บท 21: WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE ?

RUEBEN

I see it all replay in my mind, almost like no time has passed and it almost feels like a bad dream.

Almost like it never happened, almost like I imagined the whole thing.

But I know I didn't . Ironically each peaceful morning makes sure I can never forget.

The pain in my chest and in my stomach get worse and worse each day and the guilt is eating me alive each waking moment as I pretend all is normal.

No one knows, no one could even guess.

At night, in the silence. I'm left alone with my thoughts, replaying each second of my lowest moment .

The worst day of my life. It doesn't really matter what they did in the past, they were a part of me, and I–

"Whatever, it's just the way the cookie crumbles."

A puff of smoke leaves my mouth, sometimes it's easier to forget.

Each waking day I strive to get better.

Do I regret it? Yes...No...Maybe?