บท 18: Acceptance
"How long do you think it's been?" Aubrie asked as she huddled close to Jaden. It was cold, between the water pooling on the ground and what was falling onto them she was shivering. Her master hadn't given her instruction on the use of Tapas so she was unable to use the force to retain her body heat. Luckily for her Jaden was a prodigy in the usage of Tutaminis, through some trial and error, he had been able to absorb the energy from a spare power cell and project it as heat making his body similar to a radiator. He still suffered from a concussion but a bit of meditation had sped up his healing process as well as giving him the concentration needed to use his abilities.
Aubrie was still in awe of how he was able to use the force, for someone who had been a mercenary a few months ago to have abilities beyond her own was incredible. She wondered how a person so strong in the force had missed out on the order as a child, especially since he'd been on Coruscant his entire life. "I'm not sure, it feels colder so it must be night, though on this planet it's hard to tell the difference," he replied.
"How long do you think it'll take us?" She asked.
"To what?"
"To die..."
Jace scratched his chin "I don't know, we have plenty of water, we can use the force in place of food, maybe a couple of months," he replied, but in all honesty he didn't know as he didn't know how proficient Aubrie was in rejuvenating her body with the force and he also didn't know how long his body would accept it until it shut down. Satele had told him that there were limitations to what could be done with the force.
"That's if we let ourselves last that long," Aubrie added. She had been in a slightly melancholic mood since awakening down here; it's often said happiness is the stars and the journey to get there is a ladder, the higher you climb the more painful it'll be when you fall, and Aubrie fell so far. Her future had been taken, she wondered if the situation she was in now was related to the shatter point she saw around Jaden, that he was involved in her and Zule's deaths. If it was then she couldn't find it inside her to blame him, he had done all he could to save everyone, it wasn't his fault. 'Perhaps it just meant he would be present when I die,' she thought to herself, but if that was the case why was Zule not present either.
"Then I suppose a month maybe less," Jaden replied. After he said that they were both quiet, Aubrie knew that she shouldn't be afraid of what was to come, but she was and knowing it was going to happen soon made it almost unbearable.
"What was it like... the lower levels?" Aubrie asked abruptly.
"Pretty miserable, if you didn't have eyes in the back of your head you'd be shot and robbed, though not necessarily in that order," he replied with a chuckle.
"What was it like growing up in the Jedi Temple?" He asked.
Aubrie took a moment to think before shrugging "I would say it was good but I have nothing to compare it to, it's the only life I've ever known," she replied.
"We meditated a lot and were educated in various subjects, we were encouraged to pursue multiple languages and other subjects that interested us. We'd also practice our lightsaber forms and learn the basics of the force," she explained.
"I think I would've liked that, at least more than the lower levels," Jaden said.
"Will you talk to me about it... please?" She asked, needing a distraction from their current situation.
Jaden sighed but nodded, he didn't have much to lose. "The first memory I have is being left in a trash compactor by my mother, at least I think she was my mother, I was around four at the time," he said.
"I remember her telling me to be a good boy and stay still no matter what."
"Why would she do that?" Aubrie asked in horror.
Jaden shrugged "It's pretty tough down there, a kid would just be an extra mouth to feed,"
"But it seemed the trash compactor I was left in was broken, and so I lived there for a couple of years," he continued.
"The other trash compactors beside mine were functional so I always had a source of food, for water there were a few pipes I learned to tap into."
"How could you survive like that?" Aubrie asked.
"It wasn't too difficult, you could find a lot of useful stuff in the compactors and the storerooms, it's where I learnt how to slice and where I built my friend SD8," he replied.
"You are a very impressive person Jaden, I think you would've made a good Jedi," Aubrie said before leaning back on his shoulder.
Jaden chuckled before shaking his head "I don't think so, I couldn't think of a worse fate." Though as the words left his mouth he knew he'd offended her as she looked at him with both her eyebrows raised.
"You have something to say about the Jedi Order," she said with her arms crossed, he could even detect a bit of sass in her voice.
Jaden looked at her "The Jedi sent children into war... that's wrong," he said simply.
"We are not like other children, greater responsibility is placed on us, we are trained to keep the peace," she argued.
"This is a war, where is the peace?" Jaden said with a humourless laugh.
"You're starting to sound like Alto Stratus..." Aubrie said with narrowed eyes.
"Well maybe he isn't wrong..." he replied.
"Jedi shouldn't be involved in this political war between ideologies, if the republic and separatists can't coexist then let them fight it out, but sending children into war because they wield one of the most deadly weapons in the galaxy is wrong..."
Aubrie was silent for a moment as she digested his words. "Then why are you here, why have you been helping us instead of running away?" She asked.
"I don't know... I shouldn't care, a few months ago I wouldn't of," Jaden said slowly. Aubrie could see the distraught look on his face, she opened herself up to the force and felt the conflict within him
"I can feel people through the force, their emotions, their fear, their life, I can feel it being snuffed out when they die."
He looked up at Aubrie his bright blue eyes like shining lights "I've hurt people, I've killed people, I've betrayed enemies and friends, I shouldn't be feeling this way," he said as he drew his legs up to his chest.
Aubrie couldn't help but feel sorry for Jaden she found it easy to forget that Jaden was only a year older than her and was very much a child himself. "Showing Empathy is not a bad thing Jaden, understanding people is a way to lasting peace," Aubrie said putting a hand on his knee.
"Tell me, once we make it out of her, what do you want to do with your life if it is not joining the Jedi Order?" Aubrie asked trying to distract him from the crisis he was going through at the moment.
"When I was younger, I think it was a couple months after I'd been left alone, a Holopaper came down one of the chutes and landed near my feet, it was a trashy tourism Holopaper, but I remember seeing the forests, the rivers and mountains."
"I remember thinking... I want to live there," he said.
Jaden then looked to Aubrie and shrugged "Not much to say after that, I don't have much ambition, I don't care about wealth or power, I just want to feel the earth with my feet and feel the sun on my face."
Aubrie looked at him for a moment before giggling. "What's funny?" He asked.
"I apologise, but there isn't a single Jedi apart from perhaps the Council Members who wouldn't wish for your talent in the force and yet the sum of your ambition is living in a forest," she explained.
"It's not very exciting I know," Jaden said with a chuckle of his own.
Aubrie shook her head "You mistake me, I do not think your dream is silly, you are capable of great things but content yourself with a simple life, I like that," she explained.
"Not that it'll happen anymore," he said with a humourless chuckle.
Aubrie's smile disappeared remembering their current situation. "Is Master Windu a powerful Jedi?" Jaden asked he remembered her telling him that she was to be his apprentice.
Aubrie's smile returned and she nodded "He is the strongest Jedi after Master Yoda, though some say he would beat him in a Lightsaber duel, we both have the ability to view Shatterpoints, a rare ability so he wished for me to become his apprentice," she explained.
"What's a Shatterpoint?" Jaden asked.
Aubrie tapped her finger against her chin "We can see certain things that others do not, sometimes they appear on objects as a weakness or sometimes it can be an event," she tried her best to explain.
Jaden hummed "What do they look like?" He asked.
"Often like a shattered window, sometimes they offer visions into the future but it is often just a feeling," she replied.
"I've seen those before when I healed some of the Clones," Jaden commented.
Aubrie's eyes widened but when she thought about it a bit more it made sense. Being able to heal an amputee was impossible as far as she knew; a shatter point might be able to explain how, but where he got the energy to heal was another question. "If you had been taken to the temple when you were young perhaps we would've apprenticed under Master Windu together," Aubrie said.
Jaden smiled "Perhaps in another life."
...
As they sat together Aubrie could sense much conflict still building within Jaden. "Jaden I can sense your pain and uncertainty, what ails you?" She asked.
Jaden looked over to Aubrie, he wasn't sure what to tell her, he scarcely understood it himself. "Apart from our impending death?" He joked.
Aubrie cracked a small smile "Apart from that," she replied.
His smile slowly faded and he leaned his head back against the rubble. "I'm having trouble figuring out who I am," he said for lack of better words.
"I want to leave, I want to get my ship and leave this planet... but I've doubting if those words are even true," he said looking over at her.
"I think about everyone on this planet... the Clones, the Jedi, the Natives."
"So much death..." he said shaking his head.
"I cannot turn my back."
Aubrie slid closer to him and put her hand on his "I do not know about matters of the mind, but it seems that maybe your heart has been opened by the force," she suggested.
"What should I do?" He asked turning to Aubrie. It was a moot question considering they were going to die, but the answer might change the type of person he was when he crossed into the behind.
"I cannot make that decision for you, I only encourage you to make a choice on who you wish to be," Aubrie replied.
"What all Jedi have in common is acceptance, we accept who we are and we let go of everything else."
Jaden sighed at the more than a little unhelpful reply. It was at times like this he would seek the advice of Satele, but he didn't want to reveal her to Aubrie who would undoubtedly recognise the old Grandmaster. Jaden instead closed his eyes and sunk into a deep meditative state as he began to contemplate.
'Acceptance...' he echoed in his mind, he began to think deeply about his life and all he had done. Memories flashed through his mind at a rapid pace as he relieved his experiences. Very few moments of his life were happy, most were full of pain, fear and anger.
'Is this who you want to be?' He heard a voice similar to Satele's echo out.
'I've never had a choice,' Jaden replied.
'Now you do,' the voice echoed out.
'If I left I wouldn't be dying.'
'But many people would've died if you had not been present.'
'That doesn't make me feel better considering where it's led me.'
'Would living knowing you've condemned others be worth it?'
'It's not my responsibility, it isn't my fight!'
'Since when does there need to be a reason to help someone?'
'No one helped me when I needed it.'
'And you'd like to continue that cycle?'
'I-I... No... I don't.'
'For once do not use your head and instead listen to your heart.'
Jaden didn't want to, he knew what the answer was and he knew he was coming to the point of no return.
'It's time to choose Jaden...'
Jaden's mind raced as he thought thought about what to do, but as he did his mind drifted back to the memories of his life from start to finish, all he had done. He had done much that he had come to regret, all for the sake of his own goal. 'That person was born for the lower floors...' Jaden thought to himself. He wasn't there anymore, he was free, he had seen trees and forests, and he didn't need that person.
As Jaden sunk deeper into his meditation he felt himself engulfed in darkness, a light soon emerged with a young boy sitting on the floor on his own. Jaden felt himself approach the young boy before he took a knee, he smiled at him and put his hand on his head. "Thanks for everything... but I think I'm gonna try something else for a while,' he said. The child smiled at him though he didn't reply.
Jaden accepted the new side of himself fully, now he just had to let go of the past. He took a deep breath and breathed out 'Let go...'
...
Aubrie watched as Jaden meditated, it was quite impressive how he could just slip in and out of such a deep state like that. As she watched she felt his presence in the force start to grow, before it was like a roaring campfire and now it was growing into a burning forest, and it kept on growing. 'Amazing...' she thought to herself, rubble started to shake and dust fell on them, but Jaden didn't seem to take any notice and kept on meditating.
Whatever was happening must've been intense as the rubble around them was jolting so much Aubrie feared it might collapse on them, but soon the dust that was falling on them started to float. She reached out to Jaden with the force and tried to gauge what was happening and was amazed to see him taking her advice. She felt the anger, pain and conflict he felt be cast away, and a resolute desire take its place. Then his eyes opened and Aubrie's world went white and the last thing she heard was a deafening explosion.
...
Her eyes were blurry as she opened them but when she did she realised she wasn't in any pain, and more importantly, she could feel her legs. The thing that shocked her the most however was she could feel the rain on her body and the breeze brushing against her skin. She looked to her side and saw Jaden sitting by her, he looked up at the sky seemingly revelling in its appearance, she couldn't blame him and she too thought they'd never see it again.
"You were right... well, both of you were right, the conflict within made it difficult to use my abilities... now that it's gone I can feel the force so strongly," he said as he raised his hand and lifted a large boulder like it was nothing.
Aubrie stood up on shaky legs, she was alive, she wasn't going to die. In the end, no words could describe how she felt and she started to sob again, only this time they were tears of joy. She hugged Jaden who was also standing, he smiled as he held her back, both were glad to be alive.
Jaden then drew back 'I've decided to stop running... I'll help you, all of you,' he said resolutely.
(AN: So this chapter was a little cringe, but tbh I didn't know how to make it not cringe, they are teenagers so it's kinda hard, most kids are cringe. Anyway Jaden had trouble using the light side of the force as he had this internal conflict raging within him, Satele knew this but wanted him to figure it out by himself. Now that he's sorted it out his ability to channel the force will improve and he won't have to rely on the dark side so much. Jaden wants to save everyone, but he's still in a war and he'll have to learn that he can't always save everyone. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, cya)
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