บท 441: 25
Did Talking About Your Feelings Help?
Spring remained as warm and bright as ever, despite the dark cloud that seemed to have settled over the British Isles after the passing of Albus Dumbledore, arguably the greatest wizard since Merlin himself. At Hogwarts, the students and staff had become quieter somehow, more subdued.
In the Headmaster's office, Several people sat, drinking tea, and discussing the man who had been such an inspiration when they had been young, and whom they had learned was just as flawed as they were as they got older.
"He hid it from all of us." Amelia Bones said, her eyes distant. "Each one he destroyed had affected him in some way. It was like he was being poisoned, or cursed or something. The Healers said it was as if withering from within."
"It's just like Albus to do something so dangerous, and not let anyone know he was suffering for it." McGonagall remarked.
"I guess now we know why he wouldn't let any of us around when he was dealing with them." Remus added.
"It makes me more concerned that we missed one at Malfoy Manor. None of us were cursed or anything after that, right?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head while Amelia frowned.
"I suppose we could ask him when he awakens." McGonagall said wistfully, looking to the portrait of Albus Dumbledore that now hung on the wall. It was tradition that every Headmaster upon his or her passing would appear in a portrait and give advice to the current head of the school. However, it always took several days before the portrait would awaken.
McGonagall also noted how quiet it was, as Dumbledore's phoenix, Fawkes and disappeared.
"The Order is… well, a lot of them are losing hope now, despite everything." Amelia sighed. "There's talk that we can't defeat Voldemort without Dumbledore."
"It was never up to Dumbledore." Sirius said idly. Both McGonagall and Amelia turned to look incredulously at Sirius. Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"What is that supposed to mean?" McGonagall asked curiously.
"Uh…" Sirius said, realizing he'd opened his big fat mouth too much this time. "Uh, Remus…"
"Don't look at me, I didn't just stick my foot in my mouth again." Remus sniggered.
"Sirius, if you know something, you'd better tell us now. We need every advantage we can get right now."
"Oh hell… it's not as if it's gonna matter much soon anyway." Sirius sat forward, rubbing his temples. "It's what set everything off to begin with. Why Harry's parents went into hiding, why Voldemort hunted them so ruthlessly and why we hid Harry and trained him all those years. It starts with a Prophecy…"
Amelia and McGonagall both now sat forward with intrigued expressions. Remus merely sat back and folded his arms. He had always known that one day they would have to reveal the prophecy to others in order to make sure it played out as it had to. He had often wondered what life might have been like had the Dark wizard simply ignored the fragment he'd learned. His friends would likely still be alive, and Harry would have known the love of his mother and father. Life could be truly unfair.
On the other hand, life did have a way of rewarding those most deserving.
Remus wondered for a moment where Harry and Hermione might be at the moment. Hopefully they were dealing with things okay. Remus knew that Sirius was just as worried about The young man as he was. They'd both seen his walls crack at St. Mungo's after he'd spoken to Dumbledore, and he had refused to say anything to either of them. It was as if he was angry at them.
"That is…" Amelia stuttered as Sirius finished the tale.
"That poor boy." McGonagall remarked. "And you've never told him exactly what…"
"Dumbledore didn't want him to know." Sirius sighed. "He's known about the prophecy, but not its contents. Dumbledore refused to let us tell him. We swore oaths and everything."
"He felt it was enough for Harry to know about the prophecy without burdening him further." Remus explained.
"But Voldemort nearly killed Harry." Amelia stated. "You told me what happened at Malfoy Manor."
"You have to understand that Harry was not focused that night. He'd fought with Hermione because Moody was trying to manipulate him." Sirius began.
"Plus, he was sizing the bastard up." Remus added.
"Sizing him up?" McGonagall asked for clarification.
"Harry has this almost unnatural ability to find an opponent's weakness. It's something he started exhibiting when he turned twelve. We thought it was because we had fought him so much, he just was used to us. We tried mixing up our styles, but he would pretty much decimate us every time. Albus figured it out after one of their talks. That's when we brought in Tonks, and Harry just wiped the floor with her in the first duel." Sirius continued.
"Then she started playing dirty." Remus snickered. Sirius guffawed at the many memories of Harry being flummoxed by the young woman.
"Playing dirty?" McGonagall asked.
"Young attractive woman with the ability to alter her appearance at will versus teenaged boy." Remus explained. McGonagall couldn't help but snicker a little as well imagining what her former student might have done to distract the young man who was destined to save them all.
"Harry got used to it eventually, and she had to get more creative." Sirius went on. "I think she was also a bit into him."
"She was." Remus confirmed. "But she knew he was off limits for the time being."
""So you think their first meeting, Harry was what? Studying Voldemort?" Amelia asked.
"I have no doubt." Sirius replied. "When he finally awoke, he claimed to know how to beat him, but he wouldn't say anymore. But I have faith that the next time they met, it will mean the end of the war, one way or the other."
The fell silent, each contemplating the possibilities of the next battle between good and evil, and what it could mean should one win over the other.
"Where will Albus be laid to rest?" Remus asked after several long minutes of quiet.
"There is a spot he chose. The smallest island on the Black Lake. There are only a few trees, and he said he loved the view at Sunset, when the sun would go down behind the castle. The ceremony will begin in the afternoon, and he will be entombed at sunset." McGonagall sighed wearily.
"The Minister informed me of just a few of the people who will be coming. The Minister of France, The Minister of Germany, Over half of the ICW." Amelia sighed.
"Albus always did want to bring or governments together." McGonagall gave a teary chuckle.
"I'm almost positive this isn't what he had in mind." Sirius sniggered.
"Maybe." Amelia shrugged. "But wouldn't have been just like him to have this been his ultimate plan to bring nations together?"
The other three began to laugh at the absurdity, and the hint of possibility in the statement.
Two boys ran together around the outside of the Quidditch pitch in relative silence as the sun began its climb over the mountains. To look at them, one would never have guessed that a few short months ago, one of these two had been rather chubby.
Neville Longbottom no longer struggled to keep pace with his friend, and unofficial mentor. He ran shoulder to shoulder with hid friend now easily as if he'd been doing it all his life. He had decided that he really liked how he felt nowadays, and the way he looked thanks to all the hard work he'd done, and was now thinking of how he would keep up over the approaching summer holidays.
As they ran, Neville's companion, Harry, remained rather quiet, which in itself wasn't that unusual. Harry had never been overly chatty on their runs. In the last week however, Harry had become much more silent during their morning exercise. Neville was very worried about his friend, but had no idea how to broach the topic. Harry's girlfriend, Hermione, had told him the previous night that it might be best to let Harry work though things on his own. Neville wanted to respect Harry's privacy, but after all that Harry had done for him, Neville wanted to repay the favor.
He just didn't know how to get Harry talking. So, he did what he always did in uncomfortable silences… he rambled.
"I mean it's really confusing." Neville said as he and Harry trekked. "We have history and everything, and I do still have feelings for her, but I'm not sure if she's who I want to be with anymore."
"Because of Lavender?" Harry asked in his usual monotone.
"Exactly." Neville replied. "I mean, we've talked a lot about what it could be like if we started dating and it sounds great, you know? I think she and I could have something, but we both felt it might be best if we waited. We think if we just leave things as they are we can come back to school next year, and see if we still feel the same, and then we could talk about it again."
"I don't understand that." Harry remarked. "If you like each other, why wait to be together?"
"It's…"
"Don't tell me it's complicated." Harry snapped. "I am sick to death of things being complicated. It isn't complicated. You like her. She likes you. Be together or don't."
"Whoa!" Neville said, stopping his run and staring at Harry as if he'd never seen him before. "Mate, are you ok?"
Harry stopped and turned back to Neville, though his eyes were downcast. "NO! I am sick to death of everything being complicated. Life isn't complicated unless you make it that way! You either want something or you don't. You act, or you don't. You tell the truth, or you keep your mouth shut!"
Neville watched his friend pace back and forth a bit. He had known thanks to Hermione that Harry had taken the death of Dumbledore badly, at least for the Harry they all knew. In the past few days, he'd been more pensive, and withdrawn. Hermione worried he was bottling everything up, and he refused to speak to her or anyone regarding what he was feeling. Neville wondered if maybe the dam was about to break, and if he was prepared to help his friend.
"You've been pretty standoffish." Neville started. "I mean, more than usual. I don't want to pry here, but If you need to talk…"
"Talk about what Neville?" Harry snarled. "My feelings? What will that accomplish exactly? Will it make me feel better? Dragonshite!"
"Harry, I…" Neville tried, but Harry went on as if he hadn't heard him.
"How about we talk about how Dumbledore lied to me. How he knew all along why Voldemort killed my parents but refused to tell me. How he knew they were being hunted and sacrificed him so he could have the weapon he believed he needed. How I was kept hidden and ignorant so I could be trained without distraction."
Neville took a step back from Harry as he ranted. He'd never once heard Harry raise his voice, much less show even a hint of anger before now, not even when Draco Malfoy had nearly killed him in their duel. What was more frightening was the look in Harry's eyes. It wasn't anger Neville saw, it was as if Harry was lost.
"While everyone else was running around, playing games, I was running obstacle courses and learning to kill quickly and efficiently. Everything normal children take for granted was kept from me. Then I was thrown in here, and everything I was ever taught got muddled and all because Dumbledore realized he'd made a huge mistake in his grand fucking plan!"
Neville wanted to ask what Harry meant, but thought better of it.
"All my life, I was taught one thing." Harry continued, a little quieter now. "I had a duty to fight for those who weren't strong enough to fight for themselves. To protect people from those who sought to harm them. I knew there was a prophecy about me. But whenever I asked, I was always told that it wasn't important. As it turns out, it was pretty fucking important after all and Dumbledore kept it from me to protect me."
"Wait, what do you mean there was a prophecy?" Neville looked taken aback.
"Before I was born… Dumbledore met with someone, who prophesized that the one who would bring down Voldemort would be born at the end of July, and would be marked by that bastard as an equal. That's what this is." Harry said, pointing to his scar.
"Dumbledore told me that it could have been one of two boys. Me… or you."
Neville stumbled and fell on his posterior in shock. Harry came forward and knelt beside his friend.
"Me? I'm… I'm nobody." Neville stammered.
"So was I, Neville. We both were. We were just babies. Not a threat to anything. The thing is, Voldemort had a spy there, and he heard part of the prophecy and rushed back to tell his master, and then the rotter in his cowardice took it literally. Dumbledore had no idea why he chose me over you. I don't think anyone does, but he marked me, so I have to kill him, or be killed by him. And frankly… I don't know if I can anymore." Harry seem to shrink as he spoke. His shoulders slumped, and his head fell forward as if in defeat.
"What?" Neville looked aghast. "Harry, I saw you take on like ten Death Eaters at the same time. I mean, you've… you're really good. You've helped train a lot of us. I couldn't even stun a fly before you taught me."
"The thing is…" Harry said with a weary sigh. "A few months ago, there wouldn't have been a doubt in my mind that I could defeat him. He's arrogant and thinks he's the most powerful wizard ever, but he sends others to fight for him. Even after our last meeting, I still would have said I could deal with him."
"What changed?" Neville asked curiously.
"The funny thing is that I'm not really sure." Harry said running his hands through his messy hair. "I can't really put my finger on exactly when or how this doubt took root in my mind. But all I can think about is what if I fail? What happens after that? What happens to my friends? What happens to Hermione? It's like all of the sudden, I've got this huge weight on me that I didn't have before. I keep thinking that he should have waited for me to beat the bastard, and then sent me here."
Neville could only stare at Harry who had now sat on the ground next to him and was currently pulling up fistfuls of grass in exasperation. They remained that way for several minutes as Neville thought about everything he'd just been told.
"Why haven't you told Hermione any of this?" Neville asked softly.
"She's worried enough about me as it is." Harry shrugged. "She doesn't need any more…"
"Harry, you idiot." Neville laughed. "I can't believe you still don't get it. It doesn't matter what she's already got going on in her world. She loves you. Your problems are her problems. That's what being in love is about."
Harry looked up curiously as Neville grinned back.
"She's going to be there for you for whatever you need. You need to climb a mountain? She's going to be there with rope. You need to face a dragon? She's going to be there with an aguamenti spell to put out the fires. If you need to just vent about what a horrible day you had, she's going to be there to listen to every word. You need to defeat the worst Dark Lord ever? I dare you to try and stop her from being at your side. It's what we do for the people we love."
"I don't want her to get hurt." Harry said sullenly. "Now that she's in my life, I don't want to lose her."
"Harry." Neville said, reaching out and clapping his friend on the shoulder. "We all know what's at stake here. And we all know what it means if our side loses. But I can tell you that we would all rather die fighting against the Dark, than to die on our knees. You said it yourself, a few months ago you had no doubt that you could beat him. You need to believe in yourself again, just as we all believe in you."
Harry stood up with a heavy sigh, and offered a hand to help his friend back to his feet. Harry sighed and looked up at his friend with the slightest of smiles. Neville began to chuckle softly at the look on Harry's face. Harry looked up questioningly and Neville began to laugh in earnest.
"What's so funny?" Harry asked.
"Did talking about your feelings make you feel better?" Neville sniggered. Harry just stared at him for a moment, and then he began to laugh himself. This made Neville crack up even more, and the two boys stood, holding their sides in mirth. It took a bit, but eventually they regained control of themselves.
"Yeah… I think it did." Harry finally said. Neville nodded with a huge smile.
"Good." Neville replied. "Remember that next time you get all 'oh the whole world is against me'."
The look of confusion Harry gave him was enough to make Neville laugh again. Harry simply shook his head. Neville took a few calming breaths as Harry turned and restarted his run. Neville had to put on a bit of speed to catch up, but he couldn't stop smirking.
"I'm tired of it Neville." Harry said after a few minutes. "I'm tired being destiny's tool. I'm going to fight Voldemort, and I'm going to end this war, and then I'm going to follow Dumbledore's last request and live my life the way I want."
"Sounds like a very good idea." Neville nodded in agreement.
"But there's something I need you to do." Harry said, glancing sideways at his friend, who looked very curious.
"What's that?" Neville wondered.
"You get your head out of your arse and stop playing it safe. Tell Hannah that you've moved on and that she needs to do the same and then you do what you've wanted to do and get together with Lavender." Harry said pointedly.
Neville began doing an almost perfect impression of a fish making Harry chuckle softly. He picked up his pace, leaving Neville staggering behind him.
"Wait! How does that have to do with you fighting Dark Lords? Hey! Harry!"
Hermione Granger walked with Lavender Brown down the stairs on their way to dinner. Usually they would have been accompanied by Harry and Neville, but the boys were off somewhere doing who knew what, though Hermione figured they were probably doing more hand to hand combat training. Neville was getting really good, and had been asking Harry to teach him more.
Hermione wanted to be mad that Neville was taking away what precious little time she got with her boyfriend outside of class where they could act like a couple as the training gave Harry a much needed outlet for his frustration. Dumbledore's passing had affected him badly, and Harry was having a hard time dealing with the deluge of emotion he was feeling. She wished he would talk to her, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. Harry wasn't like normal people and talking about his feelings just wasn't what he did.
"Do you think they'll be waiting for us?" Lavender asked, sounding a bit irritable.
Hermione could understand as Hannah Abbott was being a bit possessive of Neville lately. There hadn't been a single incident that stood out, but Hermione had seen the looks Hannah was throwing at Lavender in classes and during morning Defense club workouts. Lavender was trying to be a good friend and support Neville in whatever he decided to do, but Hermione could see that Lavender was suffering.
"Maybe Neville will actually eat with us tonight." Lavender sighed sourly.
"Didn't you guys decide to wait until next year to date?' Hermione asked. Lavender grimaced.
"I didn't want that, but Neville was worried that if we started dating and then went home and didn't see each other that our feelings might change. I think he's afraid I would cheat on him like I did Ron. There's nothing I could say that can convince him that was just something that happened or anything." Lavender said as they rounded the fourth floor landing.
"Lavender, you know he's got confidence issues." Hermione said exasperatedly. "He's afraid. After what happened with Hannah, and everything. He's afraid of getting hurt again."
"Then why is he getting back with Hannah?" Lavender asked impatiently. "If there's another battle and she gets a paper cut, she's going to blame him and dump him all over again."
"I think you're being a bit harsh." Hermione scolded. "You know it was a bit more serious than a paper cut. She was nearly…"
"I know! I know!" Lavender waved her hands agitatedly. "It's just… Look, I'm jealous alright? Neville's a really good guy. He's sweet and considerate and honorable. He's become really good looking, and he's an excellent kisser. He listens. I mean he really listens and he respects me for me, not because I have big boobs or whatever. I love him."
Hermione stopped on the second floor landing and turned to Lavender with shock in her eyes.
"When did this happen?" She asked rather stunned. Lavender could only shrug.
"Been coming on for a while really." Lavender admitted, brushing some of her blonde hair out of her face. Hermione saw the hint of tears in her eyes. "I don't know when it really started. I've liked him since what happened at New Year's… but as I've gotten to know him better, and we've gotten closer, that crush changed. Then I kissed him and it was like… I felt something like… I can't even explain it. It was like this fire in my soul."
Hermione nodded. She understood exactly what Lavender was saying. She felt the same thing every time Harry kissed her. She hugged her friend tightly as Lavender fought against her tears. She had no intention of going into the Great hall looking like a pathetic weepy mess.
"Have you told him any of this?" Hermione asked.
"Gods no!" Lavender hissed. "I don't want to badger him. I want him to choose me because that's what he wants. I want him to be happy."
"But you deserve to be happy too, Lavender." Hermione countered. Lavender turned and looked away.
"Maybe, but maybe I don't. Not everyone gets their fairytale prince Hermione." She said pointedly.
"Not if they give up." Hermione countered. Lavender turned around to stare in curiosity as Hermione sighed.
"Yes, Neville has history with Hannah, and yes, she's clearly fond of him. But you've done something I know she hasn't. You took the time to get to know him. You know more about him than even his own Grandmother knows. Hannah can't say that." Hermione folded her arms.
"How do you know that?"
"Neville talks to Harry, Harry doesn't understand confidentiality. Unless Neville said it was classified information Harry would tell me about. Mostly because he had questions, but that isn't really important. The fact of the matter is that you've taken time to get to really know Neville, and he's gotten to know you. But he's still a boy, and he isn't smart enough to see that you care for him more than friendship, and if you agreed to wait on a relationship, he's going to take you at your word. Unless you tell him how you really feel…"
"He's going to end up with Hannah." Lavender sighed. "So you're saying I should just tell him that I'm falling for him?"
"Isn't that the advice you once gave me?' Hermione asked, with a smirk. Lavender began to giggle and hugged Hermione tightly.
"Thanks." She sighed pulling back. Hermione shrugged.
"It's what friends do, right?" She asked, and Lavender nodded. They resumed their walk to the Great Hall.
"How are things with Harry?" Lavender asked, wiping at her eyes.
"He's having a rough time, and I don't know how to help him at the moment." Hermione sighed.
"You guys have been having a rough couple of months. You need some time alone I think. No distractions. No missions. No worries. Just the two of you together and a big soft comfortable bed." Lavender grinned.
"It always comes back to sex with you." Hermione shook her head.
"Like you haven't thought about it. I remember what you told me about what happened the last time you two disappeared for a weekend. I also know that you aren't keen on snogging in broom cupboards, just as I know you are aching for a bit of naked Harry on naked Hermione action."
"OH MY GOD CAN YO BE ANY MORE CRUDE?" Hermione howled.
Lavender nodded with a grin.
"The point is that there is a solution to all your problems right here at Hogwarts, and you, my dear, have been there once before." Lavender sing songed. Hermione stopped in her tracks and stared blankly as her mind worked.
She had been somewhere that offered privacy. A place no one could get into if she wished it. A room that could be exactly what she wanted. A room that very few people knew of, including teachers.
Hermione turned to Lavender who was grinning knowingly.
"I d-don't know." Hermione started to say but Lavender just shrugged.
"I'm not telling you that you should." The blonde said with a wave of her hand. "I'm merely suggesting you could."
"Could what?" came Harry's voice. Both he and Neville were waiting just outside the Great Hall for them to arrive. Neville looked nervous for some reason, while Harry appeared as he always did.
"Just suggesting to Hermione that she could do with a bit of relaxation." Lavender said with a wry smile.
"She's just being rude is all." Hermione said as Harry kissed the corner of her mouth. She made to follow Lavender into the Great Hall, but Harry held her back.
"What's…" She started to asked, but Harry shook his head, as he turned to watch Lavender approach Neville.
To Hermione's and several other people who happened to be heading to dinner's surprise, Neville surged forward, collected Lavender in his arms and planted a very deep and passionate kiss on the blonde's lips. There were several whistles and catcalls, and Hermione turned to Harry with questioning eyes. Harry was smiling. Actually smiling!
"You had something to do with this?" She asked.
Harry merely shrugged, still smiling.
"I may have persuaded Neville that he was being really stupid about a few things." Harry replied, now allowing Hermione to head into the Great Hall now that Lavender and Neville had gone off. Hermione noted they didn't go into dinner, but headed outside.
"Do you know where they are going?" She asked. Harry shrugged at this.
"Neville said something about arranging something special. I went to the kitchens with him after charms but I didn't pay much attention to what he was doing as I got into a very strange conversation with a couple of house elves."
"So that's where you were." Hermione said.
"Neville asked me to keep my mouth shut until he took off with her. Sorry." Harry said. Hermione shook her head.
"The timing couldn't have been more perfect." Hermione said, and then went on to explain her conversation with Lavender. Harry couldn't help but shake his head when she finished.
"Sounds to me like they need to work on their communication skills." He said. Hermione agreed.
They had sat down, and began eating their dinner in relative silence, and Hermione kept mulling over what lavender had suggested. This of course led to about a million questions. It had been a while since she and Harry had been intimate, and while she knew the reasons, it still made her question whether Harry was even attracted to her anymore. While she knew it was stupid, her low self-esteem reared its ugly head to fill her with doubt.
On top of that were the questions about how far she wanted to go with him at this point. In her heart, she knew that she loved Harry, and that he would never do anything to hurt her in any way. She knew that he respected her and that he would be gentle with her. She also knew that he had never been that way with anyone before either.
"Am I ready for that?' She kept asking herself, and yet every time she looked across the table at her boyfriend, her heart and body would scream "YES!"
"Harry…" She said softly. Harry looked up at her and she felt her whole body tense up. "Do you … would you come with me someplace?"
"Where?" He asked curiously.
"It's a … it's a secret room that I know of where we can be alone. Together." She said, looking in his eyes pointedly. He continued to look back at her with confusion, and then something dawned in his eyes. What doubt Hermione had about Harry's attraction to her vanished as she saw the way his eyes flicked down to her chest and back to her eyes.
"So that's a yes then?" She fought her laughter. Harry nodded, and Hermione reached across the table and squeezed his hand.
Professor Severus Snape sat in his room within Hogwarts school staring blankly at the bare walls as he sipped a rather full glass of expensive brandy. His only vice. He'd always lived his life with very few luxuries. Most of his life he'd been too poor to afford new clothes or a good broom. He'd save every knut he could after becoming a teacher knowing one day he would need it for a rainy day, and it was damned near hurricane season it appeared.
In a few short hours, he would watch as Albus Dumbledore was entombed, and shortly after that, Severus would be saying goodbye to Hogwarts once and for all.
Snape had held out hope that if he towed the line, and kept his opinion of certain students to himself, as well as step up his teaching, then perhaps, Dumbledore would reconsider his decision to sack Severus. It had not been easy at all. So many of those petulant children couldn't even grasp the simple concept of casting spells without speaking them. But Snape had held his tongue, and settled for glaring at the idiots.
It was easy to blame the children for his situation. But it was times such as this that Snape was forced to recognize that it was himself that he could blame for what had become of his life. Not the children he was forced to try and teach, and most unfortunately, not his long dead rival. The man who'd stolen the heart of the one person who'd ever meant anything to Severus Snape. The girl he'd driven off with his own insecurities and jealousy.
Snape took another long draw from his glass as he continued to stare into infinity. It had always been so bloody easy to lay the blame for the wretched life he had lived at the feet of others. First his father, then his stepfather, then James Potter, then Lucius Malfoy, The Dark Lord, The spawn of Potter, Dumbledore, the students and on and on. But it had been Snape himself who'd chosen his path.
An argument could be made that his father and stepfather held some responsibility, but once Snape had gotten free of them and come to Hogwarts as a student… he was responsible for his life. His low self-confidence and his embarrassment at being poor, and most especially his envy had led him to become a petty, possessive, and wretched young man. The only light in this dark little world he'd created for himself was her… Lily Evans.
She had been sweet, and patient, and talented. She had cared for him when no one else seemed to. She had been there to defend him when Potter and his friends were bored and Snape was alone. Of course Snape's pride wouldn't let him just ignore these incidents, so in all honesty, he was just as responsible for the rivalry, but… Well, Potter needed to be taken down a peg or four, and no one else seemed to recognize how inflated his ego was!
Lily had even recognized Potter's shortcomings. At least she had at first. But that all changed after the incident. The day Snape had said the words he was never able to take back. The words that had turned Lily against him. In truth, they had been growing apart, thanks in large part to his growing involvement with those who would become the Death Eaters. Snape knew now that he had driven Lily into James Potter's arms, and eventually had a hand in her murder.
Snape took another long drink of his brandy only to find the glass empty. He rose slowly to pour another large serving and turned back to his chair, though he remained standing. He knew he had only two choices left to him now that Albus Dumbledore, the man who'd given him a second chance to redeem himself of his past sins had died.
Severus could rejoin the Death Eaters fully and destroy the world in the name of a, for lack of a better description, man who had no intention of sharing the prize. Or he could run. Find some corner of the earth, far to the north and far from humankind, wizards and muggles alike, and rot in his self-pity until his heart finally tired of beating, and he could die at last.
However, Snape knew there was a third option, and his pride wouldn't let him even consider anything else. He'd sworn an oath over her broken and lifeless body that night. It hadn't been a magical oath, and he was free to turn his back if he truly wanted, but Snape knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did. He just couldn't.
Anger began to burn in his heart, and he felt its flames course through his veins until he suddenly threw his glass of very expensive brandy against the wall where it smashed into the tiniest of shards. Yes, he would do as he promised her. He would see the so-called Dark Lord finished once and for all by whatever means necessary, including helping Potter's son.
No… he would help Lily's son.
It was at that moment he felt the sudden and agonizing burning on his left forearm. Snape fell to his knees gripping his arm tightly in a vain attempt to ease the pain shooting up his arm. He'd felt this pain many times in the past and was somewhat used to it, but that didn't ease his suffering any.
The pain abated, and Snape was able to rise to his feet again. He was breathing heavily as he sought his traveling cloak. He couldn't use the floo, as he had no idea where he was going. His only option was apparition, which meant he needed to get out of the castle, and outside the wards. He wouldn't be missed until at least tomorrow afternoon, so it was simply a matter of getting out without being seen, which for Snape would be child's play.
As the Defense teacher maneuvered his way through the castle, he began to wonder why he of all the Dark Lord's faithful, he was being summoned. In Snape's mind, this did not bode well. What possible benefit would there be in calling the spy away from his post. Unless of course there was no longer a need for a spy.
Snape's heart turned to ice as he thought about it, just as he stepped out onto the Hogwarts grounds. He could think of only one reason for his summons, and it chilled him to his very core.
It was no secret of the caliber and ranking of the thousands of witches and wizards who would be coming to say their farewells to arguably the greatest wizard of an age. Some of the very greatest magical people would be in attendance, not to mention the many dignitaries from around the globe who knew Dumbledore and called him friend. It would surely be a coup for the Dark Lord to wipe them all out in one fell swoop. In fact, The Aurors were preparing for it and Snape knew the Dark lord's forces would be outnumbered in a straight up battle. The Order had done very well in thinning out the Dark Lord's forces in the past few months. In Snape's mind, and attack at Dumbledore's funeral would be a mistake for the Dark Lord. His forces would likely be wiped out.
"Unless he'd… No, please don't let it be that." Snape thought in a panic.
Snape stopped at the wrought iron gates of the school, and glanced over his shoulder to the great castle. He could not let the school fall. He owed at least that to Albus Dumbledore.
He passed the gates unaware that he had not escaped without being spotted.
Hermione met Harry exactly where she'd told him to be. He was staring idly at the painting of Barnabus the Barmy and his dancing trolls. With a rather pained expression on his face as the trolls all looked to Barnabus threateningly.
"Harry?" she asked softly. He half turned to her as he pointed to the painting.
"You know, he could have saved himself a lot of broken bones with a simple tarantallegra
jinx." He said.
"Or he could have just left them alone." Hermione suggested. Harry nodded his agreement and turned to Hermione with a soft smile.
"So where is this room that will offer us some privacy?" Harry asked intrigued.
"Right there." Hermione pointed to the blank wall behind them. Harry gave her a skeptical look, and Hermione laughed lightly. "Come on Harry, don't you believe in magic?"
Hermione began to pace in front of the wall, think of exactly what she wanted, just as Lavender had instructed, and was rewarded by a door appearing on the blank stretch of wall. Harry looked impressed and Hermione quickly opened the door, unsure of how long it would remain, and ushered Harry inside.
It was exactly as she had imagined it.
When she was thirteen, her parents had taken her to France for the summer holidays, and due to a mistake on the hotel's side, the Grangers had been put into a very expensive suite on the top floor. It had been superb in Hermione's opinion, and she had always wanted to go back there again.
Tonight, she had gotten her wish, so to speak.
There was a comfortable sitting area with a very large sofa in the middle, set in front of a large fireplace which had a small fire going. There was a table set off to one side with some very delectable desserts. In the sleeping area was a huge bed which Hermione knew would feel like they were lying on a cloud. The room was done in soft cream colors with red accents, such as the blankets on the bed, and the table cloth and the drapes. It was perfect in Hermione's opinion.
"It's nice." Harry said, looking around. He went to the large bay window that looked out on the grounds. It was not dark yet, but the sun was starting to fall.
"I wanted this to be… Well special." Hermione said nervously, setting her bag down on the floor next to the sofa. "We haven't been alone together in some time, and things have been so hard lately. I thought maybe we could use a reprieve."
"I would be lying if I said I didn't agree." Harry nodded, turning to look at her. "But I have this… feeling. It's been nagging at the back of my mind for days now."
Hermione crossed the room to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her head in the crook his neck and smiled to herself when she felt his arms wrap around her waist and draw her closer. She looked up and nipped at his lips, which led to a long slow, passionate kiss.
"There's going to be dark times ahead Harry." Hermione said when she finally broke the kiss. "Everyone knows it. It's why we need to have moments like tonight. We need this to help us when things get as bad as we know they're going to get. We need something to hold onto to help us remember what it is we're fighting for."
Before he could respond, Hermione pressed her lips to his, and kissed him deeply, running her hands through his hair. They were so close that she could feel his body begin to respond.
Hermione had thought of this for far too long in her opinion. She loved Harry. She wanted to be his in every way, and tonight, she was going to make that happen at last. No more trepidation, no more taking things slow. Tonight, she and Harry would make love for the first time.
She pulled away from him with a bit of a nervous smile.
"I uh… I'm going to change." She said as she went back to fetch her bag and disappear into the bathroom. She let out a deep breath as the door shut and she had to take a minute to try and calm herself.
She turned to the bag, and opened it and reached in for the items Lavender had packed, and set them on the counter before she began to undress. Lavender had promised that once Harry got a look at her in the articles she had loaned her friend that Hermione would have no trouble accomplishing whatever it was she wanted that night. Hermione hadn't told the blond of her exact plans, but had no illusions that Lavender couldn't figure it out.
Hermione slipped her legs into the black satin, and pulled the lurid knickers up, adjusting them so that they were comfortable on her, and as enticing as possible. She then slipped the rather modest black baby doll over her head. It was amazing. The softness against her skin was not unlike water. The coolness of the fabric made her nipples stand erect at once, and Hermione took a breath as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She did look quite attractive.
She then grabbed her hair brush and ran it through her hair to soften the frizziness of it. When she was satisfied she grabbed the soft white dressing gown and slipped it on. It fell to just above her knees and effectively hid Harry's surprise.
She found him investigating the table where several sinful looking deserts were resting. She remembered that he was unique in that he was not a fan of sweets and how he had looked disappointed at the welcoming feast that there were no chocolate chip cookies. That is until three appeared on the plate in front of him. She smiled at the memory of Harry's face as he bit into the first one. He looked like a kid at Christmas.
He turned when she cleared her throat and gave her that smile that never failed to send shivers up her spine. That smile that was almost non existent, save for that slight upturn at the corner of his mouth, and that light in his emerald green eyes. The smile he gave only to her.
"You look stunning.' He said as he turned fully to her. She dropped her head as she felt the tinge of a blush. Leave it to Harry to compliment her while she was wearing a rather plain dressing gown.
"Thank you." She said. She knew that she was going to have to be the one to instigate things tonight. Not only because Harry was still pretty clueless in the art of romance, partially because they had been unable to practice since France, but also due to his upbringing. But she also knew that she needed to get things started or else she would be too nervous. And this way, they would go at her pace.
So, with a deep breath, and keep her eyes locked with his, she let the dressing gown fall off of her.
Harry just stared.
There was no sound, save for the soft crackle of the small fire.
He just continued to stare at her, and she began to get self conscious. She started to fidget, and slowly her arms came up to cover herself as she began to think that she'd made a complete fool of herself.
"Stop." He said suddenly when she began to cover herself. She looked at him curiously, his hand half way up as if he could prevent her from doing anything. He was continuing to look at her without any sort of indication of how he felt at the moment. Until he took a step towards her. Hermione felt her heart slamming against her ribcage as he took another step. It looked almost as if his feet were made of lead.
Eventually he was close enough to reach out for her hand. Hermione accepted his offered hand, and allowed herself to be drawn towards him. It was when she was flush against him that she felt his heart hammering away. She looked up into his eyes, and he bent to kiss her.
It was a different kiss then she was used to. It was softer. Tentative. He was barely holding her as if she was made of something extremely delicate. It was then she realized that he was nervous. Harry Potter, vanquisher of evil, was frightened.
Hermione deepened their kiss, her arms tightening around his neck, and pulling herself up a bit. Harry's hands rested upon her silken clad hips, barely touching her, and at first it was aggravating her, until his hands began to move.
Her back was quite exposed, as the Baby doll was cut to show off her back. The moment his fingertips ghosted along her bare flesh, goosebumps exploded all over her skin, and she gasped into Harry's mouth.
Her hands slid up to hold his face as she continued to kiss him thoroughly as his fingertips danced up and down the bare skin of her back. She was fighting back little moans and losing. Every so often his fingertips would slide down her spine, stopping just above where her rear end started, causing her to push her hips into him.
"I think…" She said softly between kisses. "We should…"
Harry's kissing became more heated now.
"Get more comfortaEEP!"
Harry had suddenly reached down and scooped her up in his arms. It was so fast, that Hermione had barely registered that it had happened, but once she was lifted off the ground, in his arms in the bridal fashion, she felt filled to bursting with love and lust.
Harry took his time getting her to the bed as he continued to kiss her. He laid her down reverently, and she pulled him down on top of her, reveling in the feel of his weight upon her. The continued kissing, and slowly began to explore one another with their hands and their lips. It had been awhile, but they quickly found those spots that drove the other insane. Harry nibbled at Hermione's collar bone and the crook of her neck which made her back arch a bit, driving her breasts into his chest.
Hermione began to pull off Harry's clothes as he showered her with kisses and love nibbles. With every minute her reasoning was being taken over by her most primal of instincts. She finally managed to get his robes, tie and shirt off and felt a rush as she felt his skin under her fingertips. As he kissed her jaw line she ran her nails down his back, making him groan with pleasure.
"I want you Harry." She whispered heatedly in his ear. "I need you to make love to me."
Harry pulled back so he could look her in the eye, confusion etched in his expression. She reached up to cup his cheek and drew him in to kiss him.
"Please Harry. I don't want to wait. I don't want to risk losing you and never having this." She pleaded.
"Is that what this is about?" Harry asked suddenly, drawing back a bit. "You're afraid?"
"What?" She asked confused now. "
"I thought that if we made love it was because we felt something powerful. Something that went… I didn't think we'd… Not because you were afraid."
"I am afraid Harry." Hermione said as she sat up as Harry pulled away from her. "But I've wanted to do this for a while. I love you and I just need for you to know how much."
"Then why say that you're afraid that we might not get this chance? I don't want you to do this because you think we might never get another chance." Harry said, sounding disappointed in her.
"Harry." She started. She was feeling flushed, and her mind wasn't as sharp as it normally was thanks to the haze of lust. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just… With everything, with Dumbledore's funeral, and what happened with Malfoy, I'm all mixed up. The only thing that I'm certain of is that I love you."
"But you think that this will be our only chance to…" He gestured uncertainly, looking at her as if he was hurt somehow. "Do you think we won't survive?"
Hermione couldn't answer, but the guilty look in her eyes told him everything. Harry sighed. He sat down on the bed and Hermione moved so she was sitting next to him. She wanted to take his hand in hers, but was afraid he would reject her.
"Why?" She asked herself. "Why did you have your open your big fat mouth?"
"I'm sorry Harry." Hermione sighed sadly. "I'm afraid. I don't have your training, or your ability to shove all my emotions aside or…"
"I can't shove my emotions aside." Harry said, stopping her cold. "Before I came here, before I met you and fell in love with you, everything was clear to me. I had no one to worry about. All I had to do was take out as many Death Eaters as I could until they ran off. I never worried about if I got hurt or not, because I had no reason to. Now…"
Harry took a deep breath and turned to look at Hermione, reaching over to take her hand in his and squeezing it. He had no idea how that gesture eased her.
"Now, I'm plagued by doubt. What if I can't beat him? What will happen to Neville, or Lavender? What will happen to you?" He says looking in her dark brown eyes. "I told Neville, and now I'm going to tell you. I'm going to end this war, Hermione. I'm going to fight with everything in me to end this so that I can be free to do whatever I want. So that I can be with you without having to worry about if something goes wrong. But I need you to believe that we're going to survive. That we're going to be together."
Tears fell softly down Hermione's cheeks and she nodded back at him. "I will Harry. I will believe that we're going to survive. In fact, let's make sure of it."
"How do you mean?" Harry asked, looking confused.
Hermione got up and straddled Harry's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as he placed his hands on her hips. She kissed him softly, lingeringly.
"The first night that the war is over, after you win. You and I will make love. We'll go away somewhere, just the two of us, and we'll be together and we'll show each other just how deeply we love one another. Promise." She said, looking meaningfully in his emerald green eyes.
Harry pulled her close and kissed her softly. "Promise."
Hermione smiled and held him tightly. He pulled away after several moments and looked at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
"But you have to wear this outfit." He said, making her laugh out loud with relief and mirth.
"Maybe I'll find something a little more provocative." She said waggling her eyebrows.
She looked just past him at the bed and sighed. "Seems a shame not to use the room though. Maybe we could stay here anyway? I've really missed you, and I haven't been sleeping that well. I'd really like it if we could spend the night together."
"I don't think I could pass up a night with you, even if we're just sleping." He said earnestly. He began to fall backwards, taking her with him. They spent another hour kissing and cuddling until Hermione began to nod off and eventually fell into a restful sleep.
Harry watched her sleep for nearly a half an hour before he had to answer nature's call. He slipped out of her grip and went to the bathroom to do what need be done. When he finished, he stood at the foot of the bed and watched Hermione in the low light of the dying fire and smiled to himself. She looked so beautiful as she slept. She lay on her right side, with her right hand resting under her pillow, and her left arm resting on the mattress where his hand had been earlier.
He took a deep breath and turned to the large window that had been conjured that looked down on the grounds. He walked slowly over to look out, wondering where they would be burying Dumbledore the next afternoon when he noticed the familiar form of Severus Snape leaving the grounds.
Well, he wasn't completely sure it was Snape. After all, it was pretty far to be sure, but whoever it was stopped at the gates and turned back, and Harry could see by the bright full moon the person had a very pale face.
"What are you up to…" Harry wondered to himself.
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