บท 283: Who Am I?
On the Qi Plane, there was a field of blood and debris that had formed a series of interconnected rivers, flowing throughout space.
This place existed within Divine Star System, the grandest and most prosperous star system – the star system which was home to the Divine Court!
Everywhere in the Divine Star System was said to be the territory of the Divine Court. Any divinity who was not a member of the Divine Court would be cautious about entering this place…well, almost every divinity.
Sat in the centre of the rivers of blood and debris, in this region which used to be home to one of the Divine Court's enormous 'Solar Planets', sat Defiance Sovereign. He had been sat atop his throne of bones ever since the battle 2,000 years ago, that battle where he killed every remaining person within this region who was unable to escape in time, and forced all of the divinities involved in the battle to flee.
The Divine Star System was the Divine Court's territory, but…when Defiance Sovereign arrived, no matter where that place may be, it immediately became his territory!
Nobody dared to go against Defiance Sovereign carelessly. He wielded a terrifying mixture of strength and madness that made all others hesitant to bother him.
The moment Yaan returned from the partial inheritance, Defiance Sovereign opened his eyes for the first time in 2,000 years. His eyes glowed with golden light, and each eyeball…was larger than an ordinary life-planet.
In fact, each of his eyes was similar in size and appearance to a small star!
Not only was Defiance Sovereign the strongest being, but he was also the largest being!
"Someone interesting has appeared…"
As he spoke, the world around him trembled. The rivers of blood and debris were assaulted by monstrous shockwaves, causing them to explode and disperse further out, before eventually recondensing and continuing with their flow after he had finished speaking.
A faint smile appeared on Defiance's face. His eyes were calm, but vast intelligence could be seen within the depths of his abyssal pupils. Defiance Sovereign was often called 'obstinate', but he was not stupid. In fact, he was definitely one of the most intelligent beings in this world, and he knew things that nobody else knew.
"The cycle of reincarnation collapsed…the Divine Court is searching for a red-robed child…and someone curious just experienced one of my partial inheritances…"
"So his name is Yaan…and he is the first sign of the 2nd Era's end. I wonder, the first sign in each Era…is it always the same being? Is the trigger for the end of all worlds a single god? Perhaps I will find an answer to this question in this Era…it would be good if I could obtain something useful from this dull Era…"
"Regardless, when the first sign appears, the shadow of Destruction is not far behind…"
Defiance's faint smile grew slightly wider, and his eyes shone with battle intent. However, after a few moments, the calm returned to his gaze. The intensity was buried deep within him, but it was still there, building up, just waiting to be released.
"It is not yet time. We will meet eventually…we all will…and when Destruction appears in this world once again, the 2nd Era's final war shall erupt…"
**********
As Yaan stared into the simple mirror, tears streamed down from his eyes.
When he looked at himself, he did not see the demon that had killed countless people…he did not see the parasitic heart demon born of the Primordial Devil's self-doubt…
He only saw a broken child.
With an unchanging facial expression which showed his confusion through a forced smile, Yaan's eyes shed tears for reasons that he did not understand.
The Spirit Plane Lord stared at him in shock, unsure what to do. In the end, she simply remained silent and waited, as did the Primordial Sage.
Yaan didn't notice the two at all, because right now, he couldn't see anything other than his own face.
This face…which he had stolen.
Or was it a face that had become his?
Slowly, Yaan's eyes widened, and he couldn't help but mutter his thoughts aloud.
"I don't…really know who I am…"
The Spirit Plane Lord thought that he was expressing his confusion due to his 'lost memories', but the Primordial Sage knew the truth.
"We should leave him alone for now." The Sage spoke to her sister, realising that Yaan had entered a strange state and might speak aloud of some matters which she would prefer to keep hidden from the woman beside her. The Spirit Plane Lord looked hesitant, but in the end, she nodded gently. She cast Yaan one final look before vanishing along with the Primordial Sage.
Yaan was now alone in the Spirit Palace's central hall, the hall which was filled with paintings of the Spirit Plane Lord's early life.
As he stared into his own eyes in this simple hand mirror, Yaan suddenly felt that his reflection was quite unfamiliar.
His life, had, for the most part, been a lie.
When he was young, he had believed that he was an ordinary human, a boy who stepped onto the path of demonic cultivation after being forced by his circumstances to adapt.
Later on, he realised that his life was not so simple – but at that time, he had still been deceived. For a while, he had believed himself to be the Primordial Devil.
But Yaan was in truth the Primordial Devil's heart demon, and because of this, he had felt the desire to go against his own heart. In the end, he had fallen into a delusion of his own creation, believing that he had no heart…
He had never lived according to his own heart, and because of this, Yaan had no idea what his 'own heart' truly was.
Was his heart really just that of opposing the Primordial Devil? Was that truly all there was to his entire existence?
Or was his heart something that had been developing into something different, something unique, over time…?
Yaan found himself thinking about his heart for the first time in a long while. As he stared into the mirror and saw the broken child's face staring back at him, he suddenly realised something. This realisation…would be a huge turning point for Yaan.
"I'm not just the Primordial Devil's heart demon…because I am also the six year old human child called Yaan…The Primordial Devil's heart demon was a parasitic existence without sentience which devoured that human child's Dao Soul into its own…but that child's Dao Soul and the Primordial Devil's heart demon fused together, becoming one and the same entity…and that entity is me…"
Yaan could not explain how he had come to understand this, but when he looked at his reflection, seeing himself for the first time in his life without any illusion obscuring his view, he simply knew that this was the truth.
He continued muttering to himself in a dazed voice.
"That's why I felt such an intense yearning to return home for all those years…I believed that I was simply opposing my fate, but in truth, that human part of me truly just wanted to go home…"
Yaan's eyes became wide as he came to another realisation.
"That's why my heart never became numb to killing, and why my heart never truly aligned with the demonic path…I thought that I was just opposed to becoming like the Primordial Devil, but in truth, my dao heart contains the feelings of a young human boy, a boy who never wanted to become this way…this childish aspect of my heart has become eternalised - it cannot change, because no matter what, part of me will always contain the emotions of that pure-hearted human child…"
After a long period of silence, Yaan looked away from the mirror.
For the first time, he felt like this palace hall, and all of the paintings around him, were actually quite amazing…
He turned back to the mirror and faced himself in silence once again. Even though he felt unbelievably pained when he saw the torment within his eyes which could no longer be hidden, he didn't turn away.
'Who am I, really…? Am I…really going to let it all end, before I even learn who I am…?'
In this moment, a faint desire was reignited within Yaan's heart. He wanted to know…who he was.
He wanted to learn more about himself.
This might seem very similar to his desire in the past, but it was different. In the past, Yaan wanted to learn more about the mysteries surrounding his fate. Back then, he wanted to understand the truth that this world had laid out for him.
But now, Yaan couldn't care less about any of that.
He didn't care if he was the Primordial Devil's heart demon. He didn't care if he was a human child. He didn't care what he was…he wanted to know who he was!
He had lived his life chasing the mysteries of this world for so long that he had lost sight of what was right before him, or rather, what was right within him.
It didn't matter what the world wanted him to be. What…did he want to be?
Unknowingly, the cracks which had always plagued Yaan's Dao Soul, the cracks which had continuously grown larger throughout his life…finally stopped growing any larger.
On this day, Yaan took the first step towards taking control over his own fate.
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