บท 324: SAO: The Eroge by SaintInfernalNeos
This sao fanfic is really good if you give it a chance I highly recommend it
Words: 267k+
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12887197/1/SAO-The-Eroge
(Many people wish their lives could become a videogame...the thing is, though, few actually bother specifying WHICH type of game. Kirigaya Kazuto will realize it's not as 'obvious' as it should be when he wakes up one day with the 'power' to raise 'Flags', unlock 'Routes' and gain 'Affection Points'. Will his Sanity survive what's about to come his way...?)
Chapter 1: Prologue Scene: Flags and Routes!
Happy April Fools, people! Here is Saint to bring you, like last year, a crazy SAO idea to fit this date :P!
So, this occurred to me some time ago, while going through yet another of the many 'Gamer Fics' that are on the site (I'm sure many of you should have, if not read, at least heard of or crossed paths with one or two before). I was just tired of how boring/repetitive/slow most of them are (Sans a few exceptions) when an extremely hilarious and amusing idea came to my mind about making a 'parody' of the concept because, as the summary of this says, while a lot of people wishes for their lives to be like a game, very few actually detail specifically WHICH type, as at this point many think it's all but implied to be an 'RPG' :P In this case, though…
Well, before we get to that part, let's start it off with the only recurrent characters in my SAO Fanfics' Omniverse. And no, I'm not talking about Kirito, but our dear Absolute Ones :D Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Neither Sword Art Online nor its characters belong to me, as much as I wish otherwise. If they did, 'There Is But One Ultimate Way' would no doubt be the Canon Ending of the series.
[Arc 1: Dating Tutorial]
Prologue Scene: The Basics of Flags and Routes!
The Omniverse. An infinite construct formed by infinite Multiverses, which are, at the same time, formed by infinite Universes. On it, everything can happen…
And yet, sometimes, things that are beyond all understanding and that are so horrifying they should never happen, do so.
Like in this case, something that, every time it happened, brought headaches of Cosmic proportions…[LIFE] and [DEATH] made a bet.
On Its Throne above Everything, [FATE] groaned, ignoring the whole deal between Its 'sisters', going back to 'play' with Its 'Chains'.
[TIME] and [SPACE] were seemingly unaffected, but if one could look closely into their eternally spinning forms on the Great Void, they would have noticed the Omniversal equivalent to nervous sweat covering them. Coincidentally, several anomalies related to space and time alterations were reported in several Multiverses.
At the edge of Reality, [DESTINY] whimpered, hovering protectively over his 'board game'.
But putting the reaction of the other Absolute Ones aside, the root of the matter, the two sisters actually betting on something when they usually couldn't stand each other (Well, more like one couldn't stand the other and the other was usually too busy marveling at everything to even pay attention to the former) , occurred because of an exchange too complex to be understood by the minds of any being existing within the Omniverse, but that, in a context anyone 'normal' could understand, went along these lines:
"Heeey, sis! Long time no see!"
"Get lost. I don't even want to see you. Get out of my Unreality."
"Awww, don't be so mean about it! When was the last time we saw each other?"
"[TIME]'s normal influence has no dominion over us, you imbecile! For me it's like it has been but an instant since you last came to bug me!"
"Eh, for me it's been like many eternities…"
"That's because you spend too much time watching the worthless living beings of our Omniverse as if they were fascinating."
"But they are! The simpler ones even more so, I'm starting to get what [DESTINY] sees in them! Why, so many of them love my Gift so much…"
"And even more spread 'mine' without any care, to end up here for the rest of Eternity."
"…no, I'm pretty sure more enjoy mine."
"They don't."
"They do."
"They don't!"
"They do!"
…and you can guess how it went from there.
In the end, because of this, both 'sisters' decided to bet on who was right, and after discussing the nature of their bet for an undetermined period of No-Time and discarding ideas involving Universe-wide wars or Tournaments of Power, they decided to have a single, simple 'lesser being' be the object of their conflict.
They would grant him a terrible power, one that would allow him to change the very Fate of his world in terrifying ways. And once he was done, they would count what he had brought more, if Life or Death.
And so, a particular Multiverse that had been giving both headaches and curiosity to the Absolute Ones lately was chosen, a specific boy that was usually at the center of its stories from a random, untouched, and with its story yet-untold, Universe…
October 1st, 2022. Kawagoe, Saitama. Kirigaya household, 08:30…
…
…Beep!
[Congratulations! You have become 'The Protagonist'! Let's start raising Flags!]
Blinking in utter confusion, Kirigaya Kazuto stared dumbly at the strange pinkish 'screen' with white font that was floating before his face, unsure of what was going on that Sunday morning.
Certainly, the boy knew that, between still not being fully used to school's routine after Summer Vacations ended not long ago and his mounting for the every-day-closer official release of Sword Art Online (Of which he had been a proud Beta Tester during the arguably best month of his relatively short life), suffering some hallucinations when waking up 'early' shouldn't be too weird…except for the part that this particular hallucination was not only too bizarre but also refused to vanish no matter how much he blinked or rubbed his eyes.
Slowly sitting up, the black-haired boy almost flinched when he saw the mysterious 'screen' moved with him, staying always at a fixed distance from his face and in perfect balance, as if it was purposefully trying to stay in a way he could perfectly read it no matter in which direction he looked.
Finally, after several seconds of doubt, the gamer extended his hand towards the phenomenon and, with a weirdly 'digital' sound, it vanished, startling him.
"…what the hell was that?" mumbled Kazuto with utter confusion, before the insistent sounds of someone knocking on his door alerted him of the fact that maybe he had been too focused on the weird screen.
"Onii-chan, didn't you hear me?! Breakfast is ready! I just heard you, so I know you're awake!" opening the door with a frown in her young face, 13-years-old Kirigaya Suguha glared towards her 'brother' with annoyance, actually catching the boy off-guard, as he hadn't expected her to barge into his room. "Were you ignoring me?!"
The gamer hadn't even been able to start processing her words when the world suddenly stopped.
As in, literally, a weirdly mechanic 'sound' suddenly filled his ears and everything around him lost color and froze, as if someone had cast an unnatural spell to freeze time itself.
It wasn't the sight of this or of his paralyzed adoptive sister what shocked Kazuto to the core, though.
No, what took that prize were the 3 new 'screens' that had suddenly shown up before him, in the same pinkish color with white letters than before, neatly ordered one over the other.
A-[Of course I was. Now please, get out of my room, I have to change.]
B-[N-no, Sugu; of course I wasn't! I swear!]
C-[Nah, I was just waiting for you to enter. Now, how about a good morning kiss to start the day?]
"What." simply stated the boy while staring at the 3 lines of text, especially the last one.
The sudden bizarre stop of time would normally have caused a serious mix of panic and excitement in him, but the sheer absurdity of the 3 'Choices' before him, especially as he could see Suguha's 'Were you ignoring me?!' written above them, completely killed that from his mind.
Because despite his looks and social status as a loner who preferred playing videogames over relating with people, Kirigaya Kazuto was still a Japanese teenager that had been able to build his own computer and hack into national registries when he was just 10 (Which had led to him finding out he was adopted and as such distancing himself from his family). As such, he was more than familiar with the certain type of games where a situation like this usually happened.
Namely, Dating Simulators. Though in his case, he had never played any of the cute/romantic or innocent types, but the more, ehem, 'Adult' ones, even if he knew the basic principle was the same for both.
Suddenly, the earlier words from the first screen came back to his mind, making him blink in disbelief.
No…there was no way that is life had suddenly become a Dating Sim through unknown means. That sounded like the rejected plot of a very cheap Light Novel and this was no doubt some very weird and convoluted dream. Deciding that this was the case without a doubt, the gamer threw himself back on the bed, pointedly ignoring the screens and closed his eyes
An undetermined amount of time later (Because his room's digital clock was apparently frozen at 8:31) and after having realized that he couldn't get out of his room even if he tried to step past the paralyzed and colorless form of his sister (Who was actually his cousin, even if she didn't know it), Kirigaya Kazuto started coming to the terrifying realization that 'maybe' this wasn't actually a dream.
Which was insane. I mean, he had certainly read his fair share of manga and stories where something along those lines happened, as in, the protagonists' life turning into a videogame, and had dreamed more than once of it happening to him…but that was turning it into an RPG! Who had ever heard of your life being turned into Dating Sim?! Not only was the concept absurd, it was extremely stupid!
Finally coming to the realization that he was essentially 'trapped' until he did something, the boy 'sighed' and stopped before Suguha's stopped body, giving her a look before looking back at the 3 choices and biting his lips.
Certainly, his first impulse had been almost to select the first one, both out of annoyance and from the panic that had started building up within him as the reality of his situation started settling in, but he quickly crushed that line of thought. He had no idea what this 'power' or whatever it was could do if he chose a 'wrong' option, and as much as he had been purposefully trying to distance himself from the girl the last years, he didn't even remotely wish for anything bad happening to her because of his carelessness.
Of course, out of common sense, the second choice would have been the most appropriate one, but if Kazuto was honest he didn't like the apparent tone the stutter at the beginning and the overall sentence gave him. It made him feel as if that was the choice some spineless character used to go along with anything the females in his life said would choose.
And so, with all the professionalism of a consummated gamer and a teenager that had played Eroges in the past, the boy's eyes fell on the last option, the one that would have been discarded first out of common sense if he ever thought it in a normal conversation.
This wasn't anything even remotely normal, however, and also, besides his gaming instincts telling him it was the 'right' option, it also offered him a way to do some harmless payback towards his little sister in the form of teasing.
With the barest hint of a grin at the thought, Kazuto nodded to himself and, with more determination this time, pushed the 'Option C'.
Immediately, the weirdest feeling he had ever experienced overcame him, the boy feeling as if the world 'blurred' around him until he was, somehow, back on his bed, in the same exact position he had been when the 'choices' first showed up.
The gamer hadn't yet recovered from the dizziness that being 'reset' in his original position when the world suddenly started 'moving' again, color and sound returning…and both his mouth and body were suddenly moving by a will not his own, as if some greater power had suddenly overridden his every action.
"Nah, I was just waiting for you to enter." happily spoke the boy with a cheeky grin that took the young kendoka completely off guard, having never seen him make a face even remotely like that. "Now, how about a good morning kiss to start the day? Nee, Sugu?"
A few seconds of shocked silence ensued even as the shocked Kazuto recovered control over his body, the gamer already thinking of a convincing apologize…when he saw his adoptive sister blush furiously and stutter, a mix of outrage and embarrassment in her face as she almost tripped over her own feet when backpedaling, staring at him with wide eyes.
"Wha…?! You…! A-ah, ju-just hurry up and come do-down for breakfast!" shouted Suguha with very poorly faked anger as she all but ran away downstairs, leaving her dumbfounded adopted brother behind.
He didn't even have time to open his mouth and voice his shock at how it had actually worked as he expected, though, because several 'Notifications' suddenly popped before him with weirdly musical chiming.
[Congratulations! You have unlocked the achievement: 'Smooth First Move'! You gained +1 in Charm!]
[Suguha Route has been Unlocked! You can now see 'Heroine Status' with Kirigaya Suguha!]
[Your current status with Suguha has changed to 'Awkward Siblings'!]
[Congratulations! You have unlocked the achievement: 'First of Many'! You gain +1 in Aura!]
"…holy fucking shit, this may actually be real." mumbled the wide-eyed boy, still staring at the Notifications in disbelief.
In the edge between Reality and Unreality, the watch for a pointlessly transcending bet started…
Breakfast had been quite a slightly awkward affair, mainly because Sugu kept glaring at him through all of it (Though with the bright blush in her face it only made her look oddly cute), but also because of something that hadn't been 'there' before.
Namely, over the young kendoka's head, and that Kazuto was having a very hard time pretending he couldn't see.
[Kirigaya Suguha: 'Lonely Little Sister']
[Relationship Status: Awkward Siblings]
[Affection Points: 0/100]
[Heroine Summary: Suguha is your younger cousin, though she thinks she's your actual little sister (And legally, she is). She has no idea you were adopted when you weren't even 1-year-old, nor that discovering this 4 years ago is the reason you started being so cold and distant with your adoptive family (Especially with her, given your parents are almost never home). This has led her to be unsure and slightly bitter around you, and to silently hurt thinking she did something wrong to ruin the nice relationship you had for most of your childhood]
The black haired-boy was trying VERY hard to not let what he could see affect him, not to mention prevent the guilt filling him every time he accidentally glanced at the 'summary' from showing on his face. Sure, he hadn't been thinking of anything but his own problems and mixed feelings when he found out the truth about his family, but he had never thought it would have affected Suguha that much.
He had chalked up her change in attitude these past years to growing up and going through the natural phase all siblings did when they started to not want to keep being with their older siblings all the time, which suited him just fine, but…
Suddenly, the image of the six-years-old with teary but determined eyes standing protectively over him while shouting to their grandfather she would become good enough in kendo for both of them flashed through his mind, a memory of gratefulness and shame hitting him. Then, another of running as fast as his poor legs allowed him and jumping into the pond without hesitation to drag her drowning form out into safety followed, fear and worry followed by teary relief shooting through his mind again.
All of it before he found out he was adopted, and all things he hadn't even bothered thinking back on since then too.
Had he really been so stupid he had made one of the few people that had ever truly cared for him (And vice versa) feel like that just because…?
"Today it's your turn to clean the dishes, Onii-chan." spoke Suguha with an even voice, bringing the boy out of his musings and also making him realize she had finally put the awkwardness from his earlier teasing/joke behind her. "Don't slack off, okay?"
A-[Ugh…can't I wait until dinner and wash it all in a single go?]
B-[Don't worry, I won't…a-also, sorry about that joke earlier…]
C-[Heh, okay, I shall. Anything for my cute little sister!]
This time, Kazuto actually groaned when the world screeched to a halt and lost all color, deadpanning towards the three new options before him. Without any hesitation now, he pressed the third one, barely sparing a glance towards the former two.
While this time he was ready, the feeling of some higher force taking over his actions and words still felt immensely weird and just a tad disturbing to the black-haired boy when the world returned to normal and he felt himself smiling brightly towards his adoptive sister, leaning unnecessarily close to her when he grabbed the dishes she had used.
"Heh, okay, I shall." happily declared the gamer's 'overridden'-self with a slightly cheeky edge to his tone, the young kendoka almost flinching in both surprise and disbelief. "Anything for my cute little sister!"
The effect was instantaneous now, and Kazuto found himself recovering control over himself in time to watch with fascination how an atomic blush covered Suguha's face, the girl all but bolting to her feet the next instant.
"Wha-what's up with you today?! Do-don't tease me so much, Onii-chan!" 'warned' the young kendoka before all but running away from the scene, trying her best to hide her adorably blushing face.
[Your charming cheekiness overwhelmed a Heroine! You gained +1 in Charm!]
[You gained 10 Affection Points with Heroine Suguha!]
"…huh, I'm pretty sure that's the most emotional reactions I have gotten out of Sugu in years." mumbled the black-haired boy while dismissing the new notifications, a resigned look on his face. "And I think it's about time I properly figure out what the hell this thing is about…"
And so, it was with that determination that (Once the dishes were washed and drying) Kirigaya Kazuto was now sitting in his bed, arms crossed as he stared towards empty space with a frown, as if trying to convince himself this wasn't the silliest thing ever.
"…Menu?"
With an almost cute chime, a new 'window' materialized before the gamer, shattering his small remaining hopes of it all not being but an absurdly complex dream.
The feeling of disappointing resignation that he had been feeling since earlier that morning came back to the front of his mind very fast, though, once his eyes analyzed the overly simplistic and pink-colored 'Menu' before him.
[Dating Stats]
[Heroines Status]
[Titles]
[Skills]
[Achievements]
"…it's actually a fucking Dating Simulator." groaned the gamer with a hint of despair in his voice.
Having your life turned into a videogame was probably a dream way too many people had, and he would lie if he said a part of him didn't share that dream too, even if he had grown out of thinking about such things quickly…
So, having this happening to him was like the most ironic twist of Fate, as if someone was trying to use him as a practical joke.
He hadn't become a cool RPG-like character that had limitless potential, no…he had gained an amazing reality-altering power (It stopped Time itself for the entire world as a base function, for God's sake) for picking up chicks.
"Lamest. Superpower. Ever." mumbled Kazuto while hanging his head (Ignoring how many males in the world would fervently disagree with that statement) before looking back at the Menu and starting to explore it, in hopes that maybe this wasn't as useless for general life as he feared.
His efforts…weren't rewarded.
[Dating Stats]
Charm: 3
Wisdom: 1
Aura: ?
These 'stats' didn't grant him amazing powers, not even the most RPG-sounding ones. Apparently, 'Charm' stood for his natural ability to make other people find him approachable/attractive/ likable (And he had to accept it was no surprise it had been at '1' until he got this power, as depressing as it sounded). 'Wisdom' didn't stand for his actual intelligence or ability to retain knowledge, but for his capacity to know what others liked or not about him or whatever he/they were doing on instinct (Again, no surprise it was so low). The only incognita was 'Aura', which apparently stood for 'His natural ability to draw other people to himself'. The question mark at its side made no sense in his eyes, and any attempts to tamper with it had only gotten him the description of the 'Stat' to pop up again and again.
It probably meant it was at 0 or something like that, or at least that's what he reasoned before (Once it became apparently obvious he didn't even have a sad Level System) he moved onto the next Menus.
'Heroine Status' seemed to only be a way for him to see the same data he had seen above Sugu's head before, just wherever he was, and currently contained only his little sister's name. 'Titles'…
[Titles]
[The Protagonist]: You're the MC! The most improbable and convoluted things are sure to come your way! (Grants immunity to people's taunts about your luck)
…only had one currently available too, and the less he thought about it, the better. 'Skills', the one he had the most hopes about…
[Skills]
[Eroge Protagonist]: Your life can be played like a Dating Sim.
[MC Wisdom]: Grants your power the innate ability to discern between 'Filler Characters' and 'Potential Heroines'.
[To Protect that Smile]: ? (Skill Locked)
…just disappointed him even more, especially given how silly his only 'locked' skill sounded. Finally, 'Achievements' seemed to work like those in many modern games would…except that it seemed like 99% of them were 'hidden', mostly showing only the ones he had already unlocked, and didn't even indicate which rewards were awarded for them.
[Achievements]
[First of Many]: Unlock a Route.
[Smooth First Move]: Choose the Best Option during your first Interaction with a Heroine.
Suffice to say, Kazuto wasn't impressed at all, even more when the name for even the few Achievements whose conditions he could see ('Unlock more than 8 Routes'? seriously? Like that could ever happen) were hidden too.
All in all, it seemed as if someone had tried to put together an overly complicated system for a third-rate Dating Sim and then slapped it on him for no apparent reason.
And while he was a perfectly straight hormonal teenager, the boy didn't have any illusions about abusing this power to get a girlfriend or anything similar. After all, his 'Stats' showed very well how grounded into reality this bizarre ability was, unlike those he had read about in the past, and without any system to even allow him to 'Level Up' in the first place, these wouldn't go beyond what he could do by himself in the first place (Which given he hadn't even had a proper female friend since grade school, or actual close friends in general, wasn't all that impressive).
Hell, that it had worked with Sugu in the first place showed very well its limitations, remarking how damaged their relationship was and reminding him how much he had screwed up in regards to…
"…wait a minute." whispered the gamer while looking back at his bizarre 'menu', an idea suddenly hitting him. "Could I…?"
Eager to test his sudden theory, Kazuto quickly dismissed the strange interface and rushed towards his little sister's room, stopping before the door and knocking a couple times.
When it opened and Suguha's confused (And slightly shocked) expression greeted him, he had to squash down the feelings that the realization of knowing she found him going willingly to her room so surprising caused.
"Onii-chan? Is something wrong?"
"Uhm, Sugu…do you want to go out later?" questioned the black-haired boy with just a bit of hesitation, the young kendoka's eyes widening in shock. "We could go shopping and then get something for dinner too…"
"Wha-what?!" almost shouted the girl before shaking her head, suddenly looking at him with suspicion. "Wait…this is a plot so you don't have to wash dinner's dishes, right?"
"N-no! Of course not, it's just…well, you know, it's been ages since we last did anything together, so I thought…"
"O-oh…" mumbled Suguha while looking to the side, a mix of confusion and awkwardness in her face as she bit her lips, before seemingly nodding to herself and offering him a hesitant smile. "Su-sure, Onii-chan, I think that would be…nice."
"Tha-thanks Sugu, I promise I will make it worth your while." replied the gamer while giving her what he hoped looked like an honest smile.
It actually wasn't much of one, but it had the effect of reminding the young kendoka of the ones he had given her earlier, with the accompanying teasing they had, causing her face to turn red again as she muttered a quick agreement and closed her door.
[You gained 1 Affection Point with Heroine Suguha!]
"…it works." softly spoke the wide-eyed Kazuto at the sudden notification, a relieved glint in his eyes. "With this…I can make it up to Sugu for being such a shitty brother lately!"
Sure, his 'superpower' may be (In his eyes) utter crap and he probably would have more luck cutting down a building-sized tree with an old axe (Or something equally ridiculous) than using it to find a girlfriend, but he could at least use it to easily fix his damaged relationship with his adoptive sister before SAO's official release.
This stupid thing was going to let him show Suguha he was the best big brother she could ask for in record time and there was no way it could possibly go wrong!
In that instant, for some reason, several Universes died and others were born at the same time, in a slightly out-of-synch cycle, causing [FATE], on Its Throne above Everything, to groan.
[LIFE] and [DEATH] weren't supposed to have laughing fits, let alone together…
November 5th, 2022. Kawagoe, Saitama. 15:30…
As he walked back home from school that day while humming a happy tune, something he probably wouldn't even consider doing in public a month ago, Kirigaya Kazuto could probably say his life was quite good at the moment.
Part of it probably was because of his brand new copy of Sword Art Online, which was at that moment safely tucked away in his room beside his Nerve Gear, which he had been able to get earlier than most people thanks to having been part of the Beta Test (Which he had been thankful for, as some of the lines of people waiting to buy the VRMMORPG had been visible all the way to their school), and how the game's servers were finally going online tomorrow.
However, the most present and noticeable part of it was no doubt the smiling girl walking happily at his side and telling him about her day, wearing the uniform of his same middle school.
[Kirigaya Suguha: 'Happy Little Sister']
[Relationship Status: Awkward Siblings]
[Affection Points: 89/100]
[Heroine Summary: Suguha is your younger cousin, though she thinks she's your actual little sister (And legally, she is). She has no idea you were adopted when you weren't even 1-year-old, nor that discovering this 4 years ago is the reason you started being so cold and distant with your adoptive family (Especially with her, given your parents are almost never home). This has led her to be unsure and slightly bitter around you, and to silently hurt thinking she did something wrong to ruin the nice relationship you had for most of your childhood]
"…and then Sempai told me I could actually be good enough to make it to the nationals if I kept practicing! Can you believe it, Onii-chan?!"
"Well, that's really no surprise, Sugu." replied the black-haired boy with a small grin. "After all, I don't think there is a single more dedicated kendoka than you in the entire Saitama Prefecture."
[You gained 1 Affection Point with Heroine Suguha!]
"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Onii-chan!" quickly replied Suguha while playfully hitting his shoulder, a grin in her face, but still with a small and pleased blush. "…you're going to be playing that virtual game of yours tomorrow, right?"
"You mean Sword Art Online? Yeah, I am." answered the gamer with a smile, thinking back for a moment to the floating castle and the fun he had on the Beta…if a bit surprised he didn't long for it as fervently as before. "It's gonna be fun to go back…"
Honestly, Kazuto would lie if he said he hadn't enjoyed this last month particularly. Despite how 'lame' his strange power was for almost literally anything, using it to repair his damaged relationship with his little sister had worked beyond his expectations. He had managed to use cues given by it and the occasional '3 Choices' (Which he realized popped up more and more rarely the more Affection Points he got with her) to keep raising the 'Affection' between them, and the results had been impressive. From awkward talks and forced/suspicious conversations, Sugu had once again warmed up to him, the girl clearly awed and more than confused at his newest sudden change in attitude towards her, but quickly accepting it with apparent happiness.
The boy wasn't sure if that was because of his power or just that she had really wanted him to start treating her like his sister again, but he was betting it was on the latter, especially as the last month he had confirmed he was right about how useless this ability of his was. Not a single Notification or Choice has appeared at all when he had tried (Poorly) to casually greet any of his female classmates in the last weeks, nor when any female teacher asked him something, which was partially a relief, as the stupid implications of it happening would have been too much of a chore to deal with. Even if he had found talking with girls without them staring blankly or laughing at him by the end of it had become surprisingly easier and less awkward, probably because of the increase in his Stats from his interactions with Sugu…
[Dating Stats]
Charm: 6
Wisdom: 3
Aura: ?
…but nothing else, which proved this 'Dating Sim' power was limited by his own limitations and capacity to interact with others. Meaning, unless an improbable miracle or situation happened, there was no way it was ever going to be practical for a guy like him who barely went out of home and preferred videogames over anything else.
"And I have extra kendo practice tomorrow…" continued the young kendoka with a small frown, making the gamer chuckle softly at the knowledge they were so close now that she actually would prefer spending time with him over her beloved sport. "We're not going to see each other for most of the day, uh?"
"Eh, I will probably be done playing at around 7 in the evening or so, when you will already be back." commented Kazuto upon seeing the slight disappointment in her face. "We can even make dinner together if you really want to…"
[A Special Event has been Triggered!]
What?
The black-haired boy didn't even have time to fully acknowledge the new notification before a pamphlet came flying out of nowhere and hit him in the face, making the gamer flail his arms around and almost fall on his back.
"Onii-chan, are you okay?!" half-shouted Suguha while helping him stand straight and then grabbing the paper with surprise, her eyes widening slightly upon it. "Woah…I didn't know there was a festival in town."
"There is?" asked the confused Kazuto while peering over her shoulder, seeing how the pamphlet effectively proclaimed there was one on the other side of town, and that tonight was the last night it would be there. "I…hadn't heard about it either."
Which was weird, given he had spent quite some time lately checking up on news about SAO and its creator Kayaba Akihiko (If not as much as he originally thought given his time with his little sister), yet this has never popped up in his 'local news' screen when he entered the page he used to look for those.
Sure, it was possible he had just missed it, but why did he feel as if…?
"Man, it sure takes you back, uh? We went to quite a few of those when we were little…" muttered the young kendoka while smiling softly, lost in memories of simpler times. "Heh, I remember a few times some people even thought we were sisters when we were in our kimonos!"
"Ugh, did you have to remind me of that?" grumbled the gamer, who had never been too proud of his girly face, in annoyance. "…say, Sugu, want to go? It's the last night it's here, after all."
"Re-really?!" turning around to look at him with eyes he could almost swear were sparkling, Suguha cheered as she hugged him out of nowhere, making him chuckle and hug her back. "You're the best, Onii-chan! C'mon, let's hurry home and get ready!"
"Heh, right behind you, Sugu."
Even as he followed his adoptive sister (And inwardly hoped she didn't try to run or he would never be able to catch her) home, Kazuto couldn't help but feel things were going great. Sure, his power may only be useful for a single thing and be a disappointment as far as superpower went, but it had still helped him make Sugu's life and mood way better than it had been a month ago. And for him, even if still a bit disappointing, that was more than enough.
He never noticed that the Notification from before had vanished.
And, if he had bothered to check his Menu, he would have seen how it was now shining above the usual options there, making the 'Skills' one shine too…
"Man…this has been a great night. Don't you think so, Onii-chan?"
"Yes…it sure has been, Sugu…"
Despite his words, as he sat there atop a freaking Ferris Wheel (Of all things) with his little sister (Who was happily hugging an oversized teddy bear), he couldn't help but have an all-consuming and gnawing feeling that something weird was going on.
It had nothing to do with how cute Suguha looked in her purple kimono (Or how 'nice' he looked in his black one, as she had told him), but happening to find those at home because their mother apparently bought them a few months ago for 'nostalgia' had been his first warning of things being strange.
When they arrived at the relatively-big festival just on the outskirts of Kawagoe (Once again making him think how rare it was to not have heard anything about it) and they happened to be the 10000th visitor, gaining free tickets for all the stalls and attractions in the festival once, his and Sugu's shock had quickly turned into further suspicion for him and joy for the young kendoka.
But then, everything just kept getting 'weirder' the more the night went on.
First of all, all the food they were making happened to be old festival-favorites both of himself and his sister, making her all but shine in joy, especially with how unnaturally delicious and well-made they were, as if the festival just happened to have gotten expert cooks or makers in all their food stalls. Then, he suddenly seemed to have become an ace in every single prize-winning festival game around, even those he KNEW he sucked horribly at or that he had never been too interested in, and that he only took part in for Sugu's sake that night, which had started first to shock him, then to actually scare him when he effortlessly took down a bunch of bottles on his first try with a ball, Sugu's cheers barely registering in his ears as the man in charge of the stall gave them that oversized bear she was now carrying.
Kirigaya Kazuto was, unlike his sister, a complete disappointment when it came to almost every single physical activity imaginable, in no small part because of how he had stayed away from sports like the plague after he quitted kendo and only done the bare minimum to not be suspended when it came to them in school. And while he had no problems using the Throwing Skill back during SAO's Beta, he knew that he was unable to properly throw anything, much less actual balls, with any accuracy in reality.
All of those things together had done more than enough to fuel his paranoia that there was something unnatural about this festival, hell, this whole situation, but Sugu had been enjoying herself so much that he hadn't dared to tell her they should get the hell out of there because everything was going abnormally perfect. Disappointing her aside, it would make him look as if he was mad.
Still…no, it made no sense, but…was it possible this was all because of…?
"Onii-chan?" blinking in surprise, Kazuto turned to look towards the smiling form of his adoptive sister, a healthy blush on her face as she hugged her oversized stuffed toy closer to herself. "I just wanted to say…thanks."
"Eh?"
"For these last few weeks, I mean." continued Suguha while slightly burying her mouth in her bear's head. "I…felt that things had gotten very cold between us these last few years and I thought we had just started to… drift apart, you know? That we had grown up faster than most and we had just stopped being interested in being with the other…I even started to think you had started to prefer those games of yours over me…"
"Su-Sugu…" muttered the boy with awkwardness, wondering why he felt guilty…and as if his heart was beating unusually fast.
"But you showed me this month that you really do still care." softly continued the young kendoka, raising her head to give him the brightest smile he had ever seen on her face, at the very moment fireworks just SO happened to go off in the background. "So, thanks for being such an amazing person, Onii-chan."
A strange sound filled Kazuto's ears, like nothing he had heard before. It was as if someone had tried to fuse the chiming of a bell, the snapping of a camera and the sound of glass breaking into a single thing, the 'image' of a smiling Suguha clad in a kimono and hugging her plushie with fireworks on the back somehow being engraved into his soul while the usual 'Time Freeze' of his 'Choices' triggered.
[Special Event 'Festival Date' cleared! You gained 10 Affection Points with Heroine Suguha!]
[Relationship Status 'Awkward Siblings' has been Maxed! Upgraded to 'Lovey Dovey Siblings'!]
What.
[Congratulations! You unlocked the Achievement 'Main Heroine: Get!'! You gained +2 in Wisdom!]
['CG Gallery' has been Unlocked! 'Sugu & Fireworks' was added to the gallery!]
What?
[Congratulations! You unlocked the Achievement: 'Lovely Memories'! You gained +1 in Charm!]
[Congratulations! You have completed the 'Tutorial'! The ability to unlock more Routes has been unlocked!]
[Congratulations! The description for the Skill 'To Protect that Smile' has been unlocked!]
What?!
[To Protect that Smile] (Currently Active): Warps Reality in your favor whenever it's Truly needed to make one of your Heroines happy (Cannot be willingly activated. Only triggers when your Heroine's sake demands it). As long as it's to see them smile, problems will be dealt with so simply they may as well be off-screened and situations that can increase their happiness will be created/handled.
Kazuto suddenly felt extremely small, cold sweat covering his body and his face deadly pale as the full implications of everything he had just been notified of settled over him, just as the world once again started moving.
Then, the firework's sound reached them and Suguha squeaked in surprise, all but throwing herself at him, somehow not letting go of her teddy bear but instead having it somehow press against her back so her face was smothered against his chest, her arms hanging from around his neck.
"A-ah…so-sorry, Onii-chan, I wasn't expecting that…" mumbled the young kendoka, while her adopted brother was very aware of the warmth coming from her kimono-clad body.
"N-no problem, S-S-Sugu…u-uhm, a-aren't you going to let go already?" stammered the black-haired boy with a weird mix of terror and hope, looking down towards the girl's face.
Her eyes were half-closed and there was a healthy blush (Which he now realized may not have always been 'embarrassment' as he had thought) covering her as she all but rubbed her cheeks against him.
"That…startled me more than I thought. Can I stay like this until we get back down?"
The gamer was unable to verbally answer, barely giving a shaky nod with his pale face, but Suguha clearly took it as a complete affirmation as she rested herself placidly against his body.
Within Kazuto's mind, however, utter chaos, fear, and hysteria warred a battle to see which one was the first to overwhelm his mind as the revelations and realizations of the last minute fully sank into him.
First, his 'superpower' was a thousand times scarier and not 'harmless' at all like he had thought. Forget about stopping time, it had created an entire festival out of nowhere (And made sure NO ONE found it strange) just for him and Sugu to have the perfect date (Oh Gods, now he realized it…this had totally been a date!).
Second, its scope went beyond anything he had imagined and it had only been 'locked' while letting him, apparently, fully 'learn' how to use it, unknowingly using Suguha as the 'testing subject'.
Third and directly related to that last thought…he may, without intending to, have made his adoptive little sister/cousin develop a serious crush on him with his Reality-Bending Dating Simulator superpower.
A whimper escaped his mouth, but Suguha was too busy being half-asleep against him to hear him, even as he resisted the urge to scream in despair.
Why hadn't he taken this more seriously, dammit?!
The Next Day…
"See you later, Onii-chan! I'm off to practice!" happily called Suguha from the entrance while giving him a bright smile, which no longer brought warm satisfaction to the nervous-looking black-haired boy. "Let's make dinner together tonight like you said yesterday, okay?"
"Su-sure, see you later…" mumbled the gamer even as he waved goodbye to his adoptive sister, who all but skipped out of the house, barely resisting the urge of bashing his head against a wall the moment she left his sight. "Fuck, how do I fix that now…?"
Those haunting thoughts accompanied Kazuto as he made his way back to his room, grabbed his Nerve Gear and put it on while lying on his bed, trying to keep himself positive.
Okay, so, yes, maybe he had grossly underestimated and misunderstood what his power could do, all the implications of which now openly terrified him, but it wasn't as if he had actually brainwashed Sugu into liking him (He hoped). Plus, all he had to do was make sure he didn't keep raising anymore 'Flags' with her and stop gathering Affection Points and things wouldn't escalate out of his control. Also, given his situation as an anti-social gamer, that hadn't really changed, powers or not, he was in no danger to find girls that he would end up accidentally triggering Flags with or turning into routes, so things were still well within his control
With all of that in mind, the black-haired boy nodded to himself, now much calmer, and muttered the two words that would completely 'doom' him to give the middle finger at every single one of those expectations.
"Link Start!"
Several hours later, Kirito the Swordsman was staring blankly at the unnatural form of Kayaba Akihiko's avatar as it finished the 'Tutorial' of Sword Art Online, leaving the remaining 9787 players alive standing like frozen idiots in the Town of Beginnings main plaza.
However, unlike in many other realities, he didn't rush off running after grabbing Klein's hand, in a hurry to get out of there, no.
Here, he shocked the bandana-wearing man at his side by falling to his knees and banging his head against the ground, repeatedly.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit…"
"Who-woah, dude, what's wrong?!"
"Why did I tempt Fate?! First the weird power and now the supernatural plot?! I didn't ask for this, dammit!"
"Ki-Kirito, I know this is shocking, but get a hold of yourse…!"
"Did you say Kirito?"
Confused, Klein turned around, even as Kirito shakily raised his face from the ground to look at a dark blonde girl (Or maybe her hair was light brown?) with brown eyes and a cloak, looking down dubiously at his (Right now) pathetic form.
"…Kii-bou?"
"…Argo…?" started asking the black-haired boy…before his face lost all color, just like the world around him, as everything came to a stop and 3 hauntingly familiar screens appeared before him.
A-[…is that really you? Thank heavens…my life has light again]
B-[…is that you? God, you're a lot shorter than I thought…]
C-[…is it you? Could you please help me get up?]
In the frozen time, no one could hear the gamer screaming and running away from the plaza, his despair and denial-filled voice echoing into the unmoving virtual world.
…it would only take him 30 minutes to remember that time wouldn't keep moving (And he would be 'teleported' back there) anyway if he didn't press a Choice.
[Next Scene]: Mixing Action Plots and Cheap Romance!
Author's Notes: Ahahahah, god, I can't believe I actually went and wrote that XD
So, there it is, people. That's the prologue of this little April Fools' idea for this year :P Kirito becomes not 'The Gamer' but 'The Eroge Protagonist' :P Talk about drawing the short end of the stick…depending on your point of view, of course XP
As it should be obvious for anyone who has read the original manhwa or some of the fics inspired by it, this Kirito's 'interface' is a cheap and way more abridged rip-off of that one, meant to be funnier and less complex (And based on Dating Sims instead of RPGs), more to just have a clarification of what he can do than a constant thing that has to be copy/pasted and grows more and more difficult/tiring to read every time (Which is my main problem with most Gamer fics).
Don't expect epic battles, overly complicated plots in this story. Expect Kirito to try and keep a grip on his sanity while this power [LIFE] and [DEATH] gave him makes his already natural chick-magnet nature go up to eleven and try to not cross the line between selfish and suicidal, all the while trying to both not 'unwillingly make girls like him' (SNORT) but also 'to not disappoint/reject others'…or jumping the line repeatedly like a children's game, who knows :P? (With more time-skips than anyone would want too!)
Armed with the power of literally off-screening the plot for the sake of his Waifus, but completely unwilling to actually get said Waifus in the first place because of the weird spin in his nature having this powers has caused him, can Kirito get a Good End when everything is said and done OwO? Who knows!
Also, and as the cherry on top so that you know how utterly crazy this idea is, this is not going to follow Canon SAO's storyline…but the SAO Gameverse one OwO Those who have played it should know what that means. 'Poor' Kirito XD
Anyway, that has been all for today, and hopefully this doesn't go as out of control as Lusus Naturae did last year, I need to keep focusing in OPG:CoF, after all (Did you see the shameless mini-references to it at the beginning?). See you all soon!
Until next time, this is Saint, signing off!
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