บท 2: A Good Day to Be Hard
My name is Felix Wilczek. I was named 'Felix' because my parents wanted me to be lucky in life. However, fate can be quite ironic, because one year after my birth, my father decided to abandon his responsibilities and ran off with a girl who was half his age. As for my mother, she deemed it best to leave me at an orphanage, claiming 'she have the means to provide me the life I deserved,' which would've been a sympathetic and completely believable story had she not continued flaunting her lavish trips and nightlife on social media alongside a revolving door of boyfriends.
I would like to say that I'm pissed, but in all honesty, I've kinda accepted the fact that I'm extremely unlucky. That's just how life is, I guess. Shit happens to everyone, and I happened to draw the short straw early on. But it can always get better. Life isn't so bad, right now. I have my adoptive mother, who I now consider my true mother, looking out for me. I've managed to make a few good friends, and I also have a decent social life.
That's the good thing about starting from the bottom. There's only one direction to go; up.
So trust me when I say that it's all going to work ou-
Clank!
"Gyah!" I gasped, stepping back in shock as I saw the doorknob deformed and squished. My breath became heavy, and I couldn't help but glance back and forth between my hands and the distorted doorknob, trying to comprehend what had just happened.
"Felix? Are you okay?" My mother's concerned voice reached my ears, and I shouted in response, "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine, mom."
With my heart still racing, I turned my attention back to the deformed doorknob. "What the fuck?" I muttered softly to myself, my steps cautious as I approached the door, my gaze fixed on the distorted doorknob.
"Did I… Did I do that?" My voice carried a tinge of disbelief as I gingerly prodded the deformed doorknob with my finger, which fortunately, didn't do anything. "Holy shit.."
"Yesterday," I uttered with wide eyes, as the realization struck me. "That was all, true?"
Am I really a vampire?
"Does this mean that I can't go out into the sun?" I pondered internally before turning around, and the sunlight streaming in through the window directly hit my face, causing me to squint my eyes in response.
"Ugh.." I grumbled, lifting my hand to shield my eyes from the light. Afterwards, I inspected my body, which was still bathed in sunlight. "I guess I'm okay in the sun.."
Wait a minute!
I gazed at my body once more, and my eyes widened in astonishment. I had somehow acquired abs overnight!
"Holy shit.." I murmured, reaching out to touch my abdomen, and a smile slowly began to spread across my face. "I have a six pack…. Hahahahaha! I HAVE A SIX PACK!"
"Stop screaming Felix!" My mother's irritated voice broke through, prompting me to immediately quiet down and halt my celebrations. "Sorry, Mom!" I shouted back in response.
I then sat down and pondered for a moment, wondering what other changes might have taken place.
"Hmm, what about my d*ck?" I mused aloud, my attention naturally drawn to my boxers, and I raised my eyebrows.
Whoosh!
I headed for the bathroom, and as I gripped the doorknob-
CLANG!
"Ah, shit!" I exclaimed, gazing at the misshapen doorknob while biting my lips, frustrated that I had overlooked the fact that I possessed super strength.
"Easy does it…" I muttered to myself as I approached the bathroom door and grabbed the doorknob again, twisting it, this time really slowly, before pulling it open.
"Phew!" I let out a sigh of relief as I stepped into the bathroom. "This is going to be a challenge every time I wake up in the middle of the night to pee."
I sat down on the toilet, pulled down my boxers to my feet, and my, and my excalibur flopped out like a wet sausage. I grabbed it and started examining it for a moment, after which I mumbled, "I'm not seeing much of a difference.."
Maybe it needs to be erect!
Realizing that there was one more test to run, I took out my phone and placed a hot por- ahem, a wholesome video about a girl receiving tutoring to improve her grades.
BOING!
"Yowza! It has finally arisen!" I screamed out loud, both in delight and in shock at how quickly junior down there turned into senior. But more importantly, I was surprised at how large it had gotten. "Goddamn! What's that, like nine inches?!"
I reached for the measuring tape I conveniently kept on the sink for.. uh, fixing the, uh, pipes, and measured its length, which came out to be 9 inches.
".... 9.1 inches…" I murmured the measurement softly, committing it to memory, before returning the measuring tape to its spot by the sink. "Cool," I said to myself as I stared at my 'fairy larger pony' with a proud smile on my face. "I can't believe I have an 9.2 inch d*ck!"
I then shifted my attention back to the wholesome video which was still playing on my phone screen, and decided to test out the endurance of the newly transformed object; for research purposes, of course.
"What else changed?" I pondered to myself as I pulled my boxers back up after completing my little research and settled back onto the toilet. I couldn't help but wonder if I had gained any other new abilities, like maybe X-ray vision or something.
I focused my gaze on the wall in front of me and squinted my eyes in an attempt to see beyond its surface.
"Guh…" I groaned as I continued squinting my eyes, and then all of a sudden..
"Whoa-" In an instant, my vision zoomed into the wallpaper on the wall. I freaked out and quickly pulled my head back, stopping my squinting in the process, which reverted my vision back to normal.
"Wha- what the fuck was that?" I exclaimed to myself, staring at the wall while breathing heavily. "That definitely wasn't X-ray vision.."
It was more like someone had attached a high-powered zoom and macro lens to my eye.
"Let me give that another shot," I thought to myself, feeling more composed. I directed my focus once again towards the wallpaper on my bathroom wall, this time squinting slowly and deliberately.
Whoosh!
My vision seemed to warp and shift around me, before it smoothly zoomed forward and landed on a fly that was sitting on the wall, and my mouth opened wide. "Whoa… That's pretty cool."
"Felix! Come down, quickly! You're going to be late for school!" My mother's voice interrupted my concentration, snapping my vision back to normal in an instant. I winced from the sudden change and rubbed my eyes, groaning as I replied, "Ow, ow, ow… Yeah mom, I'll be down there."
I took a glance at my phone, only to realize that I didn't have time for a shower. I gritted my teeth in annoyance. "You have got to be kidding me.." In hindsight, I probably should've done the 'research' after school.
"Felix!" My mom's shouts became increasingly more annoying as the seconds passed, and I rushed to the bathroom door, replying, "I'm coming, mom!"
CRACK!
I yanked open the doorknob quickly, forgetting that I had superhuman strength, and in an instant, the door was ripped out from its frame and landed into my hands.
Fuck!
I looked at the door in my hand, and then shifted my gaze to the doorway, which was now conspicuously vacant without its door, and gulped down my saliva.
…. I'll fix that when I get back.
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KamikazeGhost
KamikazeGhost Hi! Hope you're enjoying the novel and you like the jokes. And yes, Felix will start slowly increasing the size of his woody in his mind as a gag. So you're going to see incorrect measurements as time goes on. Vote for me if you like the story!
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