บท 182: Ichika's Monologue
Let's start from scratch.
Nakano Ichika is just an ordinary girl chasing her dreams.
After being scouted by the company president half a year ago, she started taking on some small unknown roles, gradually developed her acting skills and experience, and grew at a steady pace with the resources provided by the agency.
Recently, the uncle with the mustache told her that there were auditions for roles in small and mid-sized films. The competition is fierce, but the prizes are also very generous.
If Ichika can win this role, maybe the day of her official debut will come, no longer a small role, but a formal talking actress who can appear on the big screen and show scenes.
Ichika loves acting, loves this job, and loves shining on stage. She who is clumsy can do things better than others, maybe only acting is left.
Therefore, it has become a dream, a dream that should not be given up easily.
Since then, in order to pursue her dream, she has worked hard to learn how to make herself appear better and more perfect, and she is happy to have something she can pour her heart out to.
So, somehow, even a smile has become part of the show.
She acted when she faced her classmates, and she also acted when she was alone, so she worked hard in silence, hoping that one day, she would be able to reap the rewards.
However, she was criticized by the teacher in the training course.
"The appearance is good, and the acting skills are not bad, but it can't be deeply ingrained in people's hearts. It's just shallow and good acting skills."
Even though it hurt a little, but many times, Ichika really felt the same way.
Since that's not good enough, keep going and don't give up!
If it's the only thing she can do, do it to the best of your ability, there's no other way.
Even if no one was around to support her, even if no one could hear her talk about the hardships and frustrations she faced.
She also stayed the same, she stopped studying, slept less, and kept running on the road chasing her dream.
What is called a dream actually needs a reason to continue.
If one day, Ichika becomes a big star, even if it's just a famous actress, as the older sister who stands at the forefront of the quintuplets, might be able to face her own feelings frankly.
"What can I do, everyone can do too, I can make my dreams come true, and everyone can definitely do what they want to do. Let's work hard together, because we're quintuplets!"
This was the reason, after her dream, the goal she most wanted to achieve.
As an older sister, it's impossible not to be a role model. Mother has died1, and she is the only one who can lead them, so Ichika must work even harder!
If it was her, she could definitely do it...
....
Audition day is getting closer.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't feel the progress.
The same goes for acting and study skills, all of them came to a standstill, which made her panic.
She knew she wasn't ready to bring out the best in her yet.
Her acting skills are still good, but she doesn't think she can get a major supporting role in the movie. She hopes she can accumulate more and continue to accumulate experience with small roles.
Yes, with so many competitors, Ichika is just the "not bad" among many opponents.
The harder she worked, the more weak and incompetent she felt.
The more she moved forward, the farther she would find that the end of her dreams was getting farther away from her.
In the middle of the night, she had thought, should she just give up?
After all, everyone didn't know that she was an actress, and she wouldn't be ridiculed if she failed or gave up. At most, she'd just change jobs, go and see what else she could do.
So many people stumble and back down while chasing their dreams, she's nothing special, just one of many.
It is a terrible thing to toil alone, and it is very difficult to cheer alone.
In that case... Starting tomorrow, give up!
Thinking so, the next day, Ichika still opened the script and kept thinking about how the corpse would look better.
In the process of hard work, how could he never think of giving up?
But after thinking about it, she still had to continue.
Because this is what she can do besides acting.
Ichika is still walking the path of her dreams today.
...
There is one more reason to support the dream.
With the talks in front of the station, the pushing on the roof, and the company and support of Forest School for a time, Ichika realized that she was trusted and looked up to, and she was on the path of acting perseverance being recognised.
If the motivation brought by her sister is "responsibility", Shinichi gives her "admiration".
Ichika looks forward to the strength that hard work can bring no matter what, it seems like she won't back down in the face of any setback.
She looked forward to a figure that was neither gentle nor caring, but could appear at the most critical moment, standing in front of her majestically in the rain.
Then stick to it.
△
... Ah, failed.
"I'm quite familiar with accounting matters, so I can help Shinichi-kun really well."
"However, the acting isn't good at all."
"I haven't seen any improvement, my smile is still very fake, and I can't express my feelings very well. Even if I am comforted by my agent, I still know that my acting skills are always at a 'not bad' level."
Ichika understands.
It was because she was used to making smiles, so she had forgotten what a real smile was.
It was because she was used to making feelings, so she had forgotten what true feelings were.
After acting for such a long time, was she no longer the protagonist of her own life's stage?
Can the sweat and faith of these days be exchanged for a goal like this in the end?
Too bad, that kind of self will never pass the audition.
So, she didn't want to go, she wanted to avoid auditions she knew she would fail.
Ichika is not strong.
She's just an ordinary girl who can't do anything.
"Shinichi-kun..."
"Sorry for not being able to live up to your expectations.*
"Sorry for not being able to respond to your trust."
"And everyone, as expected, my sister, I still can't stand up for myself... Fortunately, you don't know, I still have the majesty of the big sister, although I feel that there is not much left."
A distant dream is still far away.
If she chose to run away, it would probably be easier, right?
So happy to participate in the fireworks show and birthday party with everyone, it must be better than failing the audition and coming back to impact the fun atmosphere, right?
Just do it!
Come to play the most relaxed scenes, pretend that she forgot that the audition date has been moved up, have fun all day, forget all the troubles, and only remember them the next day, bow to the president and apologize, and promise not to next time.
Enough.
Ichika on her dream path, started to stray a bit.
...
Later, she was caught by the president, and she was going to audition.
Fear, nervousness, resistance, colic… But when she regained her senses, she suddenly found that what she was thinking about the most was reluctance.
It was clear she had put in so much hard work during this time, and she had put in seven to eight hours a day on her acting skills, but she still couldn't improve, and she still couldn't see herself progressing enough to pass the auditions.
Ichika's failure is due to her own incompetence and weakness, and has nothing to do with Shinichi.
Standing in the middle of the intersection, Ichika couldn't move, and was wearing a pure white mask.
Wait for time to pass and let yourself be forced to make a choice.
Today is just one step away from getting out of her dream
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