บท 900: Ch 900 - Hatching the Plan
Alex was not a man who went out looking for danger, truly. It just seemed like danger found him at every corner. In addition, Alex was never the type of man who would shy away from a fight. So, whenever danger called, he always answered.
That's how he found himself in a burned-down living room with a super soldier horse, a manic-pixie dream girlfriend, a sassy ex-girlfriend that he still had feelings for, and his two bumbling idiot buddies, trying to hatch a plan to save the world.
Alex pulled an old-school projector out of his closet. He pointed it toward a wall that was only semi-charred. "Hey, SCOT. Pull up a map of Baltimore and send it through the projector."
SCOT'S omnipresent voice echoed through the house. "On it, Mr. Ambrose."
The map appeared on the wall. Alex got close and examined it. Then, he paced back and forth with Post-It Notes in hand.
Debbie, Yvonne, Christopher, and Louis sat on the couch, watching Alex the super sleuth do his thing.
Alex carefully stuck the sticky notes on different spots of the map. He took a step back to check what he did, then turned toward the group. "Can anyone tell me what this represents?"
"Urgent cares?" Christopher asked.
"Ice cream shops," Yvonne said.
"Places where demons reside," Louis said in a nonchalant tone.
Alex quickly glanced at the map and then back to his friends. "No, all of those were wrong. Debbie, what's your guess?"
Debbie leaned forward, really examining the map with a discerning eye. "Well, it looks to me like these are the locations of all of Riley's pharmacies."
Alex gave Debbie a thumbs up. "Bingo."
He pointed to each Post-It Note. "Each one of these represents a different location that Riley operates out of. I'm not sure any of these will have a super soldier breeding ground, but I don't think we should ignore his pharmaceutical business. If I had to guess, I bet that's where all this nonsense began."
Alex reached into his pocket and grabbed markers. He handed each person a marker and a Post-It Note. "Okay, gang, I want each of you to write down the craziest things that you can think of that Riley would use as security measures at each of these locations. No idea is too insane because he probably has used them before."
Yvonne started to write. "Super soldier horse."
Enraged, Alex pointed at her. "We are not bringing Gary into this. He will stomp you to death with his hooves."
Yvonne raised her eyebrows. "Point taken."
Alex waited a minute. His eyes watched his friends as they all wrote feverishly. "Okay, what did you all come with?"
Yvonne raised her hand. "Koi pond filled with killer piranhas."
Alex closed his eyes and nodded. "Absolutely. Christopher?"
Christopher glanced back at his Post-It Note. "Security cameras."
Alex rubbed his head between his eyebrows. "You're thinking too small, Christopher. It needs to be bigger."
Christopher snapped his fingers, disappointed in himself. Debbie raised her hand. Alex nodded toward her, insinuating she could go. "Automatic rifles that have a mind of their own."
Alex pointed at her with a serious expression that melted into a smile. "That's what I'm talking about. I know for a fact he has those. Louis, hit me, baby. What do you think?"
"Demons," Louis said, unamused.
Alex clicked his tongue. "Aren't you in charge of the Demon Sect? Wouldn't you know if he had demons?"
Louis folded his arms over his chest with indignance. "I would absolutely know. I'm in charge."
Alex raised his arms up. "Then does he actually have demons?"
Louis sneered. "Of course not. I would never let that happen."
Alex squinted at him. "You know what, fine, whatever. Yvonne, what else did you write?"
Yvonne read through her list. "Fighter jets, a game of Jumanji but it actually curses you like the movie, zombie Joan Crawford, cyborg Joan Crawford, and a corn maze with James Corden in the center."
Alex looked at Yvonne in absolute astonishment. "That was incredibly accurate. Debbie, what about you?"
"Well," Debbie said. "A human-sized hair dryer, a cyclops created using DVDs of only the movie Borat, and a punji pit."
Alex ran over and high-fived her. "That's my girl!"
Christopher and Louis turned to each other with blank expressions on their faces.
"Do you know what this means?" Alex asked. Everyone shook their heads. "This means that Debbie and Yvonne are going to team up and stake out one of Riley's pharmacies to get information."
Yvonne immediately shook her head. "Oh, no, no. Alex, I'm not so sure I'm, uh…" She turned to Debbie and then back to Alex. "I'm not sure I'm the right choice. You should go with Debbie."
When Yvonne looked back to Alex, he was already sticking more Post-It Notes on the wall. "I can't. I have an old contact with a connection to Riley that I'm almost positive I can get some critical information out of. I'll be going into town to do that. I need two people to hang back at the house in case some more super soldiers find their way here."
Yvonne raised her hand to volunteer. "I'll do that, then."
"No," Alex said. "Christopher and Louis would be better suited for that. Plus, Christopher probably wants to look over more of the super soldier information with the help of SCOT."
Christopher nodded in agreement. "Absolutely. If we understand their biological makeup, we can figure out how to take them down easier."
Alex turned around and put his hands on his hips. He had a Post-It Note stuck to his shirt. "Yvonne, you and Debbie are extremely good at predicting what Riley has in store. It isn't like either of you will have to fight anyone. You go in, ask a few questions, and get out. Plus, since the two of you are best friends now, this will be the perfect way for you guys to hang out."
Debbie grabbed Yvonne's shoulder. "O.M.G.! We are best friends."
Yvonne froze. "I wish the super soldier killed me."
Alex snapped his fingers and pointed at the map. "How familiar is everyone with Riley's pharmacies?"
"Not at all," Louis said.
"Yeah, I don't really know," Debbie added.
"I'm obviously very familiar," Yvonne said.
Alex smiled. He felt like his plan was truly going to work. "So, Yvonne, which pharmacy do you think you should go to?"
Yvonne crossed her arms and leaned back. "So, the obvious choice is to go downtown. It's the biggest pharmacy, and he has his offices down there."
Alex pointed to the Post-It Note that represented that pharmacy on the map. "That's what I was thinking."
Yvonne sat up as a lightbulb lit up in her head. "But, why would he operate something this secretive in his main building?"
"Because he's an idiot," Louis answered.
"No," Yvonne said. "I don't even think Riley's idiotic enough to do that. What about his shop on Leaner Avenue? He bought out that small little store years ago. It's really unsuspecting. There's nothing that goes on there. If I wanted to conduct a secret business, I would do it somewhere quiet."
Debbie tilted her head toward Yvonne. "That's a really good point."
Alex studied the map. "But what if it's too small and nothing is going on there?"
Yvonne shrugged. "Then we cut our losses and go downtown."
Alex absorbed the information. He thought about it. It seemed like a solid plan. "I think you're onto something, Yvonne. So, it's settled. The boys stay here. The ladies head into the city, and I'll go see my connection."
Christopher raised his chin. "Who's this contact of yours, Alex?"
Alex stared off into the distance. "A friend I knew a long time ago."
Yvonne stood up and dusted the soot from the couch from her butt. "Alright. That doesn't sound at all foreboding. What do you say, Debbie? Ready to hit the road?"
Alex waved his hand at the two women. "Absolutely not. You two need to disguise yourselves a little bit. Everyone will know who you are."
Debbie grabbed Yvonne by the arm. "Yay! Makeover!"
Without any more comments from Alex, Debbie pulled Yvonne, against her will, out of the living room. Yvonne tilted her head back to see the men. "For the love of God, help me. Don't let her take me."
Alex chuckled as the girls ran upstairs. "Hey, SCOT. Turn off the projector."
"As you wish, Mr. Ambrose," SCOT said.
Christopher and Louis stood up. Christopher stretched. "Okay, Alex. I think I'm going to go back into your secret little man cave down there. Best of luck with your meeting."
Alex shook Christopher and Louis's hands. "Guys, if anything happens, have SCOT call me. I have my phone. We're going to have to keep contact limited, but you know, in case of emergencies."
The men nodded. Alex smiled at them. "I better head out."
Christopher and Louis waved to Alex as he headed out the door. Gary was waiting outside. The sun shone down on him as if he were a gift from heaven itself. Alex mounted him. "Alright, Gary. Let's go."
Gary took off, speeding through the forest. An average person wouldn't have enough core strength to ride the equine, but Alex wasn't your average man. He felt like Gary was destined to be his horse. He felt a special connection to the stallion. He leaned forward as they soared through the trees.
"Alright, boy. We're going into the city. I told everyone back there that I'm meeting an old friend, but there's a little more to it than that," Alex admitted to the horse. "I'm actually meeting an old flame, and this old flame just so happens to be Riley's sister, Kylie. We had a torrid love affair that lasted just as quickly as it began. I think I could seduce her and get information about Riley's whereabouts. However, I feel bad for Debbie. I've been lying to her quite a bit lately. Do you think I should have told her?"
Alex paused, almost as if he were expecting a response from the horse. "Right, you're a horse, and horses can't speak."
In record time, they reached the edge of the forest. Alex patted Gary on the side. "Good job, boy. Keep it going.
As the two exited the forest, a dark figure emerged from the trees. It lumbered forward. As Gary and Alex continued toward the city, the figure watched them and cocked its fist.
****
A few hours later, Debbie and Yvonne walked side by side down Learner Avenue. They both wore big, voluminous, platinum blonde wigs and tight denim dresses. They also donned a pair of stiletto heels. While Debbie had no problem walking, Yvonne struggled with every step, wavering from side to side.
"Why did we have to dress like we're Dolly Parton impersonators?" Yvonne complained as she hobbled along.
Debbie paid her no mind. "We both look nothing like ourselves. No one will ever recognize us like this."
Yvonne tripped and nearly fell into a car. "Why don't you have a single pair of flats? Or sneakers?"
Debbie kept strutting forward. "Don't say that, Yvonne. Flats are for ugly people."
Eventually, the two reached the front of the store. Debbie looked the building up and down. "This really wasn't what I expected."
The store was housed in a small, brick building that looked as if it had been designed at the turn of the century and belonged in a small town. Even the Naysmith Pharmacy sign was hand-painted. It was cute and quaint.
Yvonne smirked at Debbie. "Exactly. That's why I thought this would be the perfect place. What do you say, ready to go inside?"
Debbie straightened her spine. "I think so."
The two girls linked arms and walked into the store.
The store clerk, a young man with greasy black hair and bags under his eyes that indicated that he hadn't slept in three days, looked back up at them. "The Dolly Parton Look Alike Contest is in the theater down the street, and I don't think it happens until Wednesday."
Yvonne glared at Debbie. "Oh, we aren't a part of the contest. We just dress this way for fun. Say, kid, do you have any pain relievers? My dogs are barking in these shoes."
The clerk pointed to a little aisle at the side of the store. Yvonne walked over and grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen.
Debbie leaned on the counter next to the cash register. She pretended not to notice the clerk checking her out. "Do you guys have any serums?"
"What do you mean by serums?" The clerk asked.
Debbie shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I was just hoping to become really strong, like stronger than a regular person, and I was hoping a serum could do it for me."
Yvonne's eyes went wide with alarm. She ran back, set down the ibuprofen and pulled Debbie off the counter. "Sorry, my friend's not well. She has a brain tumor that renders her completely stupid and useless."
Debbie glared at her. Yvonne smiled in return as she patted Debbie's back. "But at least she's beautiful." She leaned in toward Debbie's ear. "You have to be more careful."
The clerk looked at the two women as if they were crazy. "Will you be paying with cash or card?"
"Cash," Yvonne responded, handing the kid a twenty-dollar bill. "Keep the change."
As Debbie began to look around the store, a man walked in. He had wild hair and wore a lab coat. Yvonne stared at him, baffled by his appearance.
He leaned into the clerk and whispered just loud enough that the girls could hear it. "Is Riley in?"
The clerk, texting on his phone, shrugged, causing the man to scoff and walk behind a door that read, "Employees Only."
Yvonne grabbed Debbie. "Did you hear that?"
Debbie nodded. She looked Yvonne directly in the eyes. "Go follow him?"
Yvonne agreed. "That's what Alex would do." She leaned into Debbie's ear. "Pretend to faint."
Debbie raised an eyebrow. Yvonne glared in return. "Just do it."
In dramatic fashion, Debbie collapsed on the floor. Yvonne acted shocked. "Oh, my gosh. Sir! My friend! It's her brain tumor!"
Debbie kicked Yvonne's leg at the mention of the fake tumor. Yvonne pursed her lips, pretending that Debbie did not just deliver a blow to a huge bruise already on her leg. "She needs help! Maybe medical assistance!"
The clerk remained fixated on his phone. He didn't even bat an eye. "There's a doctor back there. Go see if you can catch him."
Yvonne propped Debbie up on her arm. She whispered in her ear. "Can you please help me out?"
Debbie, with her eyes closed still, whispered extremely softly. "You should be able to lift me. I'm only a hundred and ten pounds."
Yvonne pulled Debbie through the "Employees Only" door. "After that comment, we are no longer best friends."
Once they closed the door behind them, the girls stood up. They were faced with a dark, cold staircase that went so far down they couldn't see where it ended.
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