บท 30: How to burn...101
.....
"If I could frame our story as a snowflake in my heart, I'd freeze it with infinity, so we would never part....
But like all stories, ours has come to it tragic end...
...
"I love him" My fearful heart whispered to me the only word that I had forever kept on trying to avoid, that I had forever kept on running away from, but now it's had finally caught up with me after all...
I could feel my lips slowly parting, but nothing ever did came out, as all I could do was close my eyes as I kept on trying to avoid everything, but no I just couldn't, it wouldn't just leave me alone...
I am losing my damn mind right now and it's all because of them, my mind screamed out, as I could feel my shaky fist clenching...
"It is all because of them" I yelled out, as I could feel my hands lifting up, but all I could damn do was keep on letting out all my frustration on my bed, scattering it, as I kept on tearing the pillows into shreds, bit by bit.
"Why does this crap always happens to me" I could feel my shaky voice yelling out, as my hands slowly went up to my already messing hair...
It was a mess, I was a mess, I can do nothing about it...
I could feel my eyes swelling up with tears for the hundredth time today, as my blurry vision spotted the light blue glass vase, that just kept resting lifelessly there, as I could feel my damn blood boiling, yet again...
It reminded me of him, it's blue fucking colour fucking reminded me of his blue eyes, as I could feel my legs slowly moving closer to it.
The closer I came, the more the tears fell, as I finally reached it, as my shaky hands slowly took it up in my hands...
I want to forget, I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore...
"I don't want to" I yelled out of my lungs, as I could feel my hand smashing the glass right on the floor, as I watch it shatter into a million pieces, only to regret the second after...
Only to realize the attention that I had foolishly caused to myself..
"No" I could feel my voice whispering out, but it was already too late, there was nothing I could do now...
I did this shit and the second after, she was knocking right on my door, as I could feel my heart cutting with every knock she placed on the door...
My heart kept on flying to my mouth, immediately wiping my tears, as I tried hiding the broken glasses away, that just kept on piercing into my fingers, the more I tried hiding them...
I watch my hand bleed, it was bloody, but my heart raced the more, as she kept on banging the door
I knew what she was going to say, I knew she was going to ask me what's wrong, but there was no way I would ever bring myself to tell her.
For christ sake, how was I going to ever tell her that some lunatic scum is after her life...
No!, never... I was just not capable of saying that, I just wasn't.
I tried wiping the blood away, but it kept on spilling, as the tears on my eyes kept on finding it way down my cheeks...
I was a mess and He caused it... I mumbled angrily, as I tried wiping the damn tears away, but all was pointless, it was all vain.
What would I do now, My confused mind arched as I place my bloody hands on my mouth, covering it to succumb the tears that just kept on pouring down like rain.
My mind was so confused, I don't know what to do...
"Ivy?...Are you there?...Am coming in" Her voice whispered from the other end, as my painful mind kept on racking on something to say...
"Ivy?...Am coming in"....
"No!" That was all I could yell out, as I slowly place my head on the door, as I kept on trying to catch my breath..
Breathe in, breathe out, My mind tells me, as my heart kept on beating, but that wasn't all I could hear...
My head was on the door, as I could hear her breathing, but no I needed to be strong now, even though that son of a bitch broke me, still I just have to be, it was the only way to survive..
"Ivy?... She called out, as I immediately brought myself back to life, letting out a deep breath..
"Why are you still here, I was sleeping and you literally woke me up with all this endless knocking, why?" I yelled out, as I kept on hearing her breathe...
"Am not deaf, I heard a sound" Her concern voice echoed into my ears, as I could feel my eyes slowly closing shut, only to open the second after...
The lump on my throat was back, yet again..
"It..it was an accident" I mumbled out to the other side, as I kept trying to prevent myself from stammering.
I don't want to be weak, not again...
"It was an accident, I swear. I tried keeping the jug but it slipped off my hands and fell.. I whispered back..
"Really?, Are you sure?" Her voice wasn't convinced yet, not one bit, but I needed for her to go, to just leave me alone, for her to just go and finally have some sleep.
Am tired of all this now...
"That's all to it, nothing more, nothing less" I whispered to the other end, as she let out a deep sigh, I heard it all.
"Alright, Good night" She whispered one last time, as I could feel her feet slowly backing away, Her foot steps was all I could hear left...
She was finally gone, I whispered, as I let out a deep breath, before staring back at my bloody hands.
It was a mess, the room...Everything was, but now, it was all going to end, even though I would die, still I won't stand this, not anymore...
I tired of all this...
I had never thought it would be possible, but now I know....
Indeed I've sold my soul to the devil himself, indeed I am dead...
He wants me to leave him, He threatens me to...
Then I will do what he says...
I'll kill the feelings all, leave you, forget about you, so she'll live...
I'll do exactly that, nothing less, nothing more...
I whispered, as I could feel a teardrop falling right of my eye, Again.
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