บท 25: Like A Normal Person
[Was Alwin nervous because of this? If Her Majesty is pregnant, a child from His Majesty would be powerful. Her Majesty's body could be in danger. If something happens to her while the Emperor was away, Alwin would be the one to blame since His Majesty assigned him to keep her safe while he was gone.]
Arabella raised a brow. In her previous life, there were no problems with her pregnancy. Alwin didn't check on her and her son until she gave birth.
'Hmm. If something happens to me while Ferdinand was away, Alwin would have to take responsibility for it?' Arabella had a naughty thought. 'Should I make trouble for Alwin?'
If she caused a rift between Ferdinand and Alwin now, maybe Alwin would leave sooner.
If Alwin was no longer by Ferdinand's side, she could escape as long as she finds a secluded location she could live in or disguise herself as someone else.
Arabella thought of hurting herself the way she did in her past life to get rid of people she didn't want by her side. She could pretend to have been ignored by Alwin instead of getting protected by him.
However, it would also implicate Rendell who was her main guard so she cast the thought aside.
Moreover, she didn't feel like hurting this young body of hers. In her previous life, she didn't hesitate to hurt her body to get what she wanted because she was desperate.
The physical pain she felt was nothing compared to what she felt when she lost her child. Further, she soon didn't dislike the pain since it made her hate for Ferdinand grow even stronger.
But this time, she was not in a dire situation. It hasn't happened yet. She still had a lot of choices.
Arabella also felt bad for dragging innocent people with her plans again. She didn't want to be burdened with more guilt and regret and more lives than she already does.
If she does something again against Ferdinand, Arabella had decided not to involve innocent people this time.
Even if Alwin irritated her, and he was among the main reasons she cannot leave Valeria yet, she didn't want to make Alwin's life miserable because of her. In this life and the former, he hadn't really done anything atrocious to her for Arabella to wish for his death.
And if she was, to be honest, she was tired of plotting. She had done it for ten years and all she wanted was rest.
Eternal rest.
She wanted to be wherever her son was.
But after getting reborn after she committed suicide, Arabella knew she couldn't just kill herself again.
If only Ferdinand would allow divorce, she would live her life quietly elsewhere until her time to die naturally comes.
However, a divorce between the Emperor and Empress had never happened in Valeria before.
The Emperor only takes a new Empress if the current one dies. But Arabella cannot even fake her death because her face is well-known throughout the entire continent and beyond.
She was naive in her previous life to have run away with Andrew since she didn't know people would recognize her at a glance.
Even if she escapes, if she had nowhere secluded to hide in, she would be easily caught.
She could try to change her appearance but she would never dare ruin her face just to be unrecognizable. If she ends up becoming ugly, who knows how ugly, people would treat her too?
After all, she was only treasured in Eliora because of her beauty. It was her only asset. She cannot ruin something she could use for survival.
Even Ferdinand had kept her around despite her becoming bitter and unreasonable because of her fame as the prettiest. He was praised and envied by all the men who also wished for her hand, after all.
Arabella sighed and let her back be supported by her chair. She was still too powerless. She had to be useful in something else to have some control over things.
[She sighed so deeply?!!] Raymond and Rendell were alarmed. Even Alwin stared at her.
"Your Majesty, do you feel uncomfortable?"
"Should I escort you to your chambers, Your Majesty?"
"Does it hurt anywhere? I can heal, Your Majesty."
They were in a panic just because she sighed.
"Please allow me to examine you," Alwin asked without getting close to her this time.
"No. Why should I trust someone who tries to grab my hand so suddenly? Wouldn't you do something to my child or me?" Arabella glared at Alwin to remind him she hadn't forgotten his misconduct.
[So she's really pregnant?!] Raymond and Rendell went to the wrong conclusions again. She was just speaking hypothetically.
"Your Majesty, Alwin may seem rude but he is loyal to His Majesty. He would not do anything to harm you or His Majesty's child," Raymond assured her.
"Who knows? He may be devoted to my husband, but I am no one to him. You can easily get a new Empress if you wanted to, right?" Arabella said and they flinched.
[Look at what you've done?!] Raymond glared at Alwin.
"If you cannot accept me as your lord's Empress, you should have not allowed him to marry me in the first place. I believe most of you already know so there is no reason for me to hide it. I did not choose to come here. Who could possibly refuse a marriage proposal from His Majesty?"
That's right, she used to blame her parents for marrying him off to Ferdinand. However, the marriage proposal came from Valeria. Her parents did not really have much of a choice. If they turned down the proposal from Ferdinand, the entire Empire could have become hostile to them.
Arabella was the sacrifice to appease Ferdinand and his people. It was not only because of the benefits of agreeing to the proposal but more due to the risks if they declined, so her parents agreed.
"If you have someone better suited for this position in mind, why won't you get her here and ask your lord to divorce me? I would happily go back to Lobelius and continue my life in my peaceful little world," Arabella pointed out with a smile and the three men with her were wide-eyed.
Living as the naive beautiful princess of Lobelius was so much better than living with Ferdinand again with her memories of her previous life.
If it was Ferdinand who divorced her, maybe it would be accepted even if it breaks the culture of Valerian royalty.
[Her Majesty must be furious!] Raymond turned pale as he glanced back and forth from her to Alwin. [This is all Alwin's fault! How could he keep disrespecting Her Majesty?! If she ends up hating the Emperor, Alwin has to take responsibility.]
Arabella tilted her head at Raymond's panicky thoughts. She just pointed out facts. She wasn't angry or anything.
It would be beneficial to her if Alwin successfully convinces Ferdinand to divorce her. Instead of making Alwin her enemy, she can use his dislike to her benefit.
If she parted ways with Ferdinand, maybe, her hateful thoughts would finally stop and she could live this life like a normal person.
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