บท 71: Chapter 68
Each time my skin came into contact with his, something was ignited within me. Like an addictive spark which I ought to have been scared of, but I rather found myself attracted to it. I wanted it to blaze to life. I wanted it to burn me until I was screaming. A beautiful sort of pain that only we could understand.
I was letting him do whatever he wanted, the reigns were in his hands completely and it was up to him to decide which direction he wanted to steer us. Reaching for my hands, he interlocked our fingers and pinned them on either side of my head.
There was no doubt, no trace of fear and absolutely no wish to stop. I was actually desperate for more.
" What do you like?" He confused me by asking. His hand still exploring me with open fascination. I felt it in each touch, how light and curious it was. Like a child who had discovered something new that amused him and he didn't want to let it go.
" What do I like?"
My confusion was clear. He let go of one of my hands before he kissed my shoulder softly.
" Yeah, is there anything in particular that you'd like me to do? Anything. "
" Total control, remember?"
" Yeah but I just wanna know what you like. "
" I like everything you do.."
" I'm flattered. Now pick one. "
I wanted to scold him for messing around with me at such a time, I needed there to be a lot less talking and a while lot more touching. But I still managed to think about his question, it appealed to me for some reason. And I suppose I also wanted to find out what I liked.... though I didn't think about it that much. There was one thing in particular that he had done which had made me wild and frantic. Too hot and bothered. I was about to attempt telling him when he suddenly placed a hand on my groin and gently began rubbing up and down. It was almost too much. Almost. Somehow, that sensual touch managed to be just the right amount of deadly...a little more and I'd probably not be able to handle it. I called out his name, tried to get him to loosen the hold on my hand, but he intentionally tightened it. Plus the fact that he was literally above me gave him an advantage. I was hard...for him. Something which would have terrified me to death a while ago, but currently it felt kinda of normal. He made everything seem completely sane and logical which prevented me from freaking out and overreacting.
The fact that I was dressed in a pair of cotton pajama pants wasn't helping the situation either. I wondered what was going on through his head, what he was planning on doing next.
" Come on, tell me, " he urged on, I wasn't sure as to whether there was any use in me telling him. And it was hard to both breathe and concentrate when he was touching me like that. I just wanted more, with each gentle and passive stroke of his hand, I wanted so much more. I also knew he was very capable of granting my wish, I just didn't want take things too far way too fast. That was a new aspect of our relationship and we had to be careful, there was no knowing how things would go and which turn they would take. And I liked that this was something Austin seemed to be well aware of. He wasn't doing everything one would fear he would. He rather knew how to even things and situations out until each individual attained the utmost comfort. I decided to just respond...but first, I needed him..
" Closer, "
It was a soft whisper I hoped he'd hear, and he did. There were a few inches separating us and I didn't want them there, I wanted as much contact with him as was humanly possible. I only felt at ease when his skin touched mine. He new how to perfectly balance his weight on top of me, making me feel secure and relished.
" Now tell me, even if it's simply something you want me to do. "
" You'll have to let go of me first. "
" I sorta like being in control, " he joked, pressing his forehead to mine and playing around with the waistband of my pants. And I tensed up, but not in the negative sense, there was something like anticipation in the feeling.
He finally let go of my hand, and so I wrapped it around his nape and took in a deep breath.
" I'll show you instead, " I told him because explaining it to him would have definitely made me feel weird. My favorite action wasn't anything huge, but I liked it. It managed to turn me on with such ease.
I placed a soft kiss on his lips, then I trailed equally soft ones along his jawline until I got to his ear, then I gently grazed it before I sucked it into my mouth. He seemed to like it as much as I did. His lips parted and he let out this enchanting moan of satisfaction. Those little sounds urged me on. Especially when he called out my name. He made me feel as if I had him under a spell, and I liked that a whole lot. I finally pulled away, then I felt him as he slightly slipped his hand into my pajamas and stopped. I remained rigid beneath him, waiting to see what he would do next. I had never been able to let myself picture certain things, but since he showed up again, even my own mind had turned its back against me.
" Okay?" He asked. A softness to his voice that drew me in. And I also sensed that he was a bit anxious about my response. I was sure that had I said no, he would have played it off as cool then ended up asking himself questions.
" Okay, " I assured him. My own voice sounded so shaky and dry I could hardly recognize it myself. He kissed my ear in an imitation of what I had just said. And it was just as exotic as I had known it would be. Slow and relaxing. A soothing action that sometimes wrecked me completely.
But then he wrapped his warm hand around my length and I almost dug my fingers into his skin. Unable to the crazy surge of desire that swept through me. I was completely sure that I was going to end up wanting more and he'd be more than willing to offer it. I cradled his face in my hands and kissed him against. Long, deep and transparent. The most honest kiss I could master because he deserved it.
And there was an added heat to each of our actions now. They felt more urgent...like I wanted him, could see him right there, but somehow I still needed more physical proof to confirm that he was truly there.
He tried to sit up but I refused to let him. I liked the feel of his hand, how nice he smelt and the fact that I was his major priority. He had made it clear that I mattered and came first. And the feel of his hand on such an intimate part of me was too good. Too wonderful..there was no way to not get used to that. He didn't go too far though, he knew exactly how to balance. And he knew I was currently under the Influence of him so most of my choices were likely corrupt.
" You know I've got you, right?" He asked and I nodded because I did know. I really did feel like I was high at the time. Like my world was slowly spinning despite not having taken anything. Out of every I had ever pictured myself doing, getting a handjob from the actual love of my young life wasn't a part of the plan. That's because I was completely certain that it wouldn't happen.
He knew what he was doing, when he increased his speed and left me panting mercilessly, calling out his name while bing seconds away from telling him things j might regret when I sobered up.
Afterwards, he slept next to me and hugged me tight from behind.Not letting go for an instant. I liked how clingy he was, that would definitely be a plus.But his honesty when it came to how he felt about it ranked first. The fact that he wasn't scared to tell me whatever was in his heart.
He told me he loved me. His head on my chest and his fingertips drawing casual patterns on my skin.
" Love you too, "
I knew that we had officially crossed whatever bridge that still connected us to the 'just friends' department. There was no way we could deny what we had going forward. That would be simply impossible. I sighed, placing a soft kiss on his head and deciding to just let things flow however they wanted to. There wasn't really anything I could do about it.
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AUSTIN'S POV
The things I'd do to be able to get Kyle all to myself for eternity. I just wanted him to be a part of everything I did, to be able to a permanent part of my life such that there was nothing about me that he didn't know.
He had actually fallen asleep. I'm pretty sure it hadn't been anywhere in thee plans but somehow it happened. Though he only slept for like half an hour before waking up. Then he asked me whether there was anywhere urgent I needed to be, I felt his smile when I told him no.
Then he said he was going to make us something to eat since he was sure I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Which was true. Actually, I had barely slept at all last night. I had kept thinking about Kyle, the fact that I missed him so much despite just being with him. I wanted to see him again and morning seemed to be taking forever to reach. But I had slept on and off until I decided to just screw it and rode all the way there.
Even if I had had and before, which I doubted, I would have postponed them all. That's how much I liked Kyle's company.
And he was trying so fucking hard. I could never have imagined that he would be willing to take any sort of physical step with me apart from the normal hand holding and long hugs. But he was proving that he was more open minded than we gave him credit for. If he had let THAT just happen, then I had no reason to worry because it meant he'd be more engaging in whatever we did. Things I had always wanted to try out with him. I think it's fair to say that my dreams were actually coming true.
A few minutes after waking up he had gotten off the bed, and I had done the same because there was no way I was staying there without him. I just wanted to be everywhere he was, I feared he might get sick and tired of me but I couldn't help it. My heart just wanted him close and I had no choice but to grant that the
wish. We went to the kitchen and I leaned against the counter while he made some coffee and toast. Then he cut up some fruits and placed them in a bowl infront of us. I wanted to eat on the couch and that's exactly where he said we should go. It had something to do with the closeness I craved. Sometimes it felt like an actual medical condition because how was it possible to like a person that much? I asked him to sit down first, then I did the same, sitting between his legs and leaning back against him.
" Will you be able to eat like this?" I asked just in case I was being a little selfish.
" I'm good, just pass me the coffee, "
I did as asked. Smiling to myself when he passively kissed my forehead and then acted as if he hadn't done such a thing. And it was while we were casually seated there, silently enjoying each other's company, that I decided to bring something up.
" Stevens?"
He took a sip of his coffee first before asking me what I wanted, warning that I had better not say anything weird because he'd definitely pour that coffee on me.
" You know I never actually meant to hurt you, right?"
He grew completely silent. And when I glanced at him it was to find him in a world of his own. I touched his cheek and he looked down at me and directly into my eyes. I saw a whole lot of things in his. But I was glad that I could see his affection as well, there was no way to not notice it.
" Why'd you react like that? It wasn't even that big a deal. "
" Of course it was. "
" No it wasn't. Fuck! You know I felt as if my life ended when you left, but somehow I still managed to hold on...then when my mom died I just couldn't do it anymore. "
" Let's not talk about this, "
" But I want to. I get that you were upset, but how could you just leave like that? "
" Come on, let it be.."
" I went over your house the day after you left, my mom had to force me out of there. For a second I believe it was all an awful dream and you were still around. "
He sighed defeatedly, then I felt his hand as it gently massaged my scalp, and considering that we had recently been holding onto each other shirtless, I suddenly felt constricted because we had put them back on. But he was there and that was all that mattered. He didn't want to have that conversation however, but I was intent on making sure we did. I just wanted to completely clear the air before I left. It was something that had been eating me inside for a while. I had been a little at fault, I wasn't going to deny that, but what he had done was way worse in my eyes. People didn't just disappear without saying a word. He had no clue what he had made me go through. I was so used to being with him to the point where my entire life had revolved around him. So when he left I had no clue where to start. I was young, and I had of course cried, feeling angry at him but not being able to do anything about it. He asked me to place his coffee down , then he hugged me from behind.
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