บท 30: He Who Missed Her Too Much

I felt something warm surrounding me. It was the warmth I could only dream and write about. The warmth from an embrace of a lover. The thought made my eyes snap open, and I was about to sat up when someone's arms stopped me from moving.

No no no no no no no no no.

This was not him. He couldn't reach me. No one in my family knows where I am. HE is not rich enough to even afford a visa. This man behind me cannot be him! I thought.

Yet my body was not listening to my logical mind. I began to tremble in fear and my breathing was becoming shorter and shorter, My heart was beating too fast. I could actually hear the blood rushing to my head.

"You're safe, lass, I'm here. Nothing will harm you."

"Duncan."

The arms that were wrapped around me slowly withdrew from my waist. The invisible rope that was slowly taking me down the dark path vanished. But, something inside me broke.

I felt the bed move and after a few seconds, the door closed with a click, leaving me alone in my room. My tears began to fall when I realized what I had done. Could he blame me? I rolled to the side of the bed he had slept on. It was so warm.

"I hate you," I whispered as my tears continued to fall. "I hate that you made me afraid, that you made me feel insecure about my own body. I hate that even after all these years I still cannot sleep when I know someone other than my children is beside me. I, I," a sob broke out from me. I had to cover my mouth so that people would not hear me.

I pulled the pillow Duncan had used and hugged it tight against my body. I inhaled his scent, hoping that it would quell the fear that still lingered in me.

But it only made me cry harder. I knew married life is not full of rainbows and sparkles. I was aware of the ups and downs it carried. Was I mentally prepared? In a way I was. But emotionally, was I prepared? No. I was not in the right emotional state from the start.

I bit my lip in anger that I left that metallic taste of blood. I am stronger than before. I overcame the most difficult situation without breaking down.

Why now?

Why am I crying over the loss of touch that I never longed for before? Why was I breaking down now?

Angus. The madafucker made me remember the pain and the fear that I long tried to forget and bury. The feeling of helplessness, that all I could do was crawl from the darkness that was my home. It was not a feeling that I wanted to go back to.

I took several deep breaths so I could center my emotion. Breaking down was not an option. Not yet, not until I…

There was a knock on the door, and Duncan's head popped in. The moment our eyes met, I knew that this was the day that would either bring us closer to each other or drive us apart.

However, before he could enter my room, Claude and Nicole barged, each carrying a box of toys.

All I could do was look at the man who bought gifts for my kids. He was leaning against the door frame, arms across his chest as he looked at us. A soft smile on her lips, but his eyes were like a hawk,

I could feel his gaze taking note even with the smallest detail. I glanced up and noticed his slight frown while looking at the blanket Jane had produced. his eyes widened and he quickly looked back at me.

I gave him a sad smile and nodded. He also looked at the kids. It was like he was asking if they, too, knew. I shook my head. This seemed to lessen his burden. Then he mouthed 'Later,' I knew that this was it.

Whatever happens, whether he comes clear or not, this will be the beginning of whatever he had started. The question is, could I handle this reality?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good?"

That was the first question I asked when I re-entered the living room after making sure the kids were tucked in for the night. The man sitting on my sofa only grinned at me as he led up his hand, indicating for me to join him.

I wearily looked at Duncan's hand. I wanted to ignore it, to push it away. This will be our first serious talk since he laid his cards on the table. I needed a clear head, yet, I accepted his hand, and let him draw me into his embrace.

"Mind sharing? I thought these snacks were for me?" I tried putting my hand inside the bag of sweet vanilla-flavored chips, but the man had the audacity to take the bag away from me. Instead, he got one chip and hand-fed the said chip. "So," I began as I ate the chip, "you will be feeding me? Or are we going to talk?"

Duncan merely reclined on the couch and sat me astride his lap. My face heated. The position I was in made my core be on top of his shaft which was slowly getting harder. "Duncan, can we like, you know…uhgh"

"Ah, lass, I missed you. Don't deprive me of these simple pleasures of holding you," Duncan replied. He drew me close and kissed my forehead. He rubbed my back as if he was trying his best to reassure me that I was really in his arms again.

"I'm sorry about Angus, lass. I did not expect that he would do that." I could hear the anger in his voice, "I made sure that before I left for South Korea you would be safe. That no one is to harm you." The hand that was resting on my back stopped at the base of my neck.

I could feel his finger beginning to massage the muscles that had begun to tighten to cause me stress. The days when Angus was still around melted away from his touch. I let out a satisfied sigh and settled more against him.

It wasn't enough for him. Duncan squeezed my neck enough for me to look at him, and quickly captured my lips. kissing me like I was the only source of life in a brazen land.

And me?

I clung to him. I held on to the man who made me feel. To the man who awoke the fire that I thought had died down. I could feel it bubbling, making itself known.

I should be afraid, I should ease this madness. He was a god. A being that was born at the same time the human has lived.

Yet each time his tongue entangled with mine, with each breath we exchanged, all reason fled. The only thing that I knew was that I was a woman, and he was a man.

Also, the desire that was slowly burning between us was growing. It was only a matter of time before both of us were consumed. The outcome would be anyone's guess. but for me? it would be one hell of a ride.