บท 27: Chapter 27- Rika – A Series of Distractions (VOLUME 1)
*~*Rika's POV*~*
I had missed classes on Wednesday, but that was fine. All of our work was put online for us anyway, so I was able to look it over and see what the assignment was. All things were turned in online as well, so that made things a lot easier.
We got together as a group on Thursday, only to get some news from Elias.
"I FOUND MY MATE!" He exclaimed as he came into my apartment. The core group had gotten together for some studying after they were done with classes. This group was me, Reagan, Elias, Lyssa, Alexa, Levi, Luka, Beech, Ashle, Cypress, Ilana and Rowan. My place wasn't too small, so we were all able to fit in my living room. And not only that, but I had cooked because I had no classes that day.
"What?!" Reagan had said in shock. "That is amazing, E! I am so happy for you!" The two of them hugged like brothers in their excitement.
"That is awesome, Elias, it really is." I called out to him, letting him know that I was happy for him.
"I am so jealous!" Beech looked dejected. "I feel like my mate is close, but I can't find them."
"Same." Cypress said as he shook his head with a smile. "Still, I am happy for you. We both are." Everyone continued to congratulate Elias on this amazing turn of events.
We learned all about his mate, Haley, as the night went on. He told us that she was beautiful, human, and perfect. He already sounded like he was in love, and I felt a pang in my chest. I didn't have a wolf anymore, and that meant that I was likely never going to meet my mate. Not anymore. I might have had a chance, before I lost my wolf and my ability to shift.
The study session went on for a while, and I feigned happiness the entire time. I knew that Reagan and Luka knew that I was lying, but they didn't say anything. Reagan had given me until the nineteenth of next month, which would be at about five weeks in my apartment before I told Mom and Dad about what was happening with me. And I knew that they would bring me home in a heartbeat.
The night after the study session was my second date with Andre. He was a nice guy, and he was genuinely trying to get to know me and make me happy. He treated me well, and that was a good thing. And best of all, he didn't go overboard with things.
I remember the first date that I had with Clovio, the only official date and I wasn't counting that anymore because he was tricking me. On that night, we had gone shopping after everything and Clovio had insisted on buying me a dress for an upcoming party that he wanted me to go to with him. At the time I was stupid and naïve. I didn't realize what a big red flag that was, but I saw it now.
When the night was coming to an end with Andre, we were sitting in a park close to the building and staring at the night sky. We had done something similar the last time as well, only we had been on an observation deck then. This time, as we watched the stars, I leaned in close to him and put my head on his shoulder. I do the same thing with my brother, and, honestly, I knew that there wasn't a lot between Andre and I at this moment. I didn't feel anything while leaning against him. It felt like I was with Reagan.
No, that wasn't right. If I was with Reagan, I would have felt safe and protected. He was my twin brother after all, and I knew that he would protect me, just like I would protect him no matter what. With Andre though, it was like the person next to me was just a comfortable wall.
Despite the way that things were feeling, I didn't stop Andre when he turned toward me and leaned in. I knew that he was coming in for a kiss, and I wanted to kiss him. I just didn't know how I would feel after the fact.
He tilted my head back a little, making me look up into his face. His eyes were glowing a little. Red with excitement or passion, one of the two. He leaned down a little more, cupping my cheek in his hand and pressing his lips against mine.
It was a gentle and chaste kiss, nothing at all like when Clovio had kissed me that one time. There was no excitement or passion on my part. At least I didn't feel like vomiting like I did when I remembered Clovio kissing me. I can't believe that I had let him do that.
Andre seemed satisfied with the kiss. Even though it had ended quickly and he hadn't slid his tongue into my mouth. It was nothing more than an extended peck, something that spoke of his hopes for the future. Still, he seemed happy, and I guess that was what mattered.
As Andre walked me back to my apartment, I thought about how I had felt nothing at all for the kiss. Should I tell him? Should I end this all now? Stop him from getting his hopes up before it was too late?
"I had a good time tonight, Rika." He said calmly as he stopped in front of my door. "And do not worry, I don't expect anything from you. I just wanted to walk you home." He leaned in and kissed me again, this time on the cheek. "I hope that you enjoyed yourself."
"I did." I said right away, then I thought better of it and wished that I had told him the truth.
Yes, I had enjoyed the date, that was true, but I had not liked kissing him. And I just knew that he was asking about both the kiss and the date at the same time. And now I was just leading him on.
Oh well, maybe I could learn to like kissing him. It's not like I was going to marry him. I was just going to use him as a distraction for the time being. Until I was taken home and made to go through whatever it was that Mom and Dad thought would get my wolf back.
And that was assuming that my dream didn't come true. No, it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. And one that I didn't want to see happen in real life. I wouldn't survive that attack from Mom in real life, and my brain knew it. That's why it was hesitating when I dreamt it.
My days passed easily. Reagan and I met with Sam, Hector, and Dale to get the club started. We had a member's signup sheet and a booth where we were greeting people after classes and getting them interested in us. We actually had a lot of people wanting to join, and that was a good thing.
We planned the first meeting of the club. I went on another date with Andre, which made it three Fridays in a row. I did my studying, completed my assignments, and things seemed to be going perfectly. I was using the people around me to distract myself from what was happening with me, especially Andre.
I had kissed him more, and I still felt nothing. Still, I let him keep doing it. On that third date, I had kissed him a lot more than the last time. We actually made out in his car as we sat near the park. I was getting better at kissing him without feeling anything about it. And still, I felt so bad for using him like this, but not enough to stop.
On our third date, I kept feeling like someone was watching us, but every time that I looked around, there was no one there. I didn't see, hear, or smell anyone, but I just sensed that there was someone watching me. Were they beyond what I could see with my naked eye? Or were they just good at hiding?
Most likely, it was just my imagination. My senses weren't so inadequate that I wouldn't be able to tell that there was someone right there. It was likely just the feeling of me not actually wanting to be with Andre, but not caring enough to stop what I was doing. I needed the distraction after all.
As my fourth date was rolling around, and it was getting closer to the ultimatum that I was given by my brother. I had to think about how I was going to tell my parents about my wolf being gone. And I needed to figure out an argument that would get them to let me stay in my own apartment.
I also had to think about the fact that I was sure that Andre was going to want more from me soon. This was our fourth date that was coming up, and things had gotten more and more intense with each date. If they kept up like that, then I would end up at his place, or him at mine. And we would be sleeping together this weekend.
Was I ready for that? Did I want to give my virginity to a man that I didn't even really care about? I mean, I liked Andre well enough, and I liked going out with him, but I was feeling more and more apathetic with each passing day. And I knew that it wasn't just toward him. I was feeling that way towards life in general.
Was I losing all touch with my emotions altogether? I couldn't allow that to happen. Hell, maybe if I slept with Andre I would finally feel something. Maybe it was what my body needed to kick me into gear.
Still, I was living one distraction to another as I tried to make sure that I didn't lose touch with the world around me. I smiled, I pretended, I did what I needed to. I hung out with my friends, and I attended classes. I had top marks so far with all of my classes. Everything was going just fine, except for the way that I felt on the inside.
I was showing a happy face, but I felt like I was dying a little more each and every day. And there was nothing that I knew of that would stop this all from happening. I just needed to wait and see where things went. I only had a little over a week left. My next midweek day off from school was it, that was all that I had.
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