บท 16: 15th Dilemma
AKI
"WHAT'S the meaning of this, Chihiro?" kaagad kong tanong sa kanya nang makarating na kami sa sinabi nito na pupuntahan namin. It was supposed to be right after we encountered my parents pero kinabukasan ay wala akong ganang gumawa ng kahit ano kaya hinayaan muna ako ni Chihiro.
"Mamamasyal tayo, Aki-san!" nakangiting sagot naman ng baliw.
"And why is Kicchan here also?" I asked with a disturbed facial expression.
"Ako ang nag-imbita sa kanya!" masayang sagot ni Chihiro.
"How have you been, Aki?" asked Kicchan with a smile. He was carrying baby Yuuki with him.
"Goo~" Yuuki uttered and reached out his hand as if he's waving hello to me.
"Hindi ka ba masaya, Aki-san?" nagsimulang mag-alala si Chihiro nang makita na hindi napawi ang tila pagkainis ko.
"No, it's not like that but…" I said and looked at the person that was standing right next to Kicchan.
"Why am I also here?" It was Okuda who finally said what I wanted to say.
"Exactly!" I exclaimed and pointed my finger at Okuda that was clearly unhappy to see me, too. "Why is he here?!"
"Ha ha. About that," Kicchan softly chuckled, "I need someone to carry Yuuki's baby bags," he explained at doon ko lang napansin ang dala ni Okuda na dalawang bag na may kalakihan. Napaatras naman ang dila ko at hindi ko na magawang magreklamo pa. Pero masyado naman atang marami ang dinala ni Kicchan. It's not that we're having a picnic or something all day.
"Sorry, Aki-san. Ako ang nakiusap kay Kazuki-san na samahan tayo ngayon at pumayag naman siya. Naisip ko kasi na baka mapasaya kita kahit papa'no," pagpapaumanhin naman ni Chihiro and he began showing me his signature sad puppy look.
「Ah, fuck! He's so damn sly!」 I thought to myself. Gaganahin ka pa bang magalit kung para lang naman pala sa kapakanan ko ang intensiyon ng lalaking ito?
"Fine," I sighed in defeat before blushing. "Thanks."
Labis namang natuwa si Chihiro at doon ko natuklasan na dinala n'ya pala ako sa mall. It was such a common place but walking around together with the people that made me feel wanted brought unexplainable happiness to me.
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"Chihiro told me everything about what happened to you and your parents," Kicchan opened up.
Nandito kami ngayon sa isang bakanteng upuan habang si Okuda naman ay kasama si Yuuki at pinasyal ito pansamantala. Si Chihiro naman ay nagpaalam na may iche-check saglit. He didn't tell me where but he told me he'll be back right away.
"It's pathetic, right?" ani ko na may halong lungkot. "I've always known that they'd react like that but maybe because I'm pregnant that I'm too emotional over something that I'm already used to."
"No, Aki. You say that you're used to it but you're not," mariing tanggi ni Kicchan. "You're doing the same thing that I did before. Guess what? Isa ka sa rason na na-realize ko ang mga pagkakamali ko… so cherish yourself more. You deserve to love. You deserve to be loved."
I shed silent tears after hearing that. He really has changed for the better. Dati, awang-awa na ako kay Kicchan and almost became desperate at making him my mate para lang maibsan ko ang dinadanas n'yang paghihirap but now that I look back, he would've ended unhappy if we became mates dahil si Okuda lang ang makakapagbigay sa kanya ng kasiyahan na iyon.
"You've become strong, Kicchan," I uttered and forced to smile while sniffing at the same time.
"I still have doubts but I have Ryuichi and Yuuki now. They are the ones that's making me strong, Aki," he explained. "Don't let go of Hanamichi-kun. He's an Omega like me but he's stronger and I can see his sincerity towards you. He loves you so much."
"That's what I'm afraid of. What if he stops loving me one day? Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin kong makita si Chihiro na talikuran ako. I can endure being judged by everyone but not when it comes to him. Just by thinking that he will get fed up by me someday gives me goosebumps."
"Then believe in him. Kapag nangyari ang kinatatakutan mo, then simply pursue him. Win him again and again. If it takes time, bear with it. Never let go of his hand and never let go of your feelings for him," Kicchan encouraged.
I already declared that I was indeed starting to fall in love with Chihiro but I didn't think of what might happen next, honestly. When my parents started comparing Omegas from Alphas, my mind went blank and I was engulfed with rage. I really hated that being an Alpha or Omega mattered to them more than anything else. And to think they were willing to set aside my own sake just for their own selfish desires only made it worst.
"Kicchan… is it scary?" pag-iiba ko ng usapan at medyo nalito siya sa tanong ko.
"What?"
I looked at Yuuki first before staring at him. "You know… having a child…?" my voice almost cracked at the end.
Pagak naman siyang napatawa. "At first, yes," he honestly admitted. "But Okuda made me feel at ease. When I felt insecure, he would comfort me. Whenever I'm in doubt, he would stay by my side until I'm calm. You see… if you have someone that's willing to show you how much they love you and how much they care for you, nawawala ang lahat ng takot at pagdududa."
"Chihiro did say that he loved my baby bump," medyo natatawa kong wika.
"Aki, you won't really get over your insecurities unless you acknowledge all your imperfections," Kicchan uttered. "Let go of all and be yourself. Love Chihiro the way you know best."
"I'm quite insecure about our age difference, by the way," pag-aamin ko. "Pakiramdam ko kinuha ko ang kalayaan n'ya at binigyan siya ng maagang responsibilidad. I… I can raise the child alone for now and let him accept it when he's ready but…"
"I understand. Bata pa nga si Hanamichi-kun kung tutuusin pero desidido siyang panagutan ka, 'di ba?"
"I know but I wanted to prove myself to him and to his family. They are such good people. I can't afford to taint them with my half-assed decisions in life. I also want my future baby to have a responsible parent," giit ko.
"You don't need to rush things, Aki. If you feel like it, then don't become mates with him for now. You can still raise the child together but mating will come after the both of you are mentally and physically ready," payo nito at napaisip ako.
He was right. That's the best option if I wanted to remain close to Chihiro. But I wonder if he would agree? Magsasalita pa sana ako nang biglang sumulpot si Okuda. Karga-karga na nito si Yuuki na umiiyak.
"Kazuki," Okuda called out to Kicchan with panic in his voice.
"Ryuichi, ano'ng nangyari?" alalang tanong ni Kicchan at agarang kinuha si Yuuki na sige pa rin sa pag-iyak.
"It's Yuuki," Okuda said while panting.
"What? Is he hurt?" Kicchan's worry escalated.
Lumingo naman si Okuda. "No. Bigla n'yang naalala ang laruan n'ya at nagalit siya sa akin," pagpapaliwanag nito.
Natawa naman kaming pareho ni Kicchan sa kuwento ni Okuda. I really thought it was something serious because he looked incredibly scared. So, even an Alpha like Okuda could show such face?
"Really now, Yuuki," natatawa pa ring ani ni Kicchan at pinatahan ang anak. May dinukot itong laruan sa loob ng dala nilang baby bag at inabot ang isang octopus plushy kay Yuuki. "*Tako-san [Mr. Octopus] was with mama all the time," pag-aalo n'ya rito at awtomatikong napatigil si Yuuki sa pag-iyak nang makita ang laruan at mahigpit itong niyakap.
"Ah-ko~" Yuuki uttered and instantly calmed down.
Napangiti naman ako habang pinagmamasdan si Yuuki. Soon, I'll experience this kind of situation too. I wonder if I'll be able to become a good parent like Kicchan and Okuda?
"Aki-san!" mabilis naman akong napalingon sa nagmamay-ari ng boses at isang nakangiting Chihiro ang bumungad sa akin.
"Don't pressure yourself, Aki. Be yourself," Kicchan whispered before softly patting my back.
"Thanks a lot," I whispered back before I turned my attention towards Chihiro. "Where have you been?" tanong ko rito.
Napakamot naman siya ng kanyang ulo. "He he. Diyan lang sa tabi-tabi," he answered at saka ko napansin ang maliit na tote bag na bitbit nito na itinago n'ya sa kanyang likod.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "So… what's that you're holding?"
Chihiro flinched and started to sweat as if he was caught red-handed. "Ah! Um… wala…?"
"Seriously?" Mas tinarayan ko ang mukha ko at lalo siyang kinabahan.
He chuckled nervously and looked away. Para bang nag-isip pa ito ng ipapalusot. "Mamaya pag-uwi natin…"
"Huh?"
"Ipapakita ko sa 'yo mamaya pag-uwi natin, Aki-san," he finally said.
I glanced at it one more time before agreeing. "Fine."
After that, we had lunch all together. We didn't buy anything in particular. Napadaan kami sa infant section ng department store and Kicchan suggested I should visit but I refused. It's not that I didn't like going there, my heart wasn't just ready yet.
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Night finally came and we said our goodbyes.
"Thanks for inviting us, Hanamichi-kun. We had fun," Kicchan formally said before bowing.
Chihiro bowed down in return. "Walang anuman, Kazuki-san. Ah. Salamat din, Okuda-san," he said and also bowed to Okuda.
"Th-thanks," I uttered while blushing because I was too shy.
I saw Okuda smirk. "You've changed," he teased.
"Shut up!" singhal ko naman sa kanya at lalo akong nahiya.
"For the better though," he added and his expression told me that he was being serious. "And as for you, Hanamichi-kun, I think you're just the type of guy that four-eyes needs for him to bring out his positive side."
「This bastard! Ayos na sana kaso bakit four-eyes pa rin ang tawag n'ya sa 'kin?!」 Gigil kong mura sa isipan.
Chihiro smiled to that. "I'm honored," he said with a blush.
"We'll be going now. Thanks again, everyone. Yuuki, say goodbye to Aki and Hanamichi-kun," Kicchan uttered.
"Goo~" Yuuki uttered before pointing a finger at Chihiro. "Du!" and Chihiro flinched to that.
"Yuuki, it's rude to point fingers at someone," malambing na sita ni Kicchan sa anak at binaba ang nakaturo nitong index finger.
"Du!" Yuuki kept pointing as if he was telling Chihiro something very important.
"Sorry, he's not usually like this," pagpapaumanhin na lang ni Kicchan.
"Okay lang, Kazuki-san," Chihiro reassured. "Naaalala ko na sinabi n'ya rin ito sa akin noong minsang pumunta ako sa bahay n'yo para humingi ng payo."
"Du. Du, du…!"
"Para bang may gusto siyang sabihin sa akin. Gumaan ang loob ko pagkatapos kaya okay lang," Chihiro said and gently stroked Yuuki's palm.
Surprisingly, Yuuki held on to his pinky finger. "Du…" Chihiro was overwhelmed and almost cried. We had no idea what Yuuki was trying to tell Chihiro but I bet it was his words of encouragement.
That night, we parted ways with smiles on our faces.
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I thought we were going straight home after a whole day of strolling in the mall but—
"Isn't this a motel?" I asked with a blank expression.
Chihiro on the other hand was beaming with delight and excitement, simply locking the door to our room. "Nagpaalam ako sa mga magulang ko, Aki-san," he reasoned out before taking off his jacket.
"Okay but… why are we here in the first place?" I asked again in an uncomfortable tone.
"Gusto kong masolo ka ulit, Aki-san," he admitted without hesitation.
"Saan ka kumuha ng pambayad dito, Chihiro? I fired you, remember? You're practically jobless. Please don't tell me that you borrowed money from your pa—"
"May ipon ako, Aki-san," putol nito sa akin. "Huwag kang mag-alala. Pinag-isipan ko ito nang mabuti."
「Stop looking so ridiculously serious. It's creeping me out!」 I shouted in my mind. Napaatras naman ako ng kaunti nang humakbang palapit sa 'kin si Chihiro. Was it because we're the only ones inside this room that I could hear his heavy footsteps very well? It's actually scary. My heart suddenly beat faster.
"Chihiro, wait—Ugh!" Napahinto ako nang bumangga ang likod ko sa pader. When I looked at his way again, it was too late. He already had me in between his large arms, pinning me against the wall. "You're scaring me. Say something, you idiot," inis kong turan before clicking my tongue.
Under his jacket, he was only wearing a plain T-shirt. It was tightly fit that it revealed his muscular build. And seeing him without his jacket on this up close was absolutely tempting. Dagdagan pa na napakatalas ng tingin nito sa akin. His stares alone made me feel like I was being eaten alive.
"Aki-san…" Chihiro uttered in a whisper-like voice and leaned his head closer to my face. I like the idiotic side of Chihiro but when he's like this, it's on another level!
"You're too close!" reklamo ko bago nag-iwas ng tingin.
"Aki-san. Haah~" he shivered. "Ah. Nilabasan na yata ako," he bluntly announced.
"What are you, a pervert?!" I exclaimed. Well, I could say the same to myself but Chihiro is shameless!
"Siguro nga, Aki-san," he agreed kaya naman nag-init ang katawan ko nang kusa. "Suki desu."
"Yeah. Enough with the teasing and let's go to bed."
"Sabi ko na nga ba tinigasan ka rin, Aki—"
"…the fuck?! I didn't say let's have sex!" I snapped at him but that didn't falter Chihiro's arousal.
Tinawanan lang ako ng baliw saka kinarga. "Up you go~" Masaya pa nitong saad bago naglakad papunta sa kama.
"Put me down, Chihiro!" utos ko rito pero mahigpit naman akong nakakapit sa kanya.
He carefully put me on the edge of the bed. After making sure that I was comfortable enough, he took off my pants without saying anything. I remained lying and didn't stop him either. His eyes were fixated on me the whole time kaya hindi ko magawang pumalag. I could easily kick him but I was rather excited on what he would do next.
"Hng~" He somewhat moaned and momentarily stopped from stripping me down there. "Aki-san, lalabasan na naman yata ako."
"Stop telling me every detail!" sita ko sa kanya at bahagyang sinipa ang kanang braso nito pero imbis na masaktan ay nagustuhan pa ni Chihiro ang ginawa ko. Why is he so damn perverted?! Dismayadong nailagay ko na lamang ang mga kamay ko sa aking mukha para maitago ang hiyang nararamdaman ko sa mga sandaling ito.
Nang matanggal na n'ya ang lahat ng suot ko sa ibaba ay itinukod n'ya ang kanyang mga braso sa kama at bahagyang pumaibabaw sa akin. Dahan-dahan kong inalis ang mga kamay ko na nakapatong sa mukha ko at napalunok ako nang magtama ang mga mata namin.
"Ang ganda mo talaga, Aki-san," he praised, his eyes filled with passion.
"I don't think calling me beautiful suits me," tanggi ko bago nag-iwas ng tingin.
"He he. Aki-san, mahal mo ba ako?"
Hindi ko inasahan ang tanong n'yang iyon kaya mabilis na natuon ang tingin ko sa kanya. He looked so serious. His face was still burning with passion but I couldn't tell if he was trying to tease or test me.
What if I said no? Would he stop and ignore me for the whole night? And if I said yes? Would he believe me and continue making love to me like usual?
I had to give him a proper answer!
"Chi—"
"Haah~" I flinched when he suddenly burried his face on my chest. "Sorry sa tanong ko, Aki-san. Hindi mo kailangang sumagot kaagad. Handa akong maghintay," he uttered. He sounded calm but somehow, it seemed like he was about to cry in disappointment because I was clearly not sure what to respond.
"Chihiro…" I called and tried to give him a pat on the back.
"Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso mo, Aki-san," he said and even sniffed me. "You're releasing your Alpha pheromones, too."
"I am?" I asked in confusion. I wasn't aware, though.
"Mm. Nakaka-relax," he answered before sighing at pinulot ang pantalon ko at muli itong isinuot sa akin.
Napasimangot naman ako at nagtaka saka tsiya tinanong. "Why are you…?"
Nang maisuot na n'ya ito ay kinarga n'ya ako at hiniga na nang maayos bago siya tumabi sa akin. Nakangiti n'ya itong ginawa lahat. "Aki-san, nakahanap ako ng bagong trabaho," he suddenly opened up.
"That's good!" natutuwa ko namang turan.
He nodded as a sign of agreeing to my statement. "Oo at medyo malaki ang pasweldo. Makakapag-ipon ako bago ka manganak."
"Well… yeah. Though I can still work on my own para hindi masyadong mabigat," ani ko.
"Pero maselan ang pagbubuntis mo. Hindi ako papayag na magtrabaho ka sa ganyang kondisyon. At nakakasiguro din ako na hindi papayag ang mga magulang ko. Malakas mag-alala ang mga 'yon," giit n'ya.
"But I can't let you do all the work," katuwiran ko naman.
"Ayos lang sa 'kin at willing na willing ako kung para sa 'yo, Aki-san," sabi nito at humarap sa akin. "Basta ipangako mo sa akin na aalagaan mo ang sarili mo."
"Of course," I instantly agreed.
"Mami-miss kita, Aki-san."
"Mm," I nodded pero mabilis ko ring napagtanto na may mali sa sinabi nito. "Miss? What do you mean?" tanong ko sa kanya saka nagkasalubong ang mga kilay ko. "Are you going away?"
Kaagad naman siyang napaluha pero pinunasan n'ya ito at pinilit magpakatatag. "Wala akong choice, Aki-san. Malayo ang lugar. Kailangan kong manatili doon ng ilang buwan pero uuwi ako bago ang kabuwanan mo," he declared at para akong nabingi pagkatapos.
「He's going away? He's leaving me….?」
"Are you leaving me?" I asked with a trembling voice. I sat up and droplets of tears trickled down my cheeks.
Umiling naman si Chihiro at napabalikwas din ng upo. "Hindi, Aki-san! Hindi ko gagawin 'yon. Aalis ako para makaipon pero babalik ako. Pangako!" aniya at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. "Sorry kung binigla kita!" And now he was crying, too.
"Then why?" medyo inis kong tanong ulit.
"Please, huwag ka nang umiyak. Sorry talaga, Aki-san. Gusto ko lang talagang maging karapat-dapat para sa 'yo at papatunayan kong kaya ko," he insisted.
"Then work for me again," I offered him.
"Gustuhin ko man pero alam kong hindi ko mapipigilan ang sarili kong pagnasaan ka, Aki-san."
"That's your fucking reason?" I grabbed on to his shirt and crumpled it.
"Maiintindihan mo rin ako balang araw, Aki-san. Hindi ako gagawa ng bagay na ikakasakit mo," he said.
"But you're hurting me right now, idiot," I exclaimed.
Kumalas si Chihiro sa pagkakayakap n'ya sa akin at hinawakan ang magkabila kong mga pisngi bago n'ya ako siniilan ng halik sa noo. "Suki desu, Aki-san."
We spent the whole night at that motel without having sex. We simply hugged each other closely. I didn't ask him any further on why he decided to work far away and he didn't explain any further, too.
The next day, Chihiro said his goodbye to me and his parents. He was crying like shit and almost missed the train. Nagdalawang-isip pa nga itong tumuloy dahil nagi-guilty siya na hindi n'ya kaagad pinaalam sa akin ang lahat. To be honest, I was still a little mad at him for leaving so suddenly. I know I can trust him but…
I had this feeling that we were slowly drifting apart. And it was not because of the people around us but it was rather fate that forced us into this situation.
「Am I being tested? Would this help me finally sort out my feelings for Chihiro and properly tell him that I do have genuine feelings for him already the next time we see each other? But what if he realized he was such an idiot for sacrificing so much for me and fall out of love?」 I deeply thought.
"Come back for me, Chihiro," I whispered to myself before my tears fell down as I watched him slowly disappear from my sight.
No one told me it was this scary…
「to be continued」
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