บท 6: The Price (Part II)
The view is even more staggering than a flashy carnival fair. A clearing among endless woods, bustling and alive. Cool air frolics across my skin, the sky is so bright red and purple it looks as though I'm on a far away planet. The pigments darken in slow waves as the sun continues its descent behind an emerald horizon. Even the stars dot through the crisp advancing night making the sight all the more surreal.
An impossibly vivid scene like a painting with the richest acrylics. The countless scents and sporadic noises synchronize with my touch. It's as if I've become a part of the forest itself.
'Who knew dying could make you feel so alive? Have I been resurrected into a God?' I wonder, only half exaggerating to myself.
I stare into the active trees and grass that seem to breathe like a giant creature. Through the chirps and hoots and nocturnal bustle, I'm drawn to a single slow beat that makes my soul dance, it stands out amidst the other unique vibrations pounding away in the vast forest. I can't quite understand, but I need to become that pulsing beat.
I *need* it.
A somewhat unappealing must accompanies the bewitching rhythm. I follow until a heat tickles my arms and face. A grazing beast stands among the weeds.
The pulse accelerates zero to sixty in seconds, the revving awakens something fierce inside me. The animal lifts its head, I watch as two reflective green circles peer through the dim trees. It's a deer, and I can make it out perfectly in the twilight as if it were broad day.
Suddenly my thoughts alter, a prominent shift in my brain. I'm no longer thinking, just acting, pushed to the back seat as the instinctive compulsion to move propels me forward. The pace of the rising rhythm only adds to my unadulterated desire for it. I have to have it like the necessity for air in my lungs.
I lunge for the deer before it has a chance to bound away, it feels outright uncanny. I shouldn't be able to move like this, I'm defying human speed, human limitations. Tension flares in my eye, within my gums.
A foreign pang of stark hunger shoves every minor concern away. Before I have time to consider what I'm doing my teeth are plunging into its neck, biting through coarse skin as if it were soft butter.
The shriek of the frightened doe cuts short as I man-handle it to the ground. It's… *effortless*.
Shock and disgust zap through the back of my mind, but this ravenous piece of me is dominant and unyielding. I miraculously hold it down, latched to its throat as the warm blood flows in. The flavor is wrong, almost a stagnated sweetness. Wrong because I'm… liking it, lapping it up like a fine wine.
Beyond the thick animal stink there's an indescribable power. The drumming energy is pulling me in, it's more than compelling and overrides the hint of bitterness. This is pure addiction.
It's fueling me, I have hold of that ebbing beat just like its an unfailing grip on me. I'm under its spell though absolutely empowered. Every note is overflowing in ecstasy and vitality.
The drumming eases, still hypnotizing me as it dies to a slow dance pace. If anything I'm becoming more and more lost in the sweet pulse. I can't stop myself from desperately gulping it down, driven by this height of sensation. At the moment, nothing else seems to matter.
It's dying away, and there's an undeniable thrill in it, a secret knowledge. Killing the animal will only add to this absolute rapture.
This is scaring me.
*Me.*
I'm terrified of myself, what I'm becoming.
The reasonable part of myself starts to holler somewhere far off in my mind to stop, but I just cannot let go, not until the last thud pronounces the deer dead. Dead as a doornail.
I tear myself off the animal too late. Eyes growing wider and wider as I stare at the poor motionless creature in the dirt.
Disturbed and revolted, I want to vomit but my stomach isn't rejecting it. To make things worse a piece of me is reveling in the act, eager to live the experience again.
I turn forcefully away from the deceased thing at my feet, avoiding its listless marble-black eye. I don't like this, whatsoever, but drinking that life and absorbing it into myself was... peak euphoria.
My conflicting thoughts fight with each other like two separate entities, tumbling in horrified chaos and beastly satisfaction.
"Now you truly see. You *understand* that you are no longer as you were."
I jump back defensively, baring my teeth in surprise at the unexpected presence, quickly realizing it's only Juniper.
"You've soiled your fresh blouse," she clicks her tongue, "at least you didn't tear this one down the–"
"What is this!" I shout, "What the hell happened? And why are you creeping up on me!"
"You wanted to be saved, didn't you? This is the price, you must feed on the blood of the living."
"I killed that animal, I *sucked* its life out! It's heart stopped…"
'And I relished it,' comes a whisper of truth from within. The self-acknowledgement makes me physically ill, disgust spreads my mouth thin.
"What does this mean?" I ask out loud, "Am I going to keep killing animals like that? That was disgustingly demonic! I don't know why I couldn't stop."
"No," she says curtly, "You cannot be sustained by the blood of animals alone and you needn't drink to the point of death if it disturbs you so. Although, preserving life is seldom an easy feat."
"What are you saying? I need to take... blood from people?" I ask, feeling my stomach drop lower as nausea increases its assault.
"Human blood. Attempting to live off the beasts alone will weaken your grasp of self. Furthermore, neglecting your needs will encourage mishaps, particularly when engaging in mortal affairs."
"No. No, no. *No*," I find myself giggling though I want to scream, "This is a joke, this is a *sick* joke! I can't…"
I falter, losing myself to delirium. I crush my head in both hands about to drop down and curl up in the fetal position.
A strange feeling of peace descends on my manic mind before I completely wig out. It's as if an outside source is wrapping around me like a comforting blanket. I look at Juniper registering that she's somehow sending these feelings to me, almost like a physical gesture. The realization only unnerves me more and I *feel* her disappointment when she fails to offer me relief. This is all too much.
"Perhaps I was mistaken," she mumbles mostly to herself, "I can end this if it only brings you misery and distress. I'll make it quick, painless."
Her gaze turns intense through the frown. I automatically shift on the defensive.
'She's threatening to kill me... she's psychotic.' I step back, my heel snaps a twig in two. It's loud as a cocking gun.
'Calm down, she said if… If it brings me misery,' I huff an exhale as my thoughts speed along at a million miles per hour, 'Well, is it too much?'
"No! I'm not asking for you to kill me. It's just a lot to take in," I hastily spit out. I'm truly not ready to die a second time, that's for sure. Though, my apprehension for what this all means is undeniable.
"Very well then," she nods once and her expression mellows, "Go out and acquaint yourself with the night. Embrace it, you may find it to be a loyal friend.
"And think of this cottage as your home," she gestures to the cabin, "come back before sunrise. You'll find the daylight rather unpleasant."
"Thanks, but I have an apartment and a job," I say, then quickly add as to not offend her, "I don't want to burden you."
Though her offer is sincere I don't feel comfortable staying with a complete stranger– a potentially crazy one at that.
"I strongly advise you to leave your human life behind. It will only create suffering to cling to these past relations."
The concerning theory of her planning to keep me captive drifts back into the forefront. My eyebrows raise at the thought.
"Are you saying to just drop everything I know? Like, start over completely?"
"Everything," she says without missing a beat, "family, friends, old commitments, belongings. The Ashlen you knew died yesterday and the dead walking again is but a complication. I promise you, it will only bring woe. Let the past die with your human body."
I stare into her stony unsympathetic face, flabbergasted.
"I… I don't think I can do that."
"The choice is yours," she states, looking up toward the sky on an outward breath, "I am merely offering my advice."
I stare out into the trees listening to the hum of many heartbeats near and far paired with thousands of smells twisting and gliding through the air. It's difficult to wrap my brain around all this or accept it.
Deep down I know it's sagely advice. Obviously things are different, but easier said than done. I love my family and I'm still kind of alive. How can I leave everything? *Everything!* I can't just detach myself from the things I love most, I'm not ready to let any of it go.
The harder I contemplate the more aggravation it brings and I'm already feeling unquestionably unhinged. I settle on a plan to work through these big decisions back at my apartment. I need a familiar place right now.
Of course, Juniper's gaze is on me. It's daunting how she can look so angelic one moment and downright scary the next. Her eyes literally glow with focus, I have to stifle a gasp and plant my feet. I feel her trying to sift through my rollercoaster of raw emotions like brushing fingers through a filing cabinet. I'm not sure I like her being so aware of my emotional state.
I attempt to search her mind with this mystical connection we seem to have. Since she is invading mine it's only fair. I don't get much, though I sense a swirl of curiosity and doubts.
"I'm going back to my apartment. I need to sort things out."
"You don't need my permission," she informs me blankly, her attention back to the stars, "You are free to do whatever you wish, I am not your master."
Though I'm relieved she's not intending on keeping me prisoner, I'm bothered by her sudden coldness. I don't understand. Is she shutting me out because I'm going against her wishes?
"Did I upset you, Juniper?"
She raises her eyebrows, studying me again, "No, you are not the affair that ails me. Other matters press upon my mind."
I can tell she's being honest and her sudden indifference isn't aimed at me. I try not to think too hard on how I know that. Still, it makes it clear that my questions are going to have to wait. I'm not going to get much more out of Juniper tonight. I just hope this vagueness isn't habitual, I might not have the patience for it next time.
It's strange, we've just met and the entire encounter has been truly bizarre, but she's a seemingly new addition to my life from this point forward. I can't explain it, but I know it in my gut.
I use the mountains as a guide to determine the best way out of the woods and back to town.
"Remember," she calls out as I leave, "don't be out after sunrise. You'll surely regret it."
I stop and peer over my shoulder. She isn't looking my way, though I can see her lips curve into a slightly sadistic smile. More ambiguous babble.
"Will I burn up like a vampire or something?" I lay on the sarcasm thick, Juniper's going to get under my skin if she keeps me guessing like this.
She snickers and in a way it takes me off guard.
"Or *something*," she repeats, curling that smile further.
I roll my eyes. Just as I thought, she isn't going to be helpful for the rest of this evening.
I start off in the direction I hope is town. I wish that weird Juniper would have explained more to me. She didn't really offer many answers.
My eyes scan the trees as I wander, seeking visual markers to find my way back. 'I guess it's nice to have a back up place since I'm getting kicked out on Friday.' I recall with dismay.
It doesn't take long for my spirits to lift. Though I always liked exploring nature, this walk in the night is strangely therapeutic. It's hard to be upset when the dark is exploding with shape and color. Sounds sail in the shadowy atmosphere in a beautiful symphony, the forest truly is its own breathing organism.
This place is like a fairy tale come to life. The deeper I tread in the enchanting woods, the more my burdens ease. I'm wholly immersed, in total awe remembering how I struggled to run through this same forest the other night. Now I'm noticeably light on my feet.
In a sudden flare of excitement, I find myself itching to test my new found strength and break into a run. I glide effortlessly as a bird through the dense growth, flying past trees.
Picking up into a sprint, I wind around full bushes without strain, never catching on stray twigs or tripping over rocks. Not even my loose hair threatens to snag on low hanging branches.
I laugh out loud, feeling invincible and propel myself even faster. I get more daring, trying a ninja move by bounding off two angled trunks in succession without a stutter in pace. This speed feels limitless. I zip through the woodland, a cheetah on the prairie. Grass bends away from the force of my velocity.
"I'm unstoppable!" I gloat to no one in particular, feeling the wind whip at my face and comb through my hair. It doesn't even sting my eyes or prick my skin. I leave all of my problems in the dust, racing away from them. For this brief moment I'm on top of the world.
A man-made hiking trail catches my notice, I drop to a jog. This must be the path to Spiral Hood Falls. I heard about their gorgeous waterfalls a few miles down. I've also heard rumors about the occasional disappearances on this trail, giving it the nickname Stranglehold Falls.
I shudder inwardly realizing I was almost another tally toward the missing persons count. I wave the bad thoughts away, having recently gotten rid of them. And I'm not eager to bog myself down anytime soon.
Swallowing down my light anxiety, I press forward on the trail toward the unknown. Next stop, apartment sweet apartment.
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