บท 2: All Your Fault
There was a stunned moment during which neither Nicholas nor I moved or spoke.
But Nicholas's companion apparently hadn't noticed me. Naked and bent forward, she rocked back against him.
"Why did you stop? Did you already—" she cut off with a strangled yelp as she turned and opened her eyes to find me standing there, trembling.
It was his Executive Assistant from work. I recognized her from photos he'd shown me when he was traveling for business. Because she always went with him…
"Nicholas?" I breathed dumbly.
"Princess—" he cut off, swallowing the nickname he'd given me the day he learned what my name, Zara, meant. His eyes bulged and his throat bobbed again and again as even his clever brain couldn't figure out how to explain this away. "Zar. I wasn't... it's not—"
I tore my eyes from his sweat-sheened brow and flushed cheeks to the shocked gaze of the woman still joined to him.
"You're Zara?!" she squeaked. At least she had the decency to sound mortified. "But... you're not even thin!"
Or maybe not.
My stomach, never reliable under stress, lurched, threatening to reject the smoothie I'd gulped down during the drive here. The smoothie I'd chosen because I didn't want to have anything heavy in my stomach the first time I had sex with Nicholas.
My boyfriend.
My sort-of fiancé.
The man who had insisted he was in love with me. The man who had waited so patiently for me to be ready. Or so I had thought.
No wonder he'd had such control.
Sharp pains sang across my palms. I was clenching my fists so hard my nails were cutting the skin.
"Zara—"
"Don't." I bit the word off with my teeth.
I met eyes with the woman who was staring at me warily. "You d-deserve him," I said through chattering teeth. Then I looked into Nicholas's stunned, beautiful blue eyes and promised myself I wouldn't cry until he couldn't see it.
The lump in my throat physically hurt to swallow, but I did it.
"And you never deserved me," I hissed, then turned on my heel, my skin crawling with the need to get out of that apartment and away from him. From them.
"Zara, wait!"
A heavy weight thunked behind me and I felt the vibrations in the floorboards under my feet as he dove off the bed, coming for me. Naked. Still covered in her. He was chasing me down naked—
I gagged. I had to get out of there before I threw up.
"Zara, please! Let me explain!"
His hand landed on my arm, tugging me towards him, and instinctively I stopped, turned. For a split second I almost sobbed and threw myself into his chest. He was my safe place. My security blanket. The only man I trusted.
He had been.
But now he stank of someone else's perfume and reeked of something so primal it made my belly flutter and turned my stomach at the same time.
"Bastard!"
The crack of my palm connecting with his cheek echoed off the vaulted ceilings of his elegant high-rise apartment.
"Zara, please! It's nothing! Just blowing off a little steam—"
"You knew!" I screamed at him so hard lights sparkled in my vision. "You knew I waited with you because I needed to trust, and... this? This is how you respond?!"
"Zara, calm down—"
"I will not calm down! You asshole! You lying, cheating motherfucker!"
Nicholas's brow pinched to lines of disapproval. I was being careful to keep my eyes locked on his. To not let myself look down. To not look at the parts of him I'd been so excited to see just minutes earlier.
"I told you I was seeing other people—"
"SIX MONTHS AGO. Four months ago you asked me to be your girlfriend. Last night you told me you loved me!"
"I do!"
I gaped. A splutter of disbelieving laughter bubbled out of my throat without an ounce of humor in it.
"If this is how you love," I gasped, "you're doing it wrong."
He frowned. "Zara, grow up. You can't seriously have thought that I spent the last six months just—"
"Shucking your own corn?" I squeaked. "Yes. Yes, I did. I absolutely thought we were alone in this relationship. I thought you weren't touching anyone but me and yourself—"
An image of his strong hands clawed, the tendons standing proud as his fingers dug into the hips of that woman flashed in my head and I dry heaved.
Nicholas leaped back out of the way. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing how deeply he had cut me. I swallowed hard, eyes closed, focusing on keeping my stomach in place until I could face him without puking.
"This," I hissed a moment later. "This is exactly why I asked you to wait. I should thank God that I learned the truth now and not tomorrow after I'd given myself to you already."
His brows shot up and his eyes widened. "Zar, babe, if you're ready, I don't need anyone else!" he said quietly. Happily. "This was just to kill time until you and I were rocking the world. Don't worry, if you're ready, I'm in. For real." He stepped toward me again, reaching for me like he was going to pull me into his chest in the way I had loved for the past six months. As if he thought I could just shrug this off like a bad hair day?
The sheer balls of the man!
"Touch me and I will castrate you," I snapped, low and hard. Nicholas froze, which was satisfying, but only barely. I put one finger under his nose and snarled at him through my teeth. "Let me make this clear: You are a revolting pig. I never want to see you, hear your voice, or be touched by you ever again. I am nothing but disgusted by you."
Nicholas raked one of those gorgeous hands through his hair and slumped like he was tired. "Zara, don't be mad. Please. Let's talk about this."
"Oh, I'm not mad, Nick," I said quietly, using the nickname he hated. I finally let my eyes scan down his body to the one part of him with which I was still unfamiliar, then sighed "I'm just disappointed."
The way his eyes bulged as I turned for the door, it looked like he swallowed his tongue.
As I stormed out of that apartment, I prayed he choked on it.
*****
I managed to get all the way home before I threw up.
When I stopped heaving, I threw myself on the couch and cried so hard my eyes hurt. My skin felt too tight, and hurt, as if every nerve ending had been sucked to the surface.
Thank God it was Friday and I had two days to hide and lick my wounds before I had to be back at work. On second thought, no... I didn't thank God.
I had thought Nicholas was perfect. I gave a hollow laugh at that thought. I should have known he really was too good to be true.
Nick was rich, but I'd been amazed to see how generous he was with his money. He only tended to stumble into entitled asshole territory when he was drunk. Which he rarely was because he didn't like waking up with hangovers. He wanted to be sharp, he said. Because for him everything was about the win. He wanted to succeed where others had failed, he'd said.
I'd thought that was so admirable. That his ambition had molded him into a good man. What a joke.
Was this why he'd shown up last night? Had it all just been a ploy to get me to sleep with him? Was that the only reason he was so attentive to me? Because I'd said no? Was it just the challenge? Thank God that I hadn't slept with him!
And yet… he wasn't the one crying alone in his apartment tonight.
Shame and embarrassment washed over me in a tidal wave that brought yet another flood of tears to overwhelm me again. I shook my head and swallowed them back, made myself sit up and breathe. When I thought I was under control again, I reached for the tissues and caught sight of the book I'd been reading recently. My stomach panged.
Knights. Kings. Magic. And Princesses.
Nicholas used to call me Princess. I'd thought he was my Prince Charming. But he was a fucking troll.
The tears rushed back.
It was impossible to find a good, honorable, respectful man these days because they only existed in books. Fictional books, stories made up by other women.
There were two good men in the book I was reading. Both strong. Both honorable. Both hot as hell and yet emotionally available.
It was every woman's dream... which was why the author had made millions from women like me reading the books and living in the dream of them.
"You know," I muttered to God, "If a woman can come up with two wonderful men like that, why can't you make just one for me?"
A gust of wind howled through the alley outside my building and for a moment goosebumps rose on my arms.
But I just rubbed them away and shook my head. "Why can't you bring me even an averagely good guy? I'm not asking for a six pack and private jets." At least, not anymore. Nicholas had had both. "I just want a guy who will actually love me enough to stop plowing other fields."
Letting myself slump back down on the couch, I hugged the pillow to my chest, buried my chin in it, and let my tears wet the thick fabric. And I didn't move from that spot for the rest of the night.
There was an odd moment as my body began to relax, and my mind began to drift when it felt like a heavy weight settled at the end of the couch, just behind where my legs were curled up almost to my chest.
Through the fog of half-sleep I thought a hand rested on my shoulder, then stroked my hair.
Then a voice so deep it seemed to come from the earth itself whispered, "If you only understood, beautiful girl... but I will show you. Sleep now. Rest. And when you wake, remember: Real love does exist. But the very best kind of lover will always give you what you need... not just what you want."
As I drifted into a strange dream, it was with the passing thought that I didn't know what God had done, but I was too tired to figure it out. I would give him a piece of my mind in the morning.
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