บท 34: Side Store:1
Title: A Shitty Death
Orario, the Dungeon.
Floor 12th. Hours before Jackal met Finn.
The mist-like environment is the most pronounced in the last segment of the upper floors. The uneven surface is layered with greenery, and the high ceiling of this level exudes a bright glow. But it doesn't seem to help the adventurers. With monsters like Silverbacks hunting on this floor, the bright light and milky mist are the best environment for them to camouflage and rip adventurers with their bare hands.
"Uwaah!" A group of pallums shrieks as a Silverback tears out the boulder behind them and lunges in their direction without flinching. A sinister figure hunts the predator before the silverback tears through the group of unprepared adventurers. His grey outfit is caked with dried blood. A phantom of a mighty silverback beats his chest above the cackling figure alongside a frog shooter jabbing its tongue.
This mysterious figure's legs snap into the back of the silverback's head before crushing his skull.
*Kkrhchh*
A bone-chilling sound of a breaking skull sends a shiver down the rescued group's spine as he stands tall and stretches his arm.
"Oh, Vendy?" His striking red-gold eyes fall on a blonde-haired pallum as he questions, "The fuck's your weak ass doing down here?"
While relieved to be rescued, the scantily dressed pallum mother of three couldn't help but scold the younger boy.
She tucks her blonde locks behind with one hand reflexively as she squeezes her mage's staff with another.
"Excuse me? I remember gifting you a booklet on manners, no? Did you learn nothing?!"
Her mates quickly try to pull her back while he hears them whisper.
"Hey, he's the Butcher! Don't piss him off!"
"Yeah, yeah! Just thank him for rescuing us, and let's get the hell out of this place!"
Vendy rolls her eyes and silences them. "Shut up! Call Jackal names again, and he'll be the last of your troubles!"
Jackal smirks and crosses his arms. "So? Dearest Customer. You don't belong on this floor."
"We had to evade a pass-parade, alright?" Vendy huffs. The pallum is one of the earliest regulars since his better products fell in her price range. Come on, just the Butterfree Era for 13000 Valis made it a snatch!
"Sucks to be you. Here, for your kids." Jackal retrieves three Gemlings and tosses them in her direction, which she catches accurately.
"Thanks. They love your candies. You sure I can't pay you for these items?" Vendy questions while pocketing it in her frollet. Frollet may be pricier than Butterfree Era, but its effects are worth their Valis.
"Eh, I'll take money from your kids when they grow and become adventurers like their mum. Anyway, don't touch the corpse. And when you get out safely, tell Eina and Rose that I'll take a lot of time before resurfacing."
Vendy nods and gestures to her teammates to leave.
"Happy hunting, dear."
"Thanks!" Jackal grins sincerely and waves them off.
Along the way, he meets more of his customers. With the item he sells, he usually attracts the low-leveled adventurers that litter the upper floors. But not every customer of his is to his liking, leading to more brutal results.
As they say.
Fuck around and find out.
"What did I say about touching my loot?"
"You can't kill us!" Shouts the apparent leader of the group of three.
"Why can't I?" Jackal looks at the flame-haired youth with a narrowed gaze. "I told Apollo he isn't getting my booty, and the stuff with Miach and Take is rumors. Besides, your captain is Level 2. So? What's stopping me now that I am even stronger than when I broke Zanis?"
The thing with Apollo is something that Jackal has faced with almost all interested Gods and Goddesses. They come and try to win him from his non-existent patron deity. The rejection makes them feel butt-hurt. They vow some stupid revenge, then Jackal slaps them right then and there. Sometimes he has to bruise them to get his point across.
After all, some deities don't know how to handle rejection. So their minds adopt the idea of trying to hurt anyone near Jackal.
Well, not a great plan.
There is a reason why his name is snowballing instead of stopping.
The rapid number of newbie deities feed his fame.
As for the established Familia?
They know better to solicit someone as firm as Jackal. If things don't go smoothly, both sides will suffer, and the developed Familias have too much to lose.
His words turn the three members of the Apollo Familia pale as a sheet of paper.
"I'm sure your Familia won't miss getting reduced to 98 members instead. Oh, yeah, I know about you all. I have a stack of documents ye high with the information on your familia."
Jackal punctuates his words while bringing his hands close to his chest.
"But this isn't about Apollo. Tell him to send more if he wants to lose his beautiful children. Until then, I just have to do what is expected of me."
The distant pallum shudders.
"What do you mean?"
"Remember what I did in Soma Familia?" Jackal smiles gently.
Adventurers need a firm hand and a reputation. Sometimes it's the reputation that saves you in the dungeon. And for Jackal, this reputation may save him a lot of trouble. He retrieves his ax and swings it around in front of their terrified faces.
'And if I need to claim my opponent's hand for that reputation, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.'
"AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Their screams ring through the dungeon's floor before Jackal personally drops them on the staircase leading to the 11th Floor.
He took his magic stones and nothing more.
Of course, aside from their left hands.
He just wanted to traumatize them. If he isn't wrong, Airmid developed an elixir that should heal such wounds if the torn hand is brought in. So, these fools can heal after putting a dent in their wallets.
'I'm just gonna ban Apollo's kids from my shop now.'
Jackal scoffs and returns to the hunt.
As the number of idiots at the entrance with their left hands removed increased, several adventurers realized it was better to skip hunting for now. As for groups of Level 2 adventurers, they made the correct decision until now.
Monsters hunted by Jackal were precious, but they could hunt most of these monsters, too. Fighting a prominent figure said to have the quickest level-up in Orario is not worthwhile.
This led Jackal to experiment with the things he wanted to achieve.
He started with the Spirit of Armament.
"Hnnnghhhhhhh!"
Eyes flared wide open, Jackal stares at his fists as he grunts in exertion.
He tries to move his Mind and wrap them around his fists but… nada.
"Of course!" Jackal shakes his head.
'To master the three colors of Spirit, I must think like Buffy. Hmmm.'
Almost too sure of himself, Jackal spreads his arms wide open in the air as air fills his lungs to the brim before he lets loose!
"I'M GONNA BE THE KING OF PIRATES!"
His voice echoes back… and he hears it.
His wide grin fades, and his heart almost goes in shock as he falls to his knees.
"Ah… the cringe."
He sputters weakly.
Add cringe next to compliments on Jackal's growing list of weaknesses.
Unable to just master this dream on the fly, Jackal resolves to train daily, as he moves to his next two goals.
An infant dragon and finding what the secondary effect of the Excretion aspect of his Trait is.
But before that…
*Kuuuu*
His gut lets out another sound.
"Shit, need to find a safe spot quickly." He begins to collect the magic crystal and odd monster drops.
His cheeks held it back for as long as they could. They performed admirably, and Jackal couldn't ask more out of them.
So, he soon locates a relatively hidden spot before damaging the walls and ground around him to some extent so a monster doesn't drop out of nowhere. He even threw his ax at the ceilings to make sure of that.
Jackal squats behind a nearby boulder soon enough after pulling down his pants.
He knows where an Infant Dragon is. But he is keeping that treat for the last.
A relieved sigh escapes his lips as he gets to his business.
But here's the thing about shitting—one's mind works best when squatting.
'I wonder if the secondary aspect of excretion is just a butt load of energy. Would be funny if it follows the actual process of excretion and shoots out of my ass—'
His mind somehow decided subconsciously that testing it now is the best course of action, and before he knew it, Jackal could be seen flying high in the air.
He didn't fly straight up.
No, sir.
What kind of maniac shits with a straight back?
No, he zooms forward like a rocket, his ass hanging out and shit flying away… literally.
And maybe it's a coincidence, but his direction was the same location as the Infant Dragon feasting on a Hard Armored.
The Infant Dragon senses some disturbance and looks up. Possessing enough knowledge to understand that it would not catch this new flying prey with a jump, the monster prepares flames in its mouth.
"Oh, fuck no!"
Jackal hisses. He, too, has enough knowledge that he'll be cooked. So he needed to act quickly… even if his plan was a shitty one.
As he passes the infant Dragon, before it lets out its breath, Jackal aims his 'business' at the monster and purses his lips.
'Aw, fuck. I wanted a good story for my first Infant Dragon, not this shit.'
A blast zooms out of his ass as Jackal squeezes out every last drop of his stored energy to destroy the Infant Dragon.
Truly, what a shitty death.
***
Alternate Title: A Shitty Story; The Next King of Pirates; Jolly Shitter; The Nightmare of 12th Floor; Apollo Got a Side Chapter Treatment; A Sacrifice From the Enemies; Building Loyal Customer Relationship with Candies and Rescue Missions; Mind Works Wondrously on the Shitter; Could Have Even Mastered Spirit of Conquerers; A Shitty Getsuga Tenshou; Brownie Points, Kek; This Infant Dragon Will DEFINITELY Remember this in the Next Life!; Ass Rocket; Admirable Cheeks; Butcher of Orario? No. Shitter of Dragons; Truly Dropping A-Bombs; Core Memory Unlocked
***
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