บท 468: Prologue
Today is the 31th of March.
It's the last day that person—that my brother will be at this school.
«My face looks terrible.»
I looked at my face reflected in the mirror. A somewhat dark and depressed facial expression looked back at me.
The reason for that is probably since I almost didn't sleep at all last night.
I wonder how much time me and my brother actually spent talking with each other at this school?
That time easily surpassed a year, yet didn't reach even a few hours.
It was such a diffuse relationship.
It can't be helped if people ridiculed me due to that. Of this relationship that was even less than friends.
An older brother and a little sister. Two existences that were so close, yet so far that people wouldn't think we were blood related at all.
«Is it really alright to part from him like this?»
I questioned my reflection in the mirror.
Of course, it didn't reply back.
There was just me, with a dark expression, looking back.
I didn't even need to look her in the eyes to notice that she appeared to accuse me of something.
There are so many things I want to talk with my brother about.
There's no way parting like this is acceptable.
And then a year passed by.
In the end, I didn't manage to make time for us to talk.
But… it's different now. I can properly face him now, so I can meet him without being ashamed of myself.
I can just meet with him and bid my last farewells with confidence.
«…no, that won't do.»
I don't even have the qualifications to send him off as I am now.
Of course, our relationship has changed.
I managed to make my brother look at me.
But…
I wasn't able to show my brother my own growth this year, almost nothing.
Even if I sent him off, he probably won't be happy about it.
In fact, I will probably just make him worry more for this useless sister.
I can't make him waste his glorious three years with such feelings now.
'Wouldn't it be better to not meet him at all?' Is what I end up thinking.
I will never let him worry about me by my selfishness…
«No, that's not it, that won't make it better, right?»
I asked my other self in the mirror yet again.
I wasn't able to show anything.
But that doesn't mean that running away is the correct answer.
If I could confidently tell him that I was alright, everything would be solved.
Then what should I do?
What is the right thing to do?
The time is running out.
I wish I could have noticed my own foolishness much earlier.
What if I managed to notice right after I entered this school?
«There's no point regretting something that already has passed, no meaning… at all…»
It was now over 8 am in the morning.
My brother will depart at noon.
«What can I—what should I do?»
It would be fine just showing him this current me, I thought.
But the current me is not me, and yet still me.
Someone who continues to chase after him, and only him. A very foolish sister.
The me in the mirror faded away and overlapped with my past self.
«I… who in the world… am I?»
Yes.
The one being reflected in the mirror was me, yet not myself.
«…An imitation.»
Thinking about it now, the fact is that I have spent over half my life living a lie.
I was hiding my real self, continuing this sham.
A forgery of 'A sister who longs for her brother'.
My appearance, my personality, my grades, all for my brother.
I made an imitation to make my brother recognise me.
I would never be approved by him with such a fabrication.
No, that's not it. The me in those years were unmistakably definitely me.
I can't call something like that a lie.
It may have been a short life, but it was half a lifetime spent together with my other real self, to say.
I won't regret who I am now.
But…
«What I want to show him… What I really wanted my brother to see is…»
The only thing I want to show him.
I feel like I've grasped it.
«…thank you. My fake, yet without doubt, my real self.»
I turned towards the mirror, towards myself and took a bow.
My long hair was swaying.
Then I raised my head and looked away from the mirror.
I'm done facing my own past self.
There is no time left.
I have something someone like me, someone such as myself, have to do.
The very last thing I have grasped.
To give him peace of mind before his journey.
My last gift for him.
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