บท 108: Ch 108. Kotoko and Siesta's Discoveries
"Kotoko, are you sure you want it to clear up?" Hoshimi asked calmly.
"Mm." Kotoko nodded like a chick pecking at rice.
In gloomy weather, Hoshimi seemed a bit detached and uncomfortable to be around. The relaxed, easygoing version of him was more pleasant.
"..." Hoshimi said nothing for a moment, then with a thought, the rain stopped, the clouds dispersed, and the sunlight shone down again.
Once the sky was completely clear, Hoshimi returned to his previously relaxed demeanor.
He leaned back on the bench, lazily gazing at the clear blue sky.
"Hoshimi, what was going on with you just now?" Seeing the familiar Hoshimi, Yukino couldn't help but ask.
"Ha~~" Hoshimi yawned and explained slowly, "You could understand it as my study or work mode. In that state, my efficiency is very high, but my mood also suffers."
"..." Yukino remained silent, feeling that it might be more complicated than that.
"It's just that simple." Hoshimi tilted his head toward Yukino, his eyes filled with teasing.
Yukino was taken aback. Had he guessed her thoughts?
But according to Kotoko, Hoshimi should be a carefree fool when he's happy, right?
"Hehe~" Hoshimi chuckled and stretched, "I may be not particularly talented, but even when living freely and joyfully, it doesn't mean I'm a fool. I can still think things through."
"Just… not in the mood for complex thinking unless it's something that makes me happy."
Hoshimi put one arm around Yukino's shoulders and the other around Kotoko's, pulling them closer, their heads together, and continued, "Let's go back to the previous topic. After thinking about it, I've clarified a few things."
"First, let's clear up Yukino's doubts."
As Yukino looked confused, Hoshimi rubbed her cheek and asked, "Yukino, do you know about the subconscious?"
Yukino's eye twitched, "Hoshimi, are you underestimating me?"
"Well~ well~ don't get worked up. Let's discuss it step by step."
Hoshimi continued slowly, "The subconscious can be simply understood as hidden or concealed consciousness. It's composed of many complex factors—instincts, impulses, environmental influences, personality, beliefs, childhood psychological imprints, and so on—all mixed together, making it a complicated and troublesome thing."
"However, you must acknowledge one thing: no matter how troublesome or irrational your subconscious is, it's still a part of you."
"On the other hand, the conscious mind is the opposite of the subconscious. The conscious mind should be self-explanatory, you both understand it. Simply put, it's 'me' or 'self'."
"After explaining the subconscious and conscious mind, we need to know that there's a cyclical relationship between the two."
"If the subconscious is discovered, it becomes conscious and usable by me; if the conscious is ignored, it goes into the subconscious, not only unused but also potentially hindering me."
"For example, when I said 'someone is intentionally suppressing my thoughts, making me avoid the dream's settings,' the 'someone' referred to my own subconscious."
"Perhaps my subconscious sensed something, so it deliberately suppressed my curiosity and doubts, making me accept the dream's existence without mental resistance."
"Combined with my own subjective pursuit of pleasure, I also neglected the exploration of the dream."
"With both forces acting together, it was natural for me to forget about exploring the dream."
"And that 'gloomy state' or 'work mode' was actually me being in a bad mood, returning some subconscious thoughts for contemplation."
"As for why the change was so drastic…"
Hoshimi squinted and lazily rubbed Kotoko's soft cheek like a cat.
"It's probably due to the influence of my past personality on the subconscious."
The past personality, to be more precise, was his demeanor during his previous life in learning and work.
He had deliberately sacrificed some emotions to immerse himself in learning or work, optimizing himself without external influences, and fully focusing on his goals.
In short, it could be summarized as 'a refined egoist.'
In such a state, it was normal to be seen as lacking humanity.
Compared to ordinary 'refined egoists,' he was even more 'refined' and 'cold.'
By the way, before meeting the boss's daughter, his 'egoism' had some pride, and he didn't 'harm others' or was so 'refined' and 'cold.'
But after accepting the boss's daughter, his 'egoism' changed, and his personality also shifted significantly.
For instance, his malicious habit of teasing others for his own amusement developed during this period. Previously, he didn't have the energy for such teasing and didn't need the so-called pleasure.
"Past personality…"
After listening to Hoshimi's explanation, Yukino murmured unconsciously.
The keywords—past personality, study state, work mode, and bad mood—helped Yukino piece together some of Hoshimi's past.
Hoshimi must have had very strict parents when he was young, probably a hundred times stricter than her own parents.
Thinking about it, the library in Hoshimi's dream had an exaggerated amount of books.
Even though Hoshimi claimed he didn't remember most of the books and might have just skimmed through them, it was still quite exaggerated.
She considered herself well-read, but compared to Hoshimi's reading volume, she was like a novice.
Considering Hoshimi was the same age as her, his enormous reading volume already indicated some issues...
Adding Hoshimi's current aversion to studying, Yukino could roughly sketch out Hoshimi's "tragic world" in childhood and the reasons for his estrangement from his parents and living alone.
Thinking of this, Yukino looked at Hoshimi with a mix of pity and affection in her eyes.
"Hmm???" Hoshimi glanced at Yukino with a strange expression.
What's with that look? Is she feeling sorry for me? What's there to pity?
This kid, is she not thinking straight?
Hoshimi considered Yukino's thoughts for a moment but decided to set them aside. He turned to Kotoko and asked, "So, Kotoko, what interesting things did you and Siesta find in my dream?"
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