the feeling he used to have, it was a feeling he hadn't realized he missed until he got it back. He spent several minutes just enjoying the sensation. Then he focused again on his connection to the earth he lost track of time as his awareness went deeper with each breath he felt more in tune with himself, his magic, his connection to the earth, and the air around him.
When the sun was overhead he released his meditation and got up to get some water from his pack. He did four katas, the ones he could do on this ledge without endangering himself, and part of him wondered how he had got up here in the state he had been in the day before. It was beautiful and definitely served as a reminder of all that is good in the world.
He ignored the rumble his stomach produced and drank a little more water. He sat on the edge of the ledge with his feet hanging over when he noticed an golden eagle carrying a rabbit flying to a ledge that was probably another hundred feet up. He smiled. He thought about the traditions that Yiska had spoken of the meanings of the different totem animals. The eagle came to mind because he had seen one.
An eagle spirit meant the person it appeared to would have a singular walk in life and must face it head on. That freedom was paramount to such a person, both their own freedom and that of others. That balance and equality were important, and that the person needed to master patience, that material goods weren't important but that the soul was meditation was a must for a person with an eagle spirit.
The person with an eagle spirit must learn to listen with more than their ears see with more than their eyes and speak with the understanding that words could be weapons and to speak kindly. That they should look at situations to see it from a larger perspective that they should use their gifts for the benefit of others.
He went back to his questions of the morning and found himself praying for answers. The Potter motto crossed his mind. A melior universitas per probitas charisma quod strength. How did he define a better world? He pondered these questions for a couple of hours. Mid afternoon he resumed meditating once again finding that his position of the morning was the most comfortable.
He quietly reveled in the peace and connectedness he felt. As the sun set he decided to move his sleeping bag from his shelter to where it would cover him in his "Spot" and get some water. He really wished he was allowed food while doing this. He resumed his comfortable position against the rock face with a sigh and contemplated the night sky. After a couple hours his eyes drifted closed.
He looked around himself. How did he get here? He was sitting on what appeared to be the side of a skyscraper surrounded by other skyscrapers but some how all the buildings seemed like they were side ways. Part of him seemed to think he should be falling but somehow he knew he wouldn't.
"So you're here."
Harry whipped around to face himself. "Who? How? Where?"
"I'm you, you're dreaming, and this is your inner reality. Boy are we messed up!"
"What do you mean?"
"Hello! A not yet nine year old choosing to "die" to kill a soul fragment of his parents killer, so messed up."
"No it's not."
"You're not the tiniest bit angry that you had to die to get rid of it? And be honest cause I'll know if you lie."
Harry frowned. "Alright so I didn't like that part but it worked. So it's all good right?"
"Idealistic idiot. And what about all the overachieving? Trying to prove yourself worthy of dear old mummy and daddy's sacrifice? Don't you ever get tired of being such a goody two shoes? Always doing what you're told. I swear you are like an adult always sensible always doing the expected. What about being a kid?"
"Don't listen to him! He just thinks of himself."
Harry turned to see yet another version of himself. The new one spoke again. "There is nothing wrong with listening to those older and wiser than you there are reasons for them to be in authority over you. Trusting them and learning all you can and achieving all you can is a good thing."
"Trusting adults that say we're going to kill you is stupid. Survival is a good thing. Having fun is a good thing. Being a carpet to others bad, very bad."
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