บท 36: 36. Chapter 36
Kate sits between the two kids in the backseat, one hand stroking the hair off of Dash's forehead, careful to avoid the bruise swelling up, the other hand sifting through the wound care information. She moves back and forth between the two.
"He didn't even mention this," Kate murmurs softly, lifting her eyes to Castle's profile.
"What's that?" he whispers.
Ellery is close to nodding off beside her, and Dashiell is fighting sleep as well. Ella keeps her eyes glued on them though, blinking through it.
"It lists the signs for a concussion. The doctor at the clinic didn't say anything about him having a concussion."
"He did examine his eyes, Kate. If he had a concussion, or symptoms, he would have told us."
"Yeah, but-"
"I think he'll be fine. You mostly broke his fall. He just glanced off the side of the table."
Kate sighs. "Still. Maybe he shouldn't n-a-p."
"It might be good to have a rest though," Castle murmurs back, turning slightly to look at her. "Chill out for an hour or so. Little one's ready to go."
Kate glances to the little girl, lifts her hand from the packet of papers to stroke a finger along Ellery's cheek. She stirs, eyes immediately training on Kate's. What her gaze lacks in intensity, it makes up for in determination. Might be difficult to get her down, but she clearly needs it.
"N-a-p for this one," Kate says gently.
Castle parks in the lot of the condominium and turns off the ignition. Dashiell doesn't move; his eyes are drooping.
"Rick?"
"Yeah." He turns around and lays his hand on her knee, rubbing his thumb up and down over her jeans. Her chest eases.
"You'll have to get him. He's gone."
"Sure. You got baby girl?"
Kate nods, leans over to brush her mouth across his, stroke the side of his face. "Thank you."
"For what?"
She shouldn't have to explain; she doesn't want to explain. How stupid would it sound? Thanks for being a man?
Instead, she kisses his cheek. "For you."
Kate breaks away from him and moves carefully over Ellery's seat, opening the door from the inside. She can hear Castle getting out as well, starts working on the straps holding her daughter in. Ellery's eyes are on her, watching, her little fingers curled around the straps. Kate gently maneuvers her out of the restraints, pulls her daughter up into her arms, kisses her warm cheek.
Ellery's arms come around her neck tight, tighter than Kate expected from the sleepy girl. She rubs her daughter's back and murmurs love into her ear, shutting the car door softly. Castle has Dash already bundled into his arms, the bag over one shoulder, and he holds out a hand to her, waiting on her.
Kate shifts Ella into her right arm and takes Castle's hand with her left, squeezing. She can't maintain the grip for long without needing both hands to carry her girl, but Castle leans over and kisses her temple, all four of their heads close together for an instant. Kate keeps her eyes on Dash as they head into the building, his tired and bruised face, the dark line of stitches marring his forehead. It hurts to see; hurts her like she never really knew it could.
He's gotten beaten up and knocked around before. He's a wild little kid. Accident prone. He goes at life full tilt; he reminds her of Rick. Martha says they're just alike. Kate has seen him with bruises and scratches and lumps to the head; she's picked him up and pushed him on, ignored his dramatics and his theatre. Maybe because he's so still and quiet now, like Castle is when he's truly hurt - maybe it's the unnaturalness of having him at rest.
"You feel okay, baby?" she asks, reaching out a hand to quickly brush the hair off his forehead. The pale cheeks, the dark eyes - his thin face and the bruises. Makes her hurt.
The elevator doors close and the lift starts to rise.
"Yeah," he sighs. "I'm okay. I bounce back."
She huffs a laugh, knowing he's heard that straight from her own mouth before. Her anxiety buffets her in waves, like an ocean, swelling up and then disappearing, dragging her down or leaving her dry. She feels Castle's gentle look on her, tries to maintain her calm. It's just stitches. He really will be fine.
Once they get upstairs, Kate vacillates in the doorway, watching Castle take her son further down the hall and into the boy's bedroom. Kate's still got Ellery in her arms and she needs to put her down first. Then she can go to Dash, make sure he's truly all right. Check his eyes herself, make sure he's not concussed.
When Kate steps inside the dim room that her daughter's been sleeping in, she notices the clothes scattered over the floor. Ella must have not let Dash help her pick her clothes; Dash likes things in place. Kate steps over a shoe and an abandoned Totoro, then leans over the bed and lays the girl down.
Ellery's arms stay clenched tightly around Kate's neck, preventing her from getting up. Kate slides to her knees and leans in, kissing Ellery's cheeks, her frowning mouth, her closed eyes. "Time for rest, baby girl." She lifts her hands to Ella's arms and starts to tug them apart.
Ellery makes a mewling noise and lifts herself into Kate, her cheek to her mother's, not letting go. Kate draws an arm around her, kisses her hair, the side of her face, rubbing her hand up and down Ella's back. Still, her daughter doesn't let go, makes those noises at the back of her throat.
"Hey, baby." Kate sits on the bed and lets Ellery climb into her lap, wraps both arms around her. "It's naptime, darling girl. You're tired. You need to sleep."
But Dashiell doesn't. She wants to make sure Castle doesn't let him fall asleep. Just in case. Ella needs to go to bed.
"Mommy," Ellery whispers brokenly against her ear.
Kate jerks, arms tightening around the girl, then pulls back to look at her daughter's tight, anxious face. "Oh, baby, okay. Okay. It's okay. Dash is fine. He's fine. It scared him, and there was a lot of blood, but he got all stitched up."
Ellery doesn't let go of Kate's neck, even though she's only pulled back far enough just to see the girl. Her mouth twists when Kate's hands move to detach her.
"Ella, love, you need to nap. You'll feel better when you've gotten some sleep. You like to sleep a lot; it makes you a happy girl."
Ellery lets out a little sob and wraps her legs around Kate, trembling now, and Kate's heart twists and breaks open. She lays down in the bed, curls around her daughter, cradling her, face to face, stroking the tears off her cheeks, keeping her close. "Okay, hush, baby girl. You're okay."
Ella's little hand works free of their bodies and reaches up to catch Kate's wrist. Her little fingers stroke the scar there; Kate's heart skips.
"Mommy," Ella says raggedly.
"Oh no, no, baby. Mommy's fine. Daddy's fine. Dash is fine. It happens; it's okay. Just - just an accident. Okay?" God, it's a lie, it's a lie, and Kate doesn't even care. "Sometimes we get hurt, but it doesn't hurt for long." Whatever she tells Dash, she'll have to tell Ellery too. The girl is just too smart, too clever; she takes in too much, her little ears hear everything. She makes connections; she gets it.
"Mommy stay."
"I will. I'm staying right here. Okay?"
Ella nods and releases her wrist, burrows closer. Kate reaches back into her pocket and pulls out her phone, texts Castle.
Laying down with Ella; don't let Dash fall asleep longer than an hour.
She sets her phone to vibrate and puts it back in her pocket; Ellery is snug and warm against her chest. She can feel the girl's fingers at her neck, softly exploring, little thumbs brushing her collarbone.
When her phone buzzes, Kate pulls it back out, checks the message.
You're hilarious. I'll stay with Dash.
Which isn't entirely reassuring, Castle thinking a concussion is funny, but at least he won't leave his kid alone. Kate leans over Ellery and puts her phone on the bedside table. A little arm snakes around her neck to hold on.
"I'm not leaving," Kate murmurs, running her hand down Ella's leg. She pulls the girl's shoes off slowly, drops them over the side of the bed, then tugs the girl's skirt off. Her striped leggings and tshirt will be fine, shouldn't make her too hot. Kate toes off her own shoes as well, pushes them off the bed with her feet, hearing them drop to the floor.
Ella's lashes brush against Kate's chest; she rubs a hand up and down the girl's back, lets her cling for awhile yet. She realizes suddenly that Ellery quit talking the moment Dash hit his head. The moment Kate's attention diverted solely to her son. She sighs, closes her eyes in the room, wishes there were two of her. A Kate to go in and cuddle her first baby, her son, and a Kate to stay here with confused and needy Ella.
How was Kate to know? She couldn't know. Her daughter doesn't speak, doesn't lift her voice and ask for what she needs. Dashiell has no trouble demanding her attention and her time. And to be honest, Kate's never been good at reading her family's minds. Rick's, Ella's. Kate has been assuming all along that Ellery is a little version of herself, independent and in no mood to be coddled. And she is, most times. She just. . .she needs Kate like a Castle. Of course she does; she's got half his genes, doesn't she? There's going to be a part of Ella that clings.
And then Kate remembers how her own mother used to lay down with her at bedtime, their faces so close on the pillow, the smell of her mom in the room - lotion and the day's sweat and the last of her perfume that lingered in the crease of her neck. She can almost smell it again, and with that sense of smell comes the overwhelming neediness, the goodness and warmth, of how it felt to want her mother there, to want her mother to never go.
Don't leave, Momma.
Oh, wow.
Kate leans her head back against the pillow and blinks, feels Ellery moving against her, lifting up, crawling up closer even. Kate glances back down, watches her daughter, wonders if her mother is somewhere watching her daughter as well, her granddaughter.
Don't let me screw this up.
Ellery's fingers come again to Kate's wrist, then her other one; she brings them together, makes them meet. Kate sighs. She will have to say something.
"Before you were born," she starts softly, and Ellery's head swivels up to look at her, hair tangled around the pillow. She knows the start of a story.
"Hey baby, you want hear this story? I'll tell you before I even tell Dash. How's that?"
"Yes," Ella whispers, her little fingers wrapped around both Kate's wrists. "Me first, Mommy."
"Before you were born, even before your brother was born, Daddy worked with me. At the police station."
"Daddy a cop?"
Kate grins, watches the suspicion play over her daughter's face. Hmm, not so different from herself then, is she?
"Kind of. He mostly stayed with me and wrote books. You know my books-?"
"Oh. Mommy's books. No touching."
"Yeah, you guys aren't supposed to touch them because they're special. Daddy got to be a detective with me for awhile so he could write me those books. They're my favorites."
Ellery hums and wriggles down in Kate's arms, releasing her mother's wrists. Kate strokes the hair back from Ella's face, out of her eyes.
"So Daddy helped me chase down bad guys. Actually, when you and Dash go to school next year, Daddy will get to come back and help me again."
Ellery doesn't even seem to care; she is smiling a little bit again, her fingers are tracing over Kate's shirt, around and around, circles on Kate's collarbone.
"One time me and Daddy caught a bad guy, but we both got hurt. Like Dash did today. So we had to have stitches. But stitches are good; they look funny, but they help you heal. Like a band-aid does. You know those Totoro band-aids you got for Christmas or your birthday last year?"
Ellery nods.
"So stitches are okay. It's like a better band-aid. Sometimes you get hurt and don't even need a band-aid. Remember that papercut Dash got last week and he was jumping around and howling and moaning about it? And Daddy told him, 'That's what you get for messing with the stuff on my desk.'" Kate imitates Rick's lower voice and makes Ella giggle. "But he didn't get a band-aid. And then right after that, you skinned your knee on the swings?"
"Band-aid," Ella says.
"Yup, exactly right. Smart girl. So this time, Dash hit his head and the band-aid wouldn't work. So we went and got him stitches. Daddy did a good job being calm and getting us to the doctor, didn't he?"
"Daddy."
"But Mommy wasn't very calm, huh? Sorry, baby. I don't like to see you guys get hurt. Even if it's a papercut, even if it's your poor knee. But it happens. Everybody gets hurt. It's okay. It heals."
"It heals," Ella murmurs, then lifts a hand and brushes her fingers over Kate's wrist lying across the girl's little belly. "Where other ones, Mommy?"
"On my leg. You've seen them, baby. When I wear my swimsuit on the beach. Right about here." Kate brushes her thigh and Ellery lifts up from her mother's arms to bend down and kiss her leg.
"All better."
Just that easy.
Kate grins at her little girl and wraps her back up in her arms, kissing her cheek. "You're right. All better, my sweet girl."
And then in the warm darkness, Kate realizes it is that easy. Rick did the same for her, five years ago.
He kissed her, and he made her all better.
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