บท 79: All Waifus and Drunks in Space
Felicia had a long night; she didn't sleep well. She underestimated Oscorp's security, and after several attempts, she managed to infiltrate one of their facilities. However, she found nothing more than some vague projects and some new chip designs. It wasn't enough to compensate for a sleepless night.
Felicia got up, wearing only a shirt and underwear. She went to the bathroom, washed her face, and looked in the mirror, noticing a couple of small dark circles under her eyes.
"Not worth it..." Felicia sighed and proceeded to take a shower. The water from the shower fell on her body, washing away some of the fatigue she felt.
Felicia preferred jewelry and art. Stealing technology might have its charm, but for Black Cat, it didn't compare to the satisfaction of stealing a bracelet full of jewels, a relic from two thousand years ago, or an invaluable piece of art.
After finishing her shower, Felicia returned to her room to dry her snow-white hair. She checked the clock and didn't feel like going to school. With all she had stolen, she could live the rest of her life filled with luxuries, but every good thief doesn't appear to be one; it's one of the rules her father taught her.
"Should I call him and ask for a massage?" Felicia pouted while thinking about Allen. She used to act mature, independent, and free-spirited, but like any woman, she occasionally wanted to be pampered. Until these days, she hadn't had anyone like that.
Felicia fell backward onto her bed, and the bathrobe she had on shifted, revealing her porcelain, immaculate skin, moistened by the bath. It's an image that would make more than one man's nose bleed.
Felicia grabbed her phone and went to contacts. She didn't have many relationships, mostly people from the underworld. There was only one number that held a different meaning; she hesitated to call. A part of her knew she shouldn't get involved in a romantic relationship because that only brings problems.
Felicia groaned with uncertainty, lying down without being able to make a decision. She threw a tantrum, rolling on the bed. A voluptuous girl in a bathrobe throwing a tantrum like a little girl—this image would make many men lose their minds.
"I don't want to do anything~ I don't want to call him, and I want to call him!"
As if the universe mocked her trivial concerns, a notification popped up on her phone, irritating her. She thought it must be the loan shark she sells to.
"...!"
Felicia immediately got up from the bed, her gaze fixed on the screen, her mouth open in disbelief.
...
Mystique, a shape-shifting mutant capable of becoming anyone, received a cruel order from Magneto: she had to seduce Allen Walker. Most women in the world would gladly accept such a task, but she had feelings for Erik (Magneto).
She suffered and doubted for several days, but in the end, she accepted her fate and hardened her heart. Beyond her emotions, there was how much she owed to Erik, and she was willing to do this.
Once Mystique overcame her doubts, she searched for all the information she could about Allen to get closer to him more easily.
She joined his livestream as a viewer, became a subscriber and donor. She investigated through various media, tirelessly going through every video, clip, post, and piece of writing that Allen left on the internet. Unfortunately, she couldn't find more personal information.
She even went to the extreme of becoming a public servant, accessing citizens' databases, but found nothing. She entered the FBI and checked his information, but still nothing. It was as if Allen had no life apart from his identity as a content creator. No addresses, no acquaintances, no past of Allen Walker beyond what he mentioned in his videos.
Mystique considered two possibilities: the US government or SHIELD. They could have hidden that information.
With that in mind, she got to work and became a Shield agent. Mystique had an incredible power; she could even infiltrate Shield without being discovered. No, it's not just that, she had practiced being anyone. Her impersonation had to be perfect because, in an organization like Shield, where everyone is a spy, the slightest mistake would expose her.
...
Once inside, she thought she'd be lucky this time. She wasn't.
Mystique hit a desk. There was no information, none, except for reports of Allen's activities.
...
Frustrated, she left the facilities and went to a hotel. Was it over? No, she couldn't fail and give up; that wasn't an option.
Mystique reviewed Allen's videos and noticed details about his likes and hobbies. Allen was a "public figure," making it easy to know many things about him.
What caught her attention the most was a viral clip of Allen spending a fortune on sex dolls.
Mystique thought of a possibility; she could use her ability to her advantage.
...
She transformed into an ordinary Asian girl and went to a manga store. She pulled out a black card and looked at the cashier.
"Give me everything you have about those things you call waifus!"
The cashier almost fell upon hearing what Mystique said, but she didn't care. She had a smile, thinking this would be too easy.
Mystique's plan was to be able to transform into as many waifus as possible. There should be one that Allen would end up liking.
It's not the best plan; in fact, it's a stupid plan, but it's a start. Mystique didn't underestimate Allen; she knew he was an expert in this field. Just pretending to be a waifu wasn't enough; she had to embody his essence and personality perfectly; otherwise, she would end up as a joke.
It was a brilliant... but stupid... but brilliant and incredible... but stupid and ridiculous idea. Mystique hadn't slept in two days, and her mind was focused on her mission. She only had memories of Allen's videos at this moment.
Mystique left that store having bought tons of products. Now they just needed to be sent to the apartment where she would stay during this mission. She did the same in a comic book store.
She didn't know what she was getting into, and she would soon realize how difficult it was to be a waifu. So, she would end up changing her plan, deciding to embody perfection in only a few instead of many waifus.
As Mystique was returning, her two phones rang; they were notifications that Allen had started a stream. She put on a serious look; Allen was her mission, and everything that implied had priority, even herself.
Mystique opened the application and remained silent for a few moments, watching what Allen was doing.
"It seems we still underestimate what Allen Walker is capable of." A drop of sweat ran down her cheek as she stared intently at the man she had to seduce.
She understood that there was no other option; not even Magneto should be able to stop someone capable of doing such surreal things.
Mystique reaffirmed her conviction and went home to study how to be a perfect waifu, unaware that the only beneficiary of her efforts would be Allen.
...
Jack Black is a tolerant and open-minded man, but the current situation was too difficult for even him to grasp.
Somehow, Jack Black ended up floating in space in his sedan with three strangers. Jack looked in the rearview mirror; there was a guy trembling while hugging his knees, calling his mother with a desperate look. Next to him was Tony Stark snoring, creating a surreal contrast. The worst part was the strange being next to Jack, because calling him human would be too generous—Allen Walker, that young man who has the world upside down, in Jack's eyes, was talking to himself.
"Hello, people... Can you hear me? Never mind, today will be a very interesting livestream, me and... them? Come on... uh, driver, what were we going to do?"
Allen had started the livestream, but since he couldn't see well at the moment, he was confused about whether he was really broadcasting or not.
"..."
Jack remained silent, unable to accept that his life depended on a guy who couldn't maintain his memory for more than thirty seconds.
"You said we were going to Moscow..." Jack replied expressionlessly.
"Huh?! Why the heck would we go to a place where it's cold?! Let's go to the beach or something!" Allen replied, annoyed with whoever had such a stupid idea, unaware that it was himself.
"Well, I don't know the neighborhood; we could ask a local if they know how to get to the beach," Jack mocked, although his face turned pale at Allen's actions. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
Allen grabbed the door handle with every intention of going into space to ask for directions. "Good idea, driver; I'll be right back."
"Nooo!" Jack jumped and tackled Allen to prevent him from killing them all.
===
The chat had the same expression of disbelief. They already knew Allen was eccentric, but this was too much. Allen began acting like a complete madman, doing absurd things.
"Well, I'll say it... WHAT THE HELL!!"
Gwen – Allen, come back to Earth right now!!
Natasha – You're grounded for the rest of the year!!!
At MJ's house, she would have fainted if it weren't for her new arachnid strength.
Reactions varied from amazement to disbelief, but those who had known Allen longer knew he wasn't okay and were terrified, except for Rick, who was upset for not being there.
Rick – Damn bastards didn't invite me!!
Unfortunately, all their shouts didn't reach Allen because he didn't even have the chat active, and even if he did, it wasn't possible to respond coherently at this moment.
===
Jack gasped as he sweated; it was challenging to prevent Allen from opening the door. At that moment, Tony woke up, suffering from a hangover.
"Is it still night?... yes, but what day is it?... Jarvis..." Tony called his virtual butler, but he didn't answer. "Jarvis?"
"Duh, we're in space, Tony; there's no signal here!" Allen responded with irony.
"I see..." Tony took a few seconds to process the information, then felt his head cooling and looked out the window at breakneck speed in shock. Tony remained silent for a few seconds. "Well, at least I'm not naked."
"You're taking the fact of being in mortal danger quite well, Stark..." Jack commented with wide-open eyes as he looked at Tony suspiciously. He didn't lie; having Ironman awake and sane gave Jack and the random guy a lot of reassurance. The young man in the back looked lost in space.
Tony put on dark glasses to hide his red eyes and dark circles under his eyes "Hahaha Jack, this guy is Allen Walker we are safe even in space...Wait... huh?!" Tony stopped his words as he looked at Allen who was wild eyed and staggering. "Kid, what the fuck did you drink?!".
Tony lost his cool and immediately went over to Allen to take a look at him, but Allen laughed and stuck his magic bottle in Tony's mouth.
"I have no idea, why don't you try it and tell me what it is?" Allen laughed. "Hahaha."
Tony's eyes widened and as if he'd been fed acid, the stuff burned his mouth, he managed to pull away but a little bit went down his throat.
"Stark!" shouted Jack worriedly, but it was too late Tony stood up as if he had seen Gojo's Domain Expansion.
"Noob!" sneered Allen at Tony, wiped his mouth with the bottle and took a swig himself.
Jack banged his head against the steering wheel and the young man behind him stared blankly.
"Well, enough of this nonsense. We have to go to Moscow" said Allen impatiently. He had no idea who decided to go to Moscow, but he wasn't someone who would back down from a challenge.
"And how will we go from space?!" Jack shouted, not taking his face off the steering wheel.
"Pfff, I have a plan." Allen suddenly became serious as if he had returned from his trip and looked at the button panel. He took out some glasses from his pocket and put them on for a more intelligent look. "One of these buttons should take us home, right."
Jack looked at Allen and nodded at the change in attitude. Jack was glad and paid attention to his words.
"That means that if we press them all, we should be able to activate the one that takes us home!" Allen said, leaving everyone speechless. Allen smiled as if he were a genius who had discovered the formula for immortality.
"Oh my god, we're dead..." the man in the back muttered in desperation.
Trembling, Jack approached Allen. "Yes, it's a great plan!... Of course, we could also die in an explosion by doing that!"
Allen crossed his arms and gave a contemplative look. "Well, that's a possibility... but life is full of risks; I say it's worth it."
While Jack was about to curse aloud.
"Approved!" Tony stood up and pressed half of the buttons before the young man grabbed him in desperation.
"NOOOO!!!"
The car turned into an ice cream truck; it sprouted missiles, fired a laser beam that destroyed a meteorite heading for Earth.
Allen smiled smugly at Jack after seeing the latter. Maybe it wasn't a giant meteor capable of annihilating life, but it must have caused a disaster upon impact, and Tony destroyed it. But Allen's "I told you so" face made Jack grind his teeth.
"And crap, you didn't know that was going to happen!" Jack shouted, grabbing Allen by the neck.
"Heh," Allen laughed.
[Activating autopilot to Moscow...]
The system's voice sounded in the car, and everyone calmed down.
The car started flying back to Earth. This made Allen's smile even bigger, and Jack simply gave up.
"Don't make those faces, gentlemen. Glory and adventure await us!" Allen shouted, trying to open the window but being stopped by everyone as they entered the atmosphere.
"Let me go, you sons of bitches!" Allen got annoyed that they wouldn't let him open the window in space. "I must let the wind move my hair for a cooler effect!"
"We're in space, idiot!" Jack shouted while holding onto Allen.
"Insignificant details! Everything is a matter of putting in effort!" Allen replied indignantly. Even in this state, his mentality of providing entertainment to the viewers hadn't disappeared. "Stupid bastards, let me do it, I'll even accompany you on your stupid trip to Moscow!!"
"Idiot bird brain, you were the one who wanted to go!!"
The struggle continued; Allen didn't have strength due to the system's security lock, so they could contain him, but that left him unsatisfied.
===
A/N: All this week's chapters are going to be crazy hahahaha.
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