บท 22: To the devil, My heart dies for...
...
"This things I do not know, This feelings I've never felt before, this strange presence, I..
Damn, I feel something, I really don't know what it is, it's eating me alive and all I keep on doing is to drown deeper.....
.....
"Well, here we are" His voice voice echoed, quickly bringing life back to me, as I slowly lifted my eyes up to stare at the old, but rather fascinating looking building....
"Are you scared?" He whispered, as I slowly shook my head, before taking in a deep breath, with my already folded arms....
"Am fine, Got it" I blurted out more coldly than I expected, before slowly drifting my gaze back at him, but he already looked away....
Damn, I guess I was a little too harsh, my damn inner self spoke out, as I pressed my lips confusedly, before fiddling with my fingers frustratedly...
"I....
"C'mon let's go" He cuts me off, as I could tell the little hurt sound on his voice, but decided to wave it up, as I kept on looking away angrily...
Damn, this is so pathetic, are we going into the warehouse or not, I thought frustratedly, as I quickly glanced back at him, before finally taking the first step inside, into the dark spooky, but at the same time pleasing place.
..........
It's dark, but I love the aura, even though this was going to be the last place I would ever, and I mean it when I say, ever think of going to....
Faced with the memories of the one person I had loved the most, was simply no joke, I felt suffocated with every darn step I took, but I guess I had to be more stronger and fearless, than I actually was, even though absolutely everything made me sick right now....
"Damn, it fucking pitch black in here" He yelled out, as I pressed my lips together without making any shitty sound...
"You alright?" I could hear a faint voice banging into my ears, as I slowly traced my eyes up to meet his shiny bright ones, before looking away, trying to search for my phone, but It just wasn't shitty here, How wonderful!..
Must be in the car, Damnit!, My brain told me the obvious, as I could already feel myself getting frustrated all over again...
"Ain't you gonna switch on your phone light, or should I tell you that" I mumbled angrily, as I could feel the mocking smile that must have already be plastered on his face, before he quickly obeyed, and obviously I was right, he was grinning dumbly...
Like damn, of all people on this earth, he was one of the most ranked ones that so always makes me wanna punch him right on his pathetic face
"Quit it and let's search" I spat out harshly, before looking away, as my eyes slowly pierced on a little dull box lying lifelessly at a corner of the room..
It was just lying lifelessly there, and my mind began to search for what possibly could be inside that box...
"No, I should do this" I whispered to myself, but my curious disturbed legs just had to have another mind of it's own, as it kept on moving closer to have a better look....
"What's this?" He questioned, but I decided to ignore, as I quickly opened the box, before gluing my eyes on its contents, as my mind raced down speedily like the wind, on what I had just actually saw...
"Letters?" I could hear him mumbling, as I could already feel my fucking emotions taking control of me once again, before my eyes slowly closed shut...
"Not just any letters, but my mother's" I mumbled quietly, as I kept on trying to fight back the tears and bitterness that kept on slowly forming round my eyes....
Shit!, this was what I was trying to avoid all this while, but I guess I just couldn't save myself and just couldn't be stronger than before...
This was my weakness, and now I knew that I had fell right into the trap like a dumb fool, I thought bitterly, as the tears slowly begin to fall helplessly...
If only I had fucking known that I would see this and be reminded of my past, I wouldn't have ever dared coming here at the first place, I hate all this shit, but I hate myself more for coming here.....
"Are you alright?" A voice slowly called out, bringing me out of my misery, as I kept on staring at the damn letters...
"What does it say" He blurted out, as I painfully squeeze the thousand of papers together, before slowly letting go...
"Why don't you fucking read it yourself, okay" I yelled out bitterly, as I kept on wiping the tears away, before he actually just decide to notice it....
"Ain't sure I should actually read this, you might not say this, but I know that you ain't fine right now" .....
"Read or leave, either way I would get to know how those bastards tortured her" I spat out with so bitterness in my heart, as I kept on staring away, with nothing less than pain, suffering and hatred in my heart, as he slowly took the letters away from my hand unsurely...
...
With tears in my eyes and blood on the paper, I write this letter...
Today the 25th of March, feels like the most awful day of my life, wait, what am I saying, Yesterday, I clocked 18 and but only I was the one who celebrated my birthday all alone, what was I expecting, am an idiot..
Mother and father all gone away on business trips, as usual, Jayden's gone too and all I have playing on my head is the last piece of letter he wrote, even though that's gone too, cause I foolishly tore it to sheds, I regret that now..
I have many regrets, but I would never regret the night of passion I had with him, it is true, I am pregnant...
I got to know after going to see a doctor, but am going to tell no one, what difference does it makes...
The passionate night and getting pregnant or the fact my life stinks like hell, the pain is truly unbearable...
I have found no pain worst than this...
I feel so alone and dead, I see no point in living anymore, when there is nothing left to hope for, there is no hope...
Am sorry, but I may never keep my promise to you my lover man..
I am sorry everyone, but do not blame me for this, it hurts to die, but it's ten times worst to live, at last, this might just be the end...
I may be naive, heartless and stupid for this, but what's actually there to live, am tired and need rest now, so do call me a mainac, but my mind is losing ten times worst than that...
I do not want any more again, not anymore, please...
I have nothing more to say, my cloth is soak with blood and I guess like every sad tragic tale, this is my suicide note ...
.....
"Ivy?".....
"A...am fine" I could feel my voice coming out more fainter than I had expected, as I find my eyes slowly closing shut, with bitter hatred enveloping round me...
My heart was beating, beating as fast it could ever do, but the saddest thing here was that I couldn't stop it...
Damn, I swear they would pay for this, for making her do this to herself, I swear..
I mumbled to my already teary self, with so much bitterness in my heart, as I kept on hitting my hand on the solid floor over and over again, causing it to bleed...
But that was nothing, Absolutely nothing compared to the pain and hatred my heart was going through right now...
I ain't a bad person, just have a messed up shitty life and that's all, and also as much as I hate to admit it, I do have feelings, and they were sadly taking over me right now, but now, I knew too well that I can't save myself from everything I was feeling inside me...
I can't save myself from...."ME"...
"Ivy!" I could hear his pathetic voice yelling out, but I didn't for once stop for one bit, cause actually why would I?...
My mother felt more pain than my blood spilling out, so I guess this was absolutely nothing compared....
"Just stop all this madness now" His voice roared out, as he quickly caught my bleeding arm halfway, before gripping it tightly, making sure I couldn't let go...
"Are you fucking mad'....
"God, that's what I should be asking you"...
He yelled back, cutting me off, before staring straight into my eyes, as his flicker something like that of pain?, before he quickly waved it aside, immediately bringing out a handkerchief to wrapped my already bleeding wrist, as I kept on glaring angrily at him....
"Let go!, You shouldn't be doing this, I needed no help" I spat back angrily, as I kept on fixing my eyes at his blonde light hair....
"Just keep your mouth shut and let me finish with this" He mumbled back with a little hint of pain in his voice, as he kept on wrapping my hand angrily, but the more he did, the more I kept on trying to yank my hand away from his grip...
"Just for one second, please just stay still and stop trying to let go".His voice mumbled, as I reluctantly stopped insisting before looking away frustratedly.....
"You'll get proper treatment when we get back" He said, as he finally let go of my already wrapped arm, before giving me a little small smile, as I slowly looked at my arm with my already ached eyebrows, before back at him
"Why on fucking earth, do you always act like you shitty care" I yelled out, staring with so much anger and confusion straight into his eyes, as he slowly fixed his eyes on mine, with a look I just couldn't understand...
Pain?, bitterness?, I really don't know what it was...
"I ain't acting like I care" He spat back, as he glued his eyes on my already confused angry ones....
"What the hell did you mean by that" I mumbled, still staring at him angrily with my already arched brows, watching him slowly let out a dead sigh, before fixing his gaze back...
"I really don't see the point saying I fucking love you, cause the more I say it, the more you ghost me, like am some kind of shitty trash" He mumbled, as I kept on staring straight at his bitter sad eyes, with absolutely nothing on my blank dumb head...
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