บท 12: 11th Dilemma

KAZUKI [Special POV]

"SHIMADA-SA~N! Ayaw na ni Izumi-sensei sa 'kin! Uwaaah~!" bumubulahaw na iyak ni Hanamichi-kun sa harap ng couch namin habang nakaluhod ito.

"So… Why me?" I asked in confusion.

I was surprised myself when Hanamichi-kun showed up at our house earlier. I had no idea how he knew our address but what's more surprising was that when he told me that Aki fired him.

Hanamichi-kun sniffed and tried to wipe off his tears, the pain and regret was written all over his face. "Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin, Shimada-san. Ikaw lang ang alam kong pwedeng lapitan," he said and bawled like a child again.

"It's 'Okuda-san' (my new surname), Hanamichi-kun. But you can call me 'Kazuki-san' if you want," pagtatama ko sa kanya bago bumuntonghininga. "Did he tell you his reasons?" I asked calmly. Hanamichi-kun shook his head sideways several times and then went on crying.

I knew Aki could be really childish sometimes but to actually fire his sole secretary and assistant at the same time without valid reasons was kind of extreme. I wonder if Aki started having feelings for this fellow?

"Waah~ Goo~" Napatigil naman ako sa pag-iisip nang bigla akong kinalabit ni Yuuki sa binti.

He clung to my right leg and asked for attention. Did he get out of the baby fence again? After learning to crawl, nadagdagan ang pag-iingat ko sa pagbabantay ko kay Yuuki. I initially planned to fnd a job when he reached six months old but Ryuichi insisted that I should just take care of our son full time.

"Did you get bored with your plushy again, Yuuki?" tanong ko sa kanya sabay dinampot si Yuuki at pinaupo sa kandungan ko. "Sorry for that, Hanamichi-kun," pagpapaumanhin ko sa aking bisita dahil naistorbo ang pag-uusap namin.

Inangat naman ng bahagya ni Hanamichi-kun ang kanyang ulo at saka nasilayan si Yuuki. "Ah…"

"Du!" Yuuki pointed at Hanamichi-kun na pareho naming kinagulat. "Du! Du!" he repeated and this time, he poked his left index finger at Hanamichi-kun's right cheek bago ito masuyong hinimas na animo'y pinapatahan n'ya si Hanamichi-kun.

"Yuuki-chan! Aah~" Hanamichi-kun was moved by it and made him cry even more. I was moved, too. I wonder if Yuuki felt Hanamichi-kun's sadness and tried to comfort him?

"I think it's better if you cry it all out for now, Hanamichi-kun. Let's talk later if you're a little fine already. Okay?" I suggested and he agreed.

I gave him time and space for the time being while keeping myself busy with my son, Yuuki. I couldn't help him out if his thoughts were a mess. It's best that I hear him out first before giving some advices.

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It took Hanamichi-kun hours to finally stop crying his hurts out. I couldn't blame him for that. It must have been really hard on him, so much that he took the bother to reach out to me.

It's now past noon and I've already put Yuuki to sleep so I decided to check on Hanamichi-kun once more. He was still positioned at the bottom corner of our couch but this time he rested his back against it. His eyes were now puffy and swollen from all that crying. I tried to call him earlier to join us for lunch but he didn't budge.

I sat beside him and started talking. "Do you love Aki?" I wasn't a hundred percent sure but it seemed that way to me.

Tumango si Hanamichi-kun ng mahina. "Sobra," he replied with a soft sniff.

「So it was really like that. No wonder he was more than hurt. He wasn't crying because he was fired. He was crying because he had no idea what he did wrong that led Aki firing him,」 I thought to myself.

"I don't want to step in to your private life but… did something happen between you and my friend?"

"Matapos ang away namin ni Arisawa-san, bigla akong inaya ni Izumi-sensei na makipag-sex sa kanya. Mabilis na nangyari ang lahat. Hindi ko rin lubusang maalala ang pumasok sa isip ko at sa isang iglap bigla na lang n'ya sinabing tanggal na ako sa trabaho," Hanamichi-kun honestly stated. That took me by surprise again. I didn't expect him to spill the exact details without hesitating. Aki was a blunt person but this guy was beyond straightforward.

「Arisawa-san? Who is he? One of Aki's sex friends? I told him to stop playing around already last time but I guess things got out of control. And what's more complicated is that Hanamichi-kun and him already had sex. What was Aki thinking?」 I deeply thought. This was no ordinary misunderstanding.

"How many days has it been?" I asked.

"Eh?" Hanamichi-kun reacted in confusion.

"I mean, since you were fired, how many days has it been?" paglilinaw ko naman.

Tila hindi n'ya inasahan ang tanong ko at nag-iwas ng tingin. "Mag-iisang buwan na."

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Wait, seriously? And you haven't tried talking to him?" And he shook his head sideways again. "F—! And Aki didn't tell anything to me at all."

「What in the world was their real relationship, anyway? If Aki was this hesitant to even tell me then he was dead serious about Hanamichi-kun, I suppose? Wait… So he was secretly in love with his secretary all along?」

"Patawad, Okuda-san. Gusto kong yakapin si Izumi-sensei ngayon pero alam kong dadagdag lang ako sa problema n'ya. Sinabi ko na papatunayan ko na totoong mahal ko siya pero sa huli hindi ko pala kayang panindigan ang mga salita ko. Napakaduwag ko," he admitted and began crying again.

"No. Don't be sorry," pagpapalakas ko ng loob n'ya. "Kung pinilit mo ang sarili mo sa kanya then maybe it will really be over."

"Ano'ng dapat kong gawin?! Miss na miss ko na si Izumi-sensei!"

"How about you tell me the rest of the story and how it all began?"

That afternoon, Hanamichi-kun and I had a heart to heart talk. Everything he told me so far left me with a gaping mouth. I just couldn't believe that Aki went all through this without me knowing. Did he went through the same hard times when he was still in love with me? How much more does he want to suffer? Hanamichi-kun is really into him. I could tell.

「This can't go on. I must do something and knock some realization on that head of his!」 With that said in mind, I quickly got up and decided to see Aki myself.

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"Aki, start talking!" biglang bungad ko sabay bukas ng pinto ng opisina ni Aki na labis n'yang kinagulantang.

"Kicchan?!" He was taken aback and almost fell out of his chair. "Why are you—?!"

"Lumapit si Hanamichi-kun sa akin. He told me everything. Why did you fire him?" agad kong tanong.

Napalunok naman si Aki bago napabuntonghininga. "And here I thought that he would go back to his hometown if I did that," tila dismayado n'yang turan.

"Why are you punishing yourself, Aki?" may kirot sa puso kong tanong sa kanya.

"What are you saying?" at pinilit pa talaga n'yang magmaangan-maangan.

"Stop pretending that you don't like Hanamichi-kun. It's killing you inside and it's also killing him with regrets."

"You think it's that easy?!" medyo nagtaas siya ng boses at namuo ang ilang butil ng luha sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata. Doon ko lang napansin na wala siyang suot na salamin.

"I know it's not. And I don't blame you if you're having a hard time, too. But for fuck's sake, Aki, you're the one doing this to yourself! Hanamichi-kun… He's been openly showing his feelings for you, wasn't he? True, he's young and clumsy and doesn't have much experience but I could see that his intentions were genuine. He even told me that he hated Alphas but you were special. You were both broken, Aki. But Hanamichi-kun chose to love you still despite carrying a horrible past behind his back. Why did you have to cut him off like that?"

Aki's tears finally trickled down his cheeks. "Kicchan… I don't know what to do any—!"

Nanlaki na lamang ang mga mata ko nang nawalan ng balanse si Aki at bumagsak ito. Glad I was able to catch him on time. If I was a second late, he could have hit his head.

"Aki? Aki! Hey!" Tinapik ko ang pisngi n'ya pero wala na itong malay. Saka ko lang nakita nang maayos na namumutla pala siya at mukhang stressed. He must be thinking of Hanamichi-kun, too. I need to rush him to the hospital!

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AKI

WHEN I opened my eyes, nasilaw ako sa putting liwanag na nagmumula sa itaas. Am I dead? No. The light was coming from the ceiling. But where am I?

I couldn't seem to move and my body feels awfully heavy and tired. The last thing I remember was talking to Kicchan but what happened after that? Did I pass out?

I traveled my eyes and realized I was in a small room and I was lying on a bed and something was connected to my left arm; it was a tiny and white transparent hose and transparent liquid was flowing from it.

「Am I in a hospital?!」 I screamed in my mind but my attention was quickly averted to the figure that was sitting on a plastic chair and half of its body was rested on top right side of my bed. It was a man but I couldn't see his face because he covered it with his arms but I was sure it was Chihiro. He had dark skin and curly, messy hair. I could easily recognize him even he wasn't facing me.

I was still confused why I ended up here. Sure, I wasn't feeling good for the past few days. I was up for nights thinking about Chihiro and how to fix things up between us. I didn't wanna hurt him like that but I ran out of options. But I didn't expect to see him right in front of me just when I wished I could see him again.

"Chihiro…" I faintly called out his name and raised my right hand to reach out for his hair but I was rather surprised when he suddenly woke up.

"Sensei!" he exclaimed and quickly held my hand, carefully cupping it between his larger hands. "Patawad, Sensei," mabilis n'yang pagpapaumanhin kahit na wala naman siyang ginawang masama.

"No. I should be the one apologizing, Chihiro," I insisted and started to shed my tears. "I'm sorry for always hurting you."

He repeatedly shook his head and tried his best not to cry. "Mahal pa rin kita, Sensei. Kahit ano pa ang gawin mo, mamahalin pa rin yata kita," aniya at pagkatapos ay napatawa ng pagak.

「Why is he so cute and adorable?」 I thought as I had the urge to hug him.

"How did you know that I was here, anyway?" biglang tanong ko.

"Tinawagan ako ni Shima–Okuda-san," he answered.

「Okuda? He's talking about Kicchan, right?」

"I see. I fainted as far as I remember," sabi ko na lang.

Tumango naman siya. "At nag-panic si Okuda-san. Muntik din akong mahimatay noong tawagan n'ya ako pero nagmadali akong pumunta sa opisina mo, Sensei. Ah, pero wala si Okuda-san ngayon dito. Kinakailangan n'yang umuwi dahil kay Yuuki-chan," pagpapaliwanag nito.

"So you were still at your place all along?"

"Oo. Hindi ako umuwi sa 'min. Patawad kung hindi kita kinausap. Wala akong mukhang maiharap, Sensei. Nangako ako na papatunayan ko ang sarili ko sa 'yo pero hindi ko nagawa. Hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili ko. Sorry talaga."

"Please stop saying sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, Chihiro," I said and clenched my hand that he was holding. "What happened, anyway? I know I've been thinking about our conflict for days now but why did I end up here? I hate being in a hospital, you know?" pag-iiba ko ng usapan.

"Ah…" Chihiro's face instantly turned red, "um…" and now he suddenly felt hesitant to speak.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?" atat kong pakli at binitawan ni Chihiro ang kamay ko at nagtakip ng mukha.

"Sensei! Aah~" tila kinikilig nitong tili.

Nainis naman ako sa pambibitin nito. "Quit blushing and tell me what's wrong!"

Napaigtad si Chihiro bago humugot ng lakas na magsalita. "Buntis ka, Sensei," he declared with a wide smile on his face. I froze to that and was left with a gaping mouth and stunned look on my face.

I'm what—?!

「to be continued」