บท 5: The King's Dilemma: Confronting the Light and Dark Advisors
"When confronted with adversity, it's crucial to recall and implement the lessons imparted by your mentors."
As I journeyed down memory lane, the past five years unfolded before me, transporting me back to my roots and to a time when I existed in a different reality.
I departed from the orphanage, my heart brimming with optimism for both my future and the institution's well-being, vowing to procure sustenance, financial aid, and vitality for its inhabitants. Yet upon arriving at BtP, I was met with nothing but profound humiliation - a painful chapter in my life that I would prefer to bury in the recesses of my past.
Penniless and bereft of resources, I found myself pleading for work just outside the forbidding gates of BtP from which I had been forcefully expelled. As fate would have it, I was a construction worker, laboring under the sun, erecting Café Eve and the residences belonging to the Master and Madame.
One day, a fateful encounter transformed my life. Master, a renowned bartender and mentor, presented an offer to work under his guidance. The role was that of a Café attendant, barista even a bartender, with the pay being fivefold what I was earning.
(Perhaps he took pity on me, a young, handsome man laboring in the harsh conditions of construction work.)
His offer was a gateway into a mysterious world. "A bartender is a lighthouse of peace, hope, and tranquility, offering solace to all sailors of life," he stated. His words seemed unusual, but the opportunity was too tempting to reject.
(With a sufficient amount of money, some individuals would even sell their own family. As for me, all I needed to do was trade my conscience for a salary five times the standard rate—a transaction that still seemed profitable. Not telling me to become a lighthouse...)
"I will become the sun!"
Master was more than just my employer; he was my mentor. His teachings went beyond the task of serving drinks; they were life lessons. One time, he shared an intriguing analogy with me.
***
In the serene, snow-clad landscape of the Arctic, two majestic wolves, known as Yara and Tuk, resided. They were siblings, born simultaneously, yet their personalities differed drastically.
Yara, the white wolf, symbolized virtue. She was compassionate, altruistic, and embodied all that was good. Always mindful of the pack's welfare, she prioritized others above herself. Her radiant white fur shone brightly against the contrasting snow, mirroring her benevolence.
On the other hand, Tuk, the black wolf, was unpredictable, quick-tempered, and often yielded to his negative emotions. He was selfish, habitually prioritizing his needs over those of the pack. His stark black fur was prominent against the snowy terrain, much like his actions stood out against his sister's.
Both these wolves resided within the heart of a young boy named Koda, who had been raised by the pack. Each day was a battle between Yara's altruism and Tuk's egocentrism, their voices echoing within his mind.
One evening, as Koda sat by the fire, his grandfather, the wise old Chief, narrated the tale of the two wolves to him. "Within each of us, two wolves reside," he began. "One wolf embodies all that is good - joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy. The other wolf represents all that is negative - anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, fear."
Listening attentively, Koda asked, "But grandfather, which wolf prevails?"
The sage-like Chief glanced at Koda, his eyes gleaming, "The one you nourish, Koda."
From that day forward, Koda cherished his grandfather's words. Every time he felt anger, envy, or fear creeping in, he would visualize Tuk and consciously choose not to feed these feelings. Instead, he would nurture his feelings of joy, love, hope, and kindness, feeding Yara with his actions.
Over time, Koda noticed a transformation. The more he nurtured Yara, the stronger he felt her presence, her benevolence guiding him in every situation. Conversely, Tuk seemed to weaken, his whispers became less frequent, his influence dwindling.
By nourishing the virtuous wolf, Yara, Koda not only fostered the goodness within him but also starved the negative wolf, Tuk. He realized that the wolf that prevails is indeed the one we choose to feed. And that choice, of which wolf to nourish, holds the power to shape our lives and define our identity.
From then on, Koda was recognized not just as a member of the wolf pack, but as an embodiment of Yara's virtues, a beacon of positivity and benevolence in his tribe. His story serves as a timeless reminder for us all that both Yara and Tuk live within us, and it's our decision which wolf triumphs by choosing which one to feed.
***
The first teaching of Master is, "Visualize yourself as a king, seated on the throne of your heart. You have two advisors, one from the dark side on your left, and one from the light on your right. You could say they are an angel and a demon whispering to you."
"But They are more than that," he continued, listing names from the dark side: Arrogance, Anger, Selfishness, Envy, Jealousy, Cunning, Greed, Hatred, Grudges, Heartache, Dissatisfaction, Burdens, Fears, Worries.
Then he listed their counterparts from the light: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control, Humility, Grace.
He pressed on, "Each of them whispers in your ear, offering their advice. But remember, Jaime, you are the king, the ultimate decision-maker. Now tell me, whose voices do you often heed?"
After a moment's thought, I replied, "Anger and Fear."
Master nodded and said, "Give yourself time, Jaime. Listen to all of them and then slowly, choose what's best for you. Remember, as Jaime, you have the freedom to do whatever you want, but as a bartender, you must always choose the virtuous, the peaceful side and uphold it. It's your professional responsibility."
He added, "Think about it. In school, when you're asked a question about how to treat people and given multiple choices - a) arrogance, b) kindness, c) hit them hard, d) use them selfishly - even if you're not a good person, you know the right answer, right?"
I nodded in agreement.
Life is like a multiple-choice exam. I know what the correct answer is, even if I might not always follow it. I know vegetables are healthy, yet I often choose junk food. Behind the bar, I have to consistently choose the virtuous side, reminding myself that it's a performance, it's the right answer, and I have a responsibility to adhere to it. Outside the bar, however, I can just be Jaime.
"Jaime, remember, if you constantly follow and display anger, fear, or arrogance, that's what you're offering to the people around you—those dear to you. And what can you expect in return if you continually project negativity? Nothing but the same. No good can come from negative emotions. So, always project positivity onto those around you, and in turn, you can hope to receive goodness. At least they will think you are kind."
***
Life has evolved since then. Now, as I stand behind the bar, pouring elixirs into glasses, I realize I'm not merely serving drinks, I'm dispensing life lessons - the ones Master imparted to me.
"Jaime, whatever you desire and want, I will give to you," said
***
As I navigate this tumultuous journey, I am reminded that being a bartender is not merely about pouring drinks and serving customers. It is about harnessing the power of my choices - my ability to feed the virtuous wolf within me while starving the negative one. It's about remembering that the power of choice lies within me, as a human being and a bartender. I can decide who I want to be, both inside and outside the bar.
" I am sorry…"
"Jaime, whatever you desire and want, I will give to you," said the beautiful girl, her gaze locked onto mine. "Including me, if you want me."
As I found myself standing in front of this attractive girl, I knew I needed to remain calm and summon my inner advisors. As the king of my heart, I needed to listen to the counsel of both sides.
From the darker side:
**Arrogance**: "She thinks she can manipulate you, Jaime? Show her you won't be controlled so easily. At least she has to pay me double."
**Anger**: "How dare she make such a proposal! She's asking you to end a life. Express your anger. Let her know, who you are."
**Selfishness**: "Seize this opportunity, Jaime. You could gain so much. Ask for more."
**Envy**: "Is she suggesting you're not capable? Show her just how capable you are."
**Jealousy**: "Who is she asking you to kill? Someone she values more than you? That's unfair."
**Cunning**: "Agree to her request, but find a way to outsmart her. Use this situation to your advantage. Ask her to pay the money and the body up front, then you run away from her."
**Greed**: "Just think about all the benefits you could reap from her offer. Maybe she is desperate enough to pay triple."
**Hatred**: "Perhaps the person she wants dead deserves your hatred. It's worth considering."
**Grudges**: "You've been wronged before. Now's your chance to make someone else experience that."
**Heartache**: "This will only bring you pain, Jaime. Why not inflict some pain on her as well? Refuse her and make fun of her."
**Dissatisfaction**: "No matter what you do, she'll never be satisfied. Don't waste your effort."
**Burdens**: "Are you prepared to bear the guilt of someone's death on your conscience?"
**Fears**: "If you agree to this, you'll live in constant fear of being discovered."
**Worries**: "There are so many ways this could go wrong. It's not worth the risk. If the BtP officer knows you will kill him. He will give you painful death."
**Lust**: "Make love, make love, make love...Show her your prowess, your passion. Let her see your raw power, Jaime. Unleash your greatness!"
And from the lighter side:
**Love**: "You're full of love, Jaime. Don't let hatred and violence corrupt your heart. Follow the love, make more life not taking life."
**Joy**: "Don't let this offer rob you of your joy. Stay true to your spirit. You are already happy with 5 times salary why asking for more?"
**Peace**: "Consider the peaceful life you currently enjoy, Jaime. Don't disturb it with this destructive proposal."
**Patience**: "Take your time, Jaime. Don't make rash decisions that could change your life forever."
**Kindness**: "Respond to her kindly, but reject her request. Show her that there are more powerful things in life than violence and wealth. Ask her to find a better life and happiness… with you"
**Goodness**: "Don't compromise your inner goodness for anything, Jaime. She is just wounded person, need to be healed."
**Faithfulness**: "Stay true to your morals and values. This request goes against everything you believe in. She will regret it soon."
**Gentleness**: "Decline her proposition gently. She could be desperate or in a difficult situation. Show compassion, but don't lose sight of what's right."
**Self-control**: "Resist temptation, Jaime. Remember who you are and what you stand for."
**Humility**: "Accepting her offer would go against your humble nature. Politely decline it."
**Grace**: "Turn her down gracefully. Make sure you don't exacerbate her desperation. Remember, grace is not just about movement, but also about handling difficult situations with dignity and respect."
All of this unfolds in my mind, an intense symposium of voices condensed into a mere second. They do not merely speak - they deliver their opinions directly, swiftly. At first, processing their inputs used to take time, but as I honed this skill, it sped up considerably.
"Now, all advisors, both good and bad, descend to the core of the Earth. Remain there, grounded and humble. All negative emotions and feelings induced by the bad advice will be cleansed by the divine light cascading from the heavens, from the True Source, transforming into positive energy."
"After all, who desires negative energy inhabiting their mind and body, right?"
After the usual invocation and closing rites, I was prepared to deliver my response.
"I'm sorry," I said, my voice softened with regret, but firm in my decision. "I cannot accept your proposition."
"I knew you would refuse," she retorted. "I will ask Master to force your acceptance."
Suddenly, a voice echoed from behind me. "Accept it, Jaime," commanded Master.
"Why?" I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.
"She is Michelle, your beloved Michelle," revealed Master, his smile unfurling like a secret. "In these three years, have you ever managed to deny her a single wish?"
My heart sank. Michelle was the master's kin and the tormentor of my peace. I was ensnared in a predicament I could neither understand nor escape.
(Michelle the Coyote Ugly)
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