บท 33: Don't Fuck Up Again
I looked over to who called out, and saw that it was Nathan, except there was also Edward, who had his arm draped over Nathan's shoulder.
It would've been a fairly normal scene if it wasn't for the fact that Edward was taller by a decent amount, making the positioning awkward.
Oh yeah, and there was also the fact that a gaping wound was on Edward's chest, while his clothes were stained with blood pretty badly. Nathan was carrying a bloody knife in one hand, and dragging the carcass of a dried pig with the other.
It almost looked like he was carrying the entire world on his back with the number of things he was dragging around.
Also, the bloody knife and the person with a chest stab wound made Nathan seem like a really strange serial killer. Edward was still alive by the way, there was a weak smile on his face.
Arianne recognized Nathan, but there was a fearful expression on her face, much like the other people that were around. The servants that were with me panicked as well, while the guards had already unsheathed their weapons.
As for me, I simply waved my hands.
"Hey chefs, you're probably gonna have to cook a little extra. These guys seem like they're about to eat a lot."
Edward used his free hand to scratch the back of his head and chuckled weakly.
"Haha, sorry."
The guards didn't lower their weapons though, which was fair enough. One of them spoke to me.
"Sir, these people appear to be dangerous."
Arianne bit the bottom of her lip and grabbed my sleeve.
"W-We need to run away!"
I raised a hand, while everyone was freaking out, getting them to calm down and look at me for a moment.
"These are people I know. I'm sure some of you can recognize the one holding the knife too."
Despite those words, nobody seemed that much calmer. That was evident from the weapons still in the guard's hands and that my sleeve was still being tugged.
I let out a sigh and flashed Nathan a wry smile.
"What if we just hear them out? I'm sure that they can explain things."
Nathan cracked his neck with a smirk.
"I was going to be doing that anyway. There's a little something I want to publicize just a little bit."
...
Nathan got Edward to come over to his place. There, he brought Edward over to a pig that he had bought.
"Try to use your magic on it."
Edward nodded.
"Alright, I'll try."
Nothing happened for a good few seconds. Nathan narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, not hiding his annoyance.
"Are you not trying?"
Edward stammered awkwardly.
"I'm trying! I just don't know how to! I've never used it before."
Nathan let out a sigh, but accepted that response. However, once ten minutes of them just standing around doing nothing had passed, he couldn't help but complain once more.
"Why are you just staring at the pig? At least try something!"
Edward held out his hands with a bit of exasperation.
"I-I'm trying chants in my head, but none of them are working!"
Nathan clicked his tongue and clenched one of his fists.
"You don't cast magic by chanting words, idiot! You actually have to be doing things!"
Edward let out a gasp.
"Ah! O-Ok."
He proceeded to hold out his hands and close his eyes tightly like he was preparing his concentration for a spell. A low grunt came out of him as he did so. As stupid as it looked, Edward kept the pace for a whole twenty minutes.
Nathan snapped once more.
"Magic isn't the fucking same as constipation! If it doesn't work, then try something different! Isn't that obvious?"
Edward panicked slightly, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.
"R-Right!"
From there, Edward spent a rather long time just doing various strange poses as he stared at the pig, hoping that something would happen.
In the end, Edward collapsed onto the ground, too tired to continue on.
Nathan massaged his temple with the base of his palm, clearly rather frustrated.
"You've never done anything with your powers before? Think about it carefully."
Edward held out his hands helplessly.
"I don't think I actually have any powers. I-I think that it may just be a coincidence I have the eyes of a blood mage."
Nathan grabbed onto Edward's head, forcefully turning it to him.
"Listen to me. Look back in your memories, and try to recall something, anything."
Edward frowned.
"But I really don't have any history like that."
Nathan simply tightened his grip and looked back at him with a dead look in his eyes.
"You said you want to protect people, right? Well there's no way in hell you're going to be able to do anything in your current state, you understand that?"
Edward looked a little defeated, like the reality presented before him was too hard. Nathan continued.
"Sure, you don't know for sure that you're actually a blood mage. But take a moment and think, there is a possibility that you are. If it just so happens that you are one, then you can save people."
Nathan's head tilted to the side ominously.
"But every single second you spend as a normal person, others that you could've saved end up dying. With every moment you find yourself unable to become stronger, there will be fewer people you can protect from disaster."
His tone dropped, and he spoke his next words quietly.
"Don't you remember that girl? She could've lived a long, quiet life, one where she could find the joys in life and die at a peaceful old age."
Nathan closed in on Edward and whispered into his ear.
"But she didn't. She was too broken to even see life as a favorable thing, choosing death, and even smiling as the knife went through her neck."
He barely moved his mouth to speak his next words.
"She will never know what it truly means to be happy, and she will not be the only one."
By the end of those words, Edward had burst into tears. He bit his lip until it bled once more, silently crying as Nathan's words settled in his mind.
Nathan backed off, and let out a sigh as he turned to look at the sky.
"Maybe we can't save everyone, but even if it is just one person, it will completely change their life. Then... they won't have to go through the same pain."
Edward grabbed both sides of his head tightly, frowning as he clenched his teeth tightly.
"I'm trying... I'll find something."
His eyes were bloodshot, yet they felt clear at the same time.
"I have to."
In the end, while he was extremely determined, he simply sat down in a kneeling position for a long while. Except this time, Nathan did not complain about how long it was taking. Instead, he just stood over, watching. His arms were crossed and a neutral frown was on his face.
Realistically, he could've gone to do something else, but he wanted to stay here to watch over the process.
As Edward continued to sift through his memories, his expression began changing rather wildly. He began crying once more, but this time it seemed to be out of actual sadness. Edward even ended up muttering some words.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I should've stood up..."
Images flashed by his mind one after another. He saw people take away a girl that was one of his friends at the time. Edward tried his best to fight back against them, but his opponents were several adult men.
There was no realistic way he could win with physical strength alone. In the end, he was beaten down, until he hit the floor painfully. With blurry vision, he watched as his friend was taken away.
He wanted to stand up, but together with the pain and fatigue, he decided to remain on the floor. Edward was also consumed by doubt. Even if he did stand back up, what could he possibly do?
His body was still weak, and now barely breathing. Yet, the adults hadn't even broken a sweat.
So why stand up?
Yet, at the same time, while in all of that pain, the world seemed a little different to him. He could see, smell, and even sense... something.
Edward was able to see faint outlines of red on everyone's bodies. He could feel how fast his friend's heart was beating, and that it was out of fear. Yet, he didn't understand what any of it meant.
And now, when reflecting on it, he realized.
Edward's eyes shot open while tears streamed down his face.
"I... remember. That time..."
Currently, Nathan had a knife with him. It was the same one that the girl had, and he figured that it could be used to butcher the pig after they were done. Edward's eyes fell on the knife, and he immediately grabbed it.
Nathan let him take it, but was honestly curious as to what Edward's plan was.
It was at this point Edward looked like someone that was completely insane. His eyes were open all the way. Together with his bloodshot eyes, he was holding a knife high into the air, uncaring about how dangerous that was.
He mumbled to himself.
"The pain... it was the pain that let me see..."
Without warning, the knife plunged downwards in a flash, slamming down into his own chest and into his heart.
A dull crack resounded.
He had broken one of his own ribs.
Yet, despite the fact, he was still mumbling to himself.
"If the pain lets me become a blood mage then..."
The piercing pain flooded his mind, nearly overwhelming his entire body, which was to be expected considering he literally pierced his own heart. His vision suddenly changed, and he began to sense something else.
A heavy scent of blood filled his nose, but it wasn't actually coming from the blood spurting out of his chest.
Rather, it was the pig.
He could see the main veins in the pig snaking all around its body, and the blood flowing around it.
While one hand was still holding the handle of the knife, driving it further into himself, he held out the other.
The pig's eyes abruptly burst, as it squealed in pain. Blood streamed out from them, along with the pig's mouth, magically floating in the air. The blood shot at lightning speed, funneling into Edward, directly seeping into his body as the blood touched his skin.
The wound around his heart rapidly stopped bleeding and instead began healing. As a result, his skin tightly clung to the blade, making it look like it was actually just a prop rather than a real knife.
Edward had succeeded.
But instead of being happy, he began crying all over again.
"If I just stood up one more time... I could've saved you. With... With these powers."
He kept muttering apologies under his breath, over and over again, until eventually he looked up into the air and screamed.
"I'M SORRY!"
Nathan had more or less understood what Edward was grieving about. He walked up and put a hand on his shoulder.
"There is nothing you can do to change the past. But what you can do is learn from your mistakes, and don't fuck up again."
Edward looked up to the sky with an empty expression, parting his lips ever so slightly to speak.
"Yeah. I won't."
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Disgrace
Disgrace Unless?
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