บท 383: AZI Volume 7 Chapter 20.5 Part 2 Intermission – In This Life…
In one life, I was a carp—forever trapped within a pond.
In another life, I was a bird—capable of soaring the skies, but a life within a cage; that was all that I had known during that life.
In some of the many lives that I had experienced, I wasn't even a human, and even if I was a human, freedom wasn't something that I could have held.
At times I was a man, and at times I was a woman.
Occasionally, I had been a genderless existence.
Of the many lives that I had lived through, one was especially memorable.
Within that life, I had saved a world.
However…
For the sake of saving that world, I had destroyed another world.
Looking back at that life now…
Could I still have been considered a hero? Or was it more appropriate to call myself a selfish destroyer instead?
Regardless, out of all the lives that I've experienced so far, and will be experiencing in the future—that life, it was probably destined to be the most peaceful one.
...…
Indeed, I probably should have savored that life for a bit longer, but…
I cannot allow myself to linger.
This curse that had accompanied me ever since that day, it wasn't going to go away on its own.
My wish…
I…
I seem to have forgotten that as well.
…Was that wish important?
No, maybe it really wasn't that important.
In the end, I had simply taken on this journey for the sake of survival—for it was the only way to reset this curse's progress.
Indeed, it was all just a means to buy time—to drag out the inevitable because…
Because I was afraid.
Witnessing father's transformation into a monster that day…
I was afraid of that happening to me as well.
I was afraid of becoming a mindless monster.
But even worse than that—it would be to become a mindless monster, and harm someone that I had treasured.
And because of that, I've started to become instinctively fearful of getting close to others throughout the lives that I had experienced.
…Godfather was right.
Needless empathy will only serve as shackles to drag me down…
I…
I shouldn't get close to others.
And I shouldn't yearn for others to get close to me.
In this life…
I must become accustomed to solitude.
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