บท 20: YOU WILL WANT ME:
[BACK TO THE PRESENT]
Silence enveloped the car as Ezra's head nestled into the crook of Maximillian's neck, while Maximillian stared pensively out of the window, his thoughts a turbulent whirlwind. Eventually, Ezra's muffled voice broke the quiet, the words tinged with a mix of confusion and frustration.
"You kept all of this from me for two years. Was it because you wanted me to despise you? Did you think it would be easier to let go if you painted yourself as the villain in this incomprehensible situation?"
A bitter chuckle escaped Ezra's lips as he lifted his head, fixing Maximillian with a serious gaze.
"Normally, I'd probably be callous enough to scoff at your explanation. But given the mess we find ourselves in now... your words, they weirdly make sense. I hate that."
Maximillian met Ezra's gaze, a solemn expression on his face as he spoke softly.
"Do you want me to talk to my sister and bow out of the upcoming shoot? She's willing to consider your perspective."
Ezra lapsed into a brief silence before questioning, "Does she know about... all of this?"
"I informed her as soon as I noticed. Initially, she dismissed it as ridiculous. However, after Micaela's tragic demise yesterday and witnessing the state you were in when you left, she became more concerned. When she inquired about the situation, I shared that someone you knew had just passed away, and you had received the news. Now, she's somewhat skeptical and is open to hearing your side. If you decide not to shoot with me, she's willing to replace me."
"No. I want to proceed with the ad and everything else, together."
"But Ashton... Why?"
"Ezra."
Initially resistant to being addressed by his name after their tumultuous past, Ezra's tone softened. Things had changed, and he wanted to hear his name from Maximillian again. He really did.
"What?"
"Call me Ezra now. I'm not asking to... resume our relationship. I'm not. Just... call me Ezra."
Maximillian fell into a thoughtful quiet, his gaze locked onto Ezra with those complex blue eyes. The color spoke volumes, marking the history of some of the best and worst years of Ezra's life.
"Max..." Ezra rolled the name on his tongue, a rarity in their recent interactions. His heart felt heavy, and he cautiously addressed Maximillian, "Do you, by any chance, blame yourself for Micaela's death as well?"
Maximillian hesitated, his mouth opening and then closing, teeth sinking into his lower lip. The weight of unspoken guilt hung in the air, and Ezra sensed that Maximillian was indeed shouldering blame for the tragic incident.
"Listen carefully, you bozo," Ezra snapped, irritation lacing his words. "If we're entertaining your theories, Micaela's death has nothing to do with you, understand? I didn't even know who she was until yesterday. Besides, aren't these unfortunate events supposed to create a divide between us? Yet, here I am, shamelessly in your lap, trying to have a conversation with you. Do you know why?"
Ezra grabbed Maximillian's collar, his voice tinged with vulnerability as he continued, "Because I was afraid that we might all meet the same fate as that innocent girl due to this absurd situation, and I wouldn't even have the complete story behind our past. Also, I wanted to…" He trailed off, his voice breaking, leaving the rest unspoken.
Ezra's teeth sank into his lower lip, his nose crinkling as he fought back tears. A cracked sigh escaped him, carrying with it traces of shame and sadness. He admitted with vulnerability, "I wanted to reconcile, despite our tumultuous past, just to ensure I wouldn't harbor regrets about my life. I nurtured a newfound hope that maybe you reciprocated my feelings. That there were reasons behind your actions..."
Shaking his head, Ezra glanced upward, steadying his emotions, and then fixed his gaze back on Maximillian. "Do you grasp the weight of that? Yesterday's tragedy made me yearn to bridge the gap between us, not widen it. It contradicts your suspicions. So, I challenge you to doubt yourself and feel guilty. Where is the overbearing, self-confident jerk I knew from two years ago?"
Maximillian, having pulled down Ezra's hands that had been clutching at his collar, now held onto them, gently massaging them. It was an unconscious gesture, a lingering habit from a time when they were something more—something he desperately missed but could no longer have.
Ezra allowed Maximillian to continue massaging his hands as he gazed down at their entwined fingers, his expression contemplative. "I see. I've killed that overbearing guy. Now, he's just an anxious, desperate, fumbling, indecisive man who can't fully let go of his ex-lover. I never wanted you to be like this, Max. You looked so much better when you were a high and lofty person with the self-confidence of a brain-dead idiot. I liked you that way. I'm sorry you're like this now, because of me."
"It was never because of you. Stop blaming yourself… Ezra."
"Wow, look who's talking."
Ezra leaned in, scowling. "You know what, Max? I'm not giving up on you. Remember that. The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that we're past that phase. When you left me, when I was in the hospital, Alice died too. But by that time, we weren't together anymore. Still, Alice's death had me in a chokehold of grief for a while. Would you say that was your fault too?"
"Max, there's more to this than we know. You believe what you want to. I'll trust my own judgment."
Maximillian tightened his grip on Ezra's hands. "Ezra, please think this over. What about your aunt and cousin? What about yourself?"
Upon hearing that, Ezra chuckled slightly. "Those two are truly talented actors. I never knew they could play their roles so convincingly. It just dawned on me – they set me up for the party yesterday. How could Celeste not have a partner arranged already, given her aversion to appearing anything less than perfect in public? And Aunt Evy, meticulous as she is, only discovering her invitation yesterday? Those two really got me good. It seems they were determined for me to meet you again."
Ezra maintained a calm gaze on Maximillian. "Those two are smart, incredibly smart women. They always know what they want and what they're getting into. They must have thought this through, and I won't go against their choice. As for me, I'll be fine. Didn't I make a miraculous recovery from an otherwise deadly injury back then?"
The truth was, Ezra's confidence masked a deeper uncertainty. He was making bets now, feeling cornered by the otherworldly scenario and the looming threat of death. Intuitively, he sensed that if something were to go wrong again, it wouldn't be Aunt Evy or Celeste as the victims, but himself.
After all, if Maximillian's fears held truth, then something had been actively keeping him away from Maximillian at all costs. Reflecting on it, Ezra considered that he might have been oblivious to those signs, and whatever it was had attempted to eliminate him back then. Yet, he made it out alive, and perhaps that was a positive indication. It could signify that he was no longer a concern, or conversely, it might be a final chance for recovery with the looming threat that he'd meet his end if he abused this opportunity. Ezra found himself making life-or-death bets, a gamble on his own existence.
In this contemplative moment, he heard Maximillian quietly remark, "Our relationship, though... was never something that felt safe back then."
Ezra fell silent, pursing his lips into a thin line as he considered Maximillian's words. They were true. There was actually an odd factor to their past relationship. When they had been together, an unsettling feeling would linger, as if they were challenging something fundamental. It felt like their meeting and entering into that relationship was a jarring and out-of-place idea. Maximillian sensed it, Ezra did too, and oddly enough, so did Faye, Alice, Celeste, and Sienna. It was as if the universe itself questioned the legitimacy of their connection.
Despite her feelings for Maximillian, Alice remained a cherished friend of Ezra whom he respected and cared for deeply. She would console him with a pout, saying, "Maybe you two are just defying your own destinies to be together... How romaaaaantic."
Ezra would playfully grin, teasing, "Why would you stretch the last bit so much? Are you that impressed by it?"
"Hah! Of course. Whatever," Alice would retort, rolling her eyes but eventually joining in laughter alongside him.
Back then, they never pondered much about such remarks. However, in light of recent events, Maximillian found it a valid point to consider. A point Ezra chose to ignore, as there was currently no sense of being out of place between them. Although nothing substantial happened between them now, Ezra held a strange intuition that this time, things would be different.
Having already made so many bets, what was one more? So, Ezra chuckled lowly and withdrew his hands from Maximillian's gentle grip. Instead, he snaked them around Maximillian's neck and pulled the surprised man into a harsh, rough, and passionate kiss.
Maximillian was initially shocked, then a wave of understanding washed over him regarding Ezra's intentions. He felt the impulse to push Ezra away, but as Ezra had accurately pointed out, he was an indecisive person, perpetually at Ezra's mercy since the moment they met.
'Just for this moment,' Maximilian tried to convince himself, 'Just for now, let me indulge in this moment for a little bit. Yes. Just for now.'
With an excuse he crafted for himself, Maximillian decided to let go for the moment, capturing Ezra's waist tightly in his arms. He opened his lips, capturing Ezra's tongue that had entered, sucking on it desperately, almost wanting to devour him whole. Leaning in further, their passionate encounter continued until Ezra's back softly met the steering
Maximillian enveloped Ezra's back with his arms, ensuring he wouldn't get hurt from being pushed against the steering wheel. His hand traced the scars on Ezra's back, faintly discernible through the fabric of Ezra's shirt. It was a touch filled with reverence, carrying a weight of distress. Yet, in that moment, Maximillian felt that these scars were no blemish on his Ezra. Despite everything, Ezra was beautiful, and scars posed no threat to that beauty.
After a few intense minutes, they reluctantly separated, both breathing heavily, their arms still wrapped around each other, chests rising and falling in unison. The atmosphere remained thick with tension. Ezra's provocative voice added to it as he expressed with a breathy tone, "That was nice… What do you have to say now, Max? You were all over me… Nothing about that felt out of place this time."
Ezra locked eyes with Maximillian, his expression serious and determined. "No matter how hard you try to evade me, reject me, or desperately attempt to distance yourself, you do what you want. But I will pursue what I want. And what I want is to shatter your determination to leave me, even if you think it is for my sake. I will make you give up resisting me, believe that we were never wrong for each other, and that YOU were never wrong for me."
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